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male
,
anonymous
writes: My wife is obsessed with black men. Everytime i turn around at a party or out on the street she has cornered a black man and starts flirting and chatting him up. I am torn up about this. I feel she is attracted to my exact opposite. I am white, fair hair and complexion. A black work colleague of hers told me that he has sex with my wife pretty regularly and told me stuff that only a person who had slept with my wife would know. When i confronted her she said he was very attractive and she joked that she shouldnt let herself get drunk around him but denied sleeping with him. I dont know who to believe. I want to believe my wife but it is hard to disregard her colleagues statements, particularly in light of her flirting.A little help please?
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drunk, flirt, my ex Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (29 August 2006):
 Your wife seems to think she's in a loose relationship where it's okay to be with other guys. Look, why would this guy just say out of the blue that he slept with your wife? And what's more, how would he know these personal things he told you about your wife? I think you know from his confrontation with you that your wife has cheated. That's horrible! You don't deserve to be with someone so self centered.So what to do? There are a few things you could do:1. Get together with the both of them and have a frank discussion about all of this cheating business. He obviously doesn't have any problem with talking to you about it. If your wife is confronted by the both of you, then she may tell you that she did sleep with this man. If she insists that she didn't there are a couple options - go to couples counseling with her because you two obviously have many trust issues or you could end the relationship if you truly believe she is still lying to you.2. Skip the talk with both of them and instead go straight into the couples counseling. There you may find out what's going on and what to do to patch up the relationship. The counselor may also have ways to help you bring the spark back into the relationship which would mean no more straying for her.3. If you rely on your gut feelings, maybe a seperation is in order. You could start to rebuild your relationship. Go out on dates again. Fall in love all over. Make it really romantic between the both of you so she can remember why she fell in love with you in the first place.Regarldess of what you choose, I say don't get a divorce. At least now right now. Marriages are hard work, you both knew that when you agreed to be with each other on your wedding day. This is something you need to try and work out before you do anything too hasty.Good luck.
A
female
reader, shell26 +, writes (29 August 2006):
Its alot easier to have a less attractive man who takes care of you. It seems like your the pushover type too. She probably is having an affair cause you let her. kick her too the curb stop getting used.
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A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (29 August 2006):
 Well I am not sure how colour is really an issue here, its not about the fact that she likes black men, but if she is married, she seems to just be obsessed with other men and thats not healthy. I think you need to confront her again, its not acceptable behaviour if she is sleeping with any other man apart from you. If she is doing what she is doing, then perhpas she is just fulfilling her fantasies whatever they may be.
I think you need to tell your wife upfront to stop playing around, its not fair to you. Take care. xXx
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A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (29 August 2006):
 Based on the somewhat limited information supplied, it does seem suspicious, and it would be easy to say this is cut and dried and "of course she did".. However, things aren't always what they seem - you need some solid proof to back this up - it would be unfortunate to get it wrong.
In order to gain some insight, the following questions need to be answered:
1. Has her work colleague any reason/motive to say he slept with her? Or is he just a trouble-maker who has been flirted with by your wife, (and perhaps is annoyed that she did'nt "follow through") - and so could have used information supplied by her "which only someone who has slept with her" would know?
2. Why would he tell you this anyhow - is he wanting a punch on the beak, or what??
3. Have you sat your wife down and REALLY told her exactly how you are feeling about this, and all her flirting? Is she seeking attention... does she get enough from you? - Was she at all upset that you may have thought it was really true?
If you find it easier, please e-mail me in private and in more detail, so that I can hopefully help you to find an answer to your question.
Just a thought, but you will also have to consider what you will do should you find out it is true?
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A
female
reader, snowbird +, writes (29 August 2006):
Based on the somewhat limited information supplied, in order to gain some insight, the following questions need answers:
1. Has her work colleague any reason/motive to say he slept with her? Or is he just a trouble-maker who has been flirted with by your wife, and so could have used information supplied by her "which only someone who has slept with her would know"?
2.
and therefore help you to arrive at an answer to your question,
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (29 August 2006):
 I think you can answer your own question here; you say only someone who'd slept with her would know certain things that this man knows, so I guess that gives you the information you need to know.
I realise you want to believe your wife but this woman is not treating you as you deserve to be treated. Even if this cheating thing had not come up, just the flirting with other men is bad enough to make you question whether or not this is the right relationship for you to be in.
She is being very unfair, especially as the people she says she fancies is the opposite to you! If my boyfriend said he liked the opposite to me, I'd be so upset! I don't know how you put up with her making those remarks and you're okay with it.
I think you need to leave her. This isn't working out and it sounds highly likely that she has cheated on you. Get out before she hurts you anymore or manages to knock your confidence down any lower. I promise, there is a woman out there who will love you for who you are so go and find her. Good luck
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A
female
reader, snowbird +, writes (29 August 2006):
Based on the somewhat limited information supplied, in order to gain some insight, I would ask you
1. and therefore help you to arrive at an answer to your question,
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