A
male
age
41-50,
*antingsome help
writes:Well I guess my story is not much different than so many on these forums. It is somewhat comforting but also depressing how much of this goes on.Here is my story...my wife of just over a year, recently admitted to me that she was still seeing a guy she once dated about 3 years ago. It started out on Facebook, progressed to texting and then they started having coffee at during the day while she was at work (they work in close proximity downtown). She said it was nothing but once I pushed her on it, she said she did have feeling for this guy at one point but knew he did not feel the same for her. She said she felt used (sexually) by him and stopped seeing him in a sexual way a few years back (before we met). I know her texts and the coffee conversation was all about sex, she told me that and she had sent him pictures of herself in lingerie.She tells me it is over and it wasn't my fault. She says she just craves attention and doesn't know why she went back to talk to him. I give her lots of attention and love her very much. Now I am crushed.....I go back and forth between leaving her and trying to work it out.I am just not sure what I should do.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (9 November 2010):
If you believe that this stopped (or will stop) with pictures, then I have some Florida swampland to sell you.
Once again, you have all the information you need to know about this woman. Is this what you call marital bliss? All I know is I would rather be single than be in a relationship where I was second best, and that is not a tough call to make.
I pray you dont have any children with this woman, because if not, you can just move on and find someone who puts you first.
A
female
reader, Viv Acious  +, writes (9 November 2010):
I am sorry you are going through a hard time. Sometimes I think people don't always realise that an emotional infidelity can be just as painful as a physical infidelity.
There are quite clearly issues that need to be discussed and, honestly, you are going to need to a counsellor to steer you two through this.
We can only guess at why this has happened. However, the deed has been done and IF you want your marriage to continue, grow and thrive, then the two of you are going to have to gain some understanding of each other's true characters and find a way through any anger, resentment and jealousy issues. If you don't get professional help - it will just fester and implode.
I hope this helps and I wish you all the very best.x
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A
male
reader, Wantingsome help +, writes (9 November 2010):
Wantingsome help is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is all so very depressing. We had such a good thing together and now, I just don't think I can ever trust her again. She was never with me..she had this guy in her mind the whole time. All of the time we spent together in the last year is tainted. Our honeymoon now seems like a huge, expensive sham. I know counseling is not going to do anything for me. I have to get out, and get out now before she is pregnant and things get more complicated. I hope she will be happy being used as a sex toy by her ex. Damn life can throw you curve balls sometimes!!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 November 2010):
Why did she go back? That's something you need to find out through counselling. That's exactly why you and her need to go to counselling. We don't know why she went back. Maybe she went back to see if he changed. Maybe she's still attracted to him. Maybe he asked her to meet. You need to be speaking to her about it.
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A
male
reader, Wantingsome help +, writes (9 November 2010):
Wantingsome help is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe swear to me that there was no physical contact with this guy, just texting and coffee conversation about sex. Maybe I am naive but I believe her. I have a feeling it would have progressed into more had she not told me about it. She did feel and hurt and used by this guy so why did she go back??
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 November 2010):
This definitely isn't your fault. This is about a woman who has cruelly come into marriage knowing full well that she was not giving everything to you. She still had something for her ex, and you've been dragged into it.
So, now you have to sit down and decide whether you can continue with this. I don't buy her saying that she doesn't know why she spoke to him. She knows, and is just not saying it. The only way you can really decide whether to fix it is using a counsellor. So, get a counsellor and get talking to her. Tell her how you feel, and tell her that you expect her to be honest. If she isn't honest, clear and truly interested in fixing this, then sign the divorce papers and find someone better.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): Yes, a lot of this goes on.You face a couple of problems, first off you have only been married for a year, that's a pretty short term marriage and this is not common at a year.Second, you probably don't know the whole story. It can take months of counseling to get the whole story out.Get a marriage counselor, work hard, ask a lot of questions, and really push in those sessions. If she won't go, then leave her and divorce because if she won't go you are in for a world of hurt in the rest of the marriage. If the first counselor doesn't work, then get another. It takes a hell of a lot of work.By the way, it isn't your fault. People do this crap because of their own issues they bring to marriages.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): Rarely do these things stop at just coffee and sexy texts/pictures. I would bet dollars to donuts that she has taken it further. Even if it has not gone any further it is still cheating and some sort of change has to occur in your marriage.
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