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My uncle asked me out, and we've talked about having sex, but I have some questions.

Tagged as: Forbidden love, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 May 2008) 18 Answers - (Newest, 21 January 2010)
A female United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Hey, im having trouble with a major issue in my life. My uncle asked me out and i like him a lot so I said yes. But we keep it a secret so he can spend the night. He is six years older than me. We talked about having sex, but I'm scared it will hurt and I'm afraid of getting pregnant. What are the odds that I will hurt when we have sex? What are the odds of me getting pregnant by a relative?

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A male reader, k1228 United States +, writes (21 January 2010):

k1228 agony auntHE'S YOUR FREAKING UNCLE, im pretty sure that the chances of getting pregnant from a relative is pretty much the same as getting pregnant from any1 else. inbreeding can cause serious birth defects, the baby could be mentally retarded. and if youre worried about if it will hurt, you shouldnt, not because it wont hurt, it will, but because YOU SHOULDNT HAVE SEX WITH YOUR UNCLE!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008):

You aren't really thinking about having sex with your uncle, are you? Why???? This is very unusual. I can understand you liking your uncle, but not so much that you would consider having sex with him. Most girls would find that repulsive.

Or is the reason you like him so much is that maybe he is really hot and sexy? The reason I ask is that he is only 18. So maybe you find him very sexually attractive, and hotter than boys your own age? Even if that is the case, it's not a good idea to have sex with him. I suppose if are both attracted to each other and can't control your sexual urges, you could do oral sex on each other, but full sexual intercourse would be a bad idea at your age.

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A female reader, 123emma United Kingdom +, writes (28 May 2008):

At least you were sensible enough to ask questions so that is credit on your part :).

Although you do like him and I'm sure it's flattering to have someone who is older pay attention, if this was nothing to be ashamed of do you really think he would want this kept as a secret? It is not shameful on your part, but on his as he is *technically* wiser and should know better. He might even see you as vulnerable and be taking advantage of your good nature to keep a secret. If you think its genuine love he feels for you then you should at least tell the family members as they know whats best for you, even if they become angry at first.

Also, the chances of becoming pregnant are the same as in any relationship (VERY high without any contraception), so if you do go ahead sort this out first, although I think you will regret it in the future. Dont let your age put you off getting contraception and defiantly dont let him lull you into thinking it will be ok not to use any protection at all. If he respects you he will let you use this.

Hope this was helpful. Please be careful! x

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A female reader, Landie South Africa +, writes (27 May 2008):

Landie agony auntWhat you are doing is illegal in so many ways. First he is your uncle, wheather you love him or not, that does not change and he can be convicted for involving a minor in a incestious relationship.

Second you are under 18 so having sex with him is also illegal and he can gat at least 7 years in prison. You are still young don't get involved with a mon that much older especially not one that is family.

He is only going to use you and honestly if you have sex with him you will have the same chance as any getting pregnant but the baby will have a very high chance of being deformed .

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008):

Oh... You are so young. PLEASE don't go out with your uncle. Don't have sex with him.

You're life will be strang having to live with that for the reast of your life.

It's illegal. He could be arrested and put in jail.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008):

This is incest AND underage - illegal in 2 ways!

Sweetheart, listen to me, you can't do this. Going out with him is very inadvisable to start with, but having sex with him can cause so many awful problems! For a start, pregnancy. There is a good chance the baby will be very ill, as your genes are too close of a match to your uncle. Do you really want a disabled baby for the rest of your life? Or do you really want an abortion at your age, painful and scary? Contrary to popular belief, it is NOT the easy way out. It's an awful way out. Secondly, stds. How do you know he hasn't got a sexually transmitted disease? He could pass that to you, and ruin your life.

And about the pain... You're a virgin, it's bound to hurt. But the pain is made so much easier if you're with a sexy, patient and loving boy you're going out with YOUR OWN AGE. I swear honey, your body is experimenting with your sexuality and hormones right now, so when it's stopped, you'll regret losing your virginity to your uncle. And if your family found out, imagine how ashamed they'll be! Think of christmases or times your whole family comes together, think of how awkward it will be. They could never look at you the same way again.

Honey, if you are so intent on doing this, then for the love of all thing's holy, use protection. Condoms. Get on the pill. But please, this is so risky and not a good choice. You'll regret it if you do, you will.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008):

dude, get the hell out of his reach

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A female reader, sfrancis United States +, writes (27 May 2008):

sfrancis agony auntSweetheart,

I sat at my desk at 3:00 in the morning looking up something and stumbled up on this. (Your question) At first I thought I would pass on by it, however the Holy Spirit will not let me, because I have a call on my life to minister.

My dear you need to listen to all this advice, or you will surely regret one day that you did not. This is a trap of the enemy (Satan). He wants to mess up your future. And I speak from experience. But as for me I was much to young (8 years old) to know anything and did not know what to do and could not reveal it until 28 years later. But I can tell you of the pain that the 28-years bought me. I had 3 failed marriages and did not know or understand the meanings of what a true Godly relationship was until I found Christ.

As for an answer to you, real love is wonderful and any man that truly loves you will respects you and values you. Sex is meant to bring, “one of the greatest joys in the world.” It was created and uniquely designed by God for a husband and wife to bring him glory. When a man whom truly loves his wife makes real passionate love to her, God looks down and smiles and the host of heavens sings. But when we as humans takes something so holy and desecrate it, God is angered.

Maybe your Uncle himself do not know the lord, or that what heis at mind set to do is wrong. So I cannot judge him. But I can say this, that this act itself will surely displease God. For the bible says, “God will Judge.” Baby, please look to your bible and to God for farther advice, i am prying that he will send you someone with whom you can open your heart to and talk too. Trust it to God. I am praying for you my dear little Sister.

Your friend in Christ

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008):

No you absolutely cannot have any form of an intimate relationship with your uncle. Chances are he only wants you for sex and not for a real relationship. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you do anything with him. Take everyones advice very seriously. You can still get pregnant very easily from anyone, including relatives there is nothing that will stop you from getting pregnant just because he is a relative. You should not be having sex at your age anyways especially not with an uncle. You will regret it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008):

You are 13-15 and your uncle has asked you out!!! This is illegal! Tell him to stop this and keep away from him. Yes you can end up pregnant and what will the consequences and future hold for you both? He should be locked up, but these days i doubt it. Walk away.

take care

xx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008):

You are too young to be having sex. Wait until you are older and you can get condoms or birth control pills. But especially don't have sex with your uncle. Like the others said, it's illegal on two counts -- incest and you are underage. He could go to jail. And yes, if your're a virgin it will likely hurt the first time.

I don't understand why you like him so much you would say yes to going out with him. I guess he must not be very good-looking or have some other issues, or he would be able to go out with other girls who aren't related to him. Why would you say yes to going out with him?

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A female reader, jozzc United States +, writes (27 May 2008):

jozzc agony auntI think you can experience a lot of pain, and not all of it physical if you decide to go forward with having sex with your uncle. First and foremost, you don't need this. You are a worthy human being who deserves love and attention from somebody who is worthy of you. This man is not, he is a dog, and this is incestual.

My primary concern is for your health, mental health and also, your future. You have a high risk of getting pregnant. You also have a high risk of getting AIDS, syphillis, chlamydia, gonorrhea and herpes. The pain for somebody your age having sex, I would say, is very great as you have not reached full-maturity. Sex with him can stress your genitalia, pubis symphysis and literally cause tears that are painful.

Might I also add, your uncle can be sent to jail for incest and statutory rape..so, if you care about yourself and your family, don't do it. If he is badgering you, call the cops. If you have been molested before by this individual, get help. Here is a phone number of trained people who can help you.

1-800-656-HOPE

http://www.rainn.org/

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008):

You are having trouble and making a big issue out of this because it's wrong. When people do the right thing they enjoy it with their family and friends in full peace. I can understand he is attractive and you feel good that he likes you but it's absolutely wrong. Your uncle knows it and he is willing to do you wrong so he doesn't love you. Don't be a fool, find a boy of your age.

You are about to commit a big mistake and you'll regret. If you were mature you'd understand this is not right.

I also have an uncle who's six years older than I and I basically grew up with him. It was cool because we shared so much like kids and teenagers not as lovers.

You might get pregnant with a abnormal child with lots of problems and throw the best years of your life through the garbage because of your hormones from hell you don't know how to control.

It's very possible your family eventually finds out and it will tear the family apart. He will be jailed and you'll feel guilty. Don't play with fire. Say no to your uncle and live your teenage years in peace and happiness.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008):

This is illegal. It is wrong for your uncle to persue this and he likely knows this very well, hence the need for a secret. please tell another trusted adult and stay away from your uncle. Tell a school counselor, your doctor, your mom or dad, your priest or minister, someone you trust to help you.

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A female reader, pashanoodle Australia +, writes (27 May 2008):

pashanoodle agony auntYou are keeping all this a "secret" because both of you know that this is not OK. You're young, but not too young to know that a sexual relationship with a close blood relative is wrong...for numerous reasons. Your uncle should know better - his behaviour and "move making" is predatory.

What Tremor wrote is absolutley right - you will be at risk of falling pregnant and the probability that you would have a child with physical or intellectual disabilities is quite high.

You are in a phase of your life where it is natural to form crushes on males you see alot of - particularly older guys...but you are probably not emotionally mature enough for a sexual relationship with any guy! Do you really want your first sexual relationship to be one that you feel shame about, keep secret etc? That isn't how it should be sweetie.

You won't like this suggestion - but for your own safety, and to get the emotional support you will need, I suggest you talk to your mum or dad, an older sister...someone in your family who can keep you safe, intervene if your uncle tries anything and who you can talk to. If you simply can't tell a family member - or are afraid to, find someone you can talk to - a teacher, school counsellor, your doctor...this is a serious situation!

It'll feel like your heart is breaking if you do have feelings for your uncle...for a little while, but believe me - you will not regret leaving him alone as you get older!

Please don;t get involved with this guy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008):

he is your uncle you can not hav sex with him. That is completley wrong. You are very young and if he is 6 years onlder than you that means he is over 18 and that is illegal. I undertsand you may like him butthat is very very wrong , you need to push those feelings aside. If your uncle was ever to get caught he cld go to jail for staigitory rape and he would be put on the pedifile list for the rest of his life. You need to tell someone what is going on .. it is not ok for him to ask you to do those things. Please i am begging you to tell someone what it is going on even maybe a school couselor. please do not have sex you are too young i promise you it will hurt and you will regret sleeping with your uncle and it will give you emotional problems for the rest of your life.. i really hope you listen to this and if you have anyother questions please ask me

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A female reader, Tremor Australia +, writes (27 May 2008):

Tremor agony auntWhat you describe is a thing they call incest, and it's illegal.

I'd advise you to end the relationship. It's not healthy or normal to be in a romantic relationship with relatives, regardless of how much you like one another.

You can get pregnant from a relative just as easily as you can from any other man. What's more is that, if you do, your child is a lot more likely to have birth defects and complications due to a lack of diversity in the gene pool.

I'd advise you to stop what you're doing before it goes any further.

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A female reader, edsbabygirl United States +, writes (27 May 2008):

edsbabygirl agony auntIf you are a virgin, then it is going to hurt no mater how you do it. The odds of you getting pregnant depend on what type of birth control you use. The odds of getting pregnant by a relative are as good as the odds of getting pregnant by any man. I think that this is a really bad choice. He is definately going to use you. Even if it works, it will be looked down upon by you family. PLease reply with the outcome no matter what you do. Good luck.

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