A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So let me start by saying my wife and I have been married for 8 years an are blessed/ deeply in love. So last night we had a couple over for cocktails, I was at work when they arrived and when I got there my wife was already buzzed and was acting very "friendly" with them (showing off a lot cleavage and wearing a really short skirt.We actually had a great time and when they left she said, "I can't wait until Tuesday!" When They left she told me that they are going to give the other husband a special birthday gift... A threesome with the two of them! WTF this is a joke right? No she is fully serious and expects me to be ok with it. I know that in college before we met, she had an mff threesome and the she does find other women really attractive. I have never had a threesome and never been offered one. She said she is going to do this because it sounds "really fun". Apparently the other couple just had a foursome with another couple and everyone had a great time. My wife told me that she thinks I'll get stage fright and that she didn't want me to have a "bad time". Her girlfriend has apparently been bragging about how huge her husbands cock was for a couple of years to my wife. "The size of a 24oz beer can and he knows how to use it". My wife told me that it was actually her idea and that it is totally normal for her to be intrigued and excited about what she plans on doing. It might be normal but I am not cool with being left out. Is this going to open a door that can't be shut? I don't want to sleep with anyone else and I want to have a strong healthy realationship and would anything for my wife but I can't let this happen! What do I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2018): Well, Tuesday has come and gone. What happened?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2018): Dear OPThere's no point in being married to a person who has different moral boundaries from you. She might not be a bad person at all, however her beliefs and values seem to be different from yours. Also, it looks like she's slowly pulling you into HER lifestyle. You are losing ground on your principles and beliefs in order to stay with her, whom you love and are attached to. You're prepared to let go of what you truly want in life for who you want it with. Now that you realize you can't have what you want with HER, you feel so disappointed! Surely, there were other clues in her personality, which indicated this earlier, but you kept compromising. This is the last straw and I think you shouldn't change yourself, your expectations an beliefs for someone else. She's happy in this marriage because she hasn't compromised on any of her desires and beliefs. Maybe she'd be even more happy with somebody like herself. You on the other hand need to find someone who has the same belief system as you in marriage to even find basic peace of mind and happiness! How can you trust someone whose sense of right and wrong is completely different from yours to do things that are 'right' according to you? You're cheating yourself here. DON'T STAY. Pack what's left of YOU and RUN!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2018): Ps. I could care less about how big some other guy's penis is. I am only interested in my husband's. He knows how to use it. And that's all that matters.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2018): OP, I love my husband. And because I love him, I have no desire to ever want anyone else. And there's no way I would ever be able to have sex with other men. Call me old fashioned but it's pretty slutty behavior. My emotional connection safeguards me from straying. It looks like she does not have an emotional connection or love for you. I think this marriage is over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2018): Wow. She seems like an incredibly selfish person- I would go so far as to say she is certainly displaying narcissist personality traits with failing to empathize at all. I am shocked that you have had such a happy marriage so far. It seems like maybe you got together out of lust and she is a cheerful enough person but with no real depth, caring or empathy. I think she doesn't see the depth or importance of sex at all, and treats her commitment to you like it means nothing. I wouldn't be surprised if she has already cheated on you without your knowledge. Sure, you can try giving her an ultimatum, but I have a strong feeling she will do this and other cheating behind your back. She has already shown her desire to cheat and desire for cheap thrills in taboo situations. She has already shown her utter disregard for your feelings. For me, that would be enough for divorce right there. If you want to keep trying, by all means do so, but be prepared to get burned.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 August 2018):
 I think you have to put your foot down here.
This is not OK. She can't go around make these choices WITHOUT your consent, unless you have some kind of arrangement already.
Even if she listens to you and don't do, how you can you really trust her?
And the whole notion that YOU shouldn't be part of this... because she worries about stage fright.. I call BS on that. SHE wants to have a 3-some without you.
Is this really the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with? Someone who has absolutely no respect for you? Who is more interesting in seeing another man's dick than how it might make you feel?
I'm surprised that you say:"
my wife and I have been married for 8 years an are blessed/ deeply in love."
Because her actions and words are NOT that of a loving wife.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (27 August 2018):
 I’m really sorry, but this isn’t a happy marriage between two people who are in love and want the same things in life. Your wife will go ahead and have sex with someone else - she’ll either do it with your reluctant “consent” or she’ll cheat, but it seems inevitable.
You just have to say “I’m not okay with you doing this” or leave. Unfortunately, you’ll probably end up with a divorce anyway because she seems selfish and not ready to be monogamous.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (27 August 2018):
 Two words: Bye bye.
She’s clearly not as in love as you described if she’s openly told you she’s going to fuck another man. Looks like divorce could be heading your way. What a disrespectful woman. If you stick around then not only are you a pushover then you’ve set the precedent that it’s okay to sleep with other guys so why would she stop?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 August 2018):
 She told you she was going to cheat on you? Wow it sounds like your wife has no respect for you or your marriage whatsoever.
Before you met is one thing, but she is now a married woman! The way she told you amazes me. Marriage is about committment and trust, clearly she missed that memo!
While it might sound fun to her, it is still something she needs to discuss with you as her husband. I love how she says she doesn't want you to have a bad time, maybe she doesn't want to share you. Either way am sure you would have a bad time knowing your wife is having sex with another man!
Normal? No there is nothing normal about telling your husband your excited to have sex with another man who is meant to be good in bed. What is your wife on? She sounds deluded.
It is not normal in the slightest and off course you are not cool with it. If my husband said that to me I would be devestated. In eight years I am surprised this is the first time this has came up.
Truthfully it will open a door and it will never be able to be reversed again. It has disaster written all over it, and as a married couple you really should never invite anyone else in to the bedroom. It will more than likely end in divorce and a lot of pain.
I get you would do anything for your wife, but there are boundaries and she is abusing them. You need to sit with her and tell her you are not happy with this. She has a choice either she stays married to you, or she gets a divorce and then she can have sex with who she likes. Don't back down on this, because if you do it won't be the end to her wanting more and more fun.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2018): Wow, that is an absolutely horrible spot to be in.
I’m an “everything can be worked out” kind of man and always look for ways to solve a problem with the best outcome possible. But to be honest, I don’t see that here. If she’s does it then your marriage will never be the same. If you stop her, it’s still going to hang around in your mind and make you suspicious so the damage is already done.
My only advice is to do what others are suggesting: put your foot down firmly and tell her it’s not happening and if it does the marriage is over (no bluffing, you have to mean it). Your only hope is that she respects you for being a man and standing up to this nonsense. And if she doesn’t, it’s over.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (27 August 2018):
You have two choices tell her in no uncertain terms that if she goes thru with this you’re gone or resign yourself to being a cuckold. Understand if you make the ultimatum you have to be willing to follow thru. Keep in mind that she may agree not to do it but do it behind your back. And considering her cavalier attitude toward you and her marriage vows seems pretty likely.
But be clear, your wife has no respect for you or your marriage. Ask yourself is that the kind of relationship you want to be part of.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2018): Move out for a while .. tell her if this is what she feels is fun then so be it . You will citing her friend and husband in your divorce papers . Love has nowt to do with this . She totally does not respect you . Tell her that if she wishes to continue her marriage this couple friendship ends.. if she want herpes and lovely gum disease go ahead as your gone. She has an hour to decide while you pack
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (26 August 2018):
 Your wife sounds incredibly disrespectful.
Something like this should be thoroughly discussed before any further steps are made, not a by-the-way I'll be screwing another man next week because it seems "fun" statement.
This also comes down to how she sees you as her husband. Clearly she's pulling this stunt with you because she thinks he'll get away with it.
You need to put your foot down and make it absolutely clear that she is no permitted to sleep with anyone else as long as you are joint in marriage. Let here know you are not up for it with your action, not just words. If she does it anyway you will come to realise that she doesn't care much about your or your feelings.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (26 August 2018):
 What do you do? You tell you wife, very firmly, that she is now a married woman and that means staying FAITHFUL, not shagging around with other men. You also have to decide, if she chooses to ignore you and go ahead, whether it is a deal breaker for you and whether you are strong enough to end your marriage over it. Don't threaten if you don't intend acting, because that is just pointless and will make you feel weak and ineffective.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2018): Correction:
"Don't fix what ain't broken!!!"
"Others come-in and drag what you have through muck and dog crap; then you're left trying to clean it up, and piece it back together as it was."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2018): The success of a marriage, or a long-term relationship, depends on couples having mutual-respect for each others feelings. Don't fix what ain't broker!!!
"Is this going to open a door that can't be shut?"
I believe that it will. When people start experimenting or playing-around with something that is working; they run the risk of introducing elements that can erode or breakdown trust. Trust is an ingredient you can't take out of a good relationship.
People don't seem to take marital-vows, monogamy, or commitment too seriously these days. They like to push the limits, take unnecessary risks, and trample or shit all over things that are good.
If you don't want to do it; have the balls to say so!!! The marriage is between two people. Nobody else makes decisions on the fate of your marriage, but you two. Others come-in and drag what you have through muck and dog crap; then you're left trying clean it up, and piece it back together as it was.
If you don't want your "wife" sleeping with other men or women; why aren't you justified in saying NO???
She's about to make a mess of things. She is now starting to test your trust and the durability of your marriage.
You better be strong; if you really don't want to be looking back and wishing you had stood-up to her bullshit! Your marriage is not the theme or stage for a porn movie!!! It's what your love and commitment stands for! It's why you've been faithful to your wife all this time. On that, I can only presume of course!
You know why it lasted this long? Its because you kept assholes like that couple out of your marriage! Then you're going to have to deal with her wanting to do it again; or with things going-on behind your back. Once she tastes forbidden-fruit; then the craving begins. It becomes insatiable. You'll become suspicious and insecure.
Are you ready for that?
If you don't want this, stand firm! It could cost you more than you're willing to pay; simply for her to have one night rolling in the sack with some other man and his wife.
After all said and done; then your marriage will never be the same. If she's dead-set and adamant this has to happen; reassess if she is really happy in the marriage.
It's always intriguing as an idea. Once it becomes reality; it's a whole new ballgame. You have to mentally process it and live with it. I would say you may need to reconsider who she is, and whom she is becoming. Sometimes people have to stand-up for what is right! Life is full of temptation leading us down the wrong path! There are consequences!
If you're deluding yourself, or have some false-perception that you're in a happy marriage; maybe this should open your eyes.
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