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Poteidaia
writes: Help!I've been searching for a while and I've finally found my 'soul mate'. She's perfect! Only problem is...she's married. I know I can't tell her, (I shouldn't have told anyone really but there you go), but it's affecting my life pretty badly. I'm not eating much nor sleeping much and as for concentration, well that's just non existent. And little thing that never bothered me before send me spiralling over the edge and I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to control my outward demeaner/expressions. Any advice on coping with this moral dilemma would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks in advance. Yours, Poteidaia. Reply to this Question |
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Dear Confused, The advice I will give you comes straight from the Bible. The only book I look to for guidance. To begin with this woman is not your soul mate. She is another man’s soul mate. She married him and they belong to one another. Exodus chapter 20 gives the only ten rules man is to abide by. The first 4 are for God and our relationship with Him. The last six are for humans and how we are to treat one another. So let’s start with Exodus 20: 14, “You shall not commit adultery.” By lusting or desiring this woman, you have sinned against her and her husband. Please do not misunderstand and say “well if lusting is the same as the action then what’s the difference?” Because there is a big difference sin begins in the heart the Bible tells us the heart is where a great deal of emotion is felt. The heart also refers to the mind, because the mind ultimately thinks of ways to achieve the goals or desires we want. Exodus 20:15 “You shall not steal.” You would also be breaking this command if you were to act upon your desires of taking another man’s wife. And Exodus 20:17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” Ultimately, this woman belongs to another man and he belongs to her they have been joined together as one flesh the Bible tells us. My personal advice is treat this couple as you would like to be treated. You need to ask God to supply you with the right woman. She’s out there, but you need to be willing to wait for God’s perfect timing. Believe me I know what I’m saying here. When I was single I had a friend who told me the only way to meet a man was to go to the bars. I told her as politely as possible that is not the kind of man I wanted. Generally, if you find someone in the bar that is were they are most comfortable and that’s where they will spend most of their time. My friend is on her third bar marriage and still not happy, while I waited for God to supply the right man, granted it took God a little over a year after that conversation with Laura to bring me together with my husband, but it was well worth the wait. My husband and I have never had a fight in the ten years we have been together or any other real difficulties. We are comfortable with each other in any situation. We have an understanding that the other person is always welcome to accompany the other where ever the other goes, or not to. But, we both know the other person is not in anyway shape or form doing anything that would bring unwanted hurt to the other. By our putting the other person’s feeling ahead of our own we avoid difficulties in our marriage. Psychology tells us that half of all people shop in someone else’s marriage to find a spouse. The seeking woman likes the way the husband treats his wife and desires that same close intimacy. Or, the seeking man likes the way the woman treats her husband and desires that relationship with her. The only problem is their relationship works because they are joined together as husband and wife and when you enter in a different person with a different personality it changes the working mix. All of a sudden partners are switched but, also personalities are changed. People treat different people in different ways. I hope this helps. I can only tell you what is morally right. God has the ideal woman out there for you, but you need to be patient and wait on his perfect timing. You know it’s alright to ask God for a sign when the right woman shows up. Example, I asked God to allow the right man to show up on my door step some day rather than me going out to look for one. And God did my husband showed up on my door step telling me a voice in his head said to stop in and visit with me. Personally, I’m very glad I waited other wise I most likely would of ended up with the wrong man. Sincerely, Someone trying to help
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reader, Smiley88  +, writes (7 July 2008):
I am reading negative replies on this board pertaining to
soulmates.I know some people do not believe in soulmates,but just because you dont,doesn't mean you should put others down.A person cannot help who they love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008):
Since I met my soulmate,I do not feel like I can live without him.Some days get a funny feeling in my stomach.
Me and my soulmate are at two different stages in our lives.
I contacted a physic and was told we are Karmic soulmates.I have had alot of telepathic experiences with my soulmate also.I hear and believe that soulmates are destined to be together.If you are meant to be with your soulmate,I think the soul is a driving force.I a determining factor for soulmates coming together is more about what the soul needs than anything else.If a person is in a relationship with someone that is not their soulmate,its like trying to put a top on a pot that does not fit.
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reader, dragonchyld1964 +, writes (3 June 2008):
I know EXACTLY how you feel, bless your heart! I dreamed of my soul mate before we ever met and when we did meet, I felt an instant connection and I think he did, too, even though he would never admit it, I am sure. I went for several years in agony and finally got the guts to tell him how I felt. He is married and has a pretty high position in the community and in the church. He would do nothing to jeopordize that and I respect that. So, even though I KNEW he was interested, he had to say I can't; Not now or ever. I finally had to make peace with myself and move on. I still long for him from time to time, but not nearly as bad. I lost a lot of weight and almost lost my job because of the lack of concentration.You just have to find a happy place and tell yourself that if she truly is your soul mate, you will eventually be together again. Good luck....and take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): I am married and have been for many years to a wonderful lady. There is nothing wrong with our relationship. She is pretty, she is my friend and she is a wonderful mother to my children. So why am I a mess emotionally? I have stuggled for probably 4-5 years with being in love with one of my employees who is also married. I have no idea why these feelings started, but they did and they are strong! It is driving me mad now after all of these years. I try to suppress them and that works for a few months, then they come back again. I have prayed to get this girl out of my head and it is not working. I can't tell this person how I feel because I am the boss and that would be inappropriate. I think she knows though by certain things she does. I also cannot tell anyone because I don't want to hurt my kids or my wife or my family. I also don't want to hurt the person I am in love with and her family.What a mess! Why does this have happen?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): Every answer here seems to be more or less the same. It saddens me. Why does marriage have to be a prison? We have one life, only one. Why be unhappy just to spare someone else a difficult process from which they will recover? Yes, a family which is broken up WILL recover and in the end, everyone will be fine.
My question to all of you who are suffering in the chains of marriage is...will you ever have the courage to live for yourself? Ultimately, our lives are our own, are they not?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): My situation is like a lot of the ones I read and I'm glad that I'm not alone, although I wouldn't wish these feelings on my worst enemy. I am in love with my married boss - and I too, am married. There is definitely a mutual attraction but there are so many circumstances making it difficult for us to be physically close. He is my light, I love the way he makes me feels, I am extremely attracted to him, he inspires me to grow - we connect on so many levels. His wife is great. My husband is great. But there is a Karmic Connection if you will. I am tormented and depressed and have prayed for this "feeling" to leave but it doesn't. It's been 4 years. I love him, and feel that we are headed in the direction of intimacy. I don't know what will happen after that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): Hi all
I thought I was the only one going through this.
Here is the short version of my situation:
I have been with my partener for 15 years, been married for 5 of them.
She is everything a guy would wish for, everyone around me says how lucky I am, I probably am but for some stupid reason I am in love with someone else.
I have tried to stop these feelings but it's not happening.
We have been sleeping together, it started off as a bit of fun but now we are madly in love with each other.
There are no children involved but our families are the closest families I have ever met.
What the hell do I do ?
I have been given an ultimatum, leave your wife or its over.
Do I live a lie for about 30 family members & my wife so they are happy & are none the wiser or do I destroy many lives, make everyone hate me but be with the person I love so much.
This really is the most difficult decision I have ever had to make.
Please give some good advice, hope its what I want to hear :(
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reader, louweez23  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Okay well here's what you do. Get rid!No 'but she's my soulmate'. She's married.She already has a soul mate. Her husband. Why do you think she married him?True. She may not be experiencing the connection she had when they first met but you can bet your bottom dollar she still loves him. She hasn't got any incentive to reestablish her connection to her husband because YOU are filling that need. Now ask yourself this. Why are you wasting your time on a woman who isn't available to you when there are plenty of single people around who you could establish the same connection with? Are you a masochist?I've got some news for you. There's no such thing as a soul mate. Just people who you feel you have a lot in common with, and there's more than one out there. You can have that connection with any number of people without compromising your moral values.Get a grip. Get a reality check and get out before you hurt her, her family and yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): I truly understand your situation. My situation is just as bad. However, I am a married woman with 3 children. The person I am madly in love with and have been for 17 years is my husbands cousin. We never did anything about our feelings up until recently when I expressed how unhappy my marriage was and from there is took off. We expressed our feelings for each other and how long we have felt this way. It finally came to a head and my husband knows about it. My husband and I have had problems with our marriage for a long time, but by this coming out, all of the other problems have not been addressed. He is blaming our problems on this. He feels that I have been lying to him for 17 years. I did fall in love with my husband, but fell out of love with a long time ago, but did the right thing for the kids. I will begin counseling this week and we are trying to work it out, but I still am in love with his cousin. I understand about the not eating, not sleeping. I can't seem to function now that I can't communicate with his cousin anymore. I have hurt alot of people with my affair (my husband had an emotional affair on me 2yrs. ago). I didn't do this as a sort of vengeance. I'm not vindictive. I don't know where it will go from here, but taking day by day. I wish I could help...it's really hard.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): Given the choice between having her in my life as a friend and not having her in my life at all I choose friendship. I pray it lasts and lasts. God bless all of you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): It felt so good to find all of your stories on this site! I am in a similar position to so many of you. I began a new job almost 2 years ago now. A family friend had recommended me, and the man who would end up being my boss was unhappy that he was being forced to hire someone he hadn't even interviewed. I was uncomfortable as well, I had only asked for advice, and ended up being offered a job by the owner of the company. I knew the store manager wherever I ended up would feel his hand was being forced.
The first day on the job everything changed for me and my new boss. There was an instant connection between the two of us! I've never felt the way I feel about him before in my life. I can still feel the sinking feeling when I realized he was wearing a wedding ring, and then saw the Christmas photo of his three children.
The two of us can talk forever, calm each other, anticipate one another's feelings and thoughts, share so many of the same hopes, goals, feelings, opinions, in fact we are very much alike. We have spoken about how we feel about one another, and share the same feelings about the connection we have. We also both feel strongly that we cannot act on these feelings. The closest we've gotten physically is a long hug, although things could have gone much further many times.
He and his wife have 3 wonderful children. I've spent a lot of time with them at the store, and I became especially close with their 13 year old daughter. These kids are the biggest reason why I can't allow our relationship to hurt his marriage.
I also have become very close with his other daughter, from a previous relationship. We are so close that, whatever happens with her father and I, she will remain a close friend forever.
He started a new job last May, and for the first few months focussed on getting me a job at his new company. We have similar interests, so I was happy about the possible opportunity. After months of him pushing his new bosses I flew to meet them for an interview, but I did not get the job. His guilt was unbelievable, and I think the pressure leading up to this was too much for many reasons. After a few more months of the being let down by the job he had taken, he decided to move on. He is now starting his own store and hoping to open more in the future. I'm so happy for him, I don't think he should be working for anyone else, and I know he'll be very successful. I worked for him last week setting up an event and selling with him (I was the only one outside his family). Now he wants me to work for him opening stores.
I'm happy to have him close to me again (he was traveling a lot for the job he took this past year), but wondering if too much could lead to problems with his wife. Our last day working together was April Fool's Day, and I thought about telling him I decided I couldn't work for him. I decided that would be way too mean (not a funny April Fool's joke) but I did tell him at the end of the day I had thought about it. He thanked me for not doing it, and said that would have sent him over the edge.
I love being around him, and I know he loves being around me. We are compatible in every way including working very well together. We are each other's soulmates, but I also know he loves his wife and family and I would never want to hurt them. I want to work with him, but am nervous his wife will catch on to our connection.
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reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Here's to help you on your new soulmate hunt:http://www.solvedating.com/soulmatememotionalavailability.html
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): Kuodos to those who honor their committments.
you must suck up the pain , forever!
It could be worse, they could be dead of cancer, or an accident etc. Think how you would feel. If you lvoe them you should not cause them pain either. Try to communicate to releive the pressure, with clear understanding that nothing will happen.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): Poteidaia,After reading through all of this and giving the issue itself much thought. I am on the female side of your situation. Married, love my husband very much. But, my needs were not being met for a long time, so I was looking without realizing. From your last posting I see that she too needs you. The two of you need to have 'come to Jesus talk', come clean. See if she too is in this position, but didn't realize. Then the two of you can decide what to do.Cheers!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): Poteidaia,
After reading through all of this and giving the issue itself much thought. I am on the female side of your situation. Married, love my husband very much. But, my needs we not being met for a long time, so I was looking without realizing. From you last posting I see that she too needs you. The two of you need to have 'come to Jesus talk', come clean. See if she too is in this position, but didn't realize. Then the two of you can decide what to do.
Cheers!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): I have been married for 8 years, i met my husband 11 years ago at work. I also met my soulmate, why didn't i marry him? well lets just say, things were never said at the right time, i didn't know he felt that way about me, and he didn't think i had those feelings for him. We lost touch for a while, but i often thought of him, and realised that i was in love with him, and always have been!
We got back in touch about a year ago, and all our feelings poured out! We are both in unhappy marriages, knowing that we should be together, but as we both have children and he's terrified that his will be taken from him if the truth comes out, it is an impossible situation.
I know it sounds corny and there will be people who are thinking just get over it and get on with the life you chose, but it's not that easy, his wife doesn't treat him or their children as they deserve and my husband doesn't make any effort with me and our child! How were we to know that our marriages wouldn't turn out as we'd planned?
People don't believe others when they say that love hurts, but it actually does.
Thinking about him, and being with him makes me happier than i thought possible, but it breaks my heart that we didn't tell each other how we felt when we were single!We both know that we would have been great together, my family adored him, and his family very much liked me!
It sounds too ridiculous to be true doesn't it? but unfortunately these things do happen.
How on earth are you supposed to forget about someone you have been in love with for so long, and how do you make the best of it if you can't? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): You are all suffering, as am I. We stay together out of duty, but our hearts want to carry us away to a place so bittersweet it's a tragedy. I have been married for 13 years, many of those not happy. We have two children and have now reached a pleasant way to go about our lives, or so it seems. I live a lie, I have never been happy but family and children are so important as is the responsibility of a father not ot run away. I now love someone else who is everything I have always wanted, my soulmate. So, do I destroy my family for love or do I give up my soulmate love for my family? I don't know, it's very sad.
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reader, always1  +, writes (22 January 2008):
I met my soulmate almost 3 yrs ago. I had a dream about her before we met, but I recognized her instantly the first time I saw her. We both saw light when we first saw each other in the restaurant. She was staring at me and all I could see was her eyes. The light was so strong that I could barley see her face. I gave her my email address and we corresponded. She instantly had powerful feelings for me, just as I did for her. We knew each other's entire personality and likes/dislikes without even asking. Our interests and life goals were identical. My entire being went crazy! Then all of a sudden she stopped writing. But then we kept bumping into each other at the most random places even in a city where I wasn't even living. It turned out she had a boyfriend, but when her and I would bump into each other, she would stare at me and wouldn't hold his hand. Her and I are connected in a beautiful way. I will always love her. I stopped trying and decided that God would bring us together when it's truly meant to be. She's now married (to the guy who was her boyfriend) but I know she loves me. It's very hard for me to deal with. There is a lot of pain and it's been very hard for me to love other women. I'm trying to move on but I know that I will always love her. I know the pain that you all are going through. We have this pain for a reason...it is something that must make us wiser, and move loving to all of humanity. Once a soulmate, always a soulmate. Your soulmate might not be ready for you right now and if that is the case, then even though you met and came together, your soulmate will ultimately leave to go and learn whatever they need to learn so that they have the relationship that God wants you both to have. Know that your soulmate will always be there, and not just in this lifetime. Keep on living, keep on loving, love life to the fullest and life will love you back. Meet other people, and love them too. Learn what you need to learn. Don't worry about being with your soulmate. I know it hurts to be without them, but is only because you are not okay with the way God is moving things. Just live your life. Be like the wind and be free. Take the leap of faith that life without your soulmate is completely worth living. The leap of faith is what you need to learn. I'm doing my best to take it and I know I will feel and live better once I've taken it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): It's amazing to read all your stories and to know that I am not alone in my sadness. And it is a relief to find a venue to share my story with others that understand.
I met my soulmate in college in 1985. In an instant, I was in love. We were so connnected. People would constantly comment on the love and passion they saw between us. It was the envy of many. It was the happiest time of my life. We grew closer and closer every day. And then one day it was over with no warning. Twenty-two years later, I have no idea what happened. He very suddenly distanced himself from me. He started to hang with other girls. He avoided me. I was so in shock, I never asked him for an explanation because I truly believed it was a moment he was having (his parents were divorced and he definitely feared commitment) and that we were so connected that it would all work out. But then too much time was passing and things weren't getting better. I was so incredibly heartbroken. I decided to leave school - take a break from having to deal with living on campus with him and remaining in the same social circles. Two days before I was scheduled to leave school, he set off on a mission to find me on campus. He caught up to me and seemed upset that I was leaving. Despite him being in a new relationship at this point, we spent one last night together. As we made love, I cried because i suspected that it would be the last time I ever touched him. When I woke up that morning, he had his arms around me and was sleeping clenching my hand in his. I never told him I loved him and I regret not taking that last moment together to tell him how much he meant to me. It hurts even now to think of that missed opportunity. I never forgot him. I cant think of a time longer than a few days that I haven't thought about him. And I have had an annual cry for the last twenty years, as I think about the love and the pain I endured in those days that followed the "break up" (although he never actually dumped me - wish he would have). I'm married now and have two children. I can never mention my soulmates name to my husband, even in playful college stories with friends, because it makes my husband uncomfortable. I suspect he understands that he doesn't own my heart in its entirety. I have used the Internet to do what I can to keep tabs on my soulmate and have only had a very thin picture of his life until recently when he put up a website for his new business venture. His current email address was posted. I had to email him and I did. We had a great correspondence amd I discovered that he never married and has no kids (lives with his girlfriend and dog). Sadly, I only had the courage to tell him that I still thought of him and that I still remember with great fondness the uncomplicated connection we shared all those years ago. He too acknowledged our connection and said that he was glad I wrote because it put things in perspective for him. But now I have not been able to stop thinking about him and I am walking around full of love and grief. A piece of me says that it wouldn't hurt either of us if I wrote him again to let him know how I feel. It would get it off my chest. And if he doesn't receive the message well, all he has to do is hit delete and not respond. I know I'll never stop loving him, because 22 years later I still feel the same as I did the night I met him. I'm thinking that if I could just tell him how I feel that perhaps I could move on and live the life I have with my husband and kids. Please, any thoughts here would be deeply appreciated. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): I met my soulmate 25 years ago, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Things progressed well until one day things got kind of hot and heavy and she panicked and ran home. "J" was from a strict Catholic family and we were rounding second base heading for home which freaked her out, but she really did like me and me her.
I thought she hated me and was afraid to call her. I started dating a girl a few months later and never spoke with her again. A few days before my first child was born this fall, she sent me a message via Facebook. I was stunned.j said she never forgot me and often drove by my house when she was in town to see if I still lived there... she had moved to Germany...
Anyways, we met up and the chemistry was instantaneous for both of us. We met twice more after lots of emailing and eventually slept together a few times. However, even tho she is married (with the same guy for 20 years) she isn't happy but feels incredibly guilty. I do as well, but I cannot stop thinking about her and wanting to be with her. She says the same, and me just caling her gets her excited... she had never slept with another man in 20 years despite many opportunities.
Her father is dying so she has lots on her plate right now but she seems to be unwilling to move forward while she is married. I know she is my soulmate, but what to do? I want to give her space but at the same time think maybe I should fight for her... she also has two children who she doesn't want to devastate by leaving their father.
Talk about complicated... any and all advice is welcome.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2007): To the female reader of Dec. 17th. YES YOU CAN! I have known this gal for 16 months now. We are each married to someone else. I care about her deeply. She is my soulmate. I have no clue as to whether she sees me this way but given the choice between having her in my life as my friend and confidant and not having her in my life at all, I choose friendship. She and I have been friends this long, I pray it continues for a very very long time to come. Yes you can!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): I am happy I found this posting. I found my soulmate in 1999. I had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend. We had an affair. He moved to the other side of the country. We kept in touch. I got married and it crushed him. I couldn't wait for him to settle down...I should have. He is now getting married. We chat on private email accounts. We have a cyber life together.
I love my husband so very much and I am certain he loves his fiance, but we are both left with a feeling of emptiness. We know we will never stop loving each other and we will always crave to be together. I cannot stop talking to him...I have stopped trying.
The pain of being married to someone you care deeply about and at the same time loving your soulmate you cannot ever be with is a horrible torture. When I dream it is of him. When I wake I am with my husband. I would not want to trade the security I have with one for the loss of control I have with the other.
I know the cyberlife I lead is just the same as cheating. I know it would hurt my husband. I know all of this, but the power of my connection to my soulmate fouls my sense of judgement. I cannot ever see him, but he is always with me. Thousands of miles away yet always inside me.
Can I cope a lifetime like this? Has anyone?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): Hi i feel the pain you going through because i'm going throught the same thing. I'm a married woman but on my to divorce court. But i met my soul mate like three yr's ago while visting my family in alabama and it was a very huge connection between us but we did not act out at the time i tought i was happily married to my husband at the time and he was with his girlfreind who is wife now. So three yr's went we talk to each other from time to time but nothing big. Then last month i went to visit my folks for thank'sgiving and he came to see me and the connection was even stronger and we spent some time together and when i got back home i could not think,sleep.eat and we start talking on the phone everyday he told me he love me i told him that i love him and we even talk about marriage. But he got scared and though he was making a mistake by doing this to his wife. So told me that he could not do it anymore. So i'm suffering very bad from this i know hw loves me i think he just scared.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): it's not meant to be, best thing to do is try to stop thinking about it, before it eats you away, trust me from my own experiences. Because it will just keep eating and eating at you, just find another women, but that is easy as said, it will take time my good man, time will only tell!!!, ~~Ezzzzz
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): I have been married for 14 years and the relationship has been difficult. I met a man 3 years ago and just instantly connected with him. When I am with him, I just see and feel things so differently. I have refused to act on my feelings out of respect for the commitment I have made with my husband. The other part is, it is one sided. If he is a soulmate, then as far as I know, it is not recognized by him. Well anyway, love-emotions-infatuation-projections, etc...are complicated. Reality is---if honesty is not a priority, then people get hurt. But what is honesty? Is a labor-intensive commitment being honest to one's inner voice? Society's standardized version of love does not necessarily encapsulate the depth and breadth of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): I'm 28 years old... and I married my wife thinking "I'm pretty happy, so I should make the most of it, something better may never come around." I knew she wasn't my soulmate. In fact, I never thought soul mates existed, that it was a thing of romance novels and fairy tales. With my wife 5 months pregnant with our first child, a girl walks into my life whose mind and soul I just so deeply KNEW from the moment I met her. We became very quick friends and eventually, inevitably shared a bit of intimacy. Our first kiss felt like the stars were falling from the sky and the earth moved. We've spent hours staring into each others' eyes talking and snuggling, we just fit together so perfectly.
After a couple weeks of intimacy, we realized we should cool it, since I'm married, it was getting too heavy, and weighted down with negative outside pressures. Both of us feel empty when we're apart. But the negative heavy pressure is bearing down on us. She's desperate to remain in each others' lives in whatever capacity (just friends, whatever) because there is so much more to discover in our beautiful relationship. She went back to her long-time unstable boyfriend, trying desperately to make it work while she turns to drinking to dull the pain of all this. I'm only moderately happy in my marriage with a wife who doesn't know the true me, loves me superficially, and not deeply. A wife whom I have always known was not my soul mate.
Now i've found my soul mate and it's tormenting me. It would be so much easier if i could tell my soul mate to just leave my life and be done with it, forget about everything. But I can't, and I don't for a second feel the slightest bit of guilt or regret over the moments we've spent together. These moments are precious and give my life meaning. I know now what depths of love are possible in this life.
Who knows what the future will bring, or if I'm strong enough to keep my soul mate in my life without allowing our relationship to bloom into all it COULD be. But I do know how empty my life feels when she's not around.
I'm confused and tormented but feel so blessed to have experienced these things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2007): I found my soulmate quite by accident. Over the internet on a innocuous chat room that we just kept in contact over a number of months. We finally decided to meet. We both are married and have been for many years. I have been for over 30 years and she has for close to 25. Both our marriages are stable but limited in closeness. Her husband had been pushing for an 'open relationship' and he had done some experimenting with meeting other women. She consented about him doing it but did not want to do the same. She has not been intimate with her husband for a number of years. But she and him still apparently care for each other. My marriage is more businesslike. We have adult children and still look out and help each other. My wife and I have grown apart sexually and rarely (over a year as I am writing this) are intimate. But we defend and protect each other in anything that may arise. It does not bother my wife at all that we are rarely intimate. I feel the same.When we finally met, she flew in to the city that I live in, it was an instantaneous connection. We sat for hours talking at a restaurant and it was uncanny how she and I knew what was going to be said by ther other before any words were spoken. It was like looking into a personality mirror. We had agreed to only meet and talk and nothing more. We almost said it simultaneously about getting a hotel room. She was there anyway for the weekend to see a family member who lives in the city that I am in. Words cannot express the connection that we realized over that weekend and many others since.That was 10 years ago. We are soulmates and still see each other whenever we can. Sometimes it is only several times a year. Other years we have seen each other many more. We are still both married and care for our mates. But we also know that we truly are each other's soulmate. Even after so many years 'together' we may not talk on the phone for several weeks to each other and one of us will call and invariably I or her will seem to know that we were thinking of calling. Our meetings are fantastic. We may only spend a day together or if we are lucky a week. My wife know about her but not about the depth of our connection. Her husband knows about us completely and is happy for her about it.At least to this extent I have my soulmate and she has her soulmate. We know that we are together always even when we are apart. Someday we may be together always but we are happy that at least we did not give up that soulmate connection and look forward to seeing each other even if it is months apart.For us soulmates are truly for life and there is only one. Very very few are lucky enough to even meet their soulmate. If it does happen it truly is fate and should never be left to slip away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): People's paths cross for a reason in life, sometimes we don't always understand why. I've been married and divorced, and recently had magical connection with a man tha I did not think was possible until now. He told me after the fact that he is married, I give cuddos to his honesty, so it's completely normal to battle in our minds, am I going to hell or do I ride the wave? Life if full of the unexplainable and all I can say is there is a God who will show the way. I am now a believer in soul mate connections, they do exist if our hearts/minds are open to that most blissful experience with another human being.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): If you met your soulmate when he or she is married, or if you are, I am sure you met for a reason... Only God knows that reason...hopefully we will figure it out...
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reader, Virgo101 +, writes (12 November 2007):
What i am learning is that the ONE above is in charge, i have read enough to know that us humans weren't taught how to love and find our soul mate we seemed to be taught to go with emotions settle for whoever at the end we are still empty handed when we do find our soul mate because one they can be married or two not in love with you anymore as there are many fish out in this sea of earth but either way its best to work with ourselves and find what is really bothering us. I do agree that whatever is meant to be will be we get very impatient when it doesn't happen on our terms believe me when i say that. i even went to see a spiritual reader and finding out that she only told me what i wanted to hear. Closure is very important but sometimes it isn't enough. I opened and closed the door on my soulmate because i just knew it was never going to change. At this moment I am debating if i should move on and let me husband find a woman who is in love with him I am tired of being selfish and tired of thinking of someone who is very part of my past, letting go is harder said than done but i am determine to do so. FEAR/LOVE to very complicated emotions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): Maybe I see the issue differently because I knew who my soulmate was long before I married someone else. Marriage is marriage, you put time effort and love into your marriage no matter who else you may or may not have this incredible connection with, and for those who have experienced it truly it is incredible. My marriage is a completely different issue than my soulmate, who I still love with all my heart, and occasionally check in on. I try to keep my distance (she is married also), and I make sure never to see her when we would be alone together. My marriage is fine, not great, and my wife is fully aware that I am not her soulmate (her's passed away shortly before we were married). My point is that you do not have to marry your soulmate, and it is perfectly possible to love someone, and be a faithfully married partner to someone who is not your soulmate. Always remember love is an action, as well as an emotion. So find someone else to love, and console yourself with the knowledge that you have your own partner in this life, and you aren't sharing another man's wife.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): I met my soulmate in June. We had an instant rapport, felt comfortable together, took things a little too far, but not all the way. I found out he had a girlfriend, by coincidentally running into each other on a walk. We exchanged hellos, had a short conversation. I said nothing about the night I was with him, and I went my separate way, assuming I'd never see him again.
We bumped into each other again in October, he was alone, I was alone, and we crossed paths quite by accident. We were at the same place, leaving at the same time, and there we were when we looked up. It was the same instant rapport, and all the comfort we felt with each other picked up right where it left off. It was really strange.
This time, we took it too far. The first thing the next morning, he told me he had to leave because he was really married. Before he even spoke, I knew he felt guilty, and I was not pleased. But, I let him go without throwing a fit. I didn't hear from him for two weeks.
I decided to contact him, because I still had questions for him. I needed closure. He responded very quickly, wasn't at all defensive. He took full responsibility, and spoke to me like a mature man should. I wanted some more detail, and when we talked on the phone he told me his marriage history. He never asked me to be the other woman, and I know I don't want to be the other woman.
A number of things stuck out about our conversation. First, he talked about the "fated" quality of our coincidental meeting that night had, he said "I looked up, and there you were. There was comfort staring me in the face." That's exactly the feeling I had when I looked at him. I've never experienced a feeling like that before.
What came of out our conversation is that I certainly don't want to be the other woman (if my husband did this, I would be devastated!) and he doesn't want a mistress (he wants to be a faithful man, and wants to see if time and communication will improve his marriage). I don't know the whole story behind his marriage, because its not my business, its his. All I know is that its an unhappy one right now, very little time together and have very little communication. He going to try to improve those things, and I want to him to try to do that.
Long story short, we're going our separate ways. My soulmate was a very bittersweet but honest conversation between two people being mature, and fully taking responsibility for our own actions. He feels guilt for cheating on his wife, as he should. He feels regret, for not making me aware of the truth, as he should. I am staying away from both him and his marriage, as I should.
But, there was something in the way we talked and interacted. Somehow he cheated, I was the unaware affair partner, but we both kept our integrity to each other in tact. I know he's my soulmate, and that I am his. But, we can't and won't interact again, and only time will tell.
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reader, jumpman23 +, writes (22 October 2007):
i should add that when we met and hit it off she was going to be going through a divorce, i heard this on the phone and blazing arguments ending in many tears , what i am saying is that i thaught she was near enough single , would not of done it if she was happily married
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): It's not impossible to be married to one and in love with someone else...it's a sign that you either married the wrong person or your marriage is over, but you have not left. However, people should not express their love for another if they are married...bad marriage or not. If someone is meant for you they will wait for you. And they will want the relationship to start on good terms.
This is how this type of situation should read. I was in a bad marriage. I tried everything to make it work...we constantly grew apart...before I knew I started to fall for someone else and unfortunatley he was married to. We refused to act on our feelings. We respected our marriages even though we knew they were failing. At different times got divorced and after a period of time found ourselves spending time together and eventually we got married and had a child...WE knew that we were meant to be together and things worked out for us.
That sounds like a soul mate situation between two people that met while married...right? But definitely NOT!...he cheated on his wife got me pregnant and refuses to divorce his her...Oh yeah, but he's my soul mate...Sorry, but if your story is any inclination of what soul mates are then most people that are searching are in big trouble. I hate to see people wasting their time. Get your act together so you can really find the right man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): I've read through about half of all these stories and they all seem to match mine quite a bit and the feelings. We met 3 years ago and for some reason I just couldn't stop thinking about him. He is 12 years older than me and I wasn't looking for anyone. We were both married, both led almost similar experiences in our lives. I have a girl and he has a boy and they are even so much alike. My daughter feels this weird connection with his son. They have so much in common it is freaky. They are like best friends and they are only 12 years old. We both got married because we had babies and thought that's what you are supposed to do. Its been a year later since we both expressed how we felt. I felt so crazy telling him I loved him the first time we ever were alone together. It's like my heart was speaking and my brain couldn't do anything to stop it. We probably should have stopped things right then because he knew that he could not leave his kids and he told me that from the beginning. For me I could not do it and got a divorce. I continued to see him even though I knew he was not going to leave his wife. I just couldn't stop myself. So one year later I am 9 months pregnant with his baby. Now we have really complicated things. My advice to anyone who has a soulmate who is already married... walk away before it gets out of hand. If they are your soulmate you will eventually find each other again. Now I am dealing with raising our son on my own. He still calls me... I don't think I could |
