A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Until a couple of years ago we were the average happy middle aged couple but then things began to turn for the worse. My wifes day is now spent worrying unrealistically about her health. She imagines every spot, pimple or ache is serious and needs immediate attention. Her day is filled with pills and potions, and non stop treatment by the various electronic quack gadgets she has bought. She daily searches the internet for diseases which match her imagined sysmptoms.We went for sessions of counselling which seemed to suggest that my wife suffers from low self esteem - but left it unresolved as to what to do about it. Should I confront her directly about her imagined health problems - but might this increase her low esteem. Should I promote outside interests which might redirect her mind - but will she find time in her busy day of "suffering" to consider it.Because of the situation it is left to me to run the house, do the cooking, do the cleaning. Maybe this increases the problem leaving her more time to worry, but if I didn't the house would quickly stop to function. I have stopped doing the housework on occasions in the past but the vacuum cleaner grew cobwebs and the rooms quickly looked like a teenagers bedroom.What do I do ???
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male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (4 February 2015):
 It sounds like she's suffering from depression.
She needs to work out some personal goals for herself, a reason to get up in the morning. Something to get excited about. This will motivate her.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 February 2015):
 I suggest that you find a counselor for YOU. That you focus on making yourself healthy and happy and learn how to deal with her by using loving detachment.
YOU cannot fix her. YOUR job is to take care of yourself 100% and do what you need to do to take care of you. IF she does not like it then it's on her to make her own changes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Janniepeg and SensitiveBloke, your replies make great sense and tend to reflect my thinking. I might find it a concern to stop her buying or using her pills and gadgets - much of her time is spent plugged in to some "health improving" gizmo. Do I take a hammer to it - do I bully her ?? Either would make things much worse. Certainly she is trying to attract attention to herself - when she has a willing audience she can be very outgoing, sexy, outrageous even - but at home she spends her time watching junk TV and worrying about her health. She has no hobbies or interests - I have tried to introduce interesting things but she has no incentive to know. Let me explain better - she has an interest in catching fish, but cannot be bothered to learn about it - I have to take her to the lake, set up the tackle, put the worm on the hook, cast into the water. If I don't do these things she starts a row and sulks for days. Certainly she has low self esteem but trying to break through the barrier of defence in order to help is beyond my understanding.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 December 2014):
 When a person does that she is looking for attention. She is missing something in her life. She is looking for illogical solutions to a problem that can be solved if she looked within and finds out what makes her happy.
If she has low self esteem, she may feel worthless. You can tell her what her good qualities are and hope you see more of them. You married her with her because of her good qualities. Years down the road something changed and she needs your help finding herself again. Perhaps she is having mid life crisis.
Psychosis is powerful. She has convinced herself that she is sick when she's not. If she is a housewife and is totally dependent on you, stop letting her buy quack medicine and gadgets. You can give her multivitamins instead. Tell her that her pills, potions, and quackery only give her a temporary placebo fix. If she wants long term solutions to her existential crisis she needs to be honest and tell you if she is as happy as you are in your marriage.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (16 December 2014):
Sounds like you need to find some counselling that actually offers solutions, or at least things to try.
Does your wife have any hobbies? If not, help her to take one up as this could really help.
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