A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, So this is quite difficult to write so bare with me. And please, I know this sounds shallow, but I'm not trying to be.Basically I recently ended a relationship with a guy (only 2 months) because he was a complete asshole to me. I mean really bad, but I can't deny one thing....the sex was incredible.I'm now dating someone who I've known for about 4 years. He's incredible, like my perfect man, But he has a small penis. Probably about 3 inches erect. Now I'm not a judgmental person at all, tbh it wouldn't bother me, but I have a high sex drive and he doesn't really fulfill me in that way. It's not his fault, but we're limited in what we can do, I have thick legs and a big bum (size uk 6 on tops and 10 on the bottoms) so its difficult to find positions where he can get it in, basically just missionary and me on top.I just don't know what to do, this guy is amazing, i couldn't fault him other than this. But I don't know if I can carry on knowing he won't please me sexually.Please give me some advice!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2015): If he is in the same age group as you, then the poor fellow must still be inexperienced, otherwise he would have recognized his shortcoming and would have done something about it.He could have discussed the problem with you and asked you if you minded if he could use some aids to compensate for the lack.There are things like condoms with extended tips and extra girths to compensate.Can you discuss the subject with him without hurting him?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2015): Do leave this guy because he isn't big enough. Don't tell him the real reason why. You just aren't sexually compatible so don't beat yourself up too much. 3 inches erect is pretty darn small. Even if you preferred an only average-sized penis that might be a deal breaker.
But don't select & stay with the next guy just because he's huge.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (16 November 2015):
 You are still very young, and depending on which end of the 18-21 age range you fall, lack of experience could also play a massive part in this.
How old is he? If he is still only 18, then my guess is he may not have had enough experience to know how to use other methods to give pleasure - hands, mouth etc. For most teenage boys its all about penis in vagina, or mainly just about the penis. They don't understand that girls work differently and need a bit more effort.
I do have to agree with Honeypie though - not everyone is a perfect fit sexually, regardless of how lovely a person might be, if you are not sexually compatible, it is unlikely to work. Sex drive is important, one person wanting more, another wanting less, someone is always going to be feeling left out/put upon.
Saying that, there are MANY men who are smaller than average, but it does not stop them having good fulfilling sex lives, it is just about compatibility.
Sometimes it is not necessarily about the size, (his or yours) but purely down to anatomical incompatibility, or as my ex-boyfriend used to put it "the angle of the dangle"....you can use your imagination on that one!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 November 2015):
 Does it make you a bad person?
Not at all. You know what you like and well, HE can't provide that.
You have every right to want a satisfying sexual life. Resentment will creep in if you are constantly left wanting more. And that will spread to the rest of your relationship.
It's not really about his size, but the fact that sexually... you two are not a good match. Some things can be overcome with some practice and creativity - but I think you have already made up your mind that it's a no go for you. So why drag it out?
If you aren't compatible in the bed, then you AREN'T compatible in the bed. No matter how much you like him otherwise.
Just don't mention his size. Just like women don't like being criticized because her anything regarding her physique, men don't either. So have some common decency when ending it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would never want to hurt his feelings. he really is amazing, but I just don't know what to do, sex is a big thing to me, I don't have one night stands as I believe in passion during sex, and there isn't any of that.
Also to clarify as I just re read and didn't write it correctly I was only with the ex for 2 months, we split up a few weeks ago now and I'm just dating this guy at the moment :)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 November 2015):
 Women do like the engulfed feeling down there. If there's a product men can wear, like a penis coat made of silicone that adds inches and girth, then the company would make a lot of money. Women put on bras with pads to increase cup size, so why can't men do something for their penis size?
Of course if you do that, then the men would say if you love me you wouldn't want to change anything of me. Why not just get a dildo they might say. "No, but I want you to be the one doing it to me."
If you are going to wait for a guy who has an average size penis and a good guy too, you might not have to wait too long. No one knows how long that waiting list is.
This is a personal issue. For me, I would stay. Partly because I consider myself over the hill (35) and I had played the field already. 20 minutes of pleasure a day is not a big deal when it comes down to life long commitment. I already have this "so what" attitude to sex, when 7 years ago I still hang on to a good sexual life. It was an asshole ex, like yours, that shaped my attitude about sex, unfortunately.
Your break up was 2 months ago. So maybe in some way you are still comparing him to your ex. After years of stable relationship with your boyfriend, your memory of your ex would fade.
No matter what, don't let your current boyfriend know about the size of your ex. If he asks, then say you don't talk about exes. That could do the job of ruining the relationship when you are still hesitating. The pain, the insecurity would last his entire life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe isn't really great at foreplay. And for me, size does equal pleasure because I have better orgasms with penetration, that doesn't make me a bad person or him any less of a man, it's just what I prefer sexually. It's not just him I have thick legs as I said so it's more difficult in that sense also. I just don't know whether I'd be able to continue knowing he doesn't fulfil my needs. He's perfect in every other sense. And I hate to say this but if the sex with him was like what it was with my ex, I wouldn't think twice about a relationship with this guy, but it's not.
Does that make me a bad person?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 November 2015):
You do know that there are more ways to have good sex other than JUST penis in vagina, right?
IS he good with his fingers, mouth, hands?
If he isn't a good lover overall and you don't think he CAN become better, and sex is important to you, then isn't it better to end it asap? And I would DEFINITELY not bring up the size of his penis as the reason.
I have had a BF with a smaller than average penis, but he was a pretty good lover most of the time.
I'd take a guy who is "creative" in bed over a "big penis" any day. Mostly because the size doesn't always equal pleasure.
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