A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband had been verbally abusive and physically abusive by way of grabbing my arm and restraining me and even a push. I moved out about 6 weeks ago and over that time he's continued to show signs of his abuse ways except for our last phone conversation He has started anger management classes.I've been having dreams and thoughts of him harming me physically. For example, I have thoughts of him showing up at work while I'm walking from my car to the office. And dreams of him just appearing somewhere and forcing me to go with him or whatever. I mentioned it to my therapist who I've been seeing since my separation and she asked why do I think things like that. I thought maybe because of stories like this on the news. And then I recalled when an ex boyfriend did attack me after we had broken up and I guess subconsciously I think my husband will do the same thing.But, I was wondering if this is also my inner voice saying to me and re-confirming that I should go ahead and proceed with the divorce. What do you think? I'm trying so hard to get to a place of comfort with all to this.
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at work, divorce, moved out Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): Divorce him please!!!
A
female
reader, karen1989  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 I'm a big believer in that everything happens for a reason.Your not having these dreams just for the sake of it. Ok there not events that have actually happened and there not necessarily going to happen. However these dreams are your minds way of telling you that your scared of this man,scared of what hes capable of. As for your inner voice, have you ever heard or seen somebody make a decision and first of all going to go with there gut instinct then rethinking and overanalyzing the situation and choosing the wrong option,then wishing they'd gone with their gut instinct after all-Don't be one of these people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): Dreams are ways of telling us what our inner most fears are. it doesn't necessary mean it will happen. first of all do YOU beleive he will do this? you should first consider in obtaining a court injuction to help you feel safe. I have been through this and had one year injunction. as time goes by his hold on you will fade. you will become stronger and men like this are cowardsand break you down to the point they know you fear them. I came face to face with my ex 3 years later and he was polite and nervous because I was not the woman he abused i was confident again. follow your heart if you want to get divorce do so. But I would place injunction first. because divorce news may provoke him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): Go to saferelationshipsmagazine (dot com) and read the articles under the heading Sandra Says. You will learn that anger managment classes probably will not change your husband for the better.Your inner fear is important, it is telling you that you are in danger with your husband, at minum emotionally and psychological abuse which is just as harmful as physical abuse if not more, and you are in real danger of this escalating into full blown violence.Absolutely, get away from him, don't move back in and file for the divorce yesterday.No one deserves abuse of any kind, it is an absolute deal breaker.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (13 July 2010):
 Absolutely YES that is your inner voice warning you. Odds are this is not you transferring your ex onto your husband, but most likely just the type of men you are drawn to. That is something your therapist should be exploring.
Your inner voice is wise and is more of your unconscious warning you. Don't ignore it. You have that feeling for a reason. It's amazing when you look at the statistics for domestic violence, and hear the stories, the victims all had prior knowledge and even "expected" it. Too many family members of women who were hurt or killed by a violent husband or ex all say "We all feared this day would come and he would go too far..."
If you sense it COULD happen, don't even take a chance. Stay away and continue with your divorce. If he eventually does change, it's easier to re-marry in a few years. You can't undo further violence... or worse.
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