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anonymous
writes: I am in a perfect relationship in every way except for one thing. I adore oral sex - nothing else quite does it for me - but I haven't had a complete blowjob for 3 years.When I first met my wife, she did it every time - she even swallowed. But after a couple of months she decided that she wasn't even going to spit ever again. When she was still doing it, she said I tasted better than her previous boyfriends (relatively!) so I don't think it's just my taste. She has just decided that she is not prepared to do it anymore. Initially I was happy to be the one to make the sacrifice and spare her any discomfort but as time has passed I have become more and more frustrated at always missing that wonderful climax just when I am on the brink of it. I know it sounds silly but for the last year I have been a mental wreck because of this. I would say more than 50% of my waking moments (and a lot of lying awake at night) has been dwelling on the following:- All-consuming jealousy because my wife swallowed for her other boyfriends every time but is never even prepared to spit for me.- Resentment because I know I would do it for her without a second thought (and yes, I have tasted it!).- Feeling she can't love me if she is prepared to rob me of this pleasure- Not understanding why she isn't prepared to discuss it or isn't interested in finding a solutionThe last point is the worst; I believe the solution to any relationship problem should be to sit down and discuss it. But every time I try and broach the subject, my wife just tells me I am being selfish to do so and won't listen. Am I? The frustrating thing is that I have been racking my brains for the last year and I truly believe that I have come up with several solutions that would not be unpleasant for her but would still give me some of the pleasure I crave. But I never get a chance to discuss or try my ideas. If nothing else, does anybody have any suggestions on the best way to broach the subject without putting her on the defensive or upsetting her?Many thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): you guys need to get a life. Giving head is not on the job application and if you are so low that you are going to dump your girlfriend because of it, you dont deserve a dick in the first place. Its our decision, not something we have to do. Posting a blog on how your girlfriend or wife doesnt go down on you anymore just shows the kind of man you are in the first place and shows me exactly why they dont go down on you anymore..learn yoga and do it yourself idiots!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): It is a big problem for men today. I agree with the man who suggested holding off on the intercourse. It seems to work for me as my wife will give me head to get what she wants. I tell her I am not hard enough and she proceeds to suck me for a few minutes. I give her a nice hard 5 - 10 minute session and she finishes the job by sucking me until I come in her mouth. Whether she swallows or not, that is her business. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't.....it doesn't matter. I think if you give her the soft love for a 5 minutes before the serious sex, it goes a long way. I broke up with a girlfriend because I used to give her the easy touch and she never wanted to suck me. I told her that was unacceptable so I left. She called me for 10 months and I told her to stop harrassing me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): My wife suck!! She used to give me head all the time too!! She is one of those women that says she enjoys it, apparently not with me!!! Just her past guys!! Because I'm obviously not getting it!! Don't get married!!! Stay engaged forever!!! Don't do it!! It's a trick!! Women are soooooo lazy!!! I don't even like her sometimes because of the lack of sexualness!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): I couldn't IMAGINE not giving my partner a blowjob. He enjoys it, I enjoy making him happy, and more importantly I enjoy it! Maybe it comes from his reactions when I go down on him that I enjoy so much but I dunno fellas, I just say maybe those of you who are with women who aren't doing this for you chose the wrong partner so to speak. Not to say they are bad partners but I just heard something about making sure the person you're with are compatiable with you sexually as well as mentally, yadda yadda yadda. Too many times we (women as well) give up things because we're in love and figure 'well I guess I can overlook that'.
Anyways off my soapbox.
I am a woman. I have always given blowjobs to any partner I'm with. And will always continue.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): I dont even care if she swallows how about my starts off with giving me a blowjob for 1 minute. Then I would feel there is hope. We have been married for 12 years and I have gotten 2 blowjobs. While we were dating almost every week. She even told me about her past relationships on how she loved to give bjs. What the fuck? When I bring it up she tells me "SEX" is not important. Boy, talk about getting the bait and switch. We have a law for everything, women like my wife should do time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): Guess all woman are the same.
When i first met my girl, i used to get blowjobs all the time. She'd even initiate it.
Now, it just doesn't happen.
Once in a while, I'll ask and she'll do it.
But hey, does she need to ask me to go down on her...heck no. Heck, she gets mad if I don't kiss her without her asking.
Bah, I think we can all pretty much conclude women are selfish when it comes to sex :P Have no fear, your hand is always near.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): I just googled "my wife wont go down on me" and up this forum came! My wife does not give me a BJ, ever since we met. I did not ask for it, or indeed expect it, or perhaps position myself correctly. We have had silly games, ie - if you can get all the dishes done and shopping I'll give you a blow job, but its all said in jest. Nothing happens even if I do the washing and shopping!I am considering paying for it, but I dont want to cheat or feel guilty etc.My wife loves me going down on her, and sex is usually started like this. I may stop doing this and see what happens.Good luck everyone!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): Focus on the issue here. She used to give head, and now doesn't. Same here. I don't know why. Just stop wining and dining her. We can stop doing things that we used to do when dating too. We talked about it and it was a temporary solution. It'll fade again. If all fails, pay for it or get it from a younger, hornier girl. I just download a lot of oral sex oriented porn. If not for that I would have exploded by now, no pun intended.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): The divorce rate would be a lot lower if more women gave their men bjs.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): I have a very similar situation.
It's become a blessing to receive a BJ from my fiance. What also frustrates me is that she never wears sexy lingerie. She has it but never uses it. I'm fed up of seeing her with the same ugly uncoloured underwear as 3 years ago.
I also dont like that she doesnt like to kiss with her tongue, and I love it.
The sex is still good.
But my frustration about lingerie and kisses led me to cheat her with a 43 yrs old woman (Im 30). I got what I deserved and wanted: passionate tongue kisses, BJ, lingerie, nice safe sex, and this woman squirtted the 5 times we had sex. It was really great. And I Dont Regret At All of being a cheater. Before I met this woman I was so frustrated of the lack of BJ's that I hired a prostitute just for that. safe BJ with a condom. I also dont regret of doing that. And I will keep on cheating on my fiance whenever I can (I dont look for the situation that desperately) without any regrets.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): I have found myself in the irritating situation of having previous relationships where oral was a big part of my sex life, and now i have a fiance who is and has been completely against it since day 1. I am addicted to oral (giving/receiving) but mainly due to past relationships of incredeble bj's and having a girlfriend who absolutely loved oral. She would give "random" bj's throughout the day with no needed/wanted reciprocation. Have you ever had a relationship where your girlfriend calls you, and wants to take her lunch break to meet you and give you a bj just because she couldnt stop thinking about it at work? Then you get another, once she got off work because it was a "horny day" and then sex later that night? Perfect girl right? What was i thinking? Yes it was i who ended this great sex life, we just didnt click emotionally or any other way for that matter with exception to sexually.Upon first meeting my now fiance i was told the story of a forced bj by a previous relationship that made her completely uncomfortable with performing. Because of the situation i was ok with being patient because she said that she just needed to feel comfortable in knowing that she could trust me. Sex life was great, very constant, with just that lone exception. 3 years later as her fiance, i'm getting the "i trust you completely and love you, i just do not enjoy doing that at all" and "it's discusting and turns me off". Of course she has gotten better somewhat (she tries) due to us talking about it and she understands my needs. She attempts and will give for about a minute as a type of foreplay to get me going but then she will completely stop and want to move on to sex. She is the horniest girl ever when it comes to sex but will not give bj's!!! The situation has gotten worse with me because it has turned into a craving issue where I do not get a release. I have resulted in alot of bj specific pornography in terms of getting myself off and as a result. I am less responsive in the bedroom due to taking care of myself at an earlier time. It's not a physical attraction issue, i want to be on her all the time, but it's knowing that i will not get pleased that causes me to turn her advances away sometimes. I have hope that this will change for the better because everything else about our relationship is amazing.. she is the one i want to marry but getting myself off to bj pornography can only last so long.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): I have had much frustration dealing with this. So many women are so selfish as to expect you to fulfill their needs sexually and emotionally, but refuse to fulfill your needs. My last girlfriend expect me to cuddle with her at night, so I did. She said this confirmed my love for her and made her feel appreciated. But she couldn't understand that cuddling doesn't mean anything to a man, but a blowjob does confirm to me that she loves me. I would do anything for her if it gave her any amount of happiness, so I never understood why she wouldn't do the same for me. It was just plain selfishness and a lack of respect for me. I even made sure I only asked for it after showering and that I was well kept. The only bright point, is that there are lots of women who aren't as egotistical and will do it. You just have to find the right one. My current girlfriend is my dream come true. We make each other very happy and I have no doubt she will continue to do so for a long long time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2008): I have been with my significant other for 9 years. Im 38 shes 28. She knows how I am. I love blowjobs. Over everything. She spits but still she finishes the job. I get around 3 a week. Its like medicine to me. I just have to have it, and she knows this. Here are a few gripes, 99.9 percent i have to ask for it, she never voluntarily gives it. Until i started complaining about that, she did a few times, but i know she doesnt want to. Oh i forgot to mention she doenst particularly like giving them. Still i get them so I shouldnt complain. But it stills makes me yearn for the girl that loves to swallow and likes to give them, spontaneously. Thats something I want as well. I know I am probably asking too much, some of the posts in here would love to be in my position. Still, I am constantly dreaming of that right girl who would do that. Like it and swallow. She says swallowing the stuff makes her gag reflexes come up and she may hurl. To me thats just bull, I dont care if she doesnt like it. I like it. That should be motivation enough. I certainly would do anything for her, and in any way. Its not recripocated that way though. And another thing, it seems she can go without sex and have no problem. She never asks for sex, she expects me to start it up, she never initiates it. Its like i have to all the time. Which of course makes me feel crappy, not desirable. So what i have been doing is asking for blowjobs and getting them and not initiating any sex. So far 3 weeks, just bj's when i ask. no sex. I dont mind, but it makes you wonder.. I personally cant go more than 48 hours without some sort of release. How come she can go without it? Sometimes I think im with the wrong person. I recently also started to think about swinging. Brought it up too. I dont think she would be good with that. Oh well, issues issues.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): For everyone saying women are lazy -- shut. up.
Giving oral to a man is MUCH different than giving it to a woman (I know, I'm very proficient at both, and do both all the time). With a man, it can be painful, cause you to gag, etc. etc. Yes yes I know this will bring on tons of "fish smell" comments but guys' junk can be rank, too. Hairy balls in your mouth, the smell of an improperly-wiped ass wafting up at you... it can all be very, very offputting.
If you're not already up on it, time to catch up on your manscaping.
I personally love giving oral but after 20 or 30 minutes, my jaw and neck start to hurt. If I think my partner expects me to go on with it until he comes, then I'm less likely to want to do it. If he's okay with taking "breaks", then great.
Now, this is not to say that your wife is right in not doing it. It sounds like your problems go much deeper than beejers, if she's not even willing to talk about it. How is your relationship other than this? If you're unable to be open and honest with each other then you absolutely need some counselling or something.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): OK Guy's After reading most of the stories I found myself in the same boat!!
I've been married for 20 years, i'm 42 shes 43 (6months diff)
When i met my wife at the age of 19 I thought i had found the one and only ( you guys know what I mean) yes she was and is beautiful, we made love for the first time and it was special,
She was a virgin I was not but not experienced either,
We went on to have 3 kids, Yes the same problem you guys have she will suck it for a little while but will not let me go all the way, Yes sex As long as I ask for it I'll get it but oral ,
Not a chance why, I'll tell you guys something , I have annulized this problem for 20 years, yes I've gone down on her countless times and had sex countless times but as you guys know sex is only part of it ins't it?
The way I see it, is this ,
If she BJ's you and swollows , she loves you as much as she loves herself,
If she BJ's you and spits it out , she still loves you as one but ,maybe can't bring herself to swollow, who cares anyway right as long as its done ok,
Now here's the crust of it all,
If she only does'it for a short time and stops its because she thinks that you will be happy with that and you might have some decent drive left to give her what she needs ,AN ORGASM !!!
If she won't do it at all then, she is not that in love with you or she truly is not prepaird to do that because she has been brain washed by her mother !!!
YES THATS RIGHT !!! THE MOTHER INLAW HASA LOT TO DO WITH THAT!!!
What i did is I stopped having sex with her for a six weeks spell, yes I masturbated who wouldn't but I didn't give her any pleasure and I know she would not have done anything for her self because she's not like that !!
Now we have sex more offen , she still won't do it and because she won't I DON'T
REMEMBER THIS , WHATS GOOD FOR THE GOOSE IS GOOD FOR THE GANDER!!
If During sex she asked for it say "do me and I'll do you!
Then pretend to try and go down but stop at her belly button and come back up !!
She'll get the message!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Some of the other comments have been helpful. My girl used to give a bj every time I asked although she would never offer it. She claimed she liked to do it. After she said no the first time about 3 or 4 months into the relationship it went to once every two weeks and now once every month or two. I can't bring it up or talk about it. She shuts down. I know that we have talk about it countles times and she is just tired of the issue. Her complaints are taste when swallowing and my size, I'm thicker and about average length. I'm shaved, I always offer to shower before hand, I'm willing to not climax in her mouth, I eat pineapple, nothing helps. She's just done with it. I'm very frustrated with the situation. It very important to me, emotionally and psychologically it really means a lot to me. I have told her this. I go down on her. I'm going to do that more, not bring up blowjobs anymore and just try to be generally wonderful. I'm going to think good thoughs but I think I may have a selfish one on my hands. She's not too keen on cooking or housework either. And by not too keen I mean I do all of it or it doesn't get done and nicely asking her for help is like pulling teeth. We'll see...worst comes to worst I'm still young and unmarried, with no children, I can move on if I chose to.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): I'm noticing a lot of guys saying women are selfish, your just not with or having sex with the right women. I love giving my boyfriend blow jobs, there is nothing i love more than seeing him lose control with he's cock in my mouth. I love doing every position with my boyfriend, everything from me on top , doggy, anal you name it. I love experimenting it keeps the relationship alive. I want it with my boyfriend anytime, everyday.If i'm not doing it i'm thinking about doing it with him. He will even wake me 4 in the morning for sex.I'm happy to give in to him. I'm happy with my body, i love him looking at it. Especially when he watches him self going in out of my pussy. I'm the sweetest person you will ever meet. I don't like fighting with my boyfriend, i cook, i clean, i work hard and really busy ( i own my own restaurant) Everyone of he's friends tell him i'm the best girlfriend he's ever had. I'm not a slut if you guys are thinking that just because i love sex. i've been with 2 people my whole life. I'm 23 and my boyfriends 37, we have a large age gap, but we love each other and have a lot of fun together. we work hard on our sex life and it really brings you close together. I love him and make sure he is satisfied sexually before me. Sex is a big part of a relationship and your girlfriends and wives need to know that. Let them know that you love them but you need to be satisfied,and that you love satisfying them. If they don't then you may look somewhere else for your satisfaction. your not being a dick your human. If she does'nt get it leave.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): I'm noticing a lot of guys saying women are selfish, your just not with or having sex with the right women. I love giving my boyfriend blow jobs, there is nothing i love more than seeing him lose control with he's cock in my mouth. I love doing every position with my boyfriend, everything from me on top , doggy, anal you name it. I love experimenting it keeps the relationship alive. I want it with my boyfriend anytime, everyday.If i'm not doing it i'm thinking about doing it with him. He will even wake me 4 in the morning for sex.I'm happy to give in to him. I'm happy with my body, i love him looking at it. Especially when he watches him self going in out of my pussy. I'm the sweetest person you will ever meet. I don't like fighting with my boyfriend, i cook, i clean, i work hard and really busy ( i own my own restaurant) Everyone of he's friends tell him i'm the best girlfriend he's ever had. I'm not a slut if you guys are thinking that just because i love sex. i've been with 2 people my whole life. I'm 23 and my boyfriends 37, we have a large age gap, but we love each other and have a lot of fun together. we work hard on our sex life and it really brings you close together. I love him and make sure he is satisfied sexually before me. Sex is a big part of a relationship and your girlfriends and wives need to know that. Let them know that you love them but you need to be satisfied,and that you love satisfying them. If they don't then you may look somewhere else for your satisfaction. your not being a dick your human. If she does'nt get it leave.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): My take on this is that everyone is different and sex can fade as relationships mellow into longterm routine. Your options are:1. Try to alk to her again and if she refuses then accept that you're unlikely to change her mind on this and live with it.2. Have an affair / look elsewhere behind her back3. Have an affair / look elsewhere and tell her about it, giving her the option to accept it or not.4. Leave.Good luck x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): Male, 31yrs, Toronto ON
I have been with the same girl for 8 years off and on and she will not give me a BJ. She simply refuses to?? She is at least honest and has said straight up that she will not but that just seems to piss me off more, that I know that when we get married that the only way I will get a BJ is to cheat on her?? Doesn't seem to make sense? The strange thing, and some of the other guys have said this, girls I've dated other then her have been more wild but not girls at all I'd want to marry, and well her she's pretty darn boring but at least civilized and someone I'd want to marry.. So I guess you only get BJ's from the slutty girls or annoying girls?? I have no idea becasue I haven't found a nice civilized girl that likes sex and likes giving bjs? HELP!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): my wife gives me oral but will not swallow, and occasionally stores majority in her mouth with some dripping. She does not like the reciprocal. how can i get her to complete? Should i just accept what i have?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): To men sex and blow jobs are about recereation, gratification and pleasure. To woman it is about domination and control. The very fact that you try to initiate a dialog means she wins, and the chances of a blowjob is less liely, rather than more. Stop listening to all that 'male sensitivity' crap.
Tell her flat out that relationships are about meeting each others needs (within reason, no one need commit a felony), and that yours aren't being met. Don't be mean, but don't be apologetic, either. Let her know her know that you are willing to meet her needs and you expect a compromise in meeting yours. If she cannot do that for you, then you will have those needs met by someone else AND MEAN IT.
Is she refuses, then follow through. End the relationship and look for a new one.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): I know how you feel. I love to go down on her, but she refuses to give me a BJ. I have just given up. I now exercise like hell. I run marathons, do multiple push ups, pull ups etc. to handle the frustration. I can't leave her, so at least I'm in great shape. The only problem is that now that I'm in such good shape, other chicks notice me. Oh well, time to knock off 50 sit ups.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): This reminds me of a woman I knew who changed suddenly after embracing radical feminist ideology. It was "demeaning" for men to be given pleasure, and all of us were selfish pigs for wanting it. It was a pretty hypocritical double-standard; but that's what she was taught.
One other case comes to mind; the wife who did not want to finish orally because it decrased her chances of pregnancy! If she has a desire for procreation, a 'complete' blowjob may seem like 'cheating her chances'.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): I feel your pain.
Previous girlfriends have always sucked and I loved it.
I have now been with my fiancée over three years and have gone down on her countless times.
She tried going down on me once, and once only. That was with a condom on and she gagged and stopped straight away, that was well over two years ago.
Now any time I ask or mention it, it starts her off saying how she just doesn't want to. When I say you only tried it once, with a condom on she just begins to flip even more.
She's absolutely wonderful, apart from this department.
Any words of help guys, its driving me crazy.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): In my experience, most women are either lazy or selfish in bed, or both. I've never met a woman who ever objected to me giving her marathon oral stimulation, but when I dare to ask for some reciprocation, they aren't about to "go down there." The only woman who was ever great in bed was unbearable to be with otherwise.
And it's not about how I treat them outside of bed. I'm giving in every way. I think some people are "givers," others are "takers," and unfortunately the takers seek out us givers.
I'm sure it can go both ways genderwise, but this is just my experience as a man.
So people, if your partner does it for you, the you should "suck it up" and return the favor. If you don't, then don't be surprised when you get dumped or cheated on.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): I always swore I'd never marry a girl who didn't like giving head. Now I'm about to marry just such a girl. What's confusing is that she gives one of the best blow jobs I've ever had, only she doesn't do it often and uses it as a means of control. I've talked with her but she goes into fight mode. The only thing that works is what another person said here, which is doing the 69. That way she gets pleased at the same time she pleases me. I don't get it, because I'm happy to please her without immediate reciprication; but I guess some people aren't wired that way. Would appreciate more advice on how to discuss this with her.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): I've been married almost 25 years and my wife has NOT taken care of my sexual needs. I go down on her when she let's me and would do anything she asked to make her feel good. She'll go down on me but always stops when I get close -- it is so frustrating. She doesn't like the doggy position either -- she's a true missionary (ever so often) -- I may have had sex an average of 10 times per year over the last 8 years. I've attempted to be patient, went to counseling with her one time, encouraged her to go to more counseling (she hasn't), threatened a few times to give up altogether... she always says she'll do better, but then she never initiates sex of any kind and then when I bring it up I'm accussed of pressuring her -- she even says she was just about ready to initiate lovemaking but I did something to cause her not to. She is a wonderful "companion" and I love doing other things with her, but I wish I could have had a better sex life.
I guess I'm giving up on ever having a really good sex life but breaking up would cause other family problems and I don't want to give up the good part of what we share -- I'm stuck with a good "companion".
My suggestion is that if you are young enough, "tell" her how important a complete sex life is to you and ask her if there is a chance she could enjoy giving you the pleasure you so deparately are seeking! Ask her to seek professional counseling and give it six months without bringing up your desire for a bj. If it doesn't improve, a trial separation may be the answer. Think of all the other ramifications (family). If you are unhappy enough you'll move on -- make sure any future partners will take care of your needs (not just sexual) -- probaly better than going crazy!
Best of luck!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): Hey man. I feel your pain. I'm not going to beat around the bush here. Chances are she will never change. She is your typical selfish woman. She probably has no problem with you doing things for her that create intimacy (aka lots of foreplay) but when it comes to your own need for intimacy (aka oral sex) she doesn't have the time nor the desire. This is pure selfishness. She disregards your need for intimacy in your marriage simply because it is inconvenient or because she doesn't like it?!? That excuse would never fly for us men. If we stopped helping out with the dishes simply because it was inconvenient or we didn't like it, she's be up in arms.
I'm afraid you are going to have to chose between having an unfulfilled sex life or leaving your wife. It would be unfortunate if it came down to leaving her, but it is something that is in her control. If your need for oral is that big a deal (which it is for most men- women still don't get this) then it may come down to it. If so, make sure that your next wife understands that this is a deal breaker. No oral = no marriage.
Since we've already established that your wife is selfish, expect her to blame it all on you and call you a pig. That is exactly what a selfish person would do. A good woman on the other hand would recognize that she has failed to be a good wife and will start servicing you right away.
Good luck my friend.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): All of these women who are saying that it's your fault are probably just like your wife. Their response is an attempt to justify their own similar behavior. How pathetic. I'd give her three warnings then leave. Follow these steps:1st warning: Tell her you need it, and make sure she understands that you need it in order to experience intimacy. If you don't get one that night, proceed to warning 2.2nd warning: let her know that if she doesn't start you'll get it somewhere else. If she doesn't give you one by the next day, go to a bar 30 minutes before closing and choose the best looking girl who is still there (you want to wait until closing because, most likely some other schmuck has already bought her drinks and liquored her up, saving you money,and also if she's still there she's desparate, increasing your odds)take her to a hotel room, make all the promises you need and get your blowjob. This will increase your confidence for what you will have to do next.3rd warning: The next morning, tell your wife about what you did. Tell her if she doesn't give you one tonight, you're leaving. If you still haven't received what you need from her. Leave. Don't look back. Screw the house, the big screen tv and the homemade meals. You're a free man now who is getting sucked off every night by a different girl (who you meet at the bar 30 min before closing). This, my man, is worth being pennliless and living off SpaghettiOs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): Oral Sex is different from regular sex in that it isn't just two people joining together, it's one person "serving" another. It involves such humility to perform and (for some) that can be too much.
I recognize that craving a blowjob is much more than "it feels really good". I know firsthand that the real pleasure comes from knowing that she willingly takes you in her mouth and welcomes that presence. That's what's so special about the oral climax too, isn't it?
With that understanding... EXPECTING or feeling ENTITLED TO oral sex means that you believe that she should love you enough to put her own feelings on the subject aside and completely love and adore you. Hopefully, she could even enjoy doing it because she knows what it means to you that she would be willing to accept you into her in such a way. That appreciatation for each others needs is a beautiful thing.
That's just it though, if you expect her to put her difficulties aside and do this for you, because she loves you that much, well then... shouldn't you be doing the same thing? You may think that you are by performing oral sex on her, but that's not where her real issue lies. Showing the same sacrificial love and appreciation for her concerns on the SPECIFIC subject of caring about your cravings for her to perform oral sex on you.... that's where you can show her how much you love her. Often times women don't appreciate (mentally) what it means to recieve oral sex. I'm sure that some of them do, but I think that because of the "penis" symbol, men are more susceptable to this fantasy.
Oral stimulation between a husaband and a wife can be a beautiful sexual act. The joy, though, for the giver and the receiver is quite different. Let her know what it means to you, from a man's perspective. She very well might appreciate the whole topic a bit more.
In short... don't expect blow jobs... expect to give and receive love. Show it to her by seeking to understand her feelings and seeking (honestly) to simply have her UNDERSTAND yours. After all... when it comes down to it. Who do you love more... your wife or yourself?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): i say you get it somewhere else. i'm in the same situation and i'm ready to just go and get it from someone else. my ex would suck me everytime and swallow, i'm starting to miss her more and more.
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reader, AShloc  +, writes (5 September 2007):
I feel your pain my friend, My wife wwill not give even go near it . I have imporved my sex life in otherways but still that is lacking . I basically had to drive the point home inspite of the fact she didnt want to hear it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007): Ok, so let me tell you that if you would like to get your wife back into the kinky sex, the answer is pretty simple.I finally realized that my wife was getting pretty bored with our sex life. So I smartened up and realized it was me. So I started going down on her like every time we had sex and did plenty of 69 instead of just expecting head. I learned to get good at it too and can make her climax every time. I noticed I started getting blowjobs more often.Then I tried something pretty wild. I've always been into videos of group sex and stuff, so I left one on her laptop somewhere she would only find it one day. It was a video that had a chick doing two guys. That got her FIRED UP bigtime. Before I knew it, we were buying dildos and having some fantasy simulation. That drove her freakin' wild to know that the thought of her with other guys turned her on. Turns out, the thought of me with other girls turns her on a little too. I'm flying through this story now because she is waiting for me to get home for sex as I type.Let's just say that this new communication, experimentation and candor has opened up "Pandoras box" so to speak. Neither of us are really about to start having sex with other people (there is an AIDS crisis after all), but I learned that you've got to keep it interesting, exciting, you've got to listen and communicate. Eventually, you will start to dig that too.. cause trust me... it worked for me and she blows and swallows every time I get head now - She even learned to Deep throat which was a real surprise. ;-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): 5 years, licked her hundreds of times, recieved nothing in return. It's unlikely to improve and I think I'm going to find myself a more adventurous, less selfish mate. Fed Up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): I am going through the same kind of resentment towards my fiance right now. Not exactly the same scenario as yours, let me explain..
I think it is absolutely necessary to hold previous sexual encounters over your wife's head if her previous encounters involve her being MORE sexual with an ex-boyfriend that didnt mean anything to her. You are her husband and she should be open sexually with you. If she can swallow for some random guy she dated, she can definately do it for you, or at least spit! The fact you would do anything to pleasure her but she does not feel the same way is very selfish. Especially if you are in a faithful relationship and you come to her for your needs but she does not honor them.
I think I might be marrying a prude, and this scares the crap out of me. The hardest thing now is finding a way to stop the relationship before the marriage. We have a lot invested together(home, savings, etc) but my resentment about things she told me about her past is destroying me.
My fiance made the mistake of telling me a few things about her past, and at one time it didn't bother me. But now those conversations come back to haunt me since our sex life is a total wreck. Let me get one thing straight, I'm not upset that she has past sexual relationships. This would be ridiculous because I have past relationships too. What I resentment is her telling me about how sexual she was with someone, and now I have to fight with her to just have casual sex. This is unacceptable. I have always been open sexually with her, and would do almost anything to please her needs. And when she doesn't offer me this but has the nerve to tell me how she did whatever some random guy wanted to do all the time.
It never makes sense to me why someone would be so sexual with some jerk who didn't do anything for her, but she loves me so much she wants to spend her life with me and put me thru psychological torture over sex. Advice to all men out there who haven't got married yet, if your woman starts to change and your sex life gets worse do not marry her, I repeat DO NOT MARRY HER! Don't be fooled into thinking things will get better because they probably won't.
Don't let people make you think your resentment is wrong. Especially people who have very satisfying sexual relationships, they do not know what you are going through. My advice is to divorce her, things will only get worse. I am only 28 years old and living with a girl that makes me resort to masterbating to satisfy myself. This is awful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2007): I am a female and i was the same when i first met my partner. I cant stand to do it now and it frustrates him, but i dont find it pleasurable at all, i guess it just depends on your girl and wether she enjoys doing it or not. Put yourself in her shoes, would you enjoy doing what you males wont us to do - i mean would you do it to a guy? I wouldnt push the subject just understand that it is not something she wants to do anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): I spent five years with a guy who wouldn't go down on me. Five years to long. Not only would he not perform cunniligus but he would barely touch my pussy.But although I sucked dick like a pro he would not recipicate.He loved to fuck but he said he just wasn't into it (licking).
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): I get regular bjs from my wife. she loves coming down on me, she gave me road head! Sit your wife down, and talk to her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2007): I dont suck...because when I was 6 years old, i was made to suck a dirty old mans cock. So, even though i love my boyfriend, and will do anything for him, i physically cannot do that. I AM NOT SELFISH and it's not about me being a lazy lover. I just cannot do it. My boyfriend understands that, and if a |
