A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I am extremely frusterated about something that keeps happening and I don't know what to do.. My step son always waits for the last minute to do everything then it is just expected that I will jump through hoops to take care of it. My husband expects me to do this also and if I get upset about it it causes a fight.. I think my step son needs to either be expected to give us fair warning or do without. This has been going on for a couple years now.. I am over it please any advice how to handle this would be great.. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 August 2011):
 Sounds like that apple didn't fall far from that tree. Daddy taught Sunny to be a procrastinator... AND found YOU to bail out the both of them... Ergo... YOU get to be miserable, and neither of them ever has to grow up.....
Good luck....
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (30 August 2011):
 You have to be the one to show them how you want to be treated. If you keep giving in to their selfish and impulsive demands, then they know how to get what they want.
Get in the habit of telling them bluntly, but nicely,
"I can not meet your demand/request. Sorry, lack of preparation is not emergency on my part."
You can respond to their emergencies with "Wow, that sounds frustrating, so how are you going to take care of that?".
Of course they will balk and cry foul, but then you say "How is this my problem?".
If they complain they always helped before, nod and tell them "Yes, you are right. I should have spoken up long ago, but you did not see what it was doing to me to have this this stuff thrown on me."
"It was stressing me out and it really is disrespectful and takes advantage of me. I will help you with projects, but you need to give me some fair warning so I can let you know IF I can help. That way, it gives you plenty of time to work out another plan if I can not assist you."
Also, let your family see you take time for yourself. Enjoy your own freetime. Relax with your feet up. Go to the Spa. Have a cuppa tea! Excercise.
They need to SEE that you value your own time and take care of you too. You are not there just to serve them and make their lives run smoothly.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 August 2011):
 They expect you to jump through hoops because you've been wearing springs on your feet. Sexless and Birdy are totally on the money, next crisis tell them you are going to the movies.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 Stop handling it! Stop rescuing them and let them deal with the fallout. All you are teaching them now is how to be irresponsible. If it causes a fight, don't participate in the fight or tell them you are going out for a while and you feel that they are capable of handling whatever it is on their own and that it's their responsibility, not yours.
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