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anonymous
writes: I am in a perfect relationship in every way except for one thing. I adore oral sex - nothing else quite does it for me - but I haven't had a complete blowjob for 3 years.When I first met my wife, she did it every time - she even swallowed. But after a couple of months she decided that she wasn't even going to spit ever again. When she was still doing it, she said I tasted better than her previous boyfriends (relatively!) so I don't think it's just my taste. She has just decided that she is not prepared to do it anymore. Initially I was happy to be the one to make the sacrifice and spare her any discomfort but as time has passed I have become more and more frustrated at always missing that wonderful climax just when I am on the brink of it. I know it sounds silly but for the last year I have been a mental wreck because of this. I would say more than 50% of my waking moments (and a lot of lying awake at night) has been dwelling on the following:- All-consuming jealousy because my wife swallowed for her other boyfriends every time but is never even prepared to spit for me.- Resentment because I know I would do it for her without a second thought (and yes, I have tasted it!).- Feeling she can't love me if she is prepared to rob me of this pleasure- Not understanding why she isn't prepared to discuss it or isn't interested in finding a solutionThe last point is the worst; I believe the solution to any relationship problem should be to sit down and discuss it. But every time I try and broach the subject, my wife just tells me I am being selfish to do so and won't listen. Am I? The frustrating thing is that I have been racking my brains for the last year and I truly believe that I have come up with several solutions that would not be unpleasant for her but would still give me some of the pleasure I crave. But I never get a chance to discuss or try my ideas. If nothing else, does anybody have any suggestions on the best way to broach the subject without putting her on the defensive or upsetting her?Many thanks
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male
reader, hemi75  +, writes (25 June 2009):
I totally understand, My wife and I have been together for 9 years, married for 7 and I have yet seen a single hummer. But she has given head many times to her ex boyfriend slash infidelt( he was still married to someone else while fucking my wife),slash rapist (Yes you, Michael Maziarka). I keep bringing up the subject politely, but she quickly changes the subject or ignores me, I tried buying flavored condoms, flavored gels, whip cream, and other items to make the experience more pleasuable and still nothing. She even, with some friends witnessing, made a deal if I bought her a van she would suck me off, 3 years later still nothing, I priced simulaters at $79.95 plus tax. good luck with that. What makes matters worse I never received oral and was a 25 yr old virgin when I met her.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): Pathetic excuses. Men's semen taste bad... and vaginas taste like sweet honey right? All those disgusting juices that flow into your mouths while we eat you out? Stop using the taste as an excuse, ladies. We tough it out too. We hate your smell and the juices inside of you, but we do it anyway. Unless you hear your men spit every so often during oral sex, then we obviously are swallowing whatever garbage is coming out of your vaginas. Fair is fair. You're just as whiny if not bitchier than the men you complain about.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): I'm happily married. I don't give blow jobs frequently because it makes me want to vomit. But I will go down on him til he stops me and we change to something else. It's too hard for me. I try so hard but I'm afraid I'll throw up all over him. I've swallowed a few times and almost got sick all over him as it was happening. I actually felt like my chest muscles were ripping as I forced the throw up and semen back down to my stomach. I fought back tears each time because I didn't want him to know what I went through because I know he would have felt bad. I wish men would understand how different their orgasm is than ours. It comes in one huge burst and it tastes hideous and the texture is so disgusting. Why don't you try setting up an erotic hand job or maybe trying anal sex so you can feel kinky and she won't puke all over you and cry.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): Well... you wanna talk about getting robbed in marriage? Men stop wooing women. When women are in love and lust with a man who is saying romantic things to them, getting them little cards, maybe flowers, opening doors... she is willing to sacrifice that pleasure for him. She is inspired to taste his weiner! LOL But when he stops romancing her, and starts bitching about money and how he hates his job, he wears her down and she begins to wilt, and she loses the passion she once had for her man, and sex is usually one of the first things she turns off. Many times this is involuntary. I am divorced from a husband who was irresponsible, mean, whined, bitched, and begged for blow jobs. I refused to suck his thingy because his selfishness and abuse caused me to hate his guts. I can not suck a weiner I hate!Oral sex is different for women than vaginal sex because it is more personal. Men can orgasm without oral sex. A lot of women can not. Unfortunately a lot of women use that as justification in their anti weiner smoking defense. My advice is to stop bitching about blow jobs, WOO the living shit out of her for a few weeks. I mean write her love letters, get her cards, buy her flowers, take her out to eat.. and STOP BEING SUCH A NEGATIVE WHINY PERSON.. and after you can tell she's impressed with your efforts towards her.. THEN talk about sex... GENTLY..... keep your voice soft... respectable... and tell her..... "I need you to know that I am not asking for oral sex from you because I am a pig... I am asking because I am a man.. and this man is in love with you... and when you did that for me before... it was amazing.. and I want to feel amazing with you... and if you need to go slow.... or do a little bit at a time until you get the hang of it again.... I have no problem being gracious towards you" If she has a heart she will at least try. If she is unable to do it and swallow or even let you cum and she spits.... then just realize there are worse things a woman can do to you besides not being able to give you a blowjob.Also consider offering her a sexual act of her choice if she gives you a blow job. my husband and I play games like that and we both leave the bed satisfied and feeling closer. I'm not wild about blow jobs either. I hate it when he cums. Well let me rephrase that. It actually turns me on at how turned on he is and the act of the blow job is actually pleasureable for me, I just hate the taste of semen. I literally gag and force my vomit back down my throat while I swallow. But I tough it out because he treats me like a princess and he gives me oral sex all the time. So we make an exchange. He also never makes me feel like a whore in bed, so I feel safe with him and I'm not scared to try something I feel uncomfortable doing.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): How I got my girlfriend to enjoy oral sex:
I made new female friends and "used" them to make her jealous and threatened. I got them to talk about oral around my GF a lot.
I talked with my GF. I didn't get angry or upset. I just talked and let her know how it feels to be neglected without ever changing my tone.
Whenever she was willing, I changed my diet (use google to find out how to improve the taste of your sperm). I would prepare my body 2 days before the night she agreed to try it again. The taste did not turn her off. I trimmed, showered, made sure it was all to her satisfaction.
Since then she has gone down on me more than ever before and has even come closer and closer to letting me cum in her mouth on her own without me having to suggest it.
It takes patients. I know how you ALL feel and I have been there. Getting mad and pissing and moaning on the internet will not get you where you want to be in your sexual relationship.
Take care guys.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): This comment is not a knock on women or respecting/disrespecting them. I do, however, feel that there is a HUGE double standard when it comes to oral sex. You will see in any successful relationship, that both partners put the other's needs above their own INCLUDING SEX. This means that even if you don't really like doing something i.e. blowjobs/eating a woman out but your partner loves to have it done to them, SUCK IT UP AND DO IT. I'm talking to both women and men, no discrimination here. And now to the double standard, I feel that when a man receives oral sex and doesn't reciprocate that he is considered a selfish lover. Yet when a woman receives oral sex and doesn't give it, that is perfectly ok and a man should just accept it. No mam, that is not the way it is supposed to work! Anyways, to the comment about oral sex being worse for a woman than a man, I'm sorry but I have definately gone down on a few women that were way worse than any smell I have going on down there, and I'm not exactly the greatest smelling guy. So that is a BOGUS argument. And you saying that you don't want to be expected to go until he cums!? What the hell do women expect???? If we can't make a woman climax with oral sex then it is almost considered a failure, and I always go until my woman climaxes even if it takes 30 min to an hour because thats what you do when you really want your partner to be happy. But whatever, that is my two cents...enjoy!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): Wow - good to see this discussion. I stumbled upon it googling some of the search terms to see who else was in my situation. I figured quite a bit.I'm pretty jaded these days - when we were dating - when she was trying to get me to marry her - it was blowjobs and sex aplenty. I thought I was marrying a woman who loved to please me, have sex, give blowjobs, backrubs, was a smart career oriented woman who also wanted to be a great mom more than anything else in the world.In reality she is lazy. She hates work and wanted to be a stay at home mom because she thought that would be a picnic - just fun filled days with kids playing games while I worked hard to support her. She found out that there's quite a bit of work involved in being a mom.Of course she's not even a good mom... loses her shit quite frequently... to the point where I'm concerned about the welfare of the kids... certainly concerned about how they are being raised - not being taught very good rules or work ethics. At one point, before our first child was born, I emphasized how much I needed frequent sex and blowjobs - she promised. Of course she broke that promise. At most I get a quarterly blowjob (used to be once a week at least) and not even a birthday blowjob anymore. Sex is probably once a month.Our oldest is now 5, the younger 3. She spends about $1000 a month putting them in daycare. But she doesn't work... well she thinks she works "writing" on her blog hoping for a book deal - but she doesn't really want to do the work that will take. So we go deeper and deeper into debt. I told her I want her to get a job because we can't afford it - but she's not really looking. I had her take responsibility for writing checks for the bills so she'd see how much more she spends than I bring home... but all that did was ruin my 800 credit rating it took me 20 years to build in 1 year because of late payments.And of course I still get hardly any sex or oral sex.I feel completely taken for granted. I like others consider myself faithful and strong and could never understand why anyone could cheat on their wives.Now I completely understand - and if someone offered themselves to me I'm not sure I'd say no.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): My wife use to suck me dick several times a week for years. Man did I have it good. She was a spitter rather than a swallower, but I didn't care. Then she got TMJ and the bj's quickly went from several times a week to a couple times a month then to a couple times a year. This happened over a three year period. The last bj was on my 25th wedding anniversary. That was 4 years ago. She won't even discuss it and gets pissed if I mention it. She questioned me "why would Brad divorice Jennifer for Angelina?" My reply was "because Angelina doesn't have TMJ" and she hit the roof. Damn near divorced me over that one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): The thing is,, women like a man to go down on them but dont want to return the favor. So,, when you finally get her in the mood, just act like your going down,, get close and blow some warm air right on the clit, but dont lick and then just move away,, let her see what it is like,,, bunch of crap,, women suck many cocks when dating, hell they even take dp a bit, but once they have "caught" their man,, they dont want to put out as much and figure the guy has no options.. no wonder women get beaten,, i would never do that but i can understand a mans frustration level
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reader, bahamaman25  +, writes (4 May 2009):
I am 25, I have been married for 4 years. I have probably gotten a blow job about 5 times from her. when we first got married she assured me that she would grow into doing it. She dont even let me go down on her. She just want straight sex. and its boring to be. This is frustrating.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): i truly wish so many ignorant women would stop posting here. this is a legitimate issue involving men's feelings. i have been married 3 years. we have been together for 8 years. i wash every day. i trim where i need trimming. i am thoughtful. i am romantic. i cook. i do the laundry. i do most of the cleaning. when i don't feel like doing these things, my wife does them. i have been with my company for 8 years. we travel. we have an awesome dog. we are about to have a son. she won't go down on me anymore. she did quite often before we were married. i feel as though i was misled. i have explained my desires and fantasies. i have even asked for the birthday blowjob. these things have not worked. i am not a person who will divorce or cheat. i saw how my father's actions affected my mom. i am a real man. i have needs just like my wife does. but with each passing day, i feel a sad disappointment growing in me as i realize that my needs no longer matter to her. ladies- if you don't enjoy pleasing your men, don't pretend. be honest from the outset.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): I think perhaps its abit like when you first get together and the guy is going all out to impress you, buying flowers opening doors etc etc, then once your married that romance kind of dies off and they dont think they have to do it anymore. Same thing with some women, they have probably got bored and tired of keep doing it over the years.
Just make sure your especially clean down there as an encouragement. Also try and find out what really turns her on and gets her going, i love pleasing my bf but, if hes like 'will u please give me a blowjob?' im less turned on by that than if he was to be forceful about it. thats just personally because im into being dominated, it may be something different with your gf or wife. good luck ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): Wow, This sucks we're all in the same boat on this one. I think I might try and buy her that new car she wanted or that ring for christmas, maybe that will work. I have learned one thing whem a man makes a promise he must keep it or it's the end of the world if a woman mekes a promise it has no meaning what so ever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): You need to find a woman who will give you a blowjob. If she won't - someone will(Probably your mom). But seriously - if she knows that she can get away without it, she won't. If you seriously want a blowjob, you should allow yourself to think about what it would be like without her because she's not gonna think about sucking your dick unless she realizes you will get some one way or another.
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reader, 360hq +, writes (6 April 2009):
I'm right there with you. Before we were married she told me she wouldn't do it until we were married, after we were married she told me that it really not her thing. So I stopped doing it for her now she's upset. We fight about it alot cause she didn't do it while we were dating so i'm not missing anything
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): Quote:
A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009):
...I think I got maybe 1 BJ in all of 2008. So far zero in 2009. She won't touch the cock, but accuses me of cheating on her in all her dreams. It sucks and it's a nightmare. I can't even get a birthday blowjob.....It's horrible. It makes me sad and depressed. I'm against cheating, but seriously leave me already so I can find a girl that might give me a little action.
End quote
I feel exactly the same :O I keep getting told "Yes I will on this day" that day comes and it's just "No I will on this day instead" and needless to say, the day never comes :( I also get accused for cheating in her dreams and constantly hounded "If I am really cheating and her dreams are a sign"...ppftt....try getting out of that one with an excuse she accepts :S But as far as I am against cheating, I think if an attractive woman propositioned me with a BJ that I would accept, not because I don't love my partner but just for the fact that after never getting one anymore, I am craving for one badly. Also I might point out that like many other posts here, I frequently go to oral town on my girl until she climaxes, at which point I get "OH MY GOD THAT WAS SOOO GOOD I WISH I COULD MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE THAT" but never reciprocates with an 'appropriate' response :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): OK I struggled with this for a while. I tried talking etc etc. Nothing worked.
step 1 : ask her to jerk you off then as she does it move her head and try to push your penis in her mouth.
step 2 : act angry / sad/ rejected tell her you feel rejected and be sulky and turn away don't hug or kiss her. Tell she does not love you etc etc. Then repeat step 1
step 3 : tell her you met a cute young girl, one thing led to another and she gave you the best BJ you ever had.. describe it (exactly what the perfect bj will be). then repeat step 2 and then step 1
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): My wife and I used to enjoy 69 and once in a while she gave me a bj but wouldn't let me cum in her mouth. I respected that boundry. About 5 years ago she said that God didn't like oral sex according to the Jehovah's Witnesses. Since then we have sex when she needs it. She doesn't care about my needs at all. When she asks I service her, I usually don't climax anymore as I feel that she doesn't care. My sex life is a zero. Unless she is horny she doesn't care. She usually gets in the mood once a month and that is that, I do my best, but she is selfish.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): Wow, other's out there share my pain. My girl use to give me 3 to 4 BJ's a week. She acted like she craved them. I told her how she was the best at it and how it was my favorite thing she would do. Man was I lucky. 2 years later we get married. I think I got maybe 1 BJ in all of 2008. So far zero in 2009. She won't touch the cock, but accuses me of cheating on her in all her dreams. It sucks and it's a nightmare. I can't even get a birthday blowjob. This is the first girl I've ever been with that went from all the time to never. It's horrible. It makes me sad and depressed. I'm against cheating, but seriously leave me already so I can find a girl that might give me a little action.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): Why don't women care?Same reason why they don't like taking out the trash. They think that ring on their finger makes them "too good" for certain things now. Okay... so simply stop doing things for her to fight fire with fire? That will only cause more trouble in the relationship. Find a woman who will please you and love you 100%.Sex is 50%. Love is the other 50%. You can't have half and half. You need ALL of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): All I can say is good luck. If you're married, welcome to your oral "jail". After reading this for the last 15 minutes I and you are definitely not alone. They don't care. It's that simple.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): my wife doesn't give BJs either. no sexy lingerie, no experimentation, 10 years of boredom. yes, I go down on her to completion... and often. I love to go south and get extremely turned on by her pleasure. some girls just don't reciprocate and don't care how much we desire it. some guys have all the luck I suppose :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): yes...we have the same problem...my girlfriend sucked my dick only once.after that she won't do it anymore and I love oral more than fucking her.we have a great realtionship but for me that is the biggest problem.sometimes I feel I should brake up with her because of that...Im really a oral sex addict.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2008): Something has almost instantly turned your wife off abut giving you oral sex. Did you say or do anything that would have upset her? My wife told me that she had given her previous husband a bj and afterward he had commented that the "best bj" he had ever received was from some girl he met in college ... Etc. She told me that was the last one he ever got. Needless to say, I am very careful about what I say.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): I feel you. I am resenting my prude fiancee lately too now that the spontaneous sex has stopped.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): lol wow (to the reply below me).
Tell more about your story.
To the original author: I was in the same situation. over time things got better, but she still hesitates to do it. I don't see what the big deal is!!! I love giving her oral sex but she just doesn't fullfil my needs. Women will NEVER understand how important sexual attention is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): When my girlfriend and I first strarted having sex, she said that she wouldn't give me head.
I explained that I really enjoyed getting a blowjob, and that I wasn't willing to give that part of my life, up.
When I didn't come home until three the next morning, she wanted to know where I had been? I told her that I really loved her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. But if she won't take care of my needs, she left me no choice but to find someone that will take care of me two or three times a week.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): Well my gf use to give me bjs all the time and we use to have lots of sexual fun... but now I just get excuses like "later", "too tired", "busy" its quite annoying really cos im gagging for it :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): I wish the author would update us on his status. I've been in a similar situation with my girlfriend but things have turned out for the better. Now I just need to get her to "accept" my sperm like I do her orgasms. I'm sick of feeling like I'm dirty and disgusting despite being successful in changing my salty and bitter taste.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008): Ah. you know I wish my boyfriend acted like this. I go down on him ALL THE TIME! and he just takes it for granted. Just 15 minutes ago I was trying to pull his pants down and he shruggged me off! Someone needs to teach him a lesson. I think it should be abstinence
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008): you know what?... i'm not trying to hate here or something like that, but in my particular case, i "do" my wife, every once in a while, to tell you the truth i don't like it that much, but only to know that my wife gets super horny with me "doing" her, that shit turns me on like hell, and i keep on for some good minutes. even-though she doesn't "do me" that offen, but i still ask, ?why can't women do the same thing? "do" me i'll "do" you technic. i don't think we horny men ask for much, just a good blowjob every time we have sex, i think it's better than pressing our cloths every day ?don't you think?...
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): As for the woman that says it is their decision, not something they have to do.... Well, most of us men are seemingly in situations where we were setup in a situation where the girl did it all the time... now years in, all of a sudden its not ok. So sorry its "not on the application" but guess what, the resume had it there and now its gone....Bottom line, no you dont have to do it. But there is always someone younger and prettier that will.
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reader, jabil99 +, writes (10 August 2008):
As for the woman that says it is their decision, not something they have to do.... Well, most of us men are seemingly in situations where we were setup in a situation where the girl did it all the time... now years in, all of a sudden its not ok. So sorry its "not on the application" but guess what, the resume had it there and now its gone....Bottom line, no you dont have to do it. But there is always someone younger and prettier that will.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): ok ive looked this sort of thing up a couple times. things i can do to make it more enjoyable for my g/f. i dont wanna go into details but i go out of my way to make sure my hygeine is very well kept up because i put myself in her shoes and would want it clean. what i dont get is that every once in awhile she does it. never on her own tho. i have to ask. and im scared to ask cuz idk how. mainly because i kno its a lost cause and later on she'll make an excuse and say her head hurts or something. but if i say lets have sex her head never seems to hurt. and yes i love having sex but yes i love getting head too. i'm tired of feeling bad and guilty for asking to get sucked. is it really that big of a deal? and if she doesn't like it why wont she just tell me? I would never cheat on her i love her so much and i wouldnt leave her because of this. i just dont understand. i am not trying to be a jackass or selfish but i would do anything to please her and as much as she wanted. i kno im not the only one with this problem obviously but am i wrong here? guys i know u will say im not but women am i just an ass or what? help lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): My experience has been the girls who want to give head all the time and really obsess over it and do it best are the least marriage-material. I was/am obsessed with head but my wife doesn't do it. I'm hoping she will come around. My ex would still blowjay me if I asked bc she is a terrible person. Is there no middle ground?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): you guys need to get a life. Giving head is not on the job application and if you are so low that you are going to dump your girlfriend because of it, you dont deserve a dick in the first place. Its our decision, not something we have to do. Posting a blog on how your girlfriend or wife doesnt go down on you anymore just shows the kind of man you are in the first place and shows me exactly why they dont go down on you anymore..learn yoga and do it yourself idiots!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): It is a big problem for men today. I agree with the man who suggested holding off on the intercourse. It seems to work for me as my wife will give me head to get what she wants. I tell her I am not hard enough and she proceeds to suck me for a few minutes. I give her a nice hard 5 - 10 minute session and she finishes the job by sucking me until I come in her mouth. Whether she swallows or not, that is her business. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't.....it doesn't matter. I think if you give her the soft love for a 5 minutes before the serious sex, it goes a long way. I broke up with a girlfriend because I used to give her the easy touch and she never wanted to suck me. I told her that was unacceptable so I left. She called me for 10 months and I told her to stop harrassing me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): My wife suck!! She used to give me head all the time too!! She is one of those women that says she enjoys it, apparently not with me!!! Just her past guys!! Because I'm obviously not getting it!! Don't get married!!! Stay engaged forever!!! Don't do it!! It's a trick!! Women are soooooo lazy!!! I don't even like her sometimes because of the lack of sexualness!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): I couldn't IMAGINE not giving my partner a blowjob. He enjoys it, I enjoy making him happy, and more importantly I enjoy it! Maybe it comes from his reactions when I go down on him that I enjoy so much but I dunno fellas, I just say maybe those of you who are with women who aren't doing this for you chose the wrong partner so to speak. Not to say they are bad partners but I just heard something about making sure the person you're with are compatiable with you sexually as well as mentally, yadda yadda yadda. Too many times we (women as well) give up things because we're in love and figure 'well I guess I can overlook that'.
Anyways off my soapbox.
I am a woman. I have always given blowjobs to any partner I'm with. And will always continue.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): I dont even care if she swallows how about my starts off with giving me a blowjob for 1 minute. Then I would feel there is hope. We have been married for 12 years and I have gotten 2 blowjobs. While we were dating almost every week. She even told me about her past relationships on how she loved to give bjs. What the fuck? When I bring it up she tells me "SEX" is not important. Boy, talk about getting the bait and switch. We have a law for everything, women like my wife should do time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): Guess all woman are the same.
When i first met my girl, i used to get blowjobs all the time. She'd even initiate it.
Now, it just doesn't happen.
Once in a while, I'll ask and she'll do it.
But hey, does she need to ask me to go down on her...heck no. Heck, she gets mad if I don't kiss her without her asking.
Bah, I think we can all pretty much conclude women are selfish when it comes to sex :P Have no fear, your hand is always near.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): I just googled "my wife wont go down on me" and up this forum came! My wife does not give me a BJ, ever since we met. I did not ask for it, or indeed expect it, or perhaps position myself correctly. We have had silly games, ie - if you can get all the dishes done and shopping I'll give you a blow job, but its all said in jest. Nothing happens even if I do the washing and shopping!I am considering paying for it, but I dont want to cheat or feel guilty etc.My wife loves me going down on her, and sex is usually started like this. I may stop doing this and see what happens.Good luck everyone!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): Focus on the issue here. She used to give head, and now doesn't. Same here. I don't know why. Just stop wining and dining her. We can stop doing things that we used to do when dating too. We talked about it and it was a temporary solution. It'll fade again. If all fails, pay for it or get it from a younger, hornier girl. I just download a lot of oral sex oriented porn. If not for that I would have exploded by now, no pun intended.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): The divorce rate would be a lot lower if more women gave their men bjs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): I have a very similar situation.
It's become a blessing to receive a BJ from my fiance. What also frustrates me is that she never wears sexy lingerie. She has it but never uses it. I'm fed up of seeing her with the same ugly uncoloured underwear as 3 years ago.
I also dont like that she doesnt like to kiss with her tongue, and I love it.
The sex is still good.
But my frustration about lingerie and kisses led me to cheat her with a 43 yrs old woman (Im 30). I got what I deserved and wanted: passionate tongue kisses, BJ, lingerie, nice safe sex, and this woman squirtted the 5 times we had sex. It was really great. And I Dont Regret At All of being a cheater. Before I met this woman I was so frustrated of the lack of BJ's that I hired a prostitute just for that. safe BJ with a condom. I also dont regret of doing that. And I will keep on cheating on my fiance whenever I can (I dont look for the situation that desperately) without any regrets.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): I have found myself in the irritating situation of having previous relationships where oral was a big part of my sex life, and now i have a fiance who is and has been completely against it since day 1. I am addicted to oral (giving/receiving) but mainly due to past relationships of incredeble bj's and having a girlfriend who absolutely loved oral. She would give "random" bj's throughout the day with no needed/wanted reciprocation. Have you ever had a relationship where your girlfriend calls you, and wants to take her lunch break to meet you and give you a bj just because she couldnt stop thinking about it at work? Then you get another, once she got off work because it was a "horny day" and then sex later that night? Perfect girl right? What was i thinking? Yes it was i who ended this great sex life, we just didnt click emotionally or any other way for that matter with exception to sexually.Upon first meeting my now fiance i was told the story of a forced bj by a previous relationship that made her completely uncomfortable with performing. Because of the situation i was ok with being patient because she said that she just needed to feel comfortable in knowing that she could trust me. Sex life was great, very constant, with just that lone exception. 3 years later as her fiance, i'm getting the "i trust you completely and love you, i just do not enjoy doing that at all" and "it's discusting and turns me off". Of course she has gotten better somewhat (she tries) due to us talking about it and she understands my needs. She attempts and will give for about a minute as a type of foreplay to get me going but then she will completely stop and want to move on to sex. She is the horniest girl ever when it comes to sex but will not give bj's!!! The situation has gotten worse with me because it has turned into a craving issue where I do not get a release. I have resulted in alot of bj specific pornography in terms of getting myself off and as a result. I am less responsive in the bedroom due to taking care of myself at an earlier time. It's not a physical attraction issue, i want to be on her all the time, but it's knowing that i will not get pleased that causes me to turn her advances away sometimes. I have hope that this will change for the better because everything else about our relationship is amazing.. she is the one i want to marry but getting myself off to bj pornography can only last so long.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): I have had much frustration dealing with this. So many women are so selfish as to expect you to fulfill their needs sexually and emotionally, but refuse to fulfill your needs. My last girlfriend expect me to cuddle with her at night, so I did. She said this confirmed my love for her and made her feel appreciated. But she couldn't understand that cuddling doesn't mean anything to a man, but a blowjob does confirm to me that she loves me. I would do anything for her if it gave her any amount of happiness, so I never understood why she wouldn't do the same for me. It was just plain selfishness and a lack of respect for me. I even made sure I only asked for it after showering and that I was well kept. The only bright point, is that there are lots of women who aren't as egotistical and will do it. You just have to find the right one. My current girlfriend is my dream come true. We make each other very happy and I have no doubt she will continue to do so for a long long time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2008): I have been with my significant other for 9 years. Im 38 shes 28. She knows how I am. I love blowjobs. Over everything. She spits but still she finishes the job. I get around 3 a week. Its like medicine to me. I just have to have it, and she knows this. Here are a few gripes, 99.9 percent i have to ask for it, she never voluntarily gives it. Until i started complaining about that, she did a few times, but i know she doesnt want to. Oh i forgot to mention she doenst particularly like giving them. Still i get them so I shouldnt complain. But it stills makes me yearn for the girl that loves to swallow and likes to give them, spontaneously. Thats something I want as well. I know I am probably asking too much, some of the posts in here would love to be in my position. Still, I am constantly dreaming of that right girl who would do that. Like it and swallow. She says swallowing the stuff makes her gag reflexes come up and she may hurl. To me thats just bull, I dont care if she doesnt like it. I like it. That should be motivation enough. I certainly would do anything for her, and in any way. Its not recripocated that way though. And another thing, it seems she can go without sex and have no problem. She never asks for sex, she expects me to start it up, she never initiates it. Its like i have to all the time. Which of course makes me feel crappy, not desirable. So what i have been doing is asking for blowjobs and getting them and not initiating any sex. So far 3 weeks, just bj's when i ask. no sex. I dont mind, but it makes you wonder.. I personally cant go more than 48 hours without some sort of release. How come she can go without it? Sometimes I think im with the wrong person. I recently also started to think about swinging. Brought it up too. I dont think she would be good with that. Oh well, issues issues.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): For everyone saying women are lazy -- shut. up.
Giving oral to a man is MUCH different than giving it to a woman (I know, I'm very proficient at both, and do both all the time). With a man, it can be painful, cause you to gag, etc. etc. Yes yes I know this will bring on tons of "fish smell" comments but guys' junk can be rank, too. Hairy balls in your mouth, the smell of an improperly-wiped ass wafting up at you... it can all be very, very offputting.
If you're not already up on it, time to catch up on your manscaping.
I personally love giving oral but after 20 or 30 minutes, my jaw and neck start to hurt. If I think my partner expects me to go on with it until he comes, then I'm less likely to want to do it. If he's okay with taking "breaks", then great.
Now, this is not to say that your wife is right in not doing it. It sounds like your problems go much deeper than beejers, if she's not even willing to talk about it. How is your relationship other than this? If you're unable to be open and honest with each other then you absolutely need some counselling or something.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): OK Guy's After reading most of the stories I found myself in the same boat!!
I've been married for 20 years, i'm 42 shes 43 (6months diff)
When i met my wife at the age of 19 I thought i had found the one and only ( you guys know what I mean) yes she was and is beautiful, we made love for the first time and it was special,
She was a virgin I was not but not experienced either,
We went on to have 3 kids, Yes the same problem you guys have she will suck it for a little while but will not let me go all the way, Yes sex As long as I ask for it I'll get it but oral ,
Not a chance why, I'll tell you guys something , I have annulized this problem for 20 years, yes I've gone down on her countless times and had sex countless times but as you guys know sex is only part of it ins't it?
The way I see it, is this ,
If she BJ's you and swollows , she loves you as much as she loves herself,
If she BJ's you and spits it out , she still loves you as one but ,maybe can't bring herself to swollow, who cares anyway right as long as its done ok,
Now here's the crust of it all,
If she only does'it for a short time and stops its because she thinks that you will be happy with that and you might have some decent drive left to give her what she needs ,AN ORGASM !!!
If she won't do it at all then, she is not that in love with you or she truly is not prepaird to do that because she has been brain washed by her mother !!!
YES THATS RIGHT !!! THE MOTHER INLAW HASA LOT TO DO WITH THAT!!!
What i did is I stopped having sex with her for a six weeks spell, yes I masturbated who wouldn't but I didn't give her any pleasure and I know she would not have done anything for her self because she's not like that !!
Now we have sex more offen , she still won't do it and because she won't I DON'T
REMEMBER THIS , WHATS GOOD FOR THE GOOSE IS GOOD FOR THE GANDER!!
If During sex she asked for it say "do me and I'll do you!
Then pretend to try and go down but stop at her belly button and come back up !!
She'll get the message!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Some of the other comments have been helpful. My girl used to give a bj every time I asked although she would never offer it. She claimed she liked to do it. After she said no the first time about 3 or 4 months into the relationship it went to once every two weeks and now once every month or two. I can't bring it up or talk about it. She shuts down. I know that we have talk about it countles times and she is just tired of the issue. Her complaints are taste when swallowing and my size, I'm thicker and about average length. I'm shaved, I always offer to shower before hand, I'm willing to not climax in her mouth, I eat pineapple, nothing helps. She's just done with it. I'm very frustrated with the situation. It very important to me, emotionally and psychologically it really means a lot to me. I have told her this. I go down on her. I'm going to do that more, not bring up blowjobs anymore and just try to be generally wonderful. I'm going to think good thoughs but I think I may have a selfish one on my hands. She's not too keen on cooking or housework either. And by not too keen I mean I do all of it or it doesn't get done and nicely asking her for help is like pulling teeth. We'll see...worst comes to worst I'm still young and unmarried, with no children, I can move on if I chose to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): I'm noticing a lot of guys saying women are selfish, your just not with or having sex with the right women. I love giving my boyfriend blow jobs, there is nothing i love more than seeing him lose control with he's cock in my mouth. I love doing every position with my boyfriend, everything from me on top , doggy, anal you name it. I love experimenting it keeps the relationship alive. I want it with my boyfriend anytime, everyday.If i'm not doing it i'm thinking about doing it with him. He will even wake me 4 in the morning for sex.I'm happy to give in to him. I'm happy with my body, i love him looking at it. Especially when he watches him self going in out of my pussy. I'm the sweetest person you will ever meet. I don't like fighting with my boyfriend, i cook, i clean, i work hard and really busy ( i own my own restaurant) Everyone of he's friends tell him i'm the best girlfriend he's ever had. I'm not a slut if you guys are thinking that just because i love sex. i've been with 2 people my whole life. I'm 23 and my boyfriends 37, we have a large age gap, but we love each other and have a lot of fun together. we work hard on our sex life and it really brings you close together. I love him and make sure he is satisfied sexually before me. Sex is a big part of a relationship and your girlfriends and wives need to know that. Let them know that you love them but you need to be satisfied,and that you love satisfying them. If they don't then you may look somewhere else for your satisfaction. your not being a dick your human. If she does'nt get it leave.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): I'm noticing a lot of guys saying women are selfish, your just not with or having sex with the right women. I love giving my boyfriend blow jobs, there is nothing i love more than seeing him lose control with he's cock in my mouth. I love doing every position with my boyfriend, everything from me on top , doggy, anal you name it. I love experimenting it keeps the relationship alive. I want it with my boyfriend anytime, everyday.If i'm not doing it i'm thinking about doing it with him. He will even wake me 4 in the morning for sex.I'm happy to give in to him. I'm happy with my body, i love him looking at it. Especially when he watches him self going in out of my pussy. I'm the sweetest person you will ever meet. I don't like fighting with my boyfriend, i cook, i clean, i work hard and really busy ( i own my own restaurant) Everyone of he's friends tell him i'm the best girlfriend he's ever had. I'm not a slut if you guys are thinking that just because i love sex. i've been with 2 people my whole life. I'm 23 and my boyfriends 37, we have a large age gap, but we love each other and have a lot of fun together. we work hard on our sex life and it really brings you close together. I love him and make sure he is satisfied sexually before me. Sex is a big part of a relationship and your girlfriends and wives need to know that. Let them know that you love them but you need to be satisfied,and that you love satisfying them. If they don't then you may look somewhere else for your satisfaction. your not being a dick your human. If she does'nt get it leave.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): My take on this is that everyone is different and sex can fade as relationships mellow into longterm routine. Your options are:1. Try to alk to her again and if she refuses then accept that you're unlikely to change her mind on this and live with it.2. Have an affair / look elsewhere behind her back3. Have an affair / look elsewhere and tell her about it, giving her the option to accept it or not.4. Leave.Good luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): Male, 31yrs, Toronto ON
I have been with the same girl for 8 years off and on and she will not give me a BJ. She simply refuses to?? She is at least honest and has said straight up that she will not but that just seems to piss me off more, that I know that when we get married that the only way I will get a BJ is to cheat on her?? Doesn't seem to make sense? The strange thing, and some of the other guys have said this, girls I've dated other then her have been more wild but not girls at all I'd want to marry, and well her she's pretty darn boring but at least civilized and someone I'd want to marry.. So I guess you only get BJ's from the slutty girls or annoying girls?? I have no idea becasue I haven't found a nice civilized girl that likes sex and likes giving bjs? HELP!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): my wife gives me oral but will not swallow, and occasionally stores majority in her mouth with some dripping. She does not like the reciprocal. how can i get her to complete? Should i just accept what i have?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): To men sex and blow jobs are about recereation, gratification and pleasure. To woman it is about domination and control. The very fact that you try to initiate a dialog means she wins, and the chances of a blowjob is less liely, rather than more. Stop listening to all that 'male sensitivity' crap.
Tell her flat out that relationships are about meeting each others needs (within reason, no one need commit a felony), and that yours aren't being met. Don't be mean, but don't be apologetic, either. Let her know her know that you are willing to meet her needs and you expect a compromise in meeting yours. If she cannot do that for you, then you will have those needs met by someone else AND MEAN IT.
Is she refuses, then follow through. End the relationship and look for a new one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): I know how you feel. I love to go down on her, but she refuses to give me a BJ. I have just given up. I now exercise like hell. I run marathons, do multiple push ups, pull ups etc. to handle the frustration. I can't leave her, so at least I'm in great shape. The only problem is that now that I'm in such good shape, other chicks notice me. Oh well, time to knock off 50 sit ups.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): This reminds me of a woman I knew who changed suddenly after embracing radical feminist ideology. It was "demeaning" for men to be given pleasure, and all of us were selfish pigs for wanting it. It was a pretty hypocritical double-standard; but that's what she was taught.
One other case comes to mind; the wife who did not want to finish orally because it decrased her chances of pregnancy! If she has a desire for procreation, a 'complete' blowjob may seem like 'cheating her chances'.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): I feel your pain.
Previous girlfriends have always sucked and I loved it.
I have now been with my fiancée over three years and have gone down on her countless times.
She tried going down on me once, and once only. That was with a condom on and she gagged and stopped straight away, that was well over two years ago.
Now any time I ask or mention it, it starts her off saying how she just doesn't want to. When I say you only tried it once, with a condom on she just begins to flip even more.
She's absolutely wonderful, apart from this department.
Any words of help guys, its driving me crazy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): In my experience, most women are either lazy or selfish in bed, or both. I've never met a woman who ever objected to me giving her marathon oral stimulation, but when I dare to ask for some reciprocation, they aren't about to "go down there." The only woman who was ever great in bed was unbearable to be with otherwise.
And it's not about how I treat them outside of bed. I'm giving in every way. I think some people are "givers," others are "takers," and unfortunately the takers seek out us givers.
I'm sure it can go both ways genderwise, but this is just my experience as a man.
So people, if your partner does it for you, the you should "suck it up" and return the favor. If you don't, then don't be surprised when you get dumped or cheated on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): I always swore I'd never marry a girl who didn't like giving head. Now I'm about to marry just such a girl. What's confusing is that she gives one of the best blow jobs I've ever had, only she doesn't do it often and uses it as a means of control. I've talked with her but she goes into fight mode. The only thing that works is what another person said here, which is doing the 69. That way she gets pleased at the same time she pleases me. I don't get it, because I'm happy to please her without immediate reciprication; but I guess some people aren't wired that way. Would appreciate more advice on how to discuss this with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): I've been married almost 25 years and my wife has NOT taken care of my sexual needs. I go down on her when she let's me and would do anything she asked to make her feel good. She'll go down on me but always stops when I get close -- it is so frustrating. She doesn't like the doggy position either -- she's a true missionary (ever so often) -- I may have had sex an average of 10 times per year over the last 8 years. I've attempted to be patient, went to counseling with her one time, encouraged her to go to more counseling (she hasn't), threatened a few times to give up altogether... she always says she'll do better, but then she never initiates sex of any kind and then when I bring it up I'm accussed of pressuring her -- she even says she was just about ready to initiate lovemaking but I did something to cause her not to. She is a wonderful "companion" and I love doing other things with her, but I wish I could have had a better sex life.
I guess I'm giving up on ever having a really good sex life but breaking up would cause other family problems and I don't want to give up the good part of what we share -- I'm stuck with a good "companion".
My suggestion is that if you are young enough, "tell" her how important a complete sex life is to you and ask her if there is a chance she could enjoy giving you the pleasure you so deparately are seeking! Ask her to seek professional counseling and give it six months without bringing up your desire for a bj. If it doesn't improve, a trial separation may be the answer. Think of all the other ramifications (family). If you are unhappy enough you'll move on -- make sure any future partners will take care of your needs (not just sexual) -- probaly better than going crazy!
Best of luck!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): Hey man. I feel your pain. I'm not going to beat around the bush here. Chances are she will never change. She is your typical selfish woman. She probably has no problem with you doing things for her that create intimacy (aka lots of foreplay) but when it comes to your own need for intimacy (aka oral sex) she doesn't have the time nor the desire. This is pure selfishness. She disregards your need for intimacy in your marriage simply because it is inconvenient or because she doesn't like it?!? That excuse would never fly for us men. If we stopped helping out with the dishes simply because it was inconvenient or we didn't like it, she's be up in arms.
I'm afraid you are going to have to chose between having an unfulfilled sex life or leaving your wife. It would be unfortunate if it came down to leaving her, but it is something that is in her control. If your need for oral is that big a deal (which it is for most men- women still don't get this) then it may come down to it. If so, make sure that your next wife understands that this is a deal breaker. No oral = no marriage.
Since we've already established that your wife is selfish, expect her to blame it all on you and call you a pig. That is exactly what a selfish person would do. A good woman on the other hand would recognize that she has failed to be a good wife and will start servicing you right away.
Good luck my friend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): All of these women who are saying that it's your fault are probably just like your wife. Their response is an attempt to justify their own similar behavior. How pathetic. I'd give her three warnings then leave. Follow these steps:1st warning: Tell her you need it, and make sure she understands that you need it in order to experience intimacy. If you don't get one that night, proceed to warning 2.2nd warning: let her know that if she doesn't start you'll get it somewhere else. If she doesn't give you one by the next day, go to a bar 30 minutes before closing and choose the best looking girl who is still there (you want to wait until closing because, most likely some other schmuck has already bought her drinks and liquored her up, saving you money,and also if she's still there she's desparate, increasing your odds)take her to a hotel room, make all the promises you need and get your blowjob. This will increase your confidence for what you will have to do next.3rd warning: The next morning, tell your wife about what you did. Tell her if she doesn't give you one tonight, you're leaving. If you still haven't received what you need from her. Leave. Don't look back. Screw the house, the big screen tv and the homemade meals. You're a free man now who is getting sucked off every night by a different girl (who you meet at the bar 30 min before closing). This, my man, is worth being pennliless and living off SpaghettiOs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): Oral Sex is different from regular sex in that it isn't just two people joining together, it's one person "serving" another. It involves such humility to perform and (for some) that can be too much.
I recognize that craving a blowjob is much more than "it feels really good". I know firsthand that the real pleasure comes from knowing that she willingly takes you in her mouth and welcomes that presence. That's what's so special about the oral climax too, isn't it?
With that understanding... EXPECTING or feeling ENTITLED TO oral sex means that you believe that she should love you enough to put her own feelings on the subject aside and completely love and adore you. Hopefully, she could even enjoy doing it because she knows what it means to you that she would be willing to accept you into her in such a way. That appreciatation for each others needs is a beautiful thing.
That's just it though, if you expect her to put her difficulties aside and do this for you, because she loves you that much, well then... shouldn't you be doing the same thing? You may think that you are by performing oral sex on her, but that's not where her real issue lies. Showing the same sacrificial love and appreciation for her concerns on the SPECIFIC subject of caring about your cravings for her to perform oral sex on you.... that's where you can show her how much you love her. Often times women don't appreciate (mentally) what it means to recieve oral sex. I'm sure that some of them do, but I think that because of the "penis" symbol, men are more susceptable to this fantasy.
Oral stimulation between a husaband and a wife can be a beautiful sexual act. The joy, though, for the giver and the receiver is quite different. Let her know what it means to you, from a man's perspective. She very well might appreciate the whole topic a bit more.
In short... don't expect blow jobs... expect to give and receive love. Show it to her by seeking to understand her feelings and seeking (honestly) to simply have her UNDERSTAND yours. After all... when it comes down to it. Who do you love more... your wife or yourself?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): i say you get it somewhere else. i'm in the same situation and i'm ready to just go and get it from someone else. my ex would suck me everytime and swallow, i'm starting to miss her more and more.
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reader, AShloc  +, writes (5 September 2007):
I feel your pain my friend, My wife wwill not give even go near it . I have imporved my sex life in otherways but still that is lacking . I basically had to drive the point home inspite of the fact she didnt want to hear it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007): Ok, so let me tell you that if you would like to get your wife back into the kinky sex, the answer is pretty simple.I finally realized that my wife was getting pretty bored with our sex life. So I smartened up and realized it was me. So I started going down on her like every time we had sex and did plenty of 69 instead of just expecting head. I learned to get good at it too and can make her climax every time. I noticed I started getting blowjobs more often.Then I tried something pretty wild. I've always been into videos of group sex and stuff, so I left one on her laptop somewhere she would only find it one day. It was a video that had a chick doing two guys. That got her FIRED UP bigtime. Before I knew it, we were buying dildos and having some fantasy simulation. That drove her freakin' wild to know that the thought of her with other guys turned her on. Turns out, the thought of me with other girls turns her on a little too. I'm flying through this story now because she is waiting for me to get home for sex as I type.Let's just say that this new communication, experimentation and candor has opened up "Pandoras box" so to speak. Neither of us are really about to start having sex with other people (there is an AIDS crisis after all), but I learned that you've got to keep it interesting, exciting, you've got to listen and communicate. Eventually, you will start to dig that too.. cause trust me... it worked for me and she blows and swallows every time I get head now - She even learned to Deep throat which was a real surprise. ;-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): 5 years, licked her hundreds of times, recieved nothing in return. It's unlikely to improve and I think I'm going to find myself a more adventurous, less selfish mate. Fed Up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): I am going through the same kind of resentment towards my fiance right now. Not exactly the same scenario as yours, let me explain..
I think it is absolutely necessary to hold previous sexual encounters over your wife's head if her previous encounters involve her being MORE sexual with an ex-boyfriend that didnt mean anything to her. You are her husband and she should be open sexually with you. If she can swallow for some random guy she dated, she can definately do it for you, or at least spit! The fact you would do anything to pleasure her but she does not feel the same way is very selfish. Especially if you are in a faithful relationship and you come to her for your needs but she does not honor them.
I think I might be marrying a prude, and this scares the crap out of me. The hardest thing now is finding a way to stop the relationship before the marriage. We have a lot invested together(home, savings, etc) but my resentment about things she told me about her past is destroying me.
My fiance made the mistake of telling me a few things about her past, and at one time it didn't bother me. But now those conversations come back to haunt me since our sex life is a total wreck. Let me get one thing straight, I'm not upset that she has past sexual relationships. This would be ridiculous because I have past relationships too. What I resentment is her telling me about how sexual she was with someone, and now I have to fight with her to just have casual sex. This is unacceptable. I have always been open sexually with her, and would do almost anything to please her needs. And when she doesn't offer me this but has the nerve to tell me how she did whatever some random guy wanted to do all the time.
It never makes sense to me why someone would be so sexual with some jerk who didn't do anything for her, but she loves me so much she wants to spend her life with me and put me thru psychological torture over sex. Advice to all men out there who haven't got married yet, if your woman starts to change and your sex life gets worse do not marry her, I repeat DO NOT MARRY HER! Don't be fooled into thinking things will get better because they probably won't.
Don't let people make you think your resentment is wrong. Especially people who have very satisfying sexual relationships, they do not know what you are going through. My advice is to divorce her, things will only get worse. I am only 28 years old and living with a girl that makes me resort to masterbating to satisfy myself. This is awful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2007): I am a female and i was the same when i first met my partner. I cant stand to do it now and it frustrates him, but i dont find it pleasurable at all, i guess it just depends on your girl and wether she enjoys doing it or not. Put yourself in her shoes, would you enjoy doing what you males wont us to do - i mean would you do it to a guy? I wouldnt push the subject just understand that it is not something she wants to do anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): I spent five years with a guy who wouldn't go down on me. Five years to long. Not only would he not perform cunniligus but he would barely touch my pussy.But although I sucked dick like a pro he would not recipicate.He loved to fuck but he said he just wasn't into it (licking).
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): I get regular bjs from my wife. she loves coming down on me, she gave me road head! Sit your wife down, and talk to her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2007): I dont suck...because when I was 6 years old, i was made to suck a dirty old mans cock. So, even though i love my boyfriend, and will do anything for him, i physically cannot do that. I AM NOT SELFISH and it's not about me being a lazy lover. I just cannot do it. My boyfriend understands that, and if afterwards he does resent me for it, than that would make him the biggest dick ever, therefore undeserving of my love and body.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): Its possible that she just does not want to do it, she may not be angry at you or anything else, it might just be something that sexually freaks her out.
but
from personal experience i did not find it appealing AT ALL. At first, later i started to like it, but it had absolutely nothing to do with begging or pressure. If you would like her to do it she has to be aroused by that sort of thing, just forget about it, watch porn, dont make it an issue ever and decide that never getting it is fine with you. probably then she can decide if she wants to do it or not. because if she does it as a chore, its worthless. and though guys might not like to hear it. she could very well do it in an instant with someone else probably because he didnt expect it or make it an issue.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2007): personally i think that you should just leave this subject alone with your wife she obviously doesnt feel up too it. just try new things with her maybe give her some pleasure so she is getting somethink out of it aswell. a relationship is not all about how much sex you can get into it its about love and understanding.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2006): I don't feel sorry for you. You should have fixed this problem by now. There are plenty of sites on the web that will help you hook up with clean and respectible women [some even married] who will suck your wiener.
But you must be careful what you wish for. For over fifteen years my wife was a prude. She wouldn't put her mouth on me for more than a few minutes. It was SO frustrating. One day I told her girlfriend about this problem. What I was doing was trying to get her grilfriend to pity me and suck me. But she didn't. In fact she almost avoided me completly after that.
A few months later, when I came back from visiting my parents, my wife and I had sex in the afternoon. She was totally different. She went right down on me and didn't say anything. She was like off in her own little world. I was actually afraid to ejeculate in her mouth, but I did. She spit some out onto the sheet, and then we kissed and went about our business.
A few days after that I heard her talking to her girlfriend on her cell. My wife said she 'wanted to do it again'. That night I asked her about this and she got pissed. Then about a week later, I guess from guilt) she told me about her phone call.
Back when I was at my parents place, my wife was bored and went over to her girlfriends house. My wife, her girlfriend and her husband were drinking and talking, and her gilrfriend told her what I said to her a few months ago. Maybe to spite me or give payback, my wife lied and said she was a not a prude and was really a great c***sucker. Her girlfriend asked her to prove it, so my wife took the husband in her mouth and pleasured him until he came in her mouth.
I sort of didn't believe her, but I kown now that it is true. All three of them were afraid to tell me cuz they thought I'd go ballistic. I don't know what they did in one evening that I couldn't do in fifteen years, but it worked. My wife doesn't complain about giving me head anymore, but she stills wants to suck the neighbor. She said she likes to please him and her girlfirend likes to see it.
I don't know where we're headed with this, but just be careful what you wish for and how you fix things.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2006): The problem you are facing will continue to get worse. The big issue here is that it is what you are wanting more than anything, and feel less than loved by the fact she isn't willing to sacrifice for your pleasure. Marriage and relationships are about sacrifice, but both need to make them. If it matters that much to you and she isn't willing to do something she doesn't enjoy you will continue to grow in resentment. You both do lots of things that you don't enjoy in order to provide for and uplift one another. Talk about it if she will and if she won't it will be a wedge in your relationship that will continue to grow until it splits you apart. Just make sure you are making sacrifices to satisfy her needs, sexual or not.
I see either partner who isn't willing to meet the needs of their partner as selfish and cruel. They don't have a need to not perform, it is more of a power struggle.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2006): Does getting your nut sucked up really matter? Since when is a relationship based solely on how often or well your spouce blows you? =|
I think you need to refocus your anger dude. Getting upset and unstable just because she ain't letting you nut in her mouth. That's just plain wrong. Something fucked up in your head when a blowjob is more important to you, then your wife's obvious anger over something you've done/haven't done.
Here's what you do. You sit her down at the kitchen table, with no one else around of course, and say to her this.
"Why won't you let me "climax" in your mouth?"
Here is the fun part that should hopefully force a conversation about it. DON'T LET HER INTERUPT. Keep talking right over any interuptions she may try and make, until you've said your peice.
Once more from teh top, shall we?
"Why won't you let me "climax" in your mouth? And please don't try and blow it off again like you always do. I just want to know "WHY". That's it that's all. Just tell me why."
Then, IF she lets you in on why, or gives you an opening from there, take it and use it to keep the dialouge open. To hopefully find the base reason for her stopping, and maybe finding a solution to it.
Now to really piss you off.
What will you do if her reason is, She just doesn't want to do it anymore. What will you do?
=)
Have fun.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): I think that somewhere along the line, she has made this decision because of how unhappy she is over something.
I know I stopped even considering giving head or a blow job to my husband as I lost faith and trust in him after him walking out time and again when life became finacially tough-I was left picking up the pieces time and again and I resented him for this.
After he came back, I just couldn't make myself give him oral as it replused me.
I know I should have sought marriage counselling for us both at that time.
I suggest you get some marriage counselling set up. Even if the wife doesn't attend, just go and discuss your concerns...having a listening audience who wants to help you does wonders to the mind and spirit.
I also think that you have put so much on not getting oral that it has been built up and nursed into some festering resentment towards your wife.
Counselling.
Focus on all other wonderful aspects of your sexual intamacies with your wife ...is she good at hand jobs? In the shower with lots of suds? Her body?
Oral isn't the be all...there are lots of other things to take delight in.
And not too many wives are that big into oral...most don't venture past different positions...only now is there more "awareness" of how to please the one you love.
Take care.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): I've been married for 36 years and she has never given me a blowjob despite my asking (even pleading) throughout the marriage. I'm reconciled to the fact that I'll never get it now, but I can't help feeling that I made a mistake letting it go. My advice would be to get it where you can while you can. Otherwise you'll end up a disappointed and bitter old man like me, and I wouldn't wish that on you.
Good Luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006): Any woman who refuses to go down on a man who "licks her and licks her," shows the selfishness on her part. Sadly, many women are this way. As the say: intelligent women make better lovers. They understand what a man's needs are willing to work at bettering themselves as lovers. You'd be surprised how many dumb women there are out there who just like to lay back and let the man do all the work, giving nothing back in return.
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (10 July 2006):
 No blow jobs!!
The end of civillisation as we know it...
heh heh heh
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): It's a marriage thing, go and pay for it. If your wife won't provide all your needs now it's not going to get any better. Take it from me 2 BJ's in 12 years, sooner or later you will crack. May as well be sooner !!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2006): I love your last paragraph Mr. Anon - especially "Because I'll a lick a woman... I'll lick a woman to orgasm.... I'll lick a woman THROUGH orgasm... and I'll lick a woman THROUGH her next orgasm... non-stop."
If only...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2006): Anyone who refuses to give oral, guy or girl, is simply creating a problem. As a male, I've lived through some of the EXACT smae things. Is there a "How to not give your man a blowjob" school? lolI was told I was selfish, too, and that all I ever thought about was blowjobs. Well, I DID only think about blowjobs, because blowjobs were what I was not getting. I didn't have to think about intercourse... that was getting done.Anyway, to make a long story short, within 10 years she went from NONE at all to swallowing, but the frequecny was less than once a month (maybe once every 2-3 months). Due to issues other than sex (though sex probably was in there), we are no longer together. In our break up, she saw someone else and guess what.... she did not put him through the psychological torture at all. She gave him head and did it every time she saw him... and swallowed each time.So, when she asks now why we can't get back together, I make sure she knows what kind of a personal and psychological insult that was.Now, any woman who does not give head for any reason isn't worthy of me. Why? Because I'll a lick a woman... I'll lick a woman to orgasm.... I'll lick a woman THROUGH orgasm... and I'll lick a woman THROUGH her next orgasm... non-stop. And if I'm willing to do that, I can't have a woman who's only oral-experience is using her mouth to say no.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2006): I know how you feel, I have been there. The only thing I can say is that if she loves you, she would be trying to please you in bed. She obviously had no problem before. You should seriously rethink your relationship with your wife (if this is a serious issue to you, I know it is to me) and tell her that this is jepordizing your marriage. There are MANY women who want to please a man, as much as you want to please your wife. Don't allow yourself to be trapped by someone that selfish and uncaring.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006): Each human, to some degree, has an oral fixation. Most Americans satisfy that fixation with food. Sure, you can say he or she is just (typically) "self medicating," but when you examine his or her actions closely, you will find that the mouth can be used as a "destructive" device, or it can be used as a "loving" device.
We can hurt others with words; we can overeat until we are both unhealthy and grotesque; we can smoke until we just can't breathe; and so on. Without our mouths, we'd likely be reasonably peaceful creatures.
Regarding oral sex, you really should think back. The first thing a baby girl does is what? Suck. She sucks on a woman's breast, no less. It is not unnatural; and regarding "taste," breast milk isn't all that great either. But haven't we all sucked right from day one? (Again, "suck" used here not to be vulgar.) The reader below used the word "disgusting." In a healthy relationship, sex NEVER even gets remotely close to being "disgusting." In a healthy sexual relationship, our very own bodies and consciences tell us what to enjoy and what to avoid. (We ordinarily learn to avoid the destructive acts simply through common sense.)
I see no evidence that the man asking the "BJ" question would even think of "forcing" his woman; and I see no evidence from any of the response that anyone responding was likeminded.
Why the defensive response below? Why the "masculinity" remark? A man knows what he likes. And a woman knows what she likes. No man or woman in a healthy relationship relies on "one" to "please the other." They are already pleased with each other BEFORE they get naked. They don't gauge their contentness or happiness on the sexual act.
I have enjoyed pleasing my wife with my mouth. She absolutely loves it. It's really no different than the so-called "blowjob" (a term I don't recommend). Search the net, and you will likely NOT find too many women who complain about being sucked off. But there are so many women who complain about mouthing a penis to climax. Why is that? Maybe they are orally satisfied with one of the abovementioned goodies (food, et. al). Who knows?
Summary: If your mate/spouse doesn't like to suck penis or clitoris, and you are respectful, clean, and healthy--and just love it!--then you must get counseling. If you don't, your relationship will fail. If it hasn't already.
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reader, Angel ron +, writes (17 May 2006):
 Well hmmmm well technically you can't force her to do something that she doesnot agree with that wouldn't be fair on her try and respect her views and feelings and try treating her with a bit of respect.May be its somethin g that she doesn't like to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006): Please!!
If she doesn't like it or want to do it it is not a reflection on your *masculinity*. SHE DOESN't LIKE IT!!
Stop being so obsessed about it and stop trying to make her feel guilty. As fro the advice below, that is just disgusting!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006): I have found that the women I've dated who genuinely DON'T like oral sex are the ones who have compromised themselves, usually when they were young. You must never pressure a woman to perform. Modern women are only now becoming reminded that they are goddesses. As goddesses, they will joyfully take a man's offering if he is worthy (love, respect, tenderness). If you have a mate who will categorically NOT perform fellatio, then drop it. No good will come of driving the subject. If you have a mate who is genuinely trying to understand you (the man),then you can do two critical things: 1) build a lasting trust; and 2) show her that you would NEVER ask her to do something YOU wouldn't do. This may sound repulsive to many men, and I'm not saying this to be vulgar, but you may (if you have the strength) try this: When she is ready, have her perform. Love her as she mouths you. Tell her that you will come in her mouth, and tell her that after you come to hold the come in her mouth. Then, bring your face to hers, kiss her, and take the come from her. And swallow it! All of it! Again, I say this not to be vulgar or sound gay (I'm not). I have used this on several women who were unsure of the process of being worshipped. Each of them, over a short period of time, became quite comfortable with this type of sharing, and went on to enjoy taking my offerings, all on their own, with no need for "swapping the offering." Hey, you have to try something. Otherwise, stop complaining.
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reader, twiltan +, writes (16 May 2006):
Im afraid its part of marriage. My wife was exactly the same.As a GF she gave plenty of BJ, once married they dried up and stopped. I think its one of the tools they use to ensure the guy is hooked.Of course she still expects to recieve oral.I feel for you, as ive been there
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2006): Your resentment will grow. Never stops, trust me...
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reader, md +, writes (15 July 2005):
Giving a man a blowjob can cause different kinds of problems with a woman. For one thing, she could experience as being in a "less-worthy" position...but what I've seen most often is just the simple fact that women don't like it. When it comes down to my own experiences I've noticed that my biggest fear was the taste and the fact that not every man has the same thoughts about hygiene.My current boyfriends shaves his pubic hair and he's circumcised. Although lots of men would't even think about it, it does assure me of the fact that everything is clean. And to my surprise, the taste is much better.If the taste is a real problem, you could also consider NOT eating and drinking some things. info about that is probably easy to find on the net.But...if she doesn't WANT to...there's no other solution but to find a alternative..There are lots of exciting things to do with the male organ, but is a question of experimenting.And who knows...when both of you are really excited..she might just feel like it's the right time to give it a shot..:)but first things first, how to talk about it...If it makes her feel more comfartable, talk about it in bed, with the lights off...make sure that you don't pressure her, but tell her that you're willing to do your part as wel...maybe shaving..or looking up some info about other alternatives..But when it comes down to sex and especially oral sex, trust is the first step...And the last thing your wife needs is the feeling of guilt...
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reader, Alison111 +, writes (8 July 2005):
All tells me if she has swallowed and has given the all something in her needs to please. Perhaps she feels she no longer wants to perform. She may want caressed and satisfied herself - rather than doing all the time. Pleasure is giving and receiving - or bonus at the same time. Give and see the difference.Happy Love MakingAlison
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reader, becky05 +, writes (1 July 2005):
If she's really repulsed I certainly don't think you should force her to do anything she doesnt want to do. To broach the subject just tell her how much you would like it and why and if she still isn't for it youll just have to try and accept its never going to happen.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2005): Unless it's painful, you should BOTH be meeting each other's needs, including BJ's even if she's repulsed. Start slow, but after awhile it will become easier or non-repulsive. You don't "need to repect that", you DO need to discuss what your exact needs are so that she can meet them, and vis versa, otherwise it's human nature to get those needs meet somewhere else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2005): Well some women just don't like it!!!!Or she probably just stopped liking it. Don't try to make her do it or that could end up somewhere you probably dont' want to go. I don't like it and my husband knows it and he doesn't make me, he just has to deal with it. No one can make someone like something or do it just because you want it. She might just not want to do it anymore and you need to respect that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2005): ok i reckon you have got obssed with having a bj. thats very off putting for a woman. why is she talking about her prevouis lovers and taking them off ? if you are nice to a woman and you love each other then you will get a response but if you pushy on a subject that is very personal well you will get the reverse so play it cool tell her how nice it makes you feel
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