A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am a fourteen-year-old girl. My widowed mother just recently married again. My stepfather seemed very nice. She's attracted some sleezy men in the past. But he seemed great. I'm an only child and while they were dating, they'd often take me out with them and we'd all hang out. It was fun.Recently my mom's been leaving town for business and my stepfather have gotten even more time to truly bond. But lately, he's made me uncomfortable. He's beckoned me to sit on his lap, even. I am not a small child. (I am small. I'm only 4' 9". But I am not a baby.) He looks at me for long periods of time and goes completely silent. He's a loving, sweet, great guy. He's even funny. He is from Germany. But moved to the US 10 years ago. He just gets so close, and it's really too close for me. I have boundaries. He tickles me and comes into my bedroom without knocking and even once came into the bathroom while I was showering! Does he simply think I'm a child? I'm certainly at the age where I need privacy. He gives me none of that. Is there something more going on? Is this part of his culture? Is he just accepting me as a daughter? Should I tell my mother he's been making me uncomfortable, or not risk upsetting her bliss? I do not know what to do. He kisses me and tickles me in awkward places and I am just not five anymore! People don't do that after you turn like six. I feel so uncomfortable in my own home that to bed I've begun wearing huge sweats. He's very affectionate. He calls me special names and buys me special things and takes me out to dinner. He's a real great guy. Really. He's really nice.He just doesn't get that I need privacy and needs to know what's appropriate. Or is this normal to him?He came in during my shower, (we have one of those fuzzed out glass doors) to brush his teeth and I said, "Can you wait a few minutes!" And he simply left.Please help! What should I do?
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female
reader, Survivor!  +, writes (6 March 2012):
That is exactly what my mums partner was like and I'm preparing to take him to court for sexual abuse, this is seriouse no normal man does those things not knowing that it's wrong, remember he's a fully grown man he knows exactly what he's doing and he's please find a friend or relative that you can tell and do it before its too late, it will only end in tears and you will see another side to him, trust me this is very very wrong and you sound exactly like I did! It's very similar, he's pushing the boundaries, if he starts getting intimate with you and talking to you and gaining your trust, it is called grooming but by the sounds of it he's pused it too far no normal man in the right mind behaves like that around a 14 yr old girl and your mum should allways put you first and believe you and if she doesn't go to another friend or relative and get away and stay away for aslong as he remains in your house or if all goes well and your mum does the right thing then she will get rid, no exceptions, no compromise , he needs to be reported, this is seriouse, please don't take this lightly, I'm fully experianced in sexual abuse I've have more than one abuser, tell anyone you can! Please for you own sake, this is not something that can be tolerated and forgot, if he's capable of pushing boundaries that far then it's only going to get worse and damage will be caused, you did the right thing telling but you really should tell your mum no matter how hard it is and how happy she is you need to tell someone that will take immediate action ok, stay away from him and I wish you the best of luck and I truly hope it's not too late and please stay strong don't let anyone paint it differently or make excuses, he will also be very good hat convincing everyone he's innocent, I can't stress enough how important it is for you to speak out and make sure somebody takes this seriously, he needs to be reported to the police ASAP.
All the best, Jaz x
all the best, Jaz x
A
female
reader, Survivor! +, writes (6 March 2012):
That is exactly what my mums partner was like and I'm preparing to take him to court for sexual abuse, this is seriouse no normal man does those things not knowing that it's wrong, remember he's a fully grown man he knows exactly what he's doing and he's please find a friend or relative that you can tell and do it before its too late, it will only end in tears and you will see another side to him, trust me this is very very wrong and you sound exactly like I did! It's very similar, he's pushing the boundaries, if he starts getting intimate with you and talking to you and gaining your trust, it is called grooming but by the sounds of it he's pused it too far no normal man in the right mind behaves like that around a 14 yr old girl and your mum should allways put you first and believe you and if she doesn't go to another friend or relative and get away and stay away for aslong as he remains in your house or if all goes well and your mum does the right thing then she will get rid, no exceptions, no compromise , he needs to be reported, this is seriouse, please don't take this lightly, I'm fully experianced in sexual abuse I've have more than one abuser, tell anyone you can! Please for you own sake, this is not something that can be tolerated and forgot, if he's capable of pushing boundaries that far then it's only going to get worse and damage will be caused, you did the right thing telling but you really should tell your mum no matter how hard it is and how happy she is you need to tell someone that will take immediate action ok, stay away from him and I wish you the best of luck and I truly hope it's not too late and please stay strong don't let anyone paint it differently or make excuses, he will also be very good hat convincing everyone he's innocent, I can't stress enough how important it is for you to speak out and make sure somebody takes this seriously, he needs to be reported to the police ASAP.
all the best, Jaz x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): I think you should tell your mom because a normal stepdad doesnt WALK IN YOUR SHOWER or TICKLE YOU or KISS YOU IN INAPPROPRIATE PLACES. Im a girl and im german and that is definately not part of our traditions/cultures/ etc.. plz tell ur mom so u dont wake up pregnant..
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A
female
reader, muso888 +, writes (30 March 2011):
This is really disturbing. Tell your mother, and maybe a trusted adult friend as well like a teacher or aunt for support.
This isn't right, not at all. Please please have the courage to say No. If you need to, throw a proper teenage tantrum whenever he gets too close. Please do not be fooled by presents and dinners - this all points to grooming. Of course, we can't see it we can only go on what you say but please say something.
Be aware that your mom might think you are overreacting or whatever because she is newly married and also you are a teenager and parents do tend to blame every little thing on that, so if she doesn't respond the way you hope to begin with, be persistent and log anything that makes you uncomfortable ie. tuesday - tickling in [inapporpriate place] so that it will be easier to see clearly what is going on.
Stay safe and goodluck!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 Tell your mom right away that your step father's behavior is making you uncomfortable. Always trust your instincts, and in your case, you're right to feel weird about it.
This is not acceptable parent-child behavior. He can be a truly great guy but he HAS TO respect your boundaries. Tell your mom and dont feel guilty about all this. You are in no way responsible for any of this and you will not be upsetting her bliss. As your mother she has the right to know about everything or anything that bothers you.
Tell this man that you dont like being tickled and you would rather not sit on his lap. Say NO whenever you feel the need to. Very often we dont say no for the risk of upsetting the other person, but dont make that mistake. You would not be upsetting anyone, you would just be asserting your boundaries. Lock the bathroom door whenever you go in for a shower.
There may be nothing to this behavior but then again you have to be safe and take care of yourself. Dont let his "niceness" blind you into anything. You dont know this man personally, for all you know it could be just a facade.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): Ok, some words of advice. Always lock the door when you have a shower, If he comes into your bedroom uninvited shout at him and say excuse me that is not on you should always knock! When he tickles you make it clear that you find it disgusting and be more bloody persistant in showing that you're uncomfortable, voice it, don't just silently take all this stuff otherwhise it'll send out the wrong signals.
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A
female
reader, Orbiter +, writes (30 March 2011):
Tell your Mom right away, I don't think this is purely because he's from a different culture at all.
Walking in on a 14yr old girl in the shower, tickling and kissing you suggests something more than just thinking of you as a child.
The fact that you're now wearing sweats around the house shows that your intuition is telling you something's wrong.
Your Mom will want to know this, tell her what he's been doing and how uncomfortable it's making you. Also just remember anyone can act nice, don't let it blind you to their actions.
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