A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I am dating a man for 7 months and we have been intimate and exclusive. It was my birthday; but he didn't think it important to send a card, or flowers or take me to dinner. He came over my house and spent time with me, in our intimate way; but the whole time he was there I felt upset because it was my birthday. I later mentioned it about a few weeks later. He got upset and down right nasty telling me how ungrateful I was and that I should be happy that he felt it important to spend the date of my birth with me. He also said he is not materialistic. What kills me is that he is very rich and I'm well off myself. I never ask for anything and don't expect him to take care of me; but as it was a special occasion, I feel he should have done something sweet for me. Am I being ridiculous; or should I have been grateful for the time he spent with me and stop whining?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2015): There is anbold saying "Mean with money, mean with love."
Not choosing a gift for you shows both of those things. You deserve so much more than these breadcrumbs. Get out soon for your self worth.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2015): I really don't think the point here is about money or if you are in the relationship for 'things'. Quite clearly you're not,(you have your own money) but I would feel very unimportant to my partner or boyfriend if, first they didn't see fit to go with tradition and get a gift of ANYTHING, doesn't matter what it is right? You just want to know you have been thought about and respected. If he had children would he not buy them a gift and then tell them to be grateful he's there!! Secondly, I find his reaction when you told him how you felt rather worrying. If he cares about you, the fact that this oversight on his part (intentional or otherwise) upset you, should have upset him. Imagine the other way around. If you had spent time with him on his birthday and he said a few weeks later that the lack of a gift or card had upset him, how would you have reacted? Would you have got angry and told him he should have been grateful to you for just showing up? I really don't think you, or anyone who cares about their significant other, would or should react in this way. If it's something that's important to you, then if he cares about you it should be, or become, important to him. I think some of the uncles particularly have missed the point, talking about material things. That is not the issue here, it's about whether he cares about YOU.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (7 August 2015):
Question....Would you feel better if he did not come to see you, but sent you the things you are asking for???
What are you in a relationship for...To get gifts, or to be with someone you love? Is there a cost to or price to being in love?
The world has created this idea of gifts for everything, and have days dedicated to giving gifts...but what is the REAL gift? Love or flowers?
If he did not come to see you or call, you would have found that just as offensive. He comes to see you, and now you are offended he came empty handed.
Would it be better if he was a regular guy with the basic job, and he could not afford to buy you a gift? Would you still be upset? Or would say "That's okay...as long as we get to spend time together I am happy."
So if this goes the long road, and you plan to get married, you will be expecting a big wedding because he is rich?
Be careful with what you think is important. If he decides to end it, you will realize that it was more important to hold someone you love in your arms instead of a roses.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (7 August 2015):
 It would appear this man is neither generous in kind nor in spirit.
Did he really think his technique and performance at the rumpy pumpy was so good it precluded the requirement for a card or bunch of flowers?
He is mean, and when you called him out on it he got meaner. You need to decide if you are happy to accept this behaviour in a relationship, or not.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 August 2015):
 He's the one being ridiculous. Of course you want a gift on your birthday, he probably got so angry with you to hide the fact that he forgot about your birthday. I've never had a boyfriend who didn't give me a birthday gift, no matter how lousy or cheap a gift, I've always gotten a gift, and it's the thought that matters. Not getting a gift? Well, that to me indicates that he didn't think much about you.
How long have you been together? I'd see this as a warning flag that the two of you aren't compatible. If he lacks the understanding of giving gifts on a birthday, especially to his own girlfriend, then he might just not be the man for you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 August 2015):
 Whether he is rich or poor has nothing to do with it. Someone who is generous can be that way no longer what their monetary status is, which is why restaurant servers can tell you that some of their biggest nightmare patrons are well-off people who complain, waste the server's time, demand service well over and above, and then stuff the server with little or no tip, and by the same measure, a blue collar paycheck-to-paycheck guy comes into the same restaurant, enjoys a meal with his family, and leaves a server a great tip for great service, and treats them very well.
After 7 months, taking someone to dinner on their birthday or being thoughtful even with something small is an act of generosity. For him to react that way, making you feel like a gold-digger for even feeling badly, as if his presence should be gift enough...you have a choice to make here. My choice would be clear - I'd rather be with a person struggling financially if he's loving and generous of heart than a rich and stingy guy who believes his wealth makes him superior to others. And I don't care about getting gifts. Once, I got a $1 gift of a Pez dispenser that was the starship Enterprise from TNG and we went out for street pretzels. I thought it was the best thing ever.
I would take what that guy said and leave, to be honest. I am generous and kind to others. I want to be with someone who is the same. You aren't demanding jewelry or being showered with gifts or elaborate Caribbean cruises for your birthday. You simply want to know that the guy you're with cares for you and celebrates the day you're born. The great thing about a birthday is that both partners have one, so it happily goes both ways. The same year I got the Pez dispensor, my present to him was a fistful of batting tokens, and we went to the batting cages and hit home runs (in our minds) for his birthday.
Provided he knew it was your birthday. If he didn't know, I would have told him that day and not a few weeks later, and if I wasn't happy, I would have brought it up a whole lot sooner. You said "the whole time he was there I felt upset because it was my birthday". Why did you NOT say something???? I would have!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 August 2015):
 Did he not know it was your birthday? I mean did he forget? Or was your "gift" to you, him showing up and having sex with you?
I think after 7 months together a little something is appropriate - flowers and a card can be done CHEAPLY if he is not "materialistic" or willing to spend a lot of money on you. You COULD have taken HIM out for dinner as well, if you had wanted to.
Some people are happy with eating a pizza in bed watching Netflix for their birthday, others want more. You are in the latter category and that is OK.
I think he was being nasty about it because he forgot, that is my gut reaction. OR he just doesn't show affection or attention that way.
Now, whether he is rich or poor... doesn't matter. Fact is you were upset that he didn't do ANYTHING to celebrate your birthday and what did he do? He dismissed your feelings. And went on the attack.
Are you whining about it? Do you feel you are? Or is that just his way of dismissing the subject and get you to fall in line?
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