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My wife wants to have sex with another man to get pregnant!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Marriage problems, Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 December 2007) 28 Answers - (Newest, 2 May 2012)
A male Australia age 51-59, *pedlow writes:

My wife is desperate to get pregnant. She is 39 and we have been trying for about 4 years. She doesn't want to do IVF we tried IUI and she hated it. A good friend has offered to have sex with her (unprotected) to see if that would work. (nb I am not infertile my sperm count etc is fine.)

Should we do this? What are the risks/ problems ..

(I'd be happy to adopt the child if she does get pregnant.)

View related questions: sex with another, sperm

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A male reader, classycouple United States +, writes (2 May 2012):

Not sure if you still read these replies, but my wife and I are a VERY successful and happy couple. I allowed her to play with other men when she confessed a crush on her much older neighbor during our engagement. She has had many men since and we have played with couples as well. She had 1 favorite and the 3 of us became really good friends. If your relationship is solid on all levels, as ours was and is, and you just want that extra spark, this sort of thing can do just the trick. So we were about to have our 2nd kid and her boyfiend made a surprise visit. She preteneded to be concerned about being fertile but prior to cumming she kept asking him and me where he should cum, even after we agreed he would pull out. He eventually did pull out and she asked him to continue f**king her just after and while he was still dripping. About 30 minutes later, she told me she was going upstairs with him alone. I entered the room when they were done and he was still very deep inside her. She was clearly proud of her decision. While she did not conceive that night, the experience was clearly one of our most heightened sexual encounters either of us ever had and the most talked about since. I will stress, that you should have a strong relationship where total openess and honest prevails first. One of her other guy friends tried to do the same thing with his wife and she did wind up leaving him for the guy they found. We warned him that they only met a year earlier and that he may want to wait until they built a stronger foundation. While additional sexual partners is clearly not for everyone, if you are very secure with yourself and the relationship, sex isnt cheating. Only the heart can cheat. You know yourself and you should ask her if she really feels that she can detach herself from him emotionally even if she enjoys him physically.

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A male reader, cuck United Kingdom +, writes (16 October 2011):

my wife has been taking lovers for many years now.

we have four lovely children, all by strangers .

but we are a family .

the two eldest know that i am not their biological father and when than other two are what my wife considers the right age she will explain things to them.

i have not had intercourse with her for 12 years

i am looked after sexualy by masterbation .

my wife now wants one last child

she is at the moment upstairs with a guy

she met in a shop yesterday.

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A male reader, hosta United Kingdom +, writes (8 November 2010):

We thought my first wife could not get pregnant ,so we had one of my mates sleep with her ,we agreed that each time he did her ,and that was lots i would sleep with her too soon after ,while his ejaculation was still in her ,it did the job ,and was not sure whether it was his or mine .However i found out when we split she had been with him often before it was agreed ,years on there is no mistake who child it is his looks and all ,i still feel hurt

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (9 June 2010):

eyeswideopen agony auntTwo and 1/2 years later I wonder if he's still looking for advice......

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010):

YOU'LL LOSE YOUR WIFE. I GUARANTEE YOU THAT.

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A male reader, bcbuzz Canada +, writes (3 June 2010):

well i feel for you but if your happy with each other and that is the only thing in the way find a man that looks like you and do it or your going to loose him man don't go with some friend or you will not be happy

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A male reader, PeteTTT United Kingdom +, writes (4 April 2009):

Hi,

Personally I think your 'good friend' is simply trying to get his end away with your missus. I'd call that an indecent proposal and would probably knock his teeth out for suggesting something like that to me.

If your sperm count is normal then the problem doesn't appear to be with you. Has she had her fertility checked yet? Could you handle your 'friend' having sex with your wife? I couldn't handle anyone else sleeping with the woman I love, friend or otherwise, it'd destroy the trust and exclusivity in my relationship and I'd resent my friend forever for stepping over that boundary. In your case I think it's highly unlikely to result in a pregnancy, more likely to result in your 'friend' bragging to others over a few beers about how he duped you into letting him sleep with your wife.

With friends like that, I don't think you need any enemies and if your wife is taking this suggestion seriously then perhaps you should be analysing the strength of your marriage and the rights she affords you within the relationship. Her willingness to have sex with another man instead of undergoing IVF doesn't give any indication that she genuinely wants YOUR baby, if she wanted it that badly she'd go through anything, however uncomfortable, to have YOUR child, YOU are supposed to be the man she loves, why would she want anyone else's baby?

Best of luck, I feel for you, mate.

Pete

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A male reader, JeffC United States +, writes (8 May 2008):

Dude-

Go to a swingers party and engage with another married couple. Let THEM help.

Then your wife will have endure you having sex with another woman as well.

at least you'll be even and may even have a good time.

And oh yeah, get pregnanat too...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008):

Dude-

Go to a swingers party and engage with another married couple. Let THEM help.

Then your wife will have endure you having sex with another woman as well.

at least you'll be even and may even have a good time.

And oh yeah, get pregnanat too...

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A male reader, WastedLife United States +, writes (30 April 2008):

This is a really bad idea. If the potential pregnancy is worth more than your relationship, you two won't last. Marriage is tough enough without third parties, and if she got pregnant by him, the child would always carry the genes of that infidelity. Personally, I couldn't live with it.

I would work on the relationship if you really want it, and let go of the idea of her becoming pregnant completely. Just go at it for fun and joy without needing or using birth control! What a great feeling, and you can really get your relationship right. She is more likely to conceive if you don't worry about it, and just focus on fun. Stay healthy, stay loyal, and live for each other. If she doesn't get pregnant in five years, then adopt, if you want to.

The rates for genetic problems are higher when you are older, but not that much - the difference between 1% and 2% for Down's. Just relax and trust in the life process, and/or God, as you prefer.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008):

I hate to burst your bubble, but your wife is well past her "good" child-bearing years (35). Do yourselves a favor and just adopt. At her age your wife is much more likely to have a child with Downs Syndrome.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008):

NO!!!! Tell your wife that will destroy your marriage!! and she will regret doing it later.. and Another Reason!!!If she can't get pregnant it's not her time and she should learn to understand that GOD for some reason does not want her to get pregnant right now ... this happend to my sister and she miscarried 3 times and then 7 years later she had 2 kids so, If you want to stay married and happy tell your wife, no child should have to be brought into the world just because she wanted to have a baby by another man.. That baby's father should be the husband... unless you adopt.. you can't get around that.. JUST BE PATIENT!!! If GOD wants you to have a baby he will give you one...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008):

There is no problem in doing this. A recent study showed that approximatley 25% of all children born in marriages are not the husbands anyway. As long as you are both willing and love each other, what's the problem? My wife and I did this, and couldn't be happier.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008):

It appears to be a meaningless question. You seem to be having a fantasy to watch your wife have sex with another man,surely influenced by the internet pornography of wife watching stories. Otherwise, why you should consider your friend to have sex with your wife to make her pregnant, when your sperm count etc. are OK. Do you want children or some fantasy sex. It appears that both of you ( you and your wife) are victims of senseless and uncontrolled internet pornography. Please do get some professional help and get counselling. Recently, I read about a Hospital in Anand who are specialising in managing pregnancy with willing surrogate mother. You should be wife and husband and not some irresponsible male and female living together.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007):

I think your wife just wants to bang the guy, thats super suspicious, sorry man, kick that hoe to the curb

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007):

no, you might destroy your marriage with insecurities & jealousies. What if they enjoy having sex together? What if they keep doing it? What if he wants the child later & won't let u adopt? What if she can't get pregnant, will u have sex w/ someone to see if the other woman will get pregnant?

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A female reader, xmeganx United Kingdom +, writes (11 December 2007):

xmeganx agony auntwow how nice of him to offer huh!

You'd be making a HUGE mistake accepting this

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007):

noooooooooooooooooo!! God no... its a VERY bad idea. You need to both get checked out, and she would probably benefit from an ovulation prediction kit

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A female reader, sexy_saz666 United Kingdom +, writes (6 December 2007):

lmao what a stupid thing to say...

just turn round to her and say ''well how about i go and screw a

surrogate coz there is nothing wrong with my sperm?'' seriously hunnie it just sounds like they want to screw each other and if she was that desperate for a child she would go for ivf,adoption,fostering e.t.c hope you sort it out xx

oh and give that GIMP a slap for being so cheeky xxx

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A male reader, SamuraiRick United States +, writes (5 December 2007):

SamuraiRick agony auntSo your friend goes up to you and after being privy to your case, and I wonder who told him and why, he goes to you and says “You know I can do you a favor and screw your wife!” And you buy that? She buys that? She’s says she cant stand the idea of getting impregnated in a clinical way, but then she and your “friend” act like having sex can be done in pure clinical way for this purpose. Yah right.

So how many times are you going to let them bang before she gets knocked up? Will he be over every night? They’ll have their clinical session of sex until results happen. Will they be at it for hours while you’re waiting outside the bedroom looking at your watch, wondering why they are moaning in excitement doing their clinical best to get you a baby?

I guess to make you feel better about it they might start out only with the missionary position, and let you be in the room to watch. If the pregnancy test comes in negative, they’ll tell you they need to vary the positions. They’ll try every position in the book including the anal positions just in case. Then they’ll tell you they need some privacy, not only keeping you out of the room, but out of the house.

SO do you still like this idea? Is this really about a baby? I don’t think so. This is about you giving them permission to knock boots. Wake up and smell the KY!

If your wife is serious about having a baby with you she will do it the right way, either with you or with a clinical procedure like IVF. This whole idea of doing your friend is anything but clinical.

Sex even without the confines of Love is simply not “clinical.” Sex is done with passion, and there’s an emotional involvement. As I guy even you should know you just don’t have sex with a girl you are not attracted to. Erections are triggered from desire and lust. You don’t just snap your fingers and automatically you can get it on. If your buddy wants to help you he is also going to help himself and definitely enjoy doing your wife. Make no mistake of that.

SO if you’re willing to live with all of this, then go for it. There’s only the remotest chance you will gain a child, but in the end you’re looking at losing a whole lot more.

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (4 December 2007):

Yos agony auntFor a male (and perhaps extreme) perspective, I can tell you what I would do. I'm not saying this is the right thing, only how I'd react.

I would be 100% unwilling to do this. I know that there is no way I would be able to handle the resentment and jealousy that this would create (in me) if my wife was to get pregnant by another man. Not to mention the huge feelings of inadequacy I'd have to face. The result would probably show in my treatment of the child, however much I'd want to give them the best possible upbringing.

Perhaps there are men out there who could handle this situation. I know I couldn't. It would tear me apart utterly. I know you say that you'd be happy to 'adopt' the child if she did get pregnant, but I don't think it's as simple as that. Men are genetically programmed to react very badly to their partners getting pregnant by another man, it can bring out unexpected and terrible emotions. Be careful, and best of luck.

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A female reader, Sweet-thing United Kingdom +, writes (4 December 2007):

Sweet-thing agony auntNo, I wouldn't let her do that! She's lost sight of the brass ring here and her obsession is blinding her to logical reason. First of all, I suspect she is the problem in this can't-get-pregnant scenario and having sex with someone else is going to result in nothing more than, her having sex with someone else, which will ultimately ruin your marriage. Because even if you agree to it, I think underneath it all, it will begin to bug you, and eventuall erode your intimacy. And if by some miracle chance, she does conceive by this other man, it will bond her to him, not you. It will be his baby, not yours. Even if you adopt this child and give him your name, this friend will no doubt want to be involved and he will then have to be fit into your lives from that point on and she may even fall in love with the man who granted her the one thing you could not. I wouldn't agree to this if I were you, and I wouldn't grant her permission to do it either. If she is truly desperate for a child, then you should consider adopting. There are so many children who have already been brought into this world, and have no loving parents to raise them. It would be foolish to corrupt your marital vows in a desperate attempt to conceive, when you could be blessing a child who is already in need of someone to love them. If you wife won't reconsider, she should probably seek pscychiatric help. She is placing more value on this child, than she is on you and that is like getting the cart ahead of the horse. Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007):

I agree with Waterloo. You would be amazed at the discomfort and inconvenience women will endure in order to concieve. So c'mon, what's going on...really?? With this friend of yours? I hate to cast doubt, but something is greatly out of whack here. Are you sure these two or one of them, isn't scamming you a bit? Think about it. As pointed out by the other Aunts, your sperm is perfectly okay. Secondly, even if there was a problem with your sperm and your friend wants to be helpful, he can donate his sperm which can be artificially imseminated into her. I know that IUI is a procedure that can be uncomfortable, but, it's the 'right' thing to do, don't you think? On top of all this, your wife has the medical problem...it's unlikely NO man's sperm could get her pregnant. I'd really question the loyalty and sincerity of this friend of yours who so 'graciously and willingly'(?) offered his stud services. Sheesh.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007):

I think you are missing the point. If your not infertile then the problem must lie with your wife. Therefore it doesnt matter who she has sex with, there is not going to be a baby.

If I were you I would make her see that the idea makes you uncomfortable and honestly could cause more problems than its worth, from where I stand it looks as though she is willing to destroy what you have together as long as she gets a baby. I do understand the desparation of wanting a child and that is why IVF is a much more rational option and it is more like a service than an emotional sacrifice,which is what sleeping with your friend would be.

Please give IVF a go or adopt a baby, dont loose the battle x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007):

thats not gud idea to use ur friend sperms.........if she loves y she wants to have sex with urfriend.......y she dosnt want to consult doctors instead of other man sex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007):

You shouldnt do this. It will lead to misery and possibly divorce. How can you even consider letting another man make love to your wife. Babies are born out of love. sorry but i cannot say i like this idea one bit. She doesnt want IVF etc, are you sure she wants a baby and doesnt want to sleep with another bloke? Also if your sperm count is ok, then the problem must lie with her, so sleeping with someone else isnt going to work. Both of you need to get thoroughly checked out at the doctors and see just what is happening, but having her sleep with another bloke isnt the answer.

take care

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007):

Firstly, I dont know about you but I wouldnt even want to think about how I would feel knowing that my wife was pregnant by a friend of mine. I dont care how good a friend they are.

Secondly, if she wants kids that bad and its just not happening then I would seriously consider adoption. There are so many kids out there looking for loving parents. The last thing this world needs is a baby coming into the world the father thinking, this is not my kid, this is my friends kid.

Thirdly, if your sperm out is fine, then its possibly something to do with your wifes body not your, so no matter how many friends you get to do the deed with, it wont make her any more pregnant than she is. She needs to think about getting herself properly checked out by a doctor who knows what he is talking about.

Dont go through with something you will later regret. I cannot believe that your wife would even consider the idea of sleeping with another man.

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (4 December 2007):

TELLULAH agony auntHi,

I wouldnt go there if I were you. If there is nothing wrong with your sperm count, its not you is it? And what will having sex with another man do, as there is obviously something wrong with her. Anyway even if you did decide to use this friends sperm, he doesnt actually have to have sex with her. There are other ways.

I personally think you will hold a grudge about this in the future if you go ahead. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well.

XX

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