A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im 28, my wife is 23. We moved in together after 5 years of dating 7 months ago and finally got married last month.Ever since we moved in together shes been complaining that shes lonely, and how we dont spend enough time together and what not. i just dont know what to do to make her happy again.Let me fill everyone in on our past, we started dating when she was 17 and her father was so mad that we barely got to see each other, then she headed straight to a 4 year college. we saw each other mostly only a few weeks during her breaks, although we talked everynight! this has been the first FULL year that we have been able to spend together as a couple.We both work 40 hours a week, my only hobby that i spend time on is video games. i dont play 10hrs a day either. on work days i get home, play for an hour or two usually she gets home from work right as Im about to stop. we eat dinner, watch our tv shows and get to bed. weekends are a little different, i play a little more games, usually in the morning for 2 hours and at night for 2-3 hours. but during that time we do whatever we feel like doing, we go out to dinner, catch a movie, go to her parents with the dogs so they can run.Keep in mind she has 0 hobbies to keep herself entertained while im enjoying my games. I feel like she NEEDS me to entertain her at all times or else she feels ignored. she doesnt have any good friends she can go get coffee with or anything, she doesnt like games, and doesnt have a book to read. so she ends up just watching tv and getting bored because im doing something fun.Im worried that this marriage is going to fail very soon already because she keeps blaming me for her being lonely. what do i say or do? am i actually at fault?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2015): I have seen the happen to at least two of my friends. She has unrealistic expectations for the relationship and does not put the effort into improving her own life. She expects you to improve it for her. She will blame you when that does not happen, and probably take it out on you by having an affair and/or leaving.
Eventually she will do the same thing to the next guy. And the next.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2015): Anonymous, I don't want to split, it's me worrying that she is going to want to split soon.
So thanks for the input anyway!....not
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2015): are you even having sex? If my boyfriend/husband plays vid games all day and does not even talk to me... I would get bored.Especially if I have been talking to you a lot during our relationship.None the less why don't you join some classes together.. where you can spend time together.. but doing things.She might like it and then you will start liking her when she becomes happy againI swear when they say through thick and thin.. this is exactly what they mean. And the first moment of weakness you want to split :|How romantic :/,,,.... not.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (26 September 2015):
 YouWish has put it across well. I think this happens a lot these days. I'm sure she has some hobbies that maybe she hasn't developed int the past. Why not encourage her to re-discover them? And try to do more fun things together. Please, please don't start thinking about the marriage failing at this early stage. Every couple goes through something similar.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2015): op here, thanks for the response. the examples i gave are just ordinary things we do, in the past month and a half we have gone to a NFL game with our mutual friends, went to a great theme park 9hrs away for a weekend. we do something big like that maybe every other month. this october we have apple picking and haunted hay rides/haunted houses planned. we dont have a whole lot of money so when we do have money put away we usually try to do something.and during the week im only gaming maybe 1-2hrs while shes at work, when she gets home around 6pm im just about done (maybe 15 more minutes after she works)saturday and sunday i play about 4-5 hours each day, usually in 2 segments.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 September 2015):
 First off, I am also a gamer, and so I get it as a hobby for you. I'm also lucky my husband is a gamer too, though are taste in games is different (he loves sports games like Madden, NHL16, FIFA, NBA and I can barely sit still waiting for Fallout 4 to come out...RPG all the way!)
The problem here isn't that she wants you to entertain her. The issue is twofold:
1. You didn't spend a lot of actual time together, so when you were online/long distance in college, your brain filled in the gaps, which now don't match up with reality
and
2. You guys are doing boring things! Where's your sense of adventure? Parents house? Dinner at the same places? Watching TV at home? The two of you should go exploring! Plan a short getaway trip. Go someplace you've never been to. Those are bonding times, not just gaming, rinse, and repeat. You're gaming 5 hours a day every day! That's a lot of time, and I *am* a gamer! I got in jags, like with GTA 5 and when Skyrim came out, but gaming 5-6 hours a day, that's out of balance and you know it when you're married.
She needs her own hobbies to be sure, but you don't want her forming them under these circumstances, because oftentimes, when a neglected spouse goes out to get a life, she's meeting her "neglect" needs, which can be disastrous.
Balance your hobbies with mutual adventures. If you love her, you'll want to spend time discovering the world together!
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