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My wife wants another man on the side and still be with me as well.

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 12 July 2013)
A male United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

me and my wife have been married for about 6 months and she tells me that she wants a little something on the side .so i asked her what she wants on the side .she told me that she wanted another man and still be with me as well. what should i do?

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A male reader, grauhund United States +, writes (12 July 2013):

i see a lot of silly answers to you question. you should do what you want. you have to be honest with yourself and really think about how you would handle your wife fucking another man. also, you must think about how your wife would handle fucking other men. i say men because once a wife starts having sex with another man, it become two other men then three then more. it is actually better that way because if your wife keeps it as recreational casual sex, there mostly likely won't be emotional attachments formed that make you feel your marriage is in trouble. if you can handle your wife going out to fuck a man and then coming home to you with a smile on her face, go for it. monogamy is pretty boring, especially for women. men like frequent sex and most are satisfied that it is mainly the wife giving them the frequent sex , but women like variety of men because it makes them feel sexy, hot, desirable and that makes them want to have even more sex, and with their husbands too. don't pay any attention to the nay sayers. they hate any sexual activity not sanctioned by what ever religion oppresses them. they invent thousands of reason why NOT. but, if you feel you and your wife are mature enough to handle the situation, then go for it and have fun. you may want an open marriage or a hot wife arrangement (you don't want the hot wife arrangement because that has an emphasis on humiliating the husband). or you may want to swing. my wife and i mainly swing, but she often will go out with a guy that strikes her fancy at the time. we have done it for years with not problems.

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A female reader, Abby27 Australia +, writes (14 April 2011):

I am amazed at your wonderful desire to give this woman what she wants. What you want is most important. But it is great she told you rather than going behind your back. She must have been thiking about it before the wedding. It could go a few ways. 1- She has this man on the side and realises it's just excitement and true love really is better and worthwile with you. 2- You are just lust to her and she's getting addicted to lust and looking for it which will only end in disaster with everyone involved and the breakup will be well needed and good for you. So it could go either way. Just follow your heart. Give her the freedom to learn her lessons if she needs to. But dont be sad. Cos if you were only lust to her, an ending to the relationship could rlease you to find something better. But if it is real love, then she should come to her senses if you allow her to explore this. Speaking from experience, I also did exactly this to my partner and realised that we were way more important together than for just excitement that fades. But if he didnt give me the freedom to explore, we would have never known.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011):

let her go...be happy that she told it with six months ...you don't need lost yor time with this little woman..go after a good woman .Another thing even if she change her idea now..don't believe she soon or later will put in your forehead a pair or horns and make you become a cuckhold ...get away from this little woman....run guy take a chance now

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A female reader, ShiShisAdvice United States +, writes (8 January 2011):

ShiShisAdvice agony auntYour wife is a silly fool. See all women want to be married, you gave her that. And we like to be adored/admired which is what the other guy is giving her. If you love her, grow a back bone and demand that other relationship end today. She just wants to incite you to "man up". If you can't do that then give her the divorce she deserves and find a good wife. She's out there. See I was like your wife. Thinking I was made from the finest chocolate that everyone just had to have a bite from, til one guy told me, NO ONE wants chocolate that others have eaten. Get my meaning? I thought I was the one tossing men a nibble here and there but then I turned around and all I had left was a chunk of stale chocolate that nobody wanted anymore, how I wished I didn't let that "good" guy go (that means YOU) Let her wallow in her excess, there is another lady for you trust me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010):

This is quite simple my friend, you have to tell her how you feel about it. Don't worry about how she feels, tell her how YOU feel. If you don't be honest with yourself, then you won't be able to live with yourself. Best of luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010):

This suggestion doesnt come out of the blue.There is already someone lined up.She's taking a chance by asking you,hoping you would be okay with it,so then she wouldnt feel so guilty.If i were you i'd keep an eye on her,because even if you're against her suggestion,she mite go behind your back and do it anyway. Anyway goodluck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010):

You need to get out of the marriage, get it annulled or divorce.

Sorry, but at this stage in married life she should be crazy about you and you about her. If you aren't, then the marriage is a sham.

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A female reader, chita22  +, writes (31 December 2010):

chita22 agony auntU need to learn the word HELL NO!!!! Why in the world would she even think about it if she wasn't happy she shouldn't have gotten married to u. My guess is she's gonna do it any ways if you've been married for only 6 months and she already wants somebody else damn. I'm not a big fan of divorce but this marriage is already over. U want to be married to a girl that's wants only u that should be satisfied w/only u. I'm being honest u need a NEW wife! A.S.A.P! Don't be weak stand up for yourself.

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia + , writes (31 December 2010):

Hi there. You both got married really young, didn't you?

I'm actually rather surprised by this. Many young people your age, are still just going out socializing with their friends, travelling, spending money on themselves, and just simply dating. But very rarely getting serious in any relationship, for many years - at least another 5 years.

Because you haven't mentioned it, I am guessing there are no children yet. If this is true, that's good.

Had you both been going out together long before you got married?

Was this your first relationship for both of you?

If it was the first for both of you, then perhaps your wife is wondering what she's missing out on. That is to say, if she has never dated anyone else. It's possible to have those thoughts when you have married so young.

If I were you, I would be having a talk to your wife about what she's feeling about everything. She can't have both you and someone else. She has to make up her mind what it is she does want.

When you do talk, ask her what she feels is missing from her life at the moment. When she can answer that, the rest will be easy from then on.

It might not be anything against you, but perhaps it's more a thing of feeling stuck in her life in some way. Perhaps she feels her life lacks lustre - not enough fun. She might even feel like outside of what she does for work, there might not be much else.

Quite often many people make their work, their whole life. Then after a while, they start to wonder why they feel so empty inside.

There seems to be a gap in her life, at any rate. Perhaps if she had an interest or hobby that was fun, this might put some balance back into her life. Balance might just be the missing link.

She sounds like she's bored with life at the moment.

People often do strange things, when there is an imbalance in their lives. They go looking in all the wrong places.

Good luck and best wishes. Take care.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010):

Way too many possible variables involved in a question like this to really give you a good answer (I don't know you, or her, or anything about either of you). But I can tell you what I would do if it was my wife (my wife and I are both "good looking" and have been married 18 years): I would encourage it with a few conditions: 1) Always practice safe sex; 2) Always keep it open (no lying about it, just tell me you're going out overnight so I'll know when you're getting it on the side; and 3) No double-standard, I'm doing it too.

In short, I would absolutely love to let my wife get a little on the side and then come home to me emotionally while I was able to do the same thing. The problem here is my wife would never be into "sharing" each other.

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