| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: my wife wants me to watch her with another man. It really turns me on, but I don't want to ruin things. What do you think? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): I'm glad that you are interested in what your wife wants. I have spent most of this day trying to figure out how to tell my husband that I want the lifestyle. I don't think the response will be afirmative.
Good luck, it sounds fun.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 There is a book I am going to recommend to you to read before this happens. The title of it is "Sperm Wars" and it will explain WHY it would turn you on to watch.
Next, learn everything you can about swinger culture and polyamory before you do anything. I have a number of free download interviews on my site www.FBKradio.com about swingers and polyamory, so you can start there for free.
If the two of you enjoy it, then it is no ones business, however the KEY to it bringing you closer instead of destroying what you have is to set firm boundaries ahead of time, and sticking to them.
Will she be practicing safe sex? Will you be invited in at some point or just remain watching? Will you look into being with a woman and having her watch, or join in the future? Who will be the man? A friend, co-worker, relative, or does it have to be a stranger so that the chances of it leading to more does not happen? Who chooses the other man? How is that decision process made? Your place or a motel?
What if she wants him again, but you are out of town and not there to watch...is this OK?
See what I mean?
Start off with getting the information first, then set your boundaries, and then explore if that is still what you decide to you.
Lastly, what seems good in fantasy does not always transfer well in reality. You can not really know how you will react when the act happens. You might be turned on, or you could end up feeling abandoned and threatened. Have a contingency plan in place.
I am an advice columnist in three swinger/alternative lifestyle magazines and this is what I would suggest there.
-Frank B Kermit www.fbkradio.com
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A
female
reader, Madam Taylor  +, writes (12 June 2008):
Forget what you wish, think or any liberal person tells you, I'm liberal and learnt the hard way it will effect the relationship maybe not now but it will. It is all about respect, and I promise you no matter how much the idea turns you on or hoe much you want it afterwards there will be something lost between you that you in no way can ever get back.
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A
female
reader, SugarCookie  +, writes (12 June 2008):
My feelings on this that no one seemed to pick up on is that see wants you to WATCH her not be in there. I think that you are just opening the door to cheating but I could be wrong.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): I'm going to come at this from a different angle.We do this. Notice I wrote "We". My wife has sex with other men (I remain monogamous). But I am included even though I am rarely present.Even though it is something *she's* doing doesn't mean you shouldn't be included. What should be interesting to you is WHY it turns you on. THAT is what YOU get out of it. We all know what she's going to get out of it.What's more is she must understand this turns you on and be inclusive in this way.There is a lot to talk about on this. It is great for us after years of it but we are very open and committed to each other.Pages of info could go into discussions about the other guy. All I can say in this little blurb is to keep in mind he's a human and has feelings. It's easy to think of these guys as objects. This may become different to your wife and him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): No don't do it!It will ruin your relationship. Have you ever seen the movie Indescent proposal? You will end up getting jelous and get into a fight. Try to spice up your sex life in other ways.
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (12 June 2008):
 you better think it way through and be wrapped pretty tight to even give this one a moment of real attention. What's wrong with the one on one at the house. I've heard this suggested between a couple out in the real world. I kind of was already a third but they wanted to bring in a total stranger. The real truth of these guys was that it was harder to find someone willing to do it than it was for them to have s guy in their bed with her. They worked on me for a year or more before I realized they were serious and it was almost that long after....before they caught me drunk enough to get in bed with her. For me the experience was like making yourself breath underwater. I had to override the same wiring to let myself have a go. But after one time I thought what the f. I'm getting laid and he's not trying to zero in on me from behind and so it went. But they are a one of a kind couple and I was a horny 20 year old in the midst of a severe dry spell. It would never happen today. Not with any women around that I know now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): i think maybe you need to stop and think about this. first of all why would she want you to watch her wit another man.Is it because she wants you to get some ideas from another man that knows what he is doing in the bed. because obviously you dont know how to work it in the bed. So i think before you let her go along with that you should go and buy some porn and get some ideas from that instead of watching your wife with another man. both you and your wife should watch it together. then after you watch it you can practice what you just learned with her. maybe she will change her mind after that
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A
male
reader, gnu +, writes (12 June 2008):
This can go either way to be honest, in my humble opinion. On one hand, if you have the trust, devotion and commitment that lasting relationships are based on, you've never had any problems with dishonesty and infidelity since you began said relationship from either person, and both of you are interested and can be open and honest about all the details then it *can* be a positive experience.
On the other hand, trust and honesty are huge factors here - along with self confidence and controlling jealousy. Take it from one who's been there (although I wasn't given a choice like you) if you make promises to each other before anything happens, both of you must keep them or you're in for a world or problems.
A bit more information regarding your wife's request would be helpful but I'll refrain from asking and will post more if you're willing to, and if you even know, such details.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Are you the least bit jealous? If so, then I would say "no way!" ...but, if all of you (and that means the third party too) are in agreement about this and have talked it all out, not to mention getting STD tested, then for me, the needle only slightly rises into the "maybe" category.
I guess the bottom line here is just how tight you and the wife are. If you two are completely solid, no relationship hang-ups whatsoever, then yeah -- you could make a three-some work. I would spell out everything that is going to happen ahead of time and leave no room for unscripted play. It just seems that if everyone is on the same page, then there's less of a chance of anyone walking away hurt... from here, it's your call... good luck in whatever you decide to do.
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A
male
reader, B and T +, writes (12 June 2008):
Can I be the other man? LOL. Seriously though it really depends on what you as a couple want/need. I have known where this worked, although I think the husband was bi and they were really sharing lovers. But reality is different from fantasy. If there is a male strip club in your area try getting a joint lap dance and see how you feel about seeing her interact with another naked man. If you feel jealous or insecure stay away from going any further. And remember introducing a third or more sex partner greatly increases your risk or STD's or AIDs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Sounds a bit dangerous-- to your marriage, that is. Whatever you do, start slow. Do some research and look up practical advice on threesomes... you're certainly not the first couple to have thought of such a thing. Some couples are successful. Go on a "date" and see whether you're comfortable seeing your wife flirt or sit on the lap of the other man, etc. Don't forget to listen to your feelings and agree with your wife and the other man to STOP as soon as one person feels uncomfortable.
Finally, don't forget that fantasy and reality can be very different things... you'll be dealing with real people with real feelings, even the other guy may have some.
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