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My wife won't make love to me anymore and when we do she says it lasts too long.

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 February 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 19 February 2010)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Whenever i try to make love with my wife she says no. She say she is tried but she can go to the gym at 4:30 am and go to yogi class at 6:00pm the same day.

I tell her once or twice during the week we can make love instead of her going to the gym. Then she says I am not supportive in her working out. Then if we do make love once a month she says it takes you two hours just too have a orgasm.

She says that is to long. I think she is not attracted to me any more. I can understand that and I told her that.She says that is not the case. WE have two kids and I don't want to leave them , but sooner or later I will if this doesn't change.

The funny thing about this is some of her friends are attracted to me and if I am around them she acts lovey dovey all of a sudden.

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A male reader, dragon2009 United Kingdom +, writes (19 February 2010):

i know how you feel ive been together for 3yrs now we got married lastyear it will be our 4th year the end of this year.

for the past year and half shes been telling me shes always to done in to have sex.

best thing is i do housework do almost everything for her.tell her i love her every day but she never tells me that.im in the same boat have a baby and dont wanna leave.

but i guiss there is only so much we can deal with.

im not with her just for sex but she never tells me she loves me untill i say it to her.she never cuddles me unless i do her first.she always sleeps with her back to me in bed.she keeps getting in a mood all the time and makining me feel like crap.

i cant give you the anser to your post only say try and hang in there for as long as you cant do.

i was buying her flowers and everything and she told me to stop doing it as they was a waste of money.but it makes me feel good buying gifts now and again.

good luck m8:)

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A male reader, Tomentosa United States +, writes (11 December 2008):

Hey man I feel your pain. First, why is going to the gym so important to her? Other than trying to feel good about herself, have you thought about WHO she is trying to look good for (because it is not you)? Two hours? That is not that long and if she was truly with the one she wanted to be with it would not matter how long a love session lasted. Have you considered that she does not want to have sex with you because she is having sex with someone else? I know that has crossed you mind more than once. You need to be honest with yourself and accept that maybe your wife has strayed away from you. The best way to find that out is to get her into a comfortable situation with you and ask her point blank and then read her reaction. If there is a pause before her denial.....I am sorry there is another lover. Hang in there and I hope that what I suspect, is not the case. Remember that divorce is expensive and extremely damaging to your children.

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A male reader, davie Australia +, writes (11 February 2008):

Well we're all different and all like different things. Have you taken on board what she's said? She has given you one pirce of information and that is that it takes too long. For some two hours is probably two long for sex. Maybe if it was half an hour or so she'd enjoy it more and be more inclined to do it again at a sooner date. I know you are probably thinking I've waited for this so long I want it to last as long as possible but it obviously isn't working so well for her. Maybe give it a go and see what happens, or ask her if she thinks she'd be interested more often if it was for a shorter period.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008):

Speaking from a female point of view I get the feeling that maybe she is disassociating sex with affection / love - in other words she finds it leaves her cold and possibly emotionally unfulfilled. That is she clearly loves you and finds you attractive and you have not mentioned a myriad of arguments or other major issues that may contribute. Remember a woman needs the emotional fulfilment to generate desire really and I am wondering if a little more romance, tenderness and intimacy between you at other times could help. You could be close without trying to initiate sex for example which is now seen as a pressure / or an issue so how about a massage or just running her a candlelit bath? I think a barrier has been created in her mind and that, yes, maybe 2 hours is a little too much for her? I would stop mentioning it and just focus on doing everything but. Don't forget Valentines Day ;-)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008):

I get the impression that she get's rather bored if indeed your sex sessions go on for two hours at a time. Half an hour would be more like it, most men would be happy to last that long. Any longer than that it probably gets to be a chore for her and causes her to look at her watch or pick up a book while you're banging away at it.

Think quality rather than quantity, cut the marathons down to a few sprints for a change and see if that makes any difference to her attitude.

Phil

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (10 February 2008):

eddie agony auntIt sounds like you need to deal with this in open honest terms. If she is not willing to listen to your request, you should suggest counseling. If you let this carry on you will resent her and problems will start. Do not cheat though. Be responsible and talk with her. Tell her you love her, her work at the gym is paying off, she looks great, be supportive etc. If she is till not willing to make a compromise, you'll need some outside help. Often we get complacent with each other and imagine that the other spouse will put up with anything. We don't see that we have to consider our partners feelings. You're lucky that you've understood there is an issue in the relationship. Deal with it and do the right things. Do not cheat.

How often do you have sex? How long have yo been married? I understand the point about not feeling as if your attractive to her. I'm not saying it's true, just understandable. We all want to be attractive to someone and we hope it's our partner. IF she turns her nose up at you all the time, nobody fills that need you have to be desired by a female. This is where it gets risky. Someone else comes along and attempts to fill that need. Don't do it. Give your wife the chance to make some changes. Also, I've only heard your side of the story. You may need to make some changes too.

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