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My wife won't give me a blowjob. She won't even talk about it!

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Question - (31 May 2005) 149 Answers - (Newest, 13 May 2010)
A , anonymous writes:

I am in a perfect relationship in every way except for one thing. I adore oral sex - nothing else quite does it for me - but I haven't had a complete blowjob for 3 years.

When I first met my wife, she did it every time - she even swallowed. But after a couple of months she decided that she wasn't even going to spit ever again. When she was still doing it, she said I tasted better than her previous boyfriends (relatively!) so I don't think it's just my taste. She has just decided that she is not prepared to do it anymore. Initially I was happy to be the one to make the sacrifice and spare her any discomfort but as time has passed I have become more and more frustrated at always missing that wonderful climax just when I am on the brink of it. I know it sounds silly but for the last year I have been a mental wreck because of this. I would say more than 50% of my waking moments (and a lot of lying awake at night) has been dwelling on the following:

- All-consuming jealousy because my wife swallowed for her other boyfriends every time but is never even prepared to spit for me.

- Resentment because I know I would do it for her without a second thought (and yes, I have tasted it!).

- Feeling she can't love me if she is prepared to rob me of this pleasure

- Not understanding why she isn't prepared to discuss it or isn't interested in finding a solution

The last point is the worst; I believe the solution to any relationship problem should be to sit down and discuss it. But every time I try and broach the subject, my wife just tells me I am being selfish to do so and won't listen. Am I? The frustrating thing is that I have been racking my brains for the last year and I truly believe that I have come up with several solutions that would not be unpleasant for her but would still give me some of the pleasure I crave. But I never get a chance to discuss or try my ideas. If nothing else, does anybody have any suggestions on the best way to broach the subject without putting her on the defensive or upsetting her?

Many thanks

View related questions: blow-job, jealous, oral sex, swallow

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010):

Girls, you gotta go down on your man. He wants it badly, and if you hold out he'll look for another place to get it. I used to get bjs when we were dating but after giving her what she wants, house/car/kids, I don't get what I want so I've been looking for another outlet. Like a previous writer said, the next time I get the chance for a bj I'm bringing it out. You heard it right, I will cheat for the sole reason that the wife won't go down on me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010):

Good God, grow up. I agree with any other woman on here who has pointed out that before you start complaining that your wife or girlfriend won't give you a BJ, try giving one yourself. Your jaws and neck ache after about 30 seconds, for one thing. You get an awful headache afterward. You are being half-choked by something that feels like a large, sweaty brat. All you can smell are sweaty balls and a$$. Semen tastes like like old gym socks smell: sweaty, salty, and disgusting. It is the consistently of snot and makes you gag. I have to fight not to vomit.

If I was with a man who was so inconsiderate, immature, and bratty that he referred to me as a "bitch" for not giving him a blow job, especially since we have sex at least 3 - 4 times a week, especially when I let him put it in my hands, between my breasts, and -- oh yeah! -- in my vagina, where it belongs, his pathetic a$$ would be kicked to the curb faster than he could blink.

I guess I'm just lucky to be with a real man, ie, one who doesn't view me as a bitch just because I won't perform one sexual act because I hate it so much. Apparently sex games, new positions, and new locations are good enough for him.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010):

I guess I am a very lucky guy because after being together with the same woman for 12 years, I still get plenty of blowjobs. I don't care that she does not swallow. She has about a dozen times or so, but I could care less. She sucks me to completion and then spits it out. Does not bother me a bit. It is bothersome to hear of women who stop giving complete blowjobs after they are married. My wife knows I like them and she likes to make me happy. She likes the power of making me explode into her mouth.

Sometimes when she is too tired for sex, she lets me straddle her face and masturbate into her mouth, as soon as she sees me climaxing, she's on it. Quick and easy she says. My wife also admits that it is cruel for a woman to give them and then stop after marriage, she says those types of women are "bitches."

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010):

I really wish that you guys had to give a blow job just once. Cum is like swallowing an enormous wad of snot. It's gummy, salty fluid similar to snot. Imagine swallowing mucus for fun. Maybe this is the reason that women aren't doing it as much, because the older they get, the more they realize this. Not to mention, when you are giving one, the male seems to grab the woman's hair ...ripping her half bald, and shove her down farther... choking her half to death. Jaws hurt tremendously and a neck ache with a headache follow. So yeah, the guy gets an explosive orgasm. What's the woman get? A belly full of snot. Wonderful. For those getting them every once in a while, be happy!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010):

Married for 8 years(3 years no BJ) doing everything for her like every f.cking guy here does and she still won't give me a BJ i go down on her a everytime and finger her too what she loves so much and still no blow job. I did this thing i went to get a BJ somewhere else(no emotions just BJ). And stoped going down on her( but always tease her i m above to do it and then didn't). I did it in 3month interval and just stop doing the stuff she really wants day by day.

In tree months she begged me for it and i just said what she said and i explained that to her. Now i get BJ every time she wants it for me do the same thing. it's a risk game but she now knows how it feels and she does it now a lot.

U got to make yourself a man in the realtionship :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010):

What is wrong with you men going down on your girls who don't return the favor? Don't do that. You need to completely open up to your girl and tell her how much you need blowjobs. Don't hold back, and focus more on the emotional aspect of it, because not getting blowjobs hurts more emotionally than physically. Especially if they gave blowjobs to other men in the past but not you. I read one post where one guy said she won't go down on him, but she cheated on him and went down on the other guy and still won't go down on him (her husband)!? WTF is he still doing with her? She's trash. Dump her ass and find a real woman who can make you happy.

Anyway, if after totally opening up and laying it all out there, without holding anything back, and she still refuses to do it even very infrequently, then you need to dump her / get a divorce because she doesn't love you. That's the bottom line.

If she knows what your needs are and knows how strong they are, and she knows it is not only a physical need, but an emotional need as well, and that you are very unhappy and she allows you to remain unhappy, then leave her... or cheat on her (although I am very much against cheating, this is an extreme case that I would think it's worth the risk because your woman doesn't even love you). she isn't worth crap.

For all you immature, sexist women out there replying that a blowjob is a gift, and that men are pigs who think with their penises, etc, i want to remind you that this is first and foremost about love and feeling loved. if you think it's wrong to want to feel loved, then you are misguided fools. It's time for you to grow up. A woman who does not care what the needs of her man are is not worth marrying. Would you marry a man who didn't attend to your needs? Would you marry a man who neglected your feelings? I think not. I think it's over 65% of women cheat because their needs are not fulfilled. Women and men are equal in the relationship, so stop thinking of yourselves as princesses and start being empathetic towards your men, or else live with a cold, loveless marriage or risk getting cheated on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010):

To them men who are on here complaining you have no one to blame but yourselves. You chose to be with these women you should have chosen different. Maybe there is something wrong with some of you? Are you attractive? Overweight? Hairy? If this is not the problem then you just chose the wrong person.

I've been married for 9 years now and I still give my husband blow jobs. I really like giving him pleasure. Then again I really like him. You can love people you don't like so, I think like is just as important as love. Perhaps your wife loves you and cares about you but doesn't like you. I love and like my husband and I like to make him feel good. I give him blow jobs often and yes I finish the job and swallow. I remember one time he told me that he would like to wake up to a blow job. So what do I do? I wake him up with blow jobs whenever I can.

My point is if your wife isn't really into you and doesn't like you she won't do it. There is something that turns her off to it. It could be physical or mental. Sadly for many of you it seems hopeless. It seems as though you've chosen the wrong person. Good luck I guess.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010):

My two cents on this BJ stuff.

I first find it very amazing that once you meet a girl for the first time, get to know her, date and go out to places, etc.. Then the kissing, and gropping... which of course leads to sex and more... That, after this process, the girl is willing to suck, fuck, film and more anything you want. I remember my girl would wake me up in the dead of night, by pulling my underwear down, popping that limp dick in her mouth, getting it hard, and sucking like a fucking hoover vaccuum until I shot a wad of cum into her mouth, or the sheets, etc. Hell, I remember even waking up in the morning to get ready for work, take a shower, next thing you know, she open the door and sucks that dick, pops it out of her mouth and hand jacked it off until it shot a stream of hot cum across the shower stall. Then smiled and said, I love you, etc. I would of course eat that fuckin beaver up whenever I had a chance as well, since I love to please a woman, and loved to lick and suck on those hot pink folds of fleshy tissue. After all this fun for several years, the dick sucking dropped to once a month, if lucky. Then currently its once every 3 months. She also asks that I not eat her pussy anymore! WTF?

Anyhow guys, this is a classic story of how young hot horny woman are, then turn into the fat lazy cunts you see in the stores, working for the government, etc. Wow, if I old hooked up with a nice japanese girl, I know this dick would get sucked/fucked every week or more, plus dinner made and a cup of coffee in my hand without question!

Moral, fuck the American whores, and go get a girl overseas! Well worth it, as this is what I have now, byu tossing that American cunt to the curb. My asian girl is a fuck machine and cooks like a pro! I treat her right, buy her flowers every month or so, and the dick gets serviced every other day of the week! Oh and I dont ask, I take that ass, and pop that head onto the cock when I want... she loves the authority I hold! Damn, my dicks already a rock, time to get it sucked clean and dry!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010):

BJ is forbidden in my couple. The last one was around 1987! I understand if a woman doesn't like it. What I don't understand is the taboo, the NEVER AGAIN unwritten law. It has definitely broken something between us. I feel misunderstood, like forced to choose between pathetic cheating and a kink of emptyness. Wine & chocolate & sleeping pills may replace it?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010):

Well, I've been married for almost 25 years. Turned 50 yesterday. Do you think I got a Blow job? Hell no. She'll make any excuse in the book sound legit, in her own mind. I can live with her being more than 100 pounds over weight, but I'm getting really fed up with her uptight attitude about oral sex. It's depressing thinking I'll never know what it truly feels like to experience a blow job ever again. Maybe that is why I think about it so much. It really is important to us men.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010):

Its my second marriage. When we were dating she told me that she gave her previous boyfreind blowjobs all of the time and even swallowed. She told me that once she was comfortable with me,she would do the same for me. Well, we have been married for 3-1/2 years now and have not had even 1 blowjob. And she trys to avoid the subject when I bring it up. I really miss receiving oral sex. I go down on her every chance I get. Knowing that she did this for her previous boyfreind makes me think that she was just looking for someone to take care of her. Even when we do have sex, which isn't much, she does not even touch my penis. Just tells me to put it in and hurry up and cum

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010):

I'm also in the same situation, and it drives me crazy. She occaionally might lick the head for about 20 seconds at the first taste of pre-cum thats it. done. no more.

I ask her if she can give me a blowjob and she says she wont. Though she gives me sex because she feels that she should supply me with sex. (She said that not me) She feels its her duty to have sex with me (she said it not me)

Anyways I even now am shaving my balls and trimming down my pubic hair. But again she says she wont do it. It sucks and drives me crazy, and makes me then watch blowjobs on the internet. which gets me crazier cause i want one. one more then 20 seconds!

I tell her about blowjob dreams I have. and of course she will tease me with a lollipop. but i just tell her to stop that when she does that cause I know she will never touch mine.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010):

That is why many men are now looking to women over seas.

They are not scammers as I have found out. But they laugh

at our liberated women who look and act too much like men!

They put their man "first" in their life. And that is how

it should be. And I reciprocate that feeling to her as well.

Those women in other countries don't have decent men to choose

from. So they are ohhhh so willing to make you happy.

So toss these stuck up American women to the curb!

Go find a real feminine beauty over seas. Yeah it can be

a little more expensive......but a lot less headaches.

I have had visits from two russian ladies... Oh my God!

Gorgeous! And willing to do about anything in bed to make

me happy. And again... I reciprocate her needs and desires.

These women fill a definate void in American dating and relationships!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010):

Any real therapist will tell you how important good sex is to maintain the bond of marriage.

Your wife sounds very selfish to deny you an occasional BJ.

If you were demanding Anal or a Threesome or some other far-out behavior I'd call you a dope. But BJ's are harmless and I feel sorry your wife does not care for you enough to do it for you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010):

been with my girlfriend bout 2 years at first was least 2 a week oh how the times have changed.

i put it jokingly like this to her, if our sexlife was a restuarant menu oral would be desert and it has been off the menu for 5 & half months now, thought the humour would make her see sense -needless to say it hasn't.

i fully expect this to go on for the indefinite future.

the problem is she doesnt like me giving her oral and therefore doesnt see that i do actually like it. Usual excuses include 'dont like the taste', it's disgusting' etc.

So i wash my piece but to no avail.

Never thought constant sex would be boring but it is, same 3 positions every time but you take what you can i guess.

any answers to solving this 'winter of discontent'?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010):

I'm just as frustrated as the rest of you guy's.

I've been married for 32 years and have had maybe a dozen BJ's from my wife most of the time using a condom which as you all know,kind of takes alot of the enjoyment out of it.

I've tried everything to try to get her to understand that I really need and want to feel and see her giving me head, but I just can't get her to understand.

I do all of the laundry,help with most of the dishes,vacuum,sweep,and even cook dinner most of the time.

Do you think it helps,NOT.

Twenty some years ago she wanted me to quit drinking cause it was causing our marriage to go south, so I did and haven't drank sence even though she'll have a drink once in awhile,but that's ok.

She doesn't like talking about it so I'll write her letters telling her that I really want her to give me head tonight but she doesn't respond.

I'll buy flowers and candy and write little love letters to her but I still don't get what I really NEED.(A BLOWJOB)

I write her letters and try to tell her how I feel and how it's killing me and our relationship,and she'll respond by telling me that she will try harder to put more of what I want into our love making (I don't mean really kinky things, just a blowjob 3 or 4 times amonth)But it doesn't ever happen.

She keeps after me about my chewing and smoking so I decided one day that I was going to quit chewing and smoking both at the same time,(and if any of you guys smoke or chew you know what I was going through.) All I could think about was getting a blowjob from the women that I love so much and was giving it up for,I was going crazy,I was doing pretty good, did'nt smoke or chew for about 2 week and wanted a blowjob really bad to help take my mind off chewing and smoking so I could get some sleep,do you think I could get her to give me one,HELL NO. So Needless to say I started smoking again. Sometimes I wonder if she REALLY CARES.

WHAT DO YOU THINK.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010):

I also don't get bjs and it does annoy me. she says she just doesnt like giving it and thats basically it. I give her head quite often and without complaining, because it makes HER happy. and because it makes HER happy, I enjoy it because i like to keep HER happy! after a while you wonder if its about keeping eachother happy or just keeping her happy. she complains i never spend time with her but all she wants to do in our spare time is go shopping. then, i have to work longer to pay for all the junk she buys! I believe i talk for every man on this site. We only want our wives/girlfriends to put in a little bit of effort and show us the love an attention that we show them. we are not asking for the same level of effort, only a small percentage. relationships are not supposed to be about keeping the woman happy, its supposed to be about keeping eachother happy. Its not all about her, its about US, WE, sharing lifes experiences TOGETHER! Its like playing a game of baseball and everyone else gets a bat but when its your turn its your bad luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010):

Wow, and to think I was the only married man that had this issue to deal with and that my wife of 20+ years won't give me a blowjob. Yes I bought her the how to books and the house and the cars and the kids, and, and, and. The more I gave the less I felt like a man and more unfilled than ever. Bottom line Guys, is, if your women don't understand Fellatio is the NUMBER ONE sexual act desired by ALL Men, they will never get it. Men are visual creatures they love to watch their women sexually satisfied them. Years ago when my wife & I were thinking of ending our marriage a family member that is a gay man came to visit, and he brought his friend. As my wife and the family friend, left to shop the other guy friend stayed and we talked for hours. He asked what was wrong, I seemed different, withdrawn. I then told him I was thinking of leaving my wife and I wasn't feeling loved, unsatisfied with my marriage. This guy asked me if I ever thought playing for the other team. OMG! I told him “Not just no but hell NO!” He then explained to me that he was married for over 13 years and felt the same was. My mouth just dropped to hear what he was sharing with me. Well after the long talk of his failed married, this guy told me that he was attracted to me and if he could give me a blowjob. I could not believe what I was hearing. But like someone else wrote on this page, you will get to a point to say get it where ever you can get it. I don't remember agreeing but it happened. WOW, it was mind blowing, he really knew what he was doing. He keep me from coming to quickly and kept working me till I couldn't stand it I told him I was ready to blow he then brought me to orgasm like I never had. Then he let me catch my breath and we talked again. About 15 minutes or so went by when he asked “are you ready for another BJ”, I figured well I had one why not another and it was just as good. Ok Guys I am not suggesting to go out and get a BJ from another guy (Yes, you will end up getting it where ever you can) I am saying we can’t let this issue get us down. If your wife or girl friend doesn’t understand that 95% of men want, desire, long for, wish for, crave, and hunger after Fellatio (a blowjob) then they never will. It should be an agreement while the relationship is being developed or before marriage. Well needless to say I am still married and I’ve never seen this other guy ever again, and yet my wife still doesn’t give me blowjobs and I’m ok with that, I think.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010):

Why is it WE (MEN) have to jump though every hoop to make women happy and do we ask for much in return? I use to worship the ground my wife walked on (5+ years), worked my ass off so she could have things and what do I get in return? I lame ass lay! Before we were married the sex was incredible...more bait and switch! Men NEED sex, it's not like women - who don't. Check this link out (especially the second section.) AND...to all you prude women answering I hope you fall off a cliff or become a lesbian. Let's see what happens when you don't get f*cked for a while.

http://www.mensconfraternity.org.au/?page=p79

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A male reader, happy140 United States +, writes (19 February 2010):

happy140 agony auntYou, my friend have married one of those women who will do anything for the man she wants as a husband, while always keeping in the back of her mind-I will change him! She won't give a BJ and even finish with a HJ-This sounds like a woman who loves being married but doesn't love intamentcy-as I told my wife when she refused-do I spit when I'm going down on you? do I act like its discusting?-I make love to you with my mouth because I married you, your looks, your feelings, your body and above the desire to know I want you to be the happiest woman on earth-I ask her if swallowing is so repulsive and you know I enjoy oral, how will we work this out-SHE came up with the solution-keeping my cock in the back of her thoat when I cum so she dosen't taste it-but we did discuss it-Do you really need to be with a woman who refuses to talk-this is just the begining-my wife and I read men are from Mars and women fron Venus-this taught my wife that I am NOT being selfish wanting a BJ or HJ-but it stems from men being so visual and love watching the one they love pleasure them knowing how unselfess an act it is to just give your husband pleasure WITHOUT recieaving any other than knowing how much pleasure you have just given your man. ANY WOMAN that thinks BJ's or HJ's are selfish need to look at the bigger picture-a sexually happy man doesn't cheat and he LIVES to make and keep the love of his life happy-one of the main reasons I can think of why she won't (I had this problen in my younger days until I deeply thought about it) is if your uncircumsized you don't remain clean (I wash EVERY TIME I USE A RESTROOM TO ALWAYS BE READY-if she's a dinner and a date with shopping to get sex-thats not love-no married couple should wonder why their spouse won't do something sexual-communication is the key (married 30 years here), If she reads I would recommend the Venus and Mars books-my wife completly changed and relized that I was not a mean and selfish man for wanting visual sex or for going in my cave----GOOD LUCK

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010):

I'm tired of women (even MY wife) who only care about themselves. There's never enough money to pay the mortgage or buy food for my daughter, but new shoes and blouses show up at my house constantly. I work my ass off with overtime to pay for her shit, and I get rewarded with sex MAYBE 5-6 times a year! Forget a BJ, sex is hard enough to come by. Forget sexy lingerie, even on B-days or anniversaries. They are just too damn lazy to make the effort. God forbid, you ask for a little somethings special in the sack. "Bait and switch" is apparently acceptable to women these days. What would they do if we cut up their debit/credit cards and cut them off from their GD shopping for a week? Total ANARCHY!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010):

I found this while trying to figure out how to get my wife turned 'back' on. Wow...I knew women were less sex oriented then men in general but now I feel deeply despondent. I am 5 yrs in. 5 years of life most people don't see in 20 yrs. College, Army, Iraq, baby, Iraq, baby, self employed, new job - five moves total and four rental houses aquired. I have been ready and willing to do anything to keep my wife financially, mentally, spiritually, and sexually satisfied and done a damn good job of it... and here I am at 28 wondering if the next 50 years I'm gonna still be mastubating in the shower.

At least some of you guys are just dealing w/ BJs some of us are fighting just for a few minutes between the legs.

I think it wild that the women that respond 99% want to say its just not HER thing... I go down because it makes her moan in pleasure - it ain't always sweet and pretty!

If love is about sacrifice why are MEN always sacrificing our pleasure for HER comfort. Those men who are not are called dogs, pigs, jerks and A holes.

The shower with love and gifts thing is ridiculous. (Yes, I tried it, no it didn't work) - unless I attached a little guilt on it (sometimes a lot) NO spontaneous thank you sir great sex.

As short and vulgar as possible - if you give head and spread em we'll be glad to shower you with anything you want. Many guys pay women for 30min of good sex. I'll buy every gift card in GD Hallmark for 1 BJ from the woman I promised my unwavering love to!!!!!!!!!

And that is why I feel not only unloved but unmanly. Because I'm not receiving this basic act of love nor am I able to seem to be able to do anything about it- nor do I seem to be able to shrug it off and 'be tough'...my little feelings are hurt and I feel like a child because I'm letting this hurt my feelings.

WTF?? I'm a Christian man. I gave up porn. I don't go out to the titty bars. I try to imagine my wife before she was my wife and we were stupid kids having great sex while I'm masturbating.

She would look at this and say I hurt her feelings because she thinks we have sex. Yea, when she feels like she is being to 'mean' to me AND because I have pathetically had to voice my hurt and basically beg for a little satisfaction which makes her feel guilty about possibly being a bad wife which then makes her resent me for making her feel that way. AND THEN IT IS LAME SEX

When all this could be avoided if she would just come on to me and pleasure and at least pretend that she actually wanted to sex me up. I'd go for one good night of sex a week and we could skip the week when she was having her period. I just want a little candle light some sexy lingerie and some mouth action- ears, neck, chest (penis would be nice but I'm not demanding). You know some good solid carressing with the hands, letting me know she wants me. Does this sound pathetic or what - you would think I'm a woman. Yes I want to stick it in her. But don't even demand back door. She says I'm too big for her and she never has so I don't demand it...but how about a little compensation.

Here is our routine. Every couple weeks I push her hard and we have sex a couple times usually two or three nights apart. Then nothing for a week or two then we do it again. Once every couple months I can get her riled up enough to get an afternoon quickie. Every time it is stark naked with the lights off under the covers with me doing most of the work until she decides that she actually wants to have a good orgasm - then she gets her toy out and gets on top and sways a little till she is happy.

I'm stuck in the spot where I get just enough attention to hope it gets better but I'm never ever satisfied - and I'm not asking for much. From what many of the men have said I guess I shouldn't get my hopes up.

So what? Just resign myself to this fate,huh? This sucks and doesn't suck so much.

Here is the saddest part of my sob story. Tonight is my B-day and I'm writing this.

How can the source of so much happiness turn into the source of so much soul shattering heart wrenching pain?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009):

My wife of ten years who I have 2 kids with not only won't go down on me, she won't give me a hand job either. When I bring it up she gets angry and rolls her eyes. I think I am going to cut her off from oral sex too.

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A male reader, greatsex United States +, writes (5 December 2009):

tell your wife your in love with her I you would do anything for her and you have pain in your heart and you need to talk before you leave this relationship and odds are she'll start to pay attention if she loves you at all, but it's always good to keep life like it was when you met you must always keep it new with new ideas all the time or things get complaysent (sp), not just flowers! DO NOT MAKE HER FEEL GUILTY! tell her you have plans to go rent a motel next weekend and take a sex game and maybe some mild toys to open the mood. just kill her with kindness and give her a bit of time.go to the book store and get a book called the sex bible it's a good book and helps you understand you and your partner. GOOD LUCK AND DON'T GIVE UP!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009):

Brothers, I feel your pain. I dare any of you female readers out there to try and explain the old bait-n-switch that most undeserving and ungrateful wives pull. I am not talking about girl friend bait-n-switches, guys if you are bitching about a girlfriend that isn’t taking care of you GET OUT NOW, before it’s too late. Not all women pull the bait-n-switch after marriage. I know of plenty of friends who’s wives still treat them like kings years after marriage.

I discovered while dating that I could not live with a woman who did not reciprocate oral sex. I tried a few times but it consumed me and ruined a few relationships. I like sex and will do anything for a woman, I expect a willing partner in return.

While dating my current wife, she went down on me every time we had sex. While dating she once asked me: “What would you do if I didn’t give head?” I looked here straight in the eyes and seriously told her that I would drop her on the spot, that I couldn’t live with a selfish partner and I meant every word.

We got married and all was well. She had a child from another man (not husband) whom I adopted and raised as my own. All was well, got good sex and head whenever I wanted (10-12 times a week). After about 4 years we decided that we wanted another child, we had one.

Operation bait-n-switch commences. Now, I know what your thinking, and your wrong. There was no favoring of either of my children. Only about 4 of our 30 friends even knew that my oldest was adopted. Said friends (of wifes and mine) that knew of the adoption would swear that there was no favoritism, and my wife concurs. What happened here was she got comfy once we had a biological child. She knew I loved both of our kids, but I think she was worried I would leave her after the “Switch to miss lockjaw” unless we had a child together. That was not true because I really loved my Adopted son and would never leave him, having another made no difference to me.

After 2nd son was born, almost instantly my wife became more and more distant, more frigged, less affectionate. She stopped wanting to kiss as much. She stopped touching me – anywhere. Back scratches became pick fests and you ladies don’t give me that “you need to woo here shit”, I bought her flowers, told her how sexy she was, took her out where she liked to eat, you name it. I even surprised here with a shiny new convertible for Mothers Day one year. I must admit, I did get a blow job that night. If I had grew ugly and fat I could handle my wife treating me like I was a lepor, but I was in the best shape of my life and considered good looking by most all women.

I had her quit working and stay at home with both kids as I made more than enough money (she wanted this and asked repeatedly I did not force here out of a career). Still things got worse. We went from Oral foreplay and average 1 hr sex sessions to –“I am tired, I have a headache, wait till morning”. Morning was me lying awake until we had only 10 minutes before kids had to get ready for school. “If you want sex you better hurry” Became the norm. I forgot what a blowjob felt like, but still went down on here every single time.

Now Sex with here is so bad I simply would rather masturbate. It’s much more satisfying than listening to her bitch or break out the IRS sized manual of what I am not allowed to do in bed. Can’t touch the tits (which I boght), can’t take her shirt off (she is not fat and has no real reason to be self conscious), no more toys, no 69, not on the boat, not at the camper, not in the theater room. Nope, all I am allowed to do is to eat her on occasion, then doggy only for a few agonizing minutes while I try and remember what it was like to be with a woman who appreciated me or tried to satisfy in bed.

I am not a cheater and don’t plan to be – she knows this and I feel this is partially why she treats me so badly. I do understand why so many men leave their wives after the kids move out of the house. I find my self saying 5 more years and I will be free. Once my kids are in college why put up with this shit.

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A male reader, Dr Hibee United Kingdom +, writes (1 December 2009):

I am 46 my partner of 5 years is 47 and on the whole I pretty much get a BJ when ever I want one.

Oral sex to me is very important both giving and receiving.

I never feel the need to come in her mouth though (I have done this occasionally)as I much prefer to come inside her through intercourse.

I'm not altogether sure how I would react if she stopped giving them.She once said to me it is part of her duty to keep me happy and she would do it even if she didn't enjoy it.

In fact this has got me a little excited here,hmmm bedtime is here so I think i'll go and take advantage of her kind nature .. night guys

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009):

I have been with my girlfriend for 17 years now. She keeps telling me that she wants to get married, but we haven't had a sex life in 13 years. She never gave blowjobs. I had one *once* in the first few months we met and I had to force the issue. She did it for about 20 seconds. Back then she said she didn't mind it and she thought about doing it to me often, but she never did it again. Now she won't even have regular sex. However, I know she used to suck her ex-bf off all the time because she told me when we first started going about out how she used to put chocolate sauce or honey on his cock to make it taste better. She even sucked him off while he wore a rubber. When she was 19 she went on a tour of Europe and sucked her way across the continent with one (or two or three) night stands. She says that I don't "do it" for her in that way when I question her. I am not a super-experienced lover, but I can make her cum and she says she loves me and wants to marry me so I don't see what the problem is. I guess I just don't turn her on. She won't even accept oral from me. She used to be a very, very attractive woman but over the years she has gained weight and she isn't as attractive as she used to be (although she still has the most perfect ass I have ever seen and even her girlfriends agree). However, I still love her and I am turned on by her even in this more bloated state. You can imagine how frustrating it was when she was still a size 2. So I cannot and will not marry her as long as she won't put out and we are at an impasse. She knows it's because she doesn't put out, but she says it's my fault for being critical of her all these years. Well, she has a point but I only started being critical once the sex stopped. Hell yes I am bitter and resentful now, but it didn't start that way. She contributed to this with her abuse. Yes, I think withholding sex is abuse. I asked her if she gets horny and she said "Sometimes. Maybe once a month." I asked her why we don't at least have sex then but she didn't give a good answer. I think she feels weird asking for it. However, she has no problem shooting me down (and not always gently) 5 times per week. We don't even share a bed anymore. I am very sad and I feel like this is the worst relationship I could have ever had. She says it makes her sad and suicidal, too. I told her we could solve a lot if she just spread her legs and she laughed at the absurdity of it, but she won't do it. I fear that I will cheat on her. A pretty blonde in her early 20s hit on me the other day and it made me feel really good about myself and I was thinking "I bet this beautiful young woman who was out of my league when I was 25 (I am 36) would suck me off I let it get to that point, so why won't the woman I love and have been through so much with?" I just don't understand. I am sure that young woman will stop putting out once she got what she wanted, too. I am so cynical about what women are after and I am very very jealous of couples who have been together for years and say they have a great sex life. I sometimes think they are full of it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009):

Wow! Women really need to understand that blowjobs and sex are not interchangeable. Honest men need both to be satisfied. I had the bait and switch pulled on me with oral and sex in general. It doesn't happen often.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009):

at male reader 13 november

please do not complain- you are very well looked after by a wonderful partner

i am about to end a 7 year relationship as it has not had any attention since the end of the early half hearted "bait and switch" manouveres some 6+ years ago

she has had/ gets hers hundreds of times + all the massages, flowers everything

at the end of my tether- feel completely rejected

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009):

I have been married for 15 plus years and get routine blow jobs (at least two per week) but she won't swallow. She acts like she is affraid to have any of the load touch her.

She does an excellent job of working it and goes around the head and up and down the shaft with her tongue and lips. She doesn't deep throat but has such good technique that it really doesn't matter. I just wish for once she would eat the load.

Guess I shouldn't complain given some of you other poor bastards situations, but it sure would be nice to deposit the load.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009):

Now I've never gotten a blowjob and I'm still a virgin but if your partner won't even talk about sex the relationship has failed; a relationship is more than sex, as others have said here, it requires dedication, effort, and honesty. So here's my advice to you, even though this was posted years ago, and others who are in a similar situation like yours; if your partner is ignoring your needs PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN! You don't need to put of with this childish crap! Be honest and tell them how you feel, in a serious tone, and how if they aren't willing to try and make YOU happy the relationship is OVER! It may be hard to do but it's for the best; it's just like raising a child if you keep letting that child get away with things eventually they're going to do whatever the fuck they want, but if you put your foot down let them know there will be consequences to their negative actions they start listening. This isn't a fairy tale, reality doesn't work this way and more people need a fucking wake up call; put the bitch or asshole in their place and tell them how it is. YOU DESERVE BETTER, IF YOU'RE WORKING YOUR ASS OFF AND YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANYTHING IN RETURN THAT'S WORTH IT SPEAK YOUR MIND!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009):

I've been married for 26 years and the worst sex I ever had wasn't bad. If all that matters to you is getting a blow job, you should have married a guy. Sex is much more than a phsical act, especially to women. There's something else missing from the relationship and you won't find it in the sack. Try a little tenderness: give her a card, gift, dinner date, a bubble bath, a sincere kiss, tell her you love her, compliment her appearance or hold hands at a movie. Try to find what's missing in the relationship. After she feels the love, she is more likely to be open to discussion and guess what...It's fun to add the "hunt" back in the relationship. My wife has never been fond of giving BJ's, but she will do it anyway because it comes back to her in other ways. I hope this helps just one guy get a BJ, beacuse the rest of the relationship is moving in the right direction. For the rest of you, start thinking with your other head!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009):

I've been married for 26 years and the worst sex I ever had wasn't bad. If all that matters to you is getting a blow job, you should have married a guy. Sex is much more than a phsical act, especially to women. There's something else missing from the relationship and you won't find it in the sack. Try a little tenderness: give her a card, gift, dinner date, a bubble bath, a sincere kiss, tell her you love her, compliment her appearance or hold hands at a movie. Try to find what's missing in the relationship. After she feels the love, she is more likely to be open to discussion and guess what...It's fun to add the "hunt" back in the relationship. My wife has never been fond of giving BJ's, but she will do it anyway because it comes back to her in other ways. I hope this helps just one guy get a BJ, beacuse the rest of the relationship is moving in the right direction. For the rest of you, start thinking with your other head!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009):

@A male reader, anonymous (28 October 2009)

How did you restrain yourself from trying to kill your wife? I would go absolutely crazy if I found out my wife cheated on me and giving some one else the things she never gave me.

I'm STILL in an ongoing struggle to get my sexually useless fiancee to give me blow jobs like she wants to. I always have to ASK her to do it. Never does she just go down on me on her own like I do for her.

It's like one of the replies said below: a realtionship is 50% sex. The other 50% is all that other garbage which barely matters without a healthy sexual relationship. There are so many idiotic females replying here who are obviously prudes who don't enjoy giving oral sex.

Any educated relationship/sex therapist will tell you that without a healthy sex life, you may as well forget about it. If you're not sexually compatible, it's useless.

I feel so bad for so many guys out there, especially the reply below me. It's just freakin' pathetic that these women are so heartless and selfish.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009):

Married 20 years here and have never gotten a complete blowjob from my wife, either. She would always get the job half done before finishing in a more traditional manner - she said that she just couldn't stand the idea of having someone finish in her mouth. Oh, well, I told myself - so I'm losing out on a split second of intense pleasure here and there - worse things could happen in life. At least somebody loves me...

So... as married life progressed and we had children she convinced me to let her follow her dream and quit her job to be a stay at home mom. I guess a more cynical person would think that it would be anybody's dream to stay at home while somebody else paid the bills. Not me, though. I reasoned that, "OK, so we won't take fancy vacations and I can drive the same car FORFUCKINGEVER" - once again, no biggie - at least someone loves my children enough to want to be with them all the time.

Imagine my surprise when I found out that she was spending all that time I had given her stripping and masturbating in front of her webcam for some guy she met in a chat room! Also, as it turns out, she would wait for me to go to work, dump the kids off with an unsuspecting friend and drive 2 hours to meet up with the aforementioned Mr. Fuckstick in a hotel.

So that she could suck his dick dry!

So, to recap, that was 7 years ago and now I have been with my wife for 23 years. At this point I've spent half of my life waiting for real blowjob - and the older I get the more resentful I become of that. I do everything I can to provide for my family and she won't give me the one thing I want more than anything - but she will do it for a stranger that sweet talked her pants off on the internet!

So, to answer "A female reader, anonymous, (28 October 2009)", yes, the very fucking second I get my next offer of a blowjob - whether it's a lady in the grocery store, a mom from the park, or even my wife, I'm going to take what I've been wanting for all of these years.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009):

WOW... from what I have read so far, so because your girlfriends or wifes won't give you a "blow-job" you'll just either cheat on her, divorce her, or breakup with her. To me, that just dubbed 90% of men on this website are dogs that don't deserve a partner. So what you're not getting a blowjob... you can't have everything in life. To divorce, breakup, or cheat on your partner all because they won't give a "blowjob" just goes to show that whomever does this, is a dog in my opinion that deserves no partner.

Thank God I am asexual. I find the whole act of sex, and everything disgusting. I have nothing against anyone who has sex, married, etc... but I choose not to do that stuff. Gross.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009):

Wow what a recurring theme here and I must fall in line.

Married 20 years, dated for a couple in college. The first two years I was receiving a BJ so often it was like living out a dream. But I have to say for the most part I had been getting a blow job frequently and it was part of our sex. Then a couple years ago it was like someone turned out the lights. Really, WTF!

It is truly one of life's mysteries how a woman can change so drastically. I though it was just part of sex, I would go down on her, the she on me. She really seemed to like doing it and now nothing.

good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009):

Dude, the single fact that you even care if you upset her, is exactly why she isn't doing as she's told.

Period. And my wife is sitting right here and agrees whole-hartedly. Why would a woman want to be subservient to a male who isn't manly enough to get it done when it needs gettin' done? Grow a pair and take what you need. She will respect you for it. And by the way, my wife wants to know under what circumstances have you actually tasted your own semen? Perhaps this is a relative matter to consider since it could indicate something altogether different, in which case, you may be after a boyfriend.

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A male reader, Wapti United States +, writes (16 October 2009):

Blow jobs. It is practically all we fight about. She don't like it, so she don't do it. It doesn't matter how I feel. I have mixed feelings. My feeling is that she ought to want to do it. If I were worthy she would......

I think she loves me, but it still doesn't happy. I am not even worthy to get this from a awoman who loves me!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009):

married for 15 years here - she flat out refused to give me a BJ even though I often go down on her... her mouth doesn't even go anywhere near my body although she enjoys sex when she's in the mood

then one weekend recently I sent her to an all-day massage spa and she came back that weekend all invigorated - and lo and behold I got BJ's the whole weekend! I thought this was an awesome change in the relationship, but after the weekend - back to square 1 - no BJ ever. She says it doesn't taste so nice - even when it leaks, it's too 'salty' and she's VERY fussy about a little dirt on her plate etc.

so guys - whoever IS getting some - consider yourself very lucky. I didn't know that not getting any was that common, considering all the lucky **icks in all the porn movies get that all the time!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009):

Some women are really good being selfish and believing they're happiness is more important than the happiness of the relationship as a whole.

If not getting a BJ isn't the end of the world, then neither is giving one. So just shut up and do it and learn to like it or your men will find some one else. It's as simple as that.

You need to explain that to her in a nice way, if at all possible. Don't put yourself through misery just to see her happy because she's not willing to do the same in return. Think about it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009):

I can see the female sides of the arguement. After all not every male that wants a bj deserves one. And you certainly can't make your partner do it. However its more important to men than most people will realize or admit. And telling men that they need to grow up or insulting them over it just makes you look immature. If more partners sacrificed for their spouse in the bedroom, and atleast occasionally did things they did not like to please the other, we'd all be happier. The problem becomes when one partner, gives, but doesn't recieve. I recieve no physical pleasure from giving oral to my wife, sometimes it stinks or doesn't taste the greatest. I DON"T tell my wife that though, and neither should you unless she's gotten into some bad habit of not bathing for months. I give anyway because SHE enjoys it, and I enjoy her enjoyment. Not every sexual act has to be mutually pleasurable, but as long as those acts that are pleasurable to just one, are reciprocated, then all will be well.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009):

The Ole' bait n switch. 99.99999999% of men are victims of this tactic. We all date these yummie little sex kittens----blowing our minds with fantastic hummers, anywhere any time. Often. Then comes the wedding day. Shortly thereafter---even the damn honeymoon, we scratch our heads wondering what the hell goes on here. Our sex kitten has turned into a sexual Camel. Able to live on tiny slices of passion that no normal Man could ever believe possible. We think it will get better. Incredibly---it gets worse. We think it is our fault. We work harder. We fill her world with more goodies and toys. Bigger homes. Nicer cars. This SIMPLY EMPOWERS HER MORE ! Bullshit to the women writing here blaming the man for not wooing blah blah blah. Before they met you they were happily blowing knuckle dragging boyfriends with IQ's lower than whale shit. We build them homes. Futures. Stability. Protection. Companionship. Monogomy. Love. All this and we cant rate a BJ that they so willingly gave numbskulls they merely dated ?

Listen to men like myself (50 yrs old) and avoid years of amazing frustration. Not if---but when the BJ's STOP-- just about the time the wedding music ends, inform her the end of the marriage is imminent. Tell her you've made a radical mistake and had no idea how incompatible you two were. Dont ask her for BJ's. She knows exactly where the marriage flew into a mountain---she was flying the vessel. Divorce to a man is a minor speedbump. Divorce to a woman is a life sentence and humiliation. DO this before any children arrive or YOU WILL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. You will either get your sex kitten back---and be part of that .0000000001% of married men getting hummers, or your will gain your freedom. You will be wiser and armed with the knowledge needed to be fully satisfied in marriage, because most women are. They love being married. Use that fact to your advantage or suffer the perils of we men that live in that 99.99999999% hell. No-Hummers are the first part of your Manhood under assault. It is just the beginning of a long miserable road filled with regrets.

Millions of men out there cant wait til' the last kid leaves for college. They check off the days until they can pack their bags and leave their ice princess. A scene played out every day to a (supposedly) shocked wife.

I hope this note helps one guy out there........

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009):

The Ole' bait n switch. 99.99999999% of men are victims of this tactic. We all date these yummie little sex kittens----blowing our minds with fantastic hummers, anywhere any time. Often. Then comes the wedding day. Shortly thereafter---even the damn honeymoon, we scratch our heads wondering what the hell goes on here. Our sex kitten has turned into a sexual Camel. Able to live on tiny slices of passion that no normal Man could ever believe possible. We think it will get better. Incredibly---it gets worse. We think it is our fault. We work harder. We fill her world with more goodies and toys. Bigger homes. Nicer cars. This SIMPLY EMPOWERS HER MORE ! Bullshit to the women writing here blaming the man for not wooing blah blah blah. Before they met you they were happily blowing knuckle dragging boyfriends with IQ's lower than whale shit. We build them homes. Futures. Stability. Protection. Companionship. Monogomy. Love. All this and we cant rate a BJ that they so willingly gave numbskulls they merely dated ?

Listen to men like myself (50 yrs old) and avoid years of amazing frustration. Not if---but when the BJ's STOP-- just about the time the wedding music ends, inform her the end of the marriage is imminent. Tell her you've made a radical mistake and had no idea how incompatible you two were. Dont ask her for BJ's. She knows exactly where the marriage flew into a mountain---she was flying the vessel. Divorce to a man is a minor speedbump. Divorce to a woman is a life sentence and humiliation. DO this before any children arrive or YOU WILL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. You will either get your sex kitten back---and be part of that .0000000001% of married men getting hummers, or your will gain your freedom. You will be wiser and armed with the knowledge needed to be fully satisfied in marriage, because most women are. They love being married. Use that fact to your advantage or suffer the perils of we men that live in that 99.99999999% hell. No-Hummers are the first part of your Manhood under assault. It is just the beginning of a long miserable road filled with regrets.

Millions of men out there cant wait til' the last kid leaves for college. They check off the days until they can pack their bags and leave their ice princess. A scene played out every day to a (supposedly) shocked wife.

I hope this note helps one guy out there........

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009):

What a bleak forum. Same exact thing for me. When we were dating, I would receive blowjobs once or twice a week. Now we've been married for less than a year and it's always excuses. I'm too tired, I just ate, I have a headache, it's gross. I used to go down on her and she liked it. Now, she thinks it's gross, and won't let me. Either that or she's willing to deny it so I don't have leverage for reciprocity.

When I bring up blowjobs, she always blows it off or tries to spin it on me that I'm the selfish one for asking her to do it when I know that it causes her discomfort (she gags) and grosses her out.

I might sit her down for a formal talk to let her know how serious I am. (Usually the topic is brought up in a joking, sheepish way.)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009):

There is nothing you can do to make her want to do it. She has to come to that decision on her own. If she is willing, counseling might help her come to that decision, but maybe not even then. I've been married for 8 years and dated my wife for almost 2 years before getting married. In the two years before getting married, I never got a bj from her. She also wasn't into receiving oral that much either. She told me that the thought of oral sex turned her off, but that she would "try and work on that". Well, two years of "trying to work on that" with no success should have clued me in that things were never going to change. We still ended up getting married. We loved each other and I thought that even if I didn't get a bj that often, we got along otherwise and I shouldn't break up with her over something so "relatively" unimportant.

The problem is, that for most guys, me included, getting and giving oral sex isn't unimportant. It is something that gives most guys one hell of a high, both physically and mentally. I'm eight years into my marriage and I have yet to ever get a bj from her. We've talked about it many times, fought about it several times and just plain ignored it quite a bit. But the fact is, it is something that I have had and enjoyed greatly in previous relationships and miss greatly in my current relationship. Not ever getting a blow job from my wife takes its toll on our marriage. We have sex much less than we used to, down to maybe once a month if that. A large part of that is due to the fact that after 8+ years of never getting oral, I have a good bit of resentment built up that surfaces whenever we talk about having sex. When she wants to have sex, I don't even bother to bring up the subject of oral anymore, but the feelings are still there. It crushes my desire to sleep with her more often than not.

Truth be told, if I could go back in time and talk to my younger self, I would try and talk me out of getting married to my wife. Many people would say that I'm shallow for thinking that and there are much more important things to a marriage than bj’s. But you know what, they are only half right. Yes, there are more important things, but I am not selfish for wanting oral sex any more than my wife is selfish for not being able to give me oral sex. She says she wishes she liked to do it, but her hang-up about it has just been too strong to overcome. I actually believe her when she says that, but it doesn’t do anything to help my growing depression at the thought of never getting another BJ in my life.

Yes, being able to give a good bj is not the most important trait to look for in a wife, but if oral sex is important to you and the woman you are dating just doesn’t want to give bj’s, DON’T marry her. Why? Because even though she might have many other good qualities, there is someone else out there who also has those good qualities AND likes to give bj’s. If your girlfriend or fiancé doesn’t like to give bj’s, then they need to find someone to whom getting bj’s isn’t important. Good luck with that, but hey, it’s possible.

If you go ahead and marry that person anyway, like I did, you will regret it for the rest of your life. In my situation, I am left with several options, none of them very appealing. First, I could get a divorce and go out and try and find someone new that will meet my needs. Truth be told, if I didn’t have two young children, that might be my best option. While I do love my wife and have many things in our relationship that I enjoy, the thought of never getting another blow job in my life wears heavily on me at times. The second option is to just resign myself to the fact that I made a poor choice and that I will never again enjoy oral sex. Obviously, that is not a happy prospect for me. The last option is to stay married to my wife but cheat on her with someone who will meet my sexual needs. Whether that means a string of one night stands, an ongoing affair or possibly even going to a “professional”, none of those options is without a considerable amount of risk. Aside from the fear of catching an STD, I also wouldn’t want to hurt my wife by having her find out. In spite of her inability to please me sexually, I still love and care for her. And on top of everything else, even if I managed to find someone else to have a sexual affair with, I would probably still have resentment towards my wife for the fact that I had to sneak around and go outside my marriage to meet my sexual needs.

The bottom line is this: If you like bj’s and your current girlfriend/fiancé doesn’t like to give you bj’s, DON’T get married. If you are married and your wife doesn’t want to give you BJ’s, you need to:

A. Really consider divorce as an option.

B. Decide if you can live the rest of your life without oral.

C. Decide whether or not you can compartmentalize your life and rationalize having an affair.

The only thing I would strongly urge you not to do is have an affair and let her know about it thinking that will scare her into giving you oral out of fear of losing you. That will never work.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009):

This is your problem man. Before my wife and I got married, we decided to learn a lot about each other, and to not overlook things.

Where do you want to live? How many children do we want to have? Do you like plants in your house? Do you love to suck cock?

Yes..."do you love to suck cock" was one of the things that we discussed! If she didn't let me go down on her, it would make things stressful. Like wise, if she didn't suck my cock,it would produce a lot of tension. Similarly, If I wanted a big family, and she wanted only 1 child, our lives would be unfulfilled.

So, IMHO, this is something you (and everybody else thinking about getting married) should discuss before you set a date.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009):

Love has nothing to do with what I enjoy in between the sheets.

I love my husband very much but just because I don't want to have anal sex or I don't want a threesome with another woman doesn't mean I don't love him.

The fact that she won't even talk about it is a bad sign. You should try to get her to open up. Try asking her friends for help on this and don't make yourself sound very needy or that blow jobs are the only important thing in your relationship. Never change your tone and don't sound so desperate.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009):

Poor guys, so emotional! It is guys who are emotional, not girls!

The guy see's his new wife spending thousands on the wedding and honeymoon instead of saving for the future, and justifies it as "well she really must love me!"

Now he sees his wife spitting out or refusing to give a blowjob. He wonders "why is this?" so he goes on the internet to try find some "magical reason."

Well the reason is simple. She doesn't love you. He continues to think with his heart and emotion, thinking "no! she must love me! There has to be another reason".

But there isn't. Stop thinking with your emotion and start thinking with your reason. Guys are the emotional ones and girls are the mathematical ones. Understanding this is your first step in tackling future problems.

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A male reader, hemi75 United States +, writes (25 June 2009):

I totally understand, My wife and I have been together for 9 years, married for 7 and I have yet seen a single hummer. But she has given head many times to her ex boyfriend slash infidelt( he was still married to someone else while fucking my wife),slash rapist (Yes you, Michael Maziarka). I keep bringing up the subject politely, but she quickly changes the subject or ignores me, I tried buying flavored condoms, flavored gels, whip cream, and other items to make the experience more pleasuable and still nothing. She even, with some friends witnessing, made a deal if I bought her a van she would suck me off, 3 years later still nothing, I priced simulaters at $79.95 plus tax. good luck with that. What makes matters worse I never received oral and was a 25 yr old virgin when I met her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009):

Pathetic excuses. Men's semen taste bad... and vaginas taste like sweet honey right? All those disgusting juices that flow into your mouths while we eat you out? Stop using the taste as an excuse, ladies. We tough it out too. We hate your smell and the juices inside of you, but we do it anyway. Unless you hear your men spit every so often during oral sex, then we obviously are swallowing whatever garbage is coming out of your vaginas. Fair is fair. You're just as whiny if not bitchier than the men you complain about.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009):

I'm happily married. I don't give blow jobs frequently because it makes me want to vomit. But I will go down on him til he stops me and we change to something else. It's too hard for me. I try so hard but I'm afraid I'll throw up all over him. I've swallowed a few times and almost got sick all over him as it was happening. I actually felt like my chest muscles were ripping as I forced the throw up and semen back down to my stomach. I fought back tears each time because I didn't want him to know what I went through because I know he would have felt bad. I wish men would understand how different their orgasm is than ours. It comes in one huge burst and it tastes hideous and the texture is so disgusting. Why don't you try setting up an erotic hand job or maybe trying anal sex so you can feel kinky and she won't puke all over you and cry.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009):

Well... you wanna talk about getting robbed in marriage? Men stop wooing women. When women are in love and lust with a man who is saying romantic things to them, getting them little cards, maybe flowers, opening doors... she is willing to sacrifice that pleasure for him. She is inspired to taste his weiner! LOL But when he stops romancing her, and starts bitching about money and how he hates his job, he wears her down and she begins to wilt, and she loses the passion she once had for her man, and sex is usually one of the first things she turns off. Many times this is involuntary. I am divorced from a husband who was irresponsible, mean, whined, bitched, and begged for blow jobs. I refused to suck his thingy because his selfishness and abuse caused me to hate his guts. I can not suck a weiner I hate!

Oral sex is different for women than vaginal sex because it is more personal. Men can orgasm without oral sex. A lot of women can not. Unfortunately a lot of women use that as justification in their anti weiner smoking defense.

My advice is to stop bitching about blow jobs, WOO the living shit out of her for a few weeks. I mean write her love letters, get her cards, buy her flowers, take her out to eat.. and STOP BEING SUCH A NEGATIVE WHINY PERSON.. and after you can tell she's impressed with your efforts towards her.. THEN talk about sex... GENTLY..... keep your voice soft... respectable... and tell her..... "I need you to know that I am not asking for oral sex from you because I am a pig... I am asking because I am a man.. and this man is in love with you... and when you did that for me before... it was amazing.. and I want to feel amazing with you... and if you need to go slow.... or do a little bit at a time until you get the hang of it again.... I have no problem being gracious towards you" If she has a heart she will at least try. If she is unable to do it and swallow or even let you cum and she spits.... then just realize there are worse things a woman can do to you besides not being able to give you a blowjob.

Also consider offering her a sexual act of her choice if she gives you a blow job. my husband and I play games like that and we both leave the bed satisfied and feeling closer. I'm not wild about blow jobs either. I hate it when he cums. Well let me rephrase that. It actually turns me on at how turned on he is and the act of the blow job is actually pleasureable for me, I just hate the taste of semen. I literally gag and force my vomit back down my throat while I swallow. But I tough it out because he treats me like a princess and he gives me oral sex all the time. So we make an exchange. He also never makes me feel like a whore in bed, so I feel safe with him and I'm not scared to try something I feel uncomfortable doing.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009):

How I got my girlfriend to enjoy oral sex:

I made new female friends and "used" them to make her jealous and threatened. I got them to talk about oral around my GF a lot.

I talked with my GF. I didn't get angry or upset. I just talked and let her know how it feels to be neglected without ever changing my tone.

Whenever she was willing, I changed my diet (use google to find out how to improve the taste of your sperm). I would prepare my body 2 days before the night she agreed to try it again. The taste did not turn her off. I trimmed, showered, made sure it was all to her satisfaction.

Since then she has gone down on me more than ever before and has even come closer and closer to letting me cum in her mouth on her own without me having to suggest it.

It takes patients. I know how you ALL feel and I have been there. Getting mad and pissing and moaning on the internet will not get you where you want to be in your sexual relationship.

Take care guys.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009):

This comment is not a knock on women or respecting/disrespecting them. I do, however, feel that there is a HUGE double standard when it comes to oral sex. You will see in any successful relationship, that both partners put the other's needs above their own INCLUDING SEX. This means that even if you don't really like doing something i.e. blowjobs/eating a woman out but your partner loves to have it done to them, SUCK IT UP AND DO IT. I'm talking to both women and men, no discrimination here. And now to the double standard, I feel that when a man receives oral sex and doesn't reciprocate that he is considered a selfish lover. Yet when a woman receives oral sex and doesn't give it, that is perfectly ok and a man should just accept it. No mam, that is not the way it is supposed to work! Anyways, to the comment about oral sex being worse for a woman than a man, I'm sorry but I have definately gone down on a few women that were way worse than any smell I have going on down there, and I'm not exactly the greatest smelling guy. So that is a BOGUS argument. And you saying that you don't want to be expected to go until he cums!? What the hell do women expect???? If we can't make a woman climax with oral sex then it is almost considered a failure, and I always go until my woman climaxes even if it takes 30 min to an hour because thats what you do when you really want your partner to be happy. But whatever, that is my two cents...enjoy!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009):

Wow - good to see this discussion. I stumbled upon it googling some of the search terms to see who else was in my situation. I figured quite a bit.

I'm pretty jaded these days - when we were dating - when she was trying to get me to marry her - it was blowjobs and sex aplenty. I thought I was marrying a woman who loved to please me, have sex, give blowjobs, backrubs, was a smart career oriented woman who also wanted to be a great mom more than anything else in the world.

In reality she is lazy. She hates work and wanted to be a stay at home mom because she thought that would be a picnic - just fun filled days with kids playing games while I worked hard to support her. She found out that there's quite a bit of work involved in being a mom.

Of course she's not even a good mom... loses her shit quite frequently... to the point where I'm concerned about the welfare of the kids... certainly concerned about how they are being raised - not being taught very good rules or work ethics.

At one point, before our first child was born, I emphasized how much I needed frequent sex and blowjobs - she promised. Of course she broke that promise. At most I get a quarterly blowjob (used to be once a week at least) and not even a birthday blowjob anymore. Sex is probably once a month.

Our oldest is now 5, the younger 3. She spends about $1000 a month putting them in daycare. But she doesn't work... well she thinks she works "writing" on her blog hoping for a book deal - but she doesn't really want to do the work that will take.

So we go deeper and deeper into debt. I told her I want her to get a job because we can't afford it - but she's not really looking. I had her take responsibility for writing checks for the bills so she'd see how much more she spends than I bring home... but all that did was ruin my 800 credit rating it took me 20 years to build in 1 year because of late payments.

And of course I still get hardly any sex or oral sex.

I feel completely taken for granted. I like others consider myself faithful and strong and could never understand why anyone could cheat on their wives.

Now I completely understand - and if someone offered themselves to me I'm not sure I'd say no.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009):

My wife use to suck me dick several times a week for years. Man did I have it good. She was a spitter rather than a swallower, but I didn't care. Then she got TMJ and the bj's quickly went from several times a week to a couple times a month then to a couple times a year. This happened over a three year period. The last bj was on my 25th wedding anniversary. That was 4 years ago. She won't even discuss it and gets pissed if I mention it. She questioned me "why would Brad divorice Jennifer for Angelina?" My reply was "because Angelina doesn't have TMJ" and she hit the roof. Damn near divorced me over that one.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009):

The thing is,, women like a man to go down on them but dont want to return the favor. So,, when you finally get her in the mood, just act like your going down,, get close and blow some warm air right on the clit, but dont lick and then just move away,, let her see what it is like,,, bunch of crap,, women suck many cocks when dating, hell they even take dp a bit, but once they have "caught" their man,, they dont want to put out as much and figure the guy has no options.. no wonder women get beaten,, i would never do that but i can understand a mans frustration level

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A male reader, bahamaman25 Bahamas +, writes (4 May 2009):

I am 25, I have been married for 4 years. I have probably gotten a blow job about 5 times from her. when we first got married she assured me that she would grow into doing it. She dont even let me go down on her. She just want straight sex. and its boring to be. This is frustrating.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009):

i truly wish so many ignorant women would stop posting here. this is a legitimate issue involving men's feelings. i have been married 3 years. we have been together for 8 years. i wash every day. i trim where i need trimming. i am thoughtful. i am romantic. i cook. i do the laundry. i do most of the cleaning. when i don't feel like doing these things, my wife does them. i have been with my company for 8 years. we travel. we have an awesome dog. we are about to have a son. she won't go down on me anymore. she did quite often before we were married. i feel as though i was misled. i have explained my desires and fantasies. i have even asked for the birthday blowjob. these things have not worked. i am not a person who will divorce or cheat. i saw how my father's actions affected my mom. i am a real man. i have needs just like my wife does. but with each passing day, i feel a sad disappointment growing in me as i realize that my needs no longer matter to her. ladies- if you don't enjoy pleasing your men, don't pretend. be honest from the outset.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009):

I think perhaps its abit like when you first get together and the guy is going all out to impress you, buying flowers opening doors etc etc, then once your married that romance kind of dies off and they dont think they have to do it anymore. Same thing with some women, they have probably got bored and tired of keep doing it over the years.

Just make sure your especially clean down there as an encouragement. Also try and find out what really turns her on and gets her going, i love pleasing my bf but, if hes like 'will u please give me a blowjob?' im less turned on by that than if he was to be forceful about it. thats just personally because im into being dominated, it may be something different with your gf or wife. good luck ;)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009):

Wow, This sucks we're all in the same boat on this one. I think I might try and buy her that new car she wanted or that ring for christmas, maybe that will work. I have learned one thing whem a man makes a promise he must keep it or it's the end of the world if a woman mekes a promise it has no meaning what so ever.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009):

You need to find a woman who will give you a blowjob. If she won't - someone will(Probably your mom). But seriously - if she knows that she can get away without it, she won't. If you seriously want a blowjob, you should allow yourself to think about what it would be like without her because she's not gonna think about sucking your dick unless she realizes you will get some one way or another.

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A male reader, 360hq United States +, writes (6 April 2009):

I'm right there with you. Before we were married she told me she wouldn't do it until we were married, after we were married she told me that it really not her thing. So I stopped doing it for her now she's upset. We fight about it alot cause she didn't do it while we were dating so i'm not missing anything

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009):

Quote:

A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009):

...I think I got maybe 1 BJ in all of 2008. So far zero in 2009. She won't touch the cock, but accuses me of cheating on her in all her dreams. It sucks and it's a nightmare. I can't even get a birthday blowjob.....It's horrible. It makes me sad and depressed. I'm against cheating, but seriously leave me already so I can find a girl that might give me a little action.

End quote

I feel exactly the same :O I keep getting told "Yes I will on this day" that day comes and it's just "No I will on this day instead" and needless to say, the day never comes :( I also get accused for cheating in her dreams and constantly hounded "If I am really cheating and her dreams are a sign"...ppftt....try getting out of that one with an excuse she accepts :S But as far as I am against cheating, I think if an attractive woman propositioned me with a BJ that I would accept, not because I don't love my partner but just for the fact that after never getting one anymore, I am craving for one badly. Also I might point out that like many other posts here, I frequently go to oral town on my girl until she climaxes, at which point I get "OH MY GOD THAT WAS SOOO GOOD I WISH I COULD MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE THAT" but never reciprocates with an 'appropriate' response :(

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009):

OK I struggled with this for a while. I tried talking etc etc. Nothing worked.

step 1 : ask her to jerk you off then as she does it move her head and try to push your penis in her mouth.

step 2 : act angry / sad/ rejected tell her you feel rejected and be sulky and turn away don't hug or kiss her. Tell she does not love you etc etc. Then repeat step 1

step 3 : tell her you met a cute young girl, one thing led to another and she gave you the best BJ you ever had.. describe it (exactly what the perfect bj will be). then repeat step 2 and then step 1

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009):

My wife and I used to enjoy 69 and once in a while she gave me a bj but wouldn't let me cum in her mouth. I respected that boundry. About 5 years ago she said that God didn't like oral sex according to the Jehovah's Witnesses. Since then we have sex when she needs it. She doesn't care about my needs at all. When she asks I service her, I usually don't climax anymore as I feel that she doesn't care. My sex life is a zero. Unless she is horny she doesn't care. She usually gets in the mood once a month and that is that, I do my best, but she is selfish.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009):

Wow, other's out there share my pain. My girl use to give me 3 to 4 BJ's a week. She acted like she craved them. I told her how she was the best at it and how it was my favorite thing she would do. Man was I lucky. 2 years later we get married. I think I got maybe 1 BJ in all of 2008. So far zero in 2009. She won't touch the cock, but accuses me of cheating on her in all her dreams. It sucks and it's a nightmare. I can't even get a birthday blowjob. This is the first girl I've ever been with that went from all the time to never. It's horrible. It makes me sad and depressed. I'm against cheating, but seriously leave me already so I can find a girl that might give me a little action.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009):

Why don't women care?

Same reason why they don't like taking out the trash. They think that ring on their finger makes them "too good" for certain things now.

Okay... so simply stop doing things for her to fight fire with fire? That will only cause more trouble in the relationship.

Find a woman who will please you and love you 100%.

Sex is 50%. Love is the other 50%. You can't have half and half. You need ALL of it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008):

All I can say is good luck. If you're married, welcome to your oral "jail". After reading this for the last 15 minutes I and you are definitely not alone. They don't care. It's that simple.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008):

my wife doesn't give BJs either. no sexy lingerie, no experimentation, 10 years of boredom. yes, I go down on her to completion... and often. I love to go south and get extremely turned on by her pleasure. some girls just don't reciprocate and don't care how much we desire it. some guys have all the luck I suppose :(

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008):

yes...we have the same problem...my girlfriend sucked my dick only once.after that she won't do it anymore and I love oral more than fucking her.we have a great realtionship but for me that is the biggest problem.sometimes I feel I should brake up with her because of that...Im really a oral sex addict.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2008):

Something has almost instantly turned your wife off abut giving you oral sex. Did you say or do anything that would have upset her? My wife told me that she had given her previous husband a bj and afterward he had commented that the "best bj" he had ever received was from some girl he met in college ... Etc. She told me that was the last one he ever got. Needless to say, I am very careful about what I say.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008):

I feel you. I am resenting my prude fiancee lately too now that the spontaneous sex has stopped.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008):

lol wow (to the reply below me).

Tell more about your story.

To the original author: I was in the same situation. over time things got better, but she still hesitates to do it. I don't see what the big deal is!!! I love giving her oral sex but she just doesn't fullfil my needs. Women will NEVER understand how important sexual attention is.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008):

When my girlfriend and I first strarted having sex, she said that she wouldn't give me head.

I explained that I really enjoyed getting a blowjob, and that I wasn't willing to give that part of my life, up.

When I didn't come home until three the next morning, she wanted to know where I had been? I told her that I really loved her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. But if she won't take care of my needs, she left me no choice but to find someone that will take care of me two or three times a week.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008):

Well my gf use to give me bjs all the time and we use to have lots of sexual fun... but now I just get excuses like "later", "too tired", "busy" its quite annoying really cos im gagging for it :(

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008):

I wish the author would update us on his status. I've been in a similar situation with my girlfriend but things have turned out for the better. Now I just need to get her to "accept" my sperm like I do her orgasms. I'm sick of feeling like I'm dirty and disgusting despite being successful in changing my salty and bitter taste.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008):

Ah. you know I wish my boyfriend acted like this. I go down on him ALL THE TIME! and he just takes it for granted. Just 15 minutes ago I was trying to pull his pants down and he shruggged me off! Someone needs to teach him a lesson. I think it should be abstinence

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008):

you know what?... i'm not trying to hate here or something like that, but in my particular case, i "do" my wife, every once in a while, to tell you the truth i don't like it that much, but only to know that my wife gets super horny with me "doing" her, that shit turns me on like hell, and i keep on for some good minutes. even-though she doesn't "do me" that offen, but i still ask, ?why can't women do the same thing? "do" me i'll "do" you technic. i don't think we horny men ask for much, just a good blowjob every time we have sex, i think it's better than pressing our cloths every day ?don't you think?...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008):

As for the woman that says it is their decision, not something they have to do.... Well, most of us men are seemingly in situations where we were setup in a situation where the girl did it all the time... now years in, all of a sudden its not ok. So sorry its "not on the application" but guess what, the resume had it there and now its gone....

Bottom line, no you dont have to do it. But there is always someone younger and prettier that will.

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A male reader, jabil99 United States +, writes (10 August 2008):

As for the woman that says it is their decision, not something they have to do.... Well, most of us men are seemingly in situations where we were setup in a situation where the girl did it all the time... now years in, all of a sudden its not ok. So sorry its "not on the application" but guess what, the resume had it there and now its gone....

Bottom line, no you dont have to do it. But there is always someone younger and prettier that will.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008):

ok ive looked this sort of thing up a couple times. things i can do to make it more enjoyable for my g/f. i dont wanna go into details but i go out of my way to make sure my hygeine is very well kept up because i put myself in her shoes and would want it clean. what i dont get is that every once in awhile she does it. never on her own tho. i have to ask. and im scared to ask cuz idk how. mainly because i kno its a lost cause and later on she'll make an excuse and say her head hurts or something. but if i say lets have sex her head never seems to hurt. and yes i love having sex but yes i love getting head too. i'm tired of feeling bad and guilty for asking to get sucked. is it really that big of a deal? and if she doesn't like it why wont she just tell me? I would never cheat on her i love her so much and i wouldnt leave her because of this. i just dont understand. i am not trying to be a jackass or selfish but i would do anything to please her and as much as she wanted. i kno im not the only one with this problem obviously but am i wrong here? guys i know u will say im not but women am i just an ass or what? help lol

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008):

My experience has been the girls who want to give head all the time and really obsess over it and do it best are the least marriage-material. I was/am obsessed with head but my wife doesn't do it. I'm hoping she will come around. My ex would still blowjay me if I asked bc she is a terrible person. Is there no middle ground?!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008):

you guys need to get a life. Giving head is not on the job application and if you are so low that you are going to dump your girlfriend because of it, you dont deserve a dick in the first place. Its our decision, not something we have to do. Posting a blog on how your girlfriend or wife doesnt go down on you anymore just shows the kind of man you are in the first place and shows me exactly why they dont go down on you anymore..learn yoga and do it yourself idiots!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008):

It is a big problem for men today. I agree with the man who suggested holding off on the intercourse. It seems to work for me as my wife will give me head to get what she wants. I tell her I am not hard enough and she proceeds to suck me for a few minutes. I give her a nice hard 5 - 10 minute session and she finishes the job by sucking me until I come in her mouth. Whether she swallows or not, that is her business. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't.....it doesn't matter. I think if you give her the soft love for a 5 minutes before the serious sex, it goes a long way. I broke up with a girlfriend because I used to give her the easy touch and she never wanted to suck me. I told her that was unacceptable so I left. She called me for 10 months and I told her to stop harrassing me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008):

My wife suck!! She used to give me head all the time too!! She is one of those women that says she enjoys it, apparently not with me!!! Just her past guys!! Because I'm obviously not getting it!! Don't get married!!! Stay engaged forever!!! Don't do it!! It's a trick!! Women are soooooo lazy!!! I don't even like her sometimes because of the lack of sexualness!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008):

I couldn't IMAGINE not giving my partner a blowjob. He enjoys it, I enjoy making him happy, and more importantly I enjoy it! Maybe it comes from his reactions when I go down on him that I enjoy so much but I dunno fellas, I just say maybe those of you who are with women who aren't doing this for you chose the wrong partner so to speak. Not to say they are bad partners but I just heard something about making sure the person you're with are compatiable with you sexually as well as mentally, yadda yadda yadda. Too many times we (women as well) give up things because we're in love and figure 'well I guess I can overlook that'.

Anyways off my soapbox.

I am a woman. I have always given blowjobs to any partner I'm with. And will always continue.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008):

I dont even care if she swallows how about my starts off with giving me a blowjob for 1 minute. Then I would feel there is hope. We have been married for 12 years and I have gotten 2 blowjobs. While we were dating almost every week. She even told me about her past relationships on how she loved to give bjs. What the fuck? When I bring it up she tells me "SEX" is not important. Boy, talk about getting the bait and switch. We have a law for everything, women like my wife should do time.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008):

Guess all woman are the same.

When i first met my girl, i used to get blowjobs all the time. She'd even initiate it.

Now, it just doesn't happen.

Once in a while, I'll ask and she'll do it.

But hey, does she need to ask me to go down on her...heck no. Heck, she gets mad if I don't kiss her without her asking.

Bah, I think we can all pretty much conclude women are selfish when it comes to sex :P Have no fear, your hand is always near.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008):

I just googled "my wife wont go down on me" and up this forum came! My wife does not give me a BJ, ever since we met. I did not ask for it, or indeed expect it, or perhaps position myself correctly.

We have had silly games, ie - if you can get all the dishes done and shopping I'll give you a blow job, but its all said in jest. Nothing happens even if I do the washing and shopping!

I am considering paying for it, but I dont want to cheat or feel guilty etc.

My wife loves me going down on her, and sex is usually started like this. I may stop doing this and see what happens.

Good luck everyone!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008):

Focus on the issue here. She used to give head, and now doesn't. Same here. I don't know why. Just stop wining and dining her. We can stop doing things that we used to do when dating too. We talked about it and it was a temporary solution. It'll fade again. If all fails, pay for it or get it from a younger, hornier girl. I just download a lot of oral sex oriented porn. If not for that I would have exploded by now, no pun intended.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008):

The divorce rate would be a lot lower if more women gave their men bjs.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008):

I have a very similar situation.

It's become a blessing to receive a BJ from my fiance. What also frustrates me is that she never wears sexy lingerie. She has it but never uses it. I'm fed up of seeing her with the same ugly uncoloured underwear as 3 years ago.

I also dont like that she doesnt like to kiss with her tongue, and I love it.

The sex is still good.

But my frustration about lingerie and kisses led me to cheat her with a 43 yrs old woman (Im 30). I got what I deserved and wanted: passionate tongue kisses, BJ, lingerie, nice safe sex, and this woman squirtted the 5 times we had sex. It was really great. And I Dont Regret At All of being a cheater. Before I met this woman I was so frustrated of the lack of BJ's that I hired a prostitute just for that. safe BJ with a condom. I also dont regret of doing that. And I will keep on cheating on my fiance whenever I can (I dont look for the situation that desperately) without any regrets.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008):

I have found myself in the irritating situation of having previous relationships where oral was a big part of my sex life, and now i have a fiance who is and has been completely against it since day 1.

I am addicted to oral (giving/receiving) but mainly due to past relationships of incredeble bj's and having a girlfriend who absolutely loved oral. She would give "random" bj's throughout the day with no needed/wanted reciprocation.

Have you ever had a relationship where your girlfriend calls you, and wants to take her lunch break to meet you and give you a bj just because she couldnt stop thinking about it at work?

Then you get another, once she got off work because it was a "horny day" and then sex later that night?

Perfect girl right? What was i thinking? Yes it was i who ended this great sex life, we just didnt click emotionally or any other way for that matter with exception to sexually.

Upon first meeting my now fiance i was told the story of a forced bj by a previous relationship that made her completely uncomfortable with performing.

Because of the situation i was ok with being patient because she said that she just needed to feel comfortable in knowing that she could trust me. Sex life was great, very constant, with just that lone exception.

3 years later as her fiance, i'm getting the "i trust you completely and love you, i just do not enjoy doing that at all" and "it's discusting and turns me off".

Of course she has gotten better somewhat (she tries) due to us talking about it and she understands my needs.

She attempts and will give for about a minute as a type of foreplay to get me going but then she will completely stop and want to move on to sex. She is the horniest girl ever when it comes to sex but will not give bj's!!!

The situation has gotten worse with me because it has turned into a craving issue where I do not get a release.

I have resulted in alot of bj specific pornography in terms of getting myself off and as a result. I am less responsive in the bedroom due to taking care of myself at an earlier time.

It's not a physical attraction issue, i want to be on her all the time, but it's knowing that i will not get pleased that causes me to turn her advances away sometimes.

I have hope that this will change for the better because everything else about our relationship is amazing.. she is the one i want to marry but getting myself off to bj pornography can only last so long.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008):

I have had much frustration dealing with this. So many women are so selfish as to expect you to fulfill their needs sexually and emotionally, but refuse to fulfill your needs. My last girlfriend expect me to cuddle with her at night, so I did. She said this confirmed my love for her and made her feel appreciated. But she couldn't understand that cuddling doesn't mean anything to a man, but a blowjob does confirm to me that she loves me. I would do anything for her if it gave her any amount of happiness, so I never understood why she wouldn't do the same for me. It was just plain selfishness and a lack of respect for me. I even made sure I only asked for it after showering and that I was well kept. The only bright point, is that there are lots of women who aren't as egotistical and will do it. You just have to find the right one. My current girlfriend is my dream come true. We make each other very happy and I have no doubt she will continue to do so for a long long time.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2008):

I have been with my significant other for 9 years. Im 38 shes 28. She knows how I am. I love blowjobs. Over everything. She spits but still she finishes the job. I get around 3 a week. Its like medicine to me. I just have to have it, and she knows this. Here are a few gripes, 99.9 percent i have to ask for it, she never voluntarily gives it. Until i started complaining about that, she did a few times, but i know she doesnt want to. Oh i forgot to mention she doenst particularly like giving them. Still i get them so I shouldnt complain. But it stills makes me yearn for the girl that loves to swallow and likes to give them, spontaneously. Thats something I want as well. I know I am probably asking too much, some of the posts in here would love to be in my position. Still, I am constantly dreaming of that right girl who would do that. Like it and swallow. She says swallowing the stuff makes her gag reflexes come up and she may hurl. To me thats just bull, I dont care if she doesnt like it. I like it. That should be motivation enough. I certainly would do anything for her, and in any way. Its not recripocated that way though. And another thing, it seems she can go without sex and have no problem. She never asks for sex, she expects me to start it up, she never initiates it. Its like i have to all the time. Which of course makes me feel crappy, not desirable.

So what i have been doing is asking for blowjobs and getting them and not initiating any sex. So far 3 weeks, just bj's when i ask. no sex. I dont mind, but it makes you wonder.. I personally cant go more than 48 hours without some sort of release. How come she can go without it? Sometimes I think im with the wrong person. I recently also started to think about swinging. Brought it up too. I dont think she would be good with that. Oh well, issues issues.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008):

For everyone saying women are lazy -- shut. up.

Giving oral to a man is MUCH different than giving it to a woman (I know, I'm very proficient at both, and do both all the time). With a man, it can be painful, cause you to gag, etc. etc. Yes yes I know this will bring on tons of "fish smell" comments but guys' junk can be rank, too. Hairy balls in your mouth, the smell of an improperly-wiped ass wafting up at you... it can all be very, very offputting.

If you're not already up on it, time to catch up on your manscaping.

I personally love giving oral but after 20 or 30 minutes, my jaw and neck start to hurt. If I think my partner expects me to go on with it until he comes, then I'm less likely to want to do it. If he's okay with taking "breaks", then great.

Now, this is not to say that your wife is right in not doing it. It sounds like your problems go much deeper than beejers, if she's not even willing to talk about it. How is your relationship other than this? If you're unable to be open and honest with each other then you absolutely need some counselling or something.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008):

OK Guy's After reading most of the stories I found myself in the same boat!!

I've been married for 20 years, i'm 42 shes 43 (6months diff)

When i met my wife at the age of 19 I thought i had found the one and only ( you guys know what I mean) yes she was and is beautiful, we made love for the first time and it was special,

She was a virgin I was not but not experienced either,

We went on to have 3 kids, Yes the same problem you guys have she will suck it for a little while but will not let me go all the way, Yes sex As long as I ask for it I'll get it but oral ,

Not a chance why, I'll tell you guys something , I have annulized this problem for 20 years, yes I've gone down on her countless times and had sex countless times but as you guys know sex is only part of it ins't it?

The way I see it, is this ,

If she BJ's you and swollows , she loves you as much as she loves herself,

If she BJ's you and spits it out , she still loves you as one but ,maybe can't bring herself to swollow, who cares anyway right as long as its done ok,

Now here's the crust of it all,

If she only does'it for a short time and stops its because she thinks that you will be happy with that and you might have some decent drive left to give her what she needs ,AN ORGASM !!!

If she won't do it at all then, she is not that in love with you or she truly is not prepaird to do that because she has been brain washed by her mother !!!

YES THATS RIGHT !!! THE MOTHER INLAW HASA LOT TO DO WITH THAT!!!

What i did is I stopped having sex with her for a six weeks spell, yes I masturbated who wouldn't but I didn't give her any pleasure and I know she would not have done anything for her self because she's not like that !!

Now we have sex more offen , she still won't do it and because she won't I DON'T

REMEMBER THIS , WHATS GOOD FOR THE GOOSE IS GOOD FOR THE GANDER!!

If During sex she asked for it say "do me and I'll do you!

Then pretend to try and go down but stop at her belly button and come back up !!

She'll get the message!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008):

Some of the other comments have been helpful. My girl used to give a bj every time I asked although she would never offer it. She claimed she liked to do it. After she said no the first time about 3 or 4 months into the relationship it went to once every two weeks and now once every month or two. I can't bring it up or talk about it. She shuts down. I know that we have talk about it countles times and she is just tired of the issue. Her complaints are taste when swallowing and my size, I'm thicker and about average length. I'm shaved, I always offer to shower before hand, I'm willing to not climax in her mouth, I eat pineapple, nothing helps. She's just done with it. I'm very frustrated with the situation. It very important to me, emotionally and psychologically it really means a lot to me. I have told her this. I go down on her. I'm going to do that more, not bring up blowjobs anymore and just try to be generally wonderful. I'm going to think good thoughs but I think I may have a selfish one on my hands. She's not too keen on cooking or housework either. And by not too keen I mean I do all of it or it doesn't get done and nicely asking her for help is like pulling teeth. We'll see...worst comes to worst I'm still young and unmarried, with no children, I can move on if I chose to.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008):

I'm noticing a lot of guys saying women are selfish, your just not with or having sex with the right women. I love giving my boyfriend blow jobs, there is nothing i love more than seeing him lose control with he's cock in my mouth. I love doing every position with my boyfriend, everything from me on top , doggy, anal you name it. I love experimenting it keeps the relationship alive. I want it with my boyfriend anytime, everyday.If i'm not doing it i'm thinking about doing it with him. He will even wake me 4 in the morning for sex.I'm happy to give in to him. I'm happy with my body, i love him looking at it. Especially when he watches him self going in out of my pussy. I'm the sweetest person you will ever meet. I don't like fighting with my boyfriend, i cook, i clean, i work hard and really busy ( i own my own restaurant) Everyone of he's friends tell him i'm the best girlfriend he's ever had. I'm not a slut if you guys are thinking that just because i love sex. i've been with 2 people my whole life. I'm 23 and my boyfriends 37, we have a large age gap, but we love each other and have a lot of fun together. we work hard on our sex life and it really brings you close together. I love him and make sure he is satisfied sexually before me. Sex is a big part of a relationship and your girlfriends and wives need to know that. Let them know that you love them but you need to be satisfied,and that you love satisfying them. If they don't then you may look somewhere else for your satisfaction. your not being a dick your human. If she does'nt get it leave.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008):

I'm noticing a lot of guys saying women are selfish, your just not with or having sex with the right women. I love giving my boyfriend blow jobs, there is nothing i love more than seeing him lose control with he's cock in my mouth. I love doing every position with my boyfriend, everything from me on top , doggy, anal you name it. I love experimenting it keeps the relationship alive. I want it with my boyfriend anytime, everyday.If i'm not doing it i'm thinking about doing it with him. He will even wake me 4 in the morning for sex.I'm happy to give in to him. I'm happy with my body, i love him looking at it. Especially when he watches him self going in out of my pussy. I'm the sweetest person you will ever meet. I don't like fighting with my boyfriend, i cook, i clean, i work hard and really busy ( i own my own restaurant) Everyone of he's friends tell him i'm the best girlfriend he's ever had. I'm not a slut if you guys are thinking that just because i love sex. i've been with 2 people my whole life. I'm 23 and my boyfriends 37, we have a large age gap, but we love each other and have a lot of fun together. we work hard on our sex life and it really brings you close together. I love him and make sure he is satisfied sexually before me. Sex is a big part of a relationship and your girlfriends and wives need to know that. Let them know that you love them but you need to be satisfied,and that you love satisfying them. If they don't then you may look somewhere else for your satisfaction. your not being a dick your human. If she does'nt get it leave.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008):

My take on this is that everyone is different and sex can fade as relationships mellow into longterm routine.

Your options are:

1. Try to alk to her again and if she refuses then accept that you're unlikely to change her mind on this and live with it.

2. Have an affair / look elsewhere behind her back

3. Have an affair / look elsewhere and tell her about it, giving her the option to accept it or not.

4. Leave.

Good luck x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008):

Male, 31yrs, Toronto ON

I have been with the same girl for 8 years off and on and she will not give me a BJ. She simply refuses to?? She is at least honest and has said straight up that she will not but that just seems to piss me off more, that I know that when we get married that the only way I will get a BJ is to cheat on her?? Doesn't seem to make sense? The strange thing, and some of the other guys have said this, girls I've dated other then her have been more wild but not girls at all I'd want to marry, and well her she's pretty darn boring but at least civilized and someone I'd want to marry.. So I guess you only get BJ's from the slutty girls or annoying girls?? I have no idea becasue I haven't found a nice civilized girl that likes sex and likes giving bjs? HELP!!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008):

my wife gives me oral but will not swallow, and occasionally stores majority in her mouth with some dripping. She does not like the reciprocal. how can i get her to complete? Should i just accept what i have?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008):

To men sex and blow jobs are about recereation, gratification and pleasure. To woman it is about domination and control. The very fact that you try to initiate a dialog means she wins, and the chances of a blowjob is less liely, rather than more. Stop listening to all that 'male sensitivity' crap.

Tell her flat out that relationships are about meeting each others needs (within reason, no one need commit a felony), and that yours aren't being met. Don't be mean, but don't be apologetic, either. Let her know her know that you are willing to meet her needs and you expect a compromise in meeting yours. If she cannot do that for you, then you will have those needs met by someone else AND MEAN IT.

Is she refuses, then follow through. End the relationship and look for a new one.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008):

I know how you feel. I love to go down on her, but she refuses to give me a BJ. I have just given up. I now exercise like hell. I run marathons, do multiple push ups, pull ups etc. to handle the frustration. I can't leave her, so at least I'm in great shape. The only problem is that now that I'm in such good shape, other chicks notice me. Oh well, time to knock off 50 sit ups.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008):

This reminds me of a woman I knew who changed suddenly after embracing radical feminist ideology. It was "demeaning" for men to be given pleasure, and all of us were selfish pigs for wanting it. It was a pretty hypocritical double-standard; but that's what she was taught.

One other case comes to mind; the wife who did not want to finish orally because it decrased her chances of pregnancy! If she has a desire for procreation, a 'complete' blowjob may seem like 'cheating her chances'.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008):

I feel your pain.

Previous girlfriends have always sucked and I loved it.

I have now been with my fiancée over three years and have gone down on her countless times.

She tried going down on me once, and once only. That was with a condom on and she gagged and stopped straight away, that was well over two years ago.

Now any time I ask or mention it, it starts her off saying how she just doesn't want to. When I say you only tried it once, with a condom on she just begins to flip even more.

She's absolutely wonderful, apart from this department.

Any words of help guys, its driving me crazy.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008):

In my experience, most women are either lazy or selfish in bed, or both. I've never met a woman who ever objected to me giving her marathon oral stimulation, but when I dare to ask for some reciprocation, they aren't about to "go down there." The only woman who was ever great in bed was unbearable to be with otherwise.

And it's not about how I treat them outside of bed. I'm giving in every way. I think some people are "givers," others are "takers," and unfortunately the takers seek out us givers.

I'm sure it can go both ways genderwise, but this is just my experience as a man.

So people, if your partner does it for you, the you should "suck it up" and return the favor. If you don't, then don't be surprised when you get dumped or cheated on.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008):

I always swore I'd never marry a girl who didn't like giving head. Now I'm about to marry just such a girl. What's confusing is that she gives one of the best blow jobs I've ever had, only she doesn't do it often and uses it as a means of control. I've talked with her but she goes into fight mode. The only thing that works is what another person said here, which is doing the 69. That way she gets pleased at the same time she pleases me. I don't get it, because I'm happy to please her without immediate reciprication; but I guess some people aren't wired that way. Would appreciate more advice on how to discuss this with her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008):

I've been married almost 25 years and my wife has NOT taken care of my sexual needs. I go down on her when she let's me and would do anything she asked to make her feel good. She'll go down on me but always stops when I get close -- it is so frustrating. She doesn't like the doggy position either -- she's a true missionary (ever so often) -- I may have had sex an average of 10 times per year over the last 8 years. I've attempted to be patient, went to counseling with her one time, encouraged her to go to more counseling (she hasn't), threatened a few times to give up altogether... she always says she'll do better, but then she never initiates sex of any kind and then when I bring it up I'm accussed of pressuring her -- she even says she was just about ready to initiate lovemaking but I did something to cause her not to. She is a wonderful "companion" and I love doing other things with her, but I wish I could have had a better sex life.

I guess I'm giving up on ever having a really good sex life but breaking up would cause other family problems and I don't want to give up the good part of what we share -- I'm stuck with a good "companion".

My suggestion is that if you are young enough, "tell" her how important a complete sex life is to you and ask her if there is a chance she could enjoy giving you the pleasure you so deparately are seeking! Ask her to seek professional counseling and give it six months without bringing up your desire for a bj. If it doesn't improve, a trial separation may be the answer. Think of all the other ramifications (family). If you are unhappy enough you'll move on -- make sure any future partners will take care of your needs (not just sexual) -- probaly better than going crazy!

Best of luck!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008):

Hey man. I feel your pain. I'm not going to beat around the bush here. Chances are she will never change. She is your typical selfish woman. She probably has no problem with you doing things for her that create intimacy (aka lots of foreplay) but when it comes to your own need for intimacy (aka oral sex) she doesn't have the time nor the desire. This is pure selfishness. She disregards your need for intimacy in your marriage simply because it is inconvenient or because she doesn't like it?!? That excuse would never fly for us men. If we stopped helping out with the dishes simply because it was inconvenient or we didn't like it, she's be up in arms.

I'm afraid you are going to have to chose between having an unfulfilled sex life or leaving your wife. It would be unfortunate if it came down to leaving her, but it is something that is in her control. If your need for oral is that big a deal (which it is for most men- women still don't get this) then it may come down to it. If so, make sure that your next wife understands that this is a deal breaker. No oral = no marriage.

Since we've already established that your wife is selfish, expect her to blame it all on you and call you a pig. That is exactly what a selfish person would do. A good woman on the other hand would recognize that she has failed to be a good wife and will start servicing you right away.

Good luck my friend.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007):

All of these women who are saying that it's your fault are probably just like your wife. Their response is an attempt to justify their own similar behavior. How pathetic.

I'd give her three warnings then leave. Follow these steps:

1st warning: Tell her you need it, and make sure she understands that you need it in order to experience intimacy. If you don't get one that night, proceed to warning 2.

2nd warning: let her know that if she doesn't start you'll get it somewhere else. If she doesn't give you one by the next day, go to a bar 30 minutes before closing and choose the best looking girl who is still there (you want to wait until closing because, most likely some other schmuck has already bought her drinks and liquored her up, saving you money,and also if she's still there she's desparate, increasing your odds)take her to a hotel room, make all the promises you need and get your blowjob. This will increase your confidence for what you will have to do next.

3rd warning: The next morning, tell your wife about what you did. Tell her if she doesn't give you one tonight, you're leaving.

If you still haven't received what you need from her. Leave. Don't look back. Screw the house, the big screen tv and the homemade meals. You're a free man now who is getting sucked off every night by a different girl (who you meet at the bar 30 min before closing). This, my man, is worth being pennliless and living off SpaghettiOs.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007):

Oral Sex is different from regular sex in that it isn't just two people joining together, it's one person "serving" another. It involves such humility to perform and (for some) that can be too much.

I recognize that craving a blowjob is much more than "it feels really good". I know firsthand that the real pleasure comes from knowing that she willingly takes you in her mouth and welcomes that presence. That's what's so special about the oral climax too, isn't it?

With that understanding... EXPECTING or feeling ENTITLED TO oral sex means that you believe that she should love you enough to put her own feelings on the subject aside and completely love and adore you. Hopefully, she could even enjoy doing it because she knows what it means to you that she would be willing to accept you into her in such a way. That appreciatation for each others needs is a beautiful thing.

That's just it though, if you expect her to put her difficulties aside and do this for you, because she loves you that much, well then... shouldn't you be doing the same thing? You may think that you are by performing oral sex on her, but that's not where her real issue lies. Showing the same sacrificial love and appreciation for her concerns on the SPECIFIC subject of caring about your cravings for her to perform oral sex on you.... that's where you can show her how much you love her. Often times women don't appreciate (mentally) what it means to recieve oral sex. I'm sure that some of them do, but I think that because of the "penis" symbol, men are more susceptable to this fantasy.

Oral stimulation between a husaband and a wife can be a beautiful sexual act. The joy, though, for the giver and the receiver is quite different. Let her know what it means to you, from a man's perspective. She very well might appreciate the whole topic a bit more.

In short... don't expect blow jobs... expect to give and receive love. Show it to her by seeking to understand her feelings and seeking (honestly) to simply have her UNDERSTAND yours. After all... when it comes down to it. Who do you love more... your wife or yourself?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007):

i say you get it somewhere else. i'm in the same situation and i'm ready to just go and get it from someone else. my ex would suck me everytime and swallow, i'm starting to miss her more and more.

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A male reader, AShloc Canada +, writes (5 September 2007):

I feel your pain my friend, My wife wwill not give even go near it . I have imporved my sex life in otherways but still that is lacking . I basically had to drive the point home inspite of the fact she didnt want to hear it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007):

Ok, so let me tell you that if you would like to get your wife back into the kinky sex, the answer is pretty simple.

I finally realized that my wife was getting pretty bored with our sex life. So I smartened up and realized it was me. So I started going down on her like every time we had sex and did plenty of 69 instead of just expecting head. I learned to get good at it too and can make her climax every time. I noticed I started getting blowjobs more often.

Then I tried something pretty wild. I've always been into videos of group sex and stuff, so I left one on her laptop somewhere she would only find it one day. It was a video that had a chick doing two guys. That got her FIRED UP bigtime. Before I knew it, we were buying dildos and having some fantasy simulation. That drove her freakin' wild to know that the thought of her with other guys turned her on. Turns out, the thought of me with other girls turns her on a little too. I'm flying through this story now because she is waiting for me to get home for sex as I type.

Let's just say that this new communication, experimentation and candor has opened up "Pandoras box" so to speak. Neither of us are really about to start having sex with other people (there is an AIDS crisis after all), but I learned that you've got to keep it interesting, exciting, you've got to listen and communicate. Eventually, you will start to dig that too.. cause trust me... it worked for me and she blows and swallows every time I get head now - She even learned to Deep throat which was a real surprise. ;-)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007):

5 years, licked her hundreds of times, recieved nothing in return. It's unlikely to improve and I think I'm going to find myself a more adventurous, less selfish mate. Fed Up.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007):

I am going through the same kind of resentment towards my fiance right now. Not exactly the same scenario as yours, let me explain..

I think it is absolutely necessary to hold previous sexual encounters over your wife's head if her previous encounters involve her being MORE sexual with an ex-boyfriend that didnt mean anything to her. You are her husband and she should be open sexually with you. If she can swallow for some random guy she dated, she can definately do it for you, or at least spit! The fact you would do anything to pleasure her but she does not feel the same way is very selfish. Especially if you are in a faithful relationship and you come to her for your needs but she does not honor them.

I think I might be marrying a prude, and this scares the crap out of me. The hardest thing now is finding a way to stop the relationship before the marriage. We have a lot invested together(home, savings, etc) but my resentment about things she told me about her past is destroying me.

My fiance made the mistake of telling me a few things about her past, and at one time it didn't bother me. But now those conversations come back to haunt me since our sex life is a total wreck. Let me get one thing straight, I'm not upset that she has past sexual relationships. This would be ridiculous because I have past relationships too. What I resentment is her telling me about how sexual she was with someone, and now I have to fight with her to just have casual sex. This is unacceptable. I have always been open sexually with her, and would do almost anything to please her needs. And when she doesn't offer me this but has the nerve to tell me how she did whatever some random guy wanted to do all the time.

It never makes sense to me why someone would be so sexual with some jerk who didn't do anything for her, but she loves me so much she wants to spend her life with me and put me thru psychological torture over sex. Advice to all men out there who haven't got married yet, if your woman starts to change and your sex life gets worse do not marry her, I repeat DO NOT MARRY HER! Don't be fooled into thinking things will get better because they probably won't.

Don't let people make you think your resentment is wrong. Especially people who have very satisfying sexual relationships, they do not know what you are going through. My advice is to divorce her, things will only get worse. I am only 28 years old and living with a girl that makes me resort to masterbating to satisfy myself. This is awful.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2007):

I am a female and i was the same when i first met my partner. I cant stand to do it now and it frustrates him, but i dont find it pleasurable at all, i guess it just depends on your girl and wether she enjoys doing it or not. Put yourself in her shoes, would you enjoy doing what you males wont us to do - i mean would you do it to a guy? I wouldnt push the subject just understand that it is not something she wants to do anymore.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007):

I spent five years with a guy who wouldn't go down on me. Five years to long. Not only would he not perform cunniligus but he would barely touch my pussy.

But although I sucked dick like a pro he would not recipicate.

He loved to fuck but he said he just wasn't into it (licking).

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007):

I get regular bjs from my wife. she loves coming down on me, she gave me road head! Sit your wife down, and talk to her.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2007):

I dont suck...because when I was 6 years old, i was made to suck a dirty old mans cock. So, even though i love my boyfriend, and will do anything for him, i physically cannot do that. I AM NOT SELFISH and it's not about me being a lazy lover. I just cannot do it. My boyfriend understands that, and if afterwards he does resent me for it, than that would make him the biggest dick ever, therefore undeserving of my love and body.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007):

Its possible that she just does not want to do it, she may not be angry at you or anything else, it might just be something that sexually freaks her out.

but

from personal experience i did not find it appealing AT ALL. At first, later i started to like it, but it had absolutely nothing to do with begging or pressure. If you would like her to do it she has to be aroused by that sort of thing, just forget about it, watch porn, dont make it an issue ever and decide that never getting it is fine with you. probably then she can decide if she wants to do it or not. because if she does it as a chore, its worthless. and though guys might not like to hear it. she could very well do it in an instant with someone else probably because he didnt expect it or make it an issue.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2007):

personally i think that you should just leave this subject alone with your wife she obviously doesnt feel up too it. just try new things with her maybe give her some pleasure so she is getting somethink out of it aswell. a relationship is not all about how much sex you can get into it its about love and understanding.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2006):

I don't feel sorry for you. You should have fixed this problem by now. There are plenty of sites on the web that will help you hook up with clean and respectible women [some even married] who will suck your wiener.

But you must be careful what you wish for. For over fifteen years my wife was a prude. She wouldn't put her mouth on me for more than a few minutes. It was SO frustrating. One day I told her girlfriend about this problem. What I was doing was trying to get her grilfriend to pity me and suck me. But she didn't. In fact she almost avoided me completly after that.

A few months later, when I came back from visiting my parents, my wife and I had sex in the afternoon. She was totally different. She went right down on me and didn't say anything. She was like off in her own little world. I was actually afraid to ejeculate in her mouth, but I did. She spit some out onto the sheet, and then we kissed and went about our business.

A few days after that I heard her talking to her girlfriend on her cell. My wife said she 'wanted to do it again'. That night I asked her about this and she got pissed. Then about a week later, I guess from guilt) she told me about her phone call.

Back when I was at my parents place, my wife was bored and went over to her girlfriends house. My wife, her girlfriend and her husband were drinking and talking, and her gilrfriend told her what I said to her a few months ago. Maybe to spite me or give payback, my wife lied and said she was a not a prude and was really a great c***sucker. Her girlfriend asked her to prove it, so my wife took the husband in her mouth and pleasured him until he came in her mouth.

I sort of didn't believe her, but I kown now that it is true. All three of them were afraid to tell me cuz they thought I'd go ballistic. I don't know what they did in one evening that I couldn't do in fifteen years, but it worked. My wife doesn't complain about giving me head anymore, but she stills wants to suck the neighbor. She said she likes to please him and her girlfirend likes to see it.

I don't know where we're headed with this, but just be careful what you wish for and how you fix things.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2006):

The problem you are facing will continue to get worse. The big issue here is that it is what you are wanting more than anything, and feel less than loved by the fact she isn't willing to sacrifice for your pleasure. Marriage and relationships are about sacrifice, but both need to make them. If it matters that much to you and she isn't willing to do something she doesn't enjoy you will continue to grow in resentment. You both do lots of things that you don't enjoy in order to provide for and uplift one another. Talk about it if she will and if she won't it will be a wedge in your relationship that will continue to grow until it splits you apart. Just make sure you are making sacrifices to satisfy her needs, sexual or not.

I see either partner who isn't willing to meet the needs of their partner as selfish and cruel. They don't have a need to not perform, it is more of a power struggle.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2006):

Does getting your nut sucked up really matter? Since when is a relationship based solely on how often or well your spouce blows you? =|

I think you need to refocus your anger dude. Getting upset and unstable just because she ain't letting you nut in her mouth. That's just plain wrong. Something fucked up in your head when a blowjob is more important to you, then your wife's obvious anger over something you've done/haven't done.

Here's what you do. You sit her down at the kitchen table, with no one else around of course, and say to her this.

"Why won't you let me "climax" in your mouth?"

Here is the fun part that should hopefully force a conversation about it. DON'T LET HER INTERUPT. Keep talking right over any interuptions she may try and make, until you've said your peice.

Once more from teh top, shall we?

"Why won't you let me "climax" in your mouth? And please don't try and blow it off again like you always do. I just want to know "WHY". That's it that's all. Just tell me why."

Then, IF she lets you in on why, or gives you an opening from there, take it and use it to keep the dialouge open. To hopefully find the base reason for her stopping, and maybe finding a solution to it.

Now to really piss you off.

What will you do if her reason is, She just doesn't want to do it anymore. What will you do?

=)

Have fun.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006):

I think that somewhere along the line, she has made this decision because of how unhappy she is over something.

I know I stopped even considering giving head or a blow job to my husband as I lost faith and trust in him after him walking out time and again when life became finacially tough-I was left picking up the pieces time and again and I resented him for this.

After he came back, I just couldn't make myself give him oral as it replused me.

I know I should have sought marriage counselling for us both at that time.

I suggest you get some marriage counselling set up. Even if the wife doesn't attend, just go and discuss your concerns...having a listening audience who wants to help you does wonders to the mind and spirit.

I also think that you have put so much on not getting oral that it has been built up and nursed into some festering resentment towards your wife.

Counselling.

Focus on all other wonderful aspects of your sexual intamacies with your wife ...is she good at hand jobs? In the shower with lots of suds? Her body?

Oral isn't the be all...there are lots of other things to take delight in.

And not too many wives are that big into oral...most don't venture past different positions...only now is there more "awareness" of how to please the one you love.

Take care.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006):

I've been married for 36 years and she has never given me a blowjob despite my asking (even pleading) throughout the marriage. I'm reconciled to the fact that I'll never get it now, but I can't help feeling that I made a mistake letting it go. My advice would be to get it where you can while you can. Otherwise you'll end up a disappointed and bitter old man like me, and I wouldn't wish that on you.

Good Luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006):

Any woman who refuses to go down on a man who "licks her and licks her," shows the selfishness on her part. Sadly, many women are this way. As the say: intelligent women make better lovers. They understand what a man's needs are willing to work at bettering themselves as lovers. You'd be surprised how many dumb women there are out there who just like to lay back and let the man do all the work, giving nothing back in return.

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (10 July 2006):

willywombat agony auntNo blow jobs!!

The end of civillisation as we know it...

heh heh heh

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006):

It's a marriage thing, go and pay for it. If your wife won't provide all your needs now it's not going to get any better. Take it from me 2 BJ's in 12 years, sooner or later you will crack. May as well be sooner !!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2006):

I love your last paragraph Mr. Anon - especially "Because I'll a lick a woman... I'll lick a woman to orgasm.... I'll lick a woman THROUGH orgasm... and I'll lick a woman THROUGH her next orgasm... non-stop."

If only...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2006):

Anyone who refuses to give oral, guy or girl, is simply creating a problem. As a male, I've lived through some of the EXACT smae things. Is there a "How to not give your man a blowjob" school? lol

I was told I was selfish, too, and that all I ever thought about was blowjobs. Well, I DID only think about blowjobs, because blowjobs were what I was not getting. I didn't have to think about intercourse... that was getting done.

Anyway, to make a long story short, within 10 years she went from NONE at all to swallowing, but the frequecny was less than once a month (maybe once every 2-3 months).

Due to issues other than sex (though sex probably was in there), we are no longer together. In our break up, she saw someone else and guess what.... she did not put him through the psychological torture at all. She gave him head and did it every time she saw him... and swallowed each time.

So, when she asks now why we can't get back together, I make sure she knows what kind of a personal and psychological insult that was.

Now, any woman who does not give head for any reason isn't worthy of me. Why? Because I'll a lick a woman... I'll lick a woman to orgasm.... I'll lick a woman THROUGH orgasm... and I'll lick a woman THROUGH her next orgasm... non-stop. And if I'm willing to do that, I can't have a woman who's only oral-experience is using her mouth to say no.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2006):

I know how you feel, I have been there. The only thing I can say is that if she loves you, she would be trying to please you in bed. She obviously had no problem before. You should seriously rethink your relationship with your wife (if this is a serious issue to you, I know it is to me) and tell her that this is jepordizing your marriage. There are MANY women who want to please a man, as much as you want to please your wife. Don't allow yourself to be trapped by someone that selfish and uncaring.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006):

Each human, to some degree, has an oral fixation. Most Americans satisfy that fixation with food. Sure, you can say he or she is just (typically) "self medicating," but when you examine his or her actions closely, you will find that the mouth can be used as a "destructive" device, or it can be used as a "loving" device.

We can hurt others with words; we can overeat until we are both unhealthy and grotesque; we can smoke until we just can't breathe; and so on. Without our mouths, we'd likely be reasonably peaceful creatures.

Regarding oral sex, you really should think back. The first thing a baby girl does is what? Suck. She sucks on a woman's breast, no less. It is not unnatural; and regarding "taste," breast milk isn't all that great either. But haven't we all sucked right from day one? (Again, "suck" used here not to be vulgar.) The reader below used the word "disgusting." In a healthy relationship, sex NEVER even gets remotely close to being "disgusting." In a healthy sexual relationship, our very own bodies and consciences tell us what to enjoy and what to avoid. (We ordinarily learn to avoid the destructive acts simply through common sense.)

I see no evidence that the man asking the "BJ" question would even think of "forcing" his woman; and I see no evidence from any of the response that anyone responding was likeminded.

Why the defensive response below? Why the "masculinity" remark? A man knows what he likes. And a woman knows what she likes. No man or woman in a healthy relationship relies on "one" to "please the other." They are already pleased with each other BEFORE they get naked. They don't gauge their contentness or happiness on the sexual act.

I have enjoyed pleasing my wife with my mouth. She absolutely loves it. It's really no different than the so-called "blowjob" (a term I don't recommend). Search the net, and you will likely NOT find too many women who complain about being sucked off. But there are so many women who complain about mouthing a penis to climax. Why is that? Maybe they are orally satisfied with one of the abovementioned goodies (food, et. al). Who knows?

Summary: If your mate/spouse doesn't like to suck penis or clitoris, and you are respectful, clean, and healthy--and just love it!--then you must get counseling. If you don't, your relationship will fail. If it hasn't already.

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A female reader, Angel ron +, writes (17 May 2006):

Angel ron agony auntWell hmmmm well technically you can't force her to do something that she doesnot agree with that wouldn't be fair on her try and respect her views and feelings and try treating her with a bit of respect.May be its somethin g that she doesn't like to do.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006):

Please!!

If she doesn't like it or want to do it it is not a reflection on your *masculinity*. SHE DOESN't LIKE IT!!

Stop being so obsessed about it and stop trying to make her feel guilty. As fro the advice below, that is just disgusting!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006):

I have found that the women I've dated who genuinely DON'T like oral sex are the ones who have compromised themselves, usually when they were young. You must never pressure a woman to perform. Modern women are only now becoming reminded that they are goddesses. As goddesses, they will joyfully take a man's offering if he is worthy (love, respect, tenderness). If you have a mate who will categorically NOT perform fellatio, then drop it. No good will come of driving the subject. If you have a mate who is genuinely trying to understand you (the man),then you can do two critical things: 1) build a lasting trust; and 2) show her that you would NEVER ask her to do something YOU wouldn't do. This may sound repulsive to many men, and I'm not saying this to be vulgar, but you may (if you have the strength) try this: When she is ready, have her perform. Love her as she mouths you. Tell her that you will come in her mouth, and tell her that after you come to hold the come in her mouth. Then, bring your face to hers, kiss her, and take the come from her. And swallow it! All of it! Again, I say this not to be vulgar or sound gay (I'm not). I have used this on several women who were unsure of the process of being worshipped. Each of them, over a short period of time, became quite comfortable with this type of sharing, and went on to enjoy taking my offerings, all on their own, with no need for "swapping the offering." Hey, you have to try something. Otherwise, stop complaining.

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A male reader, twiltan +, writes (16 May 2006):

Im afraid its part of marriage. My wife was exactly the same.

As a GF she gave plenty of BJ, once married they dried up and stopped. I think its one of the tools they use to ensure the guy is hooked.

Of course she still expects to recieve oral.

I feel for you, as ive been there

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2006):

Your resentment will grow. Never stops, trust me...

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A female reader, md +, writes (15 July 2005):

Giving a man a blowjob can cause different kinds of problems with a woman. For one thing, she could experience as being in a "less-worthy" position...but what I've seen most often is just the simple fact that women don't like it. When it comes down to my own experiences I've noticed that my biggest fear was the taste and the fact that not every man has the same thoughts about hygiene.

My current boyfriends shaves his pubic hair and he's circumcised. Although lots of men would't even think about it, it does assure me of the fact that everything is clean. And to my surprise, the taste is much better.

If the taste is a real problem, you could also consider NOT eating and drinking some things. info about that is probably easy to find on the net.

But...if she doesn't WANT to...there's no other solution but to find a alternative..

There are lots of exciting things to do with the male organ, but is a question of experimenting.

And who knows...when both of you are really excited..she might just feel like it's the right time to give it a shot..:)

but first things first, how to talk about it...

If it makes her feel more comfartable, talk about it in bed, with the lights off...make sure that you don't pressure her, but tell her that you're willing to do your part as wel...maybe shaving..or looking up some info about other alternatives..

But when it comes down to sex and especially oral sex, trust is the first step...

And the last thing your wife needs is the feeling of guilt...

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A female reader, Alison111 +, writes (8 July 2005):

All tells me if she has swallowed and has given the all something in her needs to please. Perhaps she feels she no longer wants to perform. She may want caressed and satisfied herself - rather than doing all the time. Pleasure is giving and receiving - or bonus at the same time. Give and see the difference.

Happy Love Making

Alison

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A reader, becky05 +, writes (1 July 2005):

If she's really repulsed I certainly don't think you should force her to do anything she doesnt want to do. To broach the subject just tell her how much you would like it and why and if she still isn't for it youll just have to try and accept its never going to happen.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2005):

Unless it's painful, you should BOTH be meeting each other's needs, including BJ's even if she's repulsed. Start slow, but after awhile it will become easier or non-repulsive. You don't "need to repect that", you DO need to discuss what your exact needs are so that she can meet them, and vis versa, otherwise it's human nature to get those needs meet somewhere else.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2005):

Well some women just don't like it!!!!

Or she probably just stopped liking it. Don't try to make her do it or that could end up somewhere you probably dont' want to go. I don't like it and my husband knows it and he doesn't make me, he just has to deal with it. No one can make someone like something or do it just because you want it. She might just not want to do it anymore and you need to respect that.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2005):

ok i reckon you have got obssed with having a bj. thats very off putting for a woman. why is she talking about her prevouis lovers and taking them off ? if you are nice to a woman and you love each other then you will get a response but if you pushy on a subject that is very personal well you will get the reverse so play it cool tell her how nice it makes you feel

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