A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi folks,I am in a serious situation. I married a girl who was my girl friend for 2 years. And we used to love each other dearly. In between due to family problems we needed to spend 6 months apart. Then last year we got married. All of a sudden after marriage she started feeling aversion and she said she needs space. It was out of the blue, I was shattered. Then I thought give it a time and see. But its been 7 months she is acting very crazily. She lies to me every minute and we are living apart right now. She says that she loves me but even a handshake is also not ok. She irritates me when we meet. She is having seriously bad company over her office. I strongly feel she has an affair and that is fulfilling her sexual needs too. She doesnt care to tell me whats happening and whats not. She takes fight out of any word I talk. Someone tried to help us but she played with them too. She lied to them too badly. In mean time I was upset due to family problems but I didnt get any support that time. Rather she deserted me to feel sick and fool. She doesnt even want to tell me where she is what she is doing. Whenever she is going to do something wrong she calls me or text me its my instinct. I asked for help from her parents too, but they are acting as if they dont care and they r busy in their own partying kind of life style. My parents and family is really unhappy about the situation. My father is very very upset because even her family also dont seem to take interest to solve the problem. There is no one who can tell her whats good and whats wrong.I just feel helpless. I know marriage is such a sacred thing in life, and thats why I am still hanging on. WHen she met me she flirted with different people on phone knowingly. I strongly feel she got that sexual relation with someone or more. I really feel shameful as I devoted all my love and commitment to this girl. As per your story I told her that we should talk honestly. But being honest what I get is just hurts and insults. I found out that she being flirty and cuddling to other guys and talking evil about me to even people she just met once. If woman is so careless so many guys are lined up for taking advantage. Her boss too waits for her in office late they work on weekends too. She tells she travels she is with her girl friend but even if her parents don’t understand it my instinct is badly hitting my conscience. I am such a honest guy and the thing is that I dont have anyone who can help me truly for this. I am still for positivity of this relation, but she is just not letting me know what she wants. She says we will stay separate but we will not take divorce. I dont know is she is taking time or buying it. I have lost all the faith in love and marriage and feel I want to stay alone whole life. She is really bring lair to everyone including her own parents and manipulating everyone in work place too. I badly need some good advice. We met 3-4 times also but what I see that she irritates me and I feel like she is forcing me to file for divorce. But I really dont want to take financial problems when i din do anything wrong in marriage. We do not have children. Please guys I need fatherly and motherly advice. I am too young to deal with this hard puzzle.
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affair, divorce, flirt, needs space, she lies, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dyeruz  +, writes (4 July 2010):
She has no respect for you, while you hang on to the little scraps of whatever moral standpoint on the sanctity of marriage, she basically flouts it by her flirting, maybe even cheating. It's really simple, she's apart from you, she doesnt want to live with you because most likely she's cheating. If she were really serious about the marriage she'd show you through her ACTIONS..by working on it with you not flirting with guys. Sometimes a bad thing cant be fixed, there is no use being in an unhealthy relationship especially if the other party is not interested. She says she loves you yet wont shake your hand but she'll cuddle other guys?! Leave..and do it quickly! Good luck
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 July 2010):
 She showed strong signs of cheating. You are too young to tolerate a bad marriage. Depends on which state you live, if you have proof that she's cheating, then it's only fair you don't have to pay her alimony. So be gentle with her now, don't talk about break up yet and start recording everything she wrote in the email, messages on the phone, have your friends back you up as witnesses. But if you live in Virginia, then you are in no luck. Virginia is a mother state you have to pay her support no matter what. In some states, you pay her up to 5 to 7 years or until she works and gets on her feet.
As to why she did all that to you. It's her upbringing. She can't really blame it on the 6 months separation. Wild and crazy is her and you were the only stable thing in her life. Then she decided she didn't want to change for you. Divorce rate in your country is how much? It's like cancer, like pregnancy. Why me! No! It won't happen to ME!
Give yourself time to mourn, of course. But you are 26 and you are already giving up on love? Come back here at 40 and remember what you once said here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): First of all, you do not need to feel ashamed! This happens all too often where we think we know the people we are marrying, it is not your fault. I know you love her and this is where it gets complicated but if you've tried to help her and you know that you've done everything you can....what do you do? Have you tried to get her to see a counsellor with you? It is possible she is having some mental issues but it's also possible that this is the real her...and you just didn't know. To me, she doesn't want a divorce because she wants to know you'll always be there. I don't think you should let this drag out anymore, you are young and you have your whole life ahead of you. There is someone out there for you, unfortunately it doesn't sound as though it is her. Marriage is obviously something she doesn't want so let her be and move on. Time heals all my friend....even when you think that you will never recover....I promise. Good Luck:)
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