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My wife & I don't talk anymore

Tagged as: Family, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 January 2009) 6 Answers - (Newest, 16 August 2013)
A male Australia age 41-50, *ndrewbigrig70 writes:

I live in a relationship where my wife and i dont talk anymore . We have a beautiful 3 and a half year old girl and she is the reason we are still together . We have'nt made love for over 10 months and i cant handle it anymore . I am the type of person that likes being cuddled and told that i am loved and needed . There is nothing like that in our relationship anymore , and we dont even kiss or go out together anymore . We are in financial stress (( thanks to me buying a new Truck and it did'nt go financially well as i had planned )) so we are more in debt than before and i feel my wife hates me for this . I am trying to sell the business , and with the economy the way it is at the moment i am finding it difficult . I miss my beautiful wife that i met 8 years ago , and i miss making love to her . But we have grown apart and we dont talk anymore , and i feel that i dont matter in her life anymore because she has a beautiful baby girl that we made together to live for and support , but i too live for my little girl as well and would do anything for her , but i dont receive any more love from my wife and i hate her for this , i regret that my little Angel see's us arguing all the time and i'm sure that this will be affecting her as well . What the hell do i do ??????

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A female reader, LostandConfussed Canada +, writes (16 August 2013):

I've been married 21 years 2 children 16 and 18 we have been living as roommates for the last 5 years sex occasionally none since I've been injured a year ago, I have made every effort to make things work, he gets so angry so fast so we stopped talking when we do he get really defensive, even the kids don't want to be around my oldest is going away to college in September and says if she comes home for Christmas she wants to stay at her grandmother's. He thinks he is always right and everyone else is the problem he is so anti=social my friends stopped coming around. I'm at my wits end I think my kids are old enough to sense the problem ...I'm not type to give up but I feel like I'm beating a dead horse....

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A female reader, Txgirl2009 United States +, writes (13 September 2009):

Well, i know kinda how you feel. My husband and i dont really talk much anymore. He seems to be angry or frustrated all the time. I feel like we have no communication at all anymore like we used to. Maybe stress as him down as same with your wife. It sucks feeling this way all the time. I get to where i am scared tp even say anything to him because he has very snappy comebacks.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009):

I feel for you! Im in the same boat. Ive been married going on 5 years. We just had our first son about 4 months ago. Needless to say my wife and I had pretty consistant sex up until about our 3rd year of marriage. about 2-3 times week. After that it wasnt important for her anymore. She wouldnt mind if it was once per month or longer providing I innitiated it. Of course having a child just put a cherry ontop. I think weve had sex 3 or 4x in 4 months. She knows I think she is amazing and I want her at any moment but the majority of the time I dont even innitiate it cause I know shes not in the mood anyway and She says I cant put her in the mood sexually. Lately she just gets frustrated and uses excuses to get irratated.

Ive talked to her over and over again and theres no change Its very difficult to stay away from pornography. She dousnt mind doing things to keep me satisfied but theres absolutely no pleasing her and sex is just out of the question. She refuses to go to counseling, get her hormones checked and would rather just not worry about it than suffer from embarrisment in getting it resolved. I love her more than ever and I know we are sole mates but it is very difficult even knowing that due to the obvious fact we are not sexually compatible. I resent her so badly for doing this to us. I have tried everything, Whats a guy to do in this situation. And again we have leveled and talked about it hundreds of times but nothing gets done so being open about it isnt solving anything.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009):

You need to talk things over!!!! Tell her how you feel!!! She is after all your wife, if you think you can't tell her write her a letter about the way you are feeling... I'm sure she's not only with you for your child... nobody stays together because they have children any more, I'm sure she still loves you and since you love her let her know!!!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (3 January 2009):

Honeypie agony auntOk this one sounded so familiar that I had to reply. It can be fixed !

First let me tell you about me and mine. Been married little over 10 years with 3 kids.

Over the years and after 3 kids we had less and less intimacy. He increased his porn watching, which I took as an substitute for me. He rather watch porn then be with we physically. So I resented him and porn. He didn't pay any attention to me and I didn't to him. We rarely fought.

We both pretty much withdrew from each other - had sex rarely and when we did it was not satisfying at all. Seriously sucky sex. 2 minutes of *are we done yet*

Anyways little over 2 years ago he had an emotional affair with an ex and I stumbled over it. It was devastating.

I decided after long time's consideration that I could not live with a guy who was cheating on me. So I started getting my ducks in a row. Looking for a place to stay, a school for the kids.. all of it.

Then I sat down and had a long long debate with myself. I decided that before I served him with a divorce, I would let him know everything I felt - every thing that had been bottled up. So I did. We had a pretty amazing conversation. I had assumed so many things, and so did he. I decided to give us another chance, to give it my all. To forgive and to work on being happy and having a happy marriage.

We didn't start over, but we had a new beginning. So many things have changed. I love him more now then I ever did, I'm a WAY better wife and he is husband, our sexlife is better then when we first started out.

All because we talked honestly and openly without blame.

Work on your issues in your relationship first, then look into what can be done about the finances. I'm willing to bet she does not hate you. I'm willing to bet she is missing the guy she fell in love with.

You feel she has been neglecting you, most likely you have been neglecting her too.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009):

Have you tried talking it over with her yet?

My husband (been together 10 years, with 2 children) felt the same over a year ago and never communicated it to me. Instead he turned to internet porn, which made our relationship even more worse! So dont do that. It took ages of me nagging but he finally opened up to me about what he wanted from me and now our relationship is better than ever. Our sex life is better than ever and we really talk now about everything.

I doubt very much your wife hates you and I know financial stress is very hard and it (the money issues )is probably stressing her. I also know how demading children are and it is often so tiring you dont want to think of anything else but sleep at night. Maybe she also feels the same as you like you dont love her anymore??

You need to put your daughter to bed early one night and have a big talk with her, tell her how you are feeling and make more effort with cuddles, saying you love her etc.

If it remains the same tell her YOU have been making the effort and tell her you miss her.

I believe she will appreciate it as my hubby didnt tell me he just got angry alot and thought I hated him and I had no idea why. I just thought he felt the same as me, tired etc.

I just wish he had said something to me sooner instead of turning to other things as that caused a major stress on top of the other issues.

Good luck!

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