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My wife talked me into a threesome and she had anal sex with the guy but has never let me. How do I move on?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 August 2015) 8 Answers - (Newest, 28 August 2015)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, *b82 writes:

I have been married for 5 years and recently my wife had started suggesting that she would like to try a 3sum with another man. After some convincing I agreed to have one with her for her birthday. But I should never have agreed to it. In the moment she ended up allowing the other guy to do anal sex. Something which she has never let me do despite asking a number of times. Is this fair? And how do I stop thinking about it and move on?

View related questions: anal sex, move on, threesome

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A male reader, Bb82 United Kingdom +, writes (28 August 2015):

Bb82 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

He was actually quite a bit bigger than me. Both length and girth. That is why I don't know how she could let him and not me. We set ground rules before. But when he asked about anal I just said she's never let me do it. I have tried since. But she said it was a one off where she got lost in the moment.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2015):

I am compelled to answer your question... but first I would like to inform you I am a married woman of 26 years and my husband was my 2 sexual partner, he actually thought I was a virgin due to blood after having our first sexual encounter at me age 17 years and he 19 yrs...Lol why am I writing you my history?? Mainly because we have had several threesomes mfm, fmf...

Okay so now you know I have experience of threesomes let's move on. I am wife (if you didn't notice ;)...here's my important question...

**between you-hubby and 2nd male...whose dick was bigger? And not just length wise, girth wise hard as a rock wise...??

I ask this because I being a wife who does enjoy anal.... but ++it does hurt!!++ If not prepared you know?

I personally wouldn’t let our male threesome partner enter me anal because yes his dick was hard but for some reason he had a lot of extra skin (yes circumsized) and for the female to have a great anal experience it usually is with the most invasive entrance especially virgin anal females.

Meaning smooth slide in helps with the pain and instantly relaxes our muscles. If too much extra skin the stroking in and out will add discomfort if the extra skin is 'dragging' and pulling the anal muscles tissues at entrance.

Now important questions....

1. Did you lay ground rules beforehand which included no anal entrance??

2. Did you try having anal with her on your own afterwards? (Not during threesome)?

3. Also did he prepare her anal for easier insertion... like maybe he performing oral and went a bit more south with said tongue?

That pretty much makes me go batschit into wanting anal, my husband has mastered this.

And even with ground rules... I hope every couple out there understands...nothing is ever concrete and many times things just happen.

My main ground rule to my husband is he can receive bj all he wants but no exploding in her mouth and she swallow.

Great precise rule yes? well I witnessed first-hand husband receiving head while I am thoroughly enjoying my feast between her legs and as I look up I see him motioning her to stop he's going to cum where does she want it on chest face what?

She then proceeded to place her (hands under his legs/thighs) and deep throats him...

Now do you really think he should have shoved her off and said no, bad girl? Lol

what happened was when she wouldn't let him go and wanted to swallow I had the pleasure of her becoming even more aroused and I almost passed out because she wasn't allowing my tongue/mouth to leave her precious pussycat but I did punish her by not allowing her to "o".

Why so long of a reply??

You are not stating all facts. Did you speak with her afterwards?

I tend to ramble I apologize...

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A male reader, BazingaToZulus Canada +, writes (10 August 2015):

BazingaToZulus agony auntI was checking up on how things were getting along for you and I was reading your reply to one of the member and you mentioned that some other stuff happened between the two of them when she took him to the bus station...that my friend is cheating pure and simple. I'm almost certain that she already had a target in mind when pressuring you for the threesome. The fact that she engaged in sexual intercourse with him while you were present and agreed to it is one thing, but it doesn't have anything to do with what happened next when you weren't with them. You absolutely have the right to be way upset and you should NOT stand for this, it is a breach of trust and an act of total disrespect. You may lose her in the process because from what I gathered so far she doesn't seem like the type of woman who likes to hear "NO" very often. If you don't put your foot down right now, you will eventually lose her anyway as well as your self respect in the process, not to mention the fact that in her mind you will have become the perfect doormat...the choice is yours

Good luck

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A male reader, Bb82 United Kingdom +, writes (8 August 2015):

Bb82 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I'm not sure what you mean by bigger. Yes he was more muscular. Or if you mean size below yes he was bigger. I'm not sure if you have seen my other post but I have since found out they did stuff again when she took him to the train station. I'm a bit lost at the moment.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2015):

Was the guy much larger than you? I had a similar experience with an old bf. We had a 3sum with his friend. He was much larger and really took control. I let him do what he wanted as I really got lost in the moment. The relationship ended very quickly after that. I would advise talk to her about why she let him and see what you can do.

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A male reader, Bb82 United Kingdom +, writes (7 August 2015):

Bb82 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you. I think counselling may be a good idea. Although we have talked and she apologised. We did set ground rules. However as she refused to let me I assumed it would be the same for any guy.

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A male reader, BazingaToZulus Canada +, writes (7 August 2015):

BazingaToZulus agony auntHi there, first I'm assuming that you have had a pretty standard relationship with your wife so far (few problems like any other couples but generally happy). Now the thing is that when people do engage in their fantasies for the first time, and they connect on a sexual level (not talking about the touching but more in terms of the anticipation of it) the dynamic of the moment tends to shift from strange/new or sometimes awkward to unrestrained passion quite rapidly. In my opinion (it's not written on a stone tablet) the main players in that situation are your wife and this guy, sure you're there but according to the way it went you were the secondary player and you weren't on the same level as the others. Your wife being the instigator needed to convince you, so it wasn't really something that was shared equally by the both of you from the start, so there's the elements of the “new, exciting and great anticipation” going for your wife even before you agreed to do it because she's been fantasizing about it.

Of course before progressing to the act itself, couples make up rules to follow right? , but we all know that the program that's been predefined previously is very often rewritten along the way in the heat of the moment. Fantasies of that type that involves married or long time partners (more than 2 years as an example) are basically the same as training a wild animal (such as a tiger) in the sense that people believe that they have some control and others think that they have total control, when in reality they do not, none at all. The more you think (not you personally but people in these situations in general) you are in control the less you do have, because you're not paying attention to the progression. Now according to the limited information I have on your couple and again assuming that everything is pretty normal in terms of intimacy and communication, it is very possible that in the excitement of the moment she just went with it, and it was a passionate spontaneous response as to what she was feeling at that stage of the experience and not something that was really planned. So, try to talk to your wife about it and the way it made you feel but without judging though.

People want to have threesomes for many various reasons and as you go along you will also find the source of that fantasy and deal with it accordingly depending on what she tells you.

I hope that It helped you in some way and I wish you the best of luck.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (7 August 2015):

YouWish agony auntIn your case, you can't unscramble the egg, since the damage has already been done. I would have vehemently advised AGAINST the threesome in the first place because of what you're going through right now.

Right now, the best advice I can give you is in dealing with the aftermath. You need to talk to her about it, and especially the anal sex thing. I'm guessing the guy just did it, and rather than break the flow of what was going on, she went with it. Doesn't make it any better, but that's what also comes with not coming up with rules for the threesome (i.e. only the spouse gets intercourse, or no kissing, or whatever it is...I've never had a threesome!).

If you two can't talk it out, maybe talking with each other in counseling may help some.

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