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My son punched a guest, when guest videoed him and girlfriend having sex.

Tagged as: Family, Friends, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 January 2017) 13 Answers - (Newest, 24 January 2017)
A male Canada age 41-50, *ustAMom writes:

My son is 19 he has been dating his girlfriend since he was 16 and she was 15. We have a pretty open relationship with them. Over the weekend they went out to a party with their friends and at our house my husband and I threw a surprise party for one of our friends. When they came home my son was drunk (in Canada he is the legal age to drink) I didn't think anything of it . I know they drink. They went to the basement to watch tv and we continued our party upstairs. A short while later one of the party guest ( a life long friend) decided to prank the kids. He and another guest went down stairs to try and scare them. I guess they were videoing the whole thing but instead they found them in a compermizing position. They admittedly ran upstairs , within seconds my son came up demanding to see their phones , one of the guest refused and said he deleted everything so there was nothing to worry about. Things got very heated and at this point my husband an I had no idea what was going on. My son got very upset and punch the guest . My husband broke it up and my son grabbed the phone to find out that the guy did delete the video. After everything was sorted out a few of my girl friends and I were talking and they said that my son was out of control and that what he did was wrong. Yes I was upset that he punch a guest on our house but he was upset and it could have been advoided if he had of just showed his phone. Then they made a comment about me encouraging them to have see in my home. Yes I know they have sex, like I said we are open and I would rather them be safe in he home then some where else. I was a little shocked they were doing thing when the house was full of people but I didn't encourage them. I talked to my son this afternoon and he said he was only upset because he wanted to protect his gf and make sure the video was deleted, he said whether it was a 10

Second video or not he didn't want her ever having to worry that a video like that was out there and how he was sorry about what he did but at the same time would do anything he had to do to protect her. I was kinda proud of him for that

Am I wrong to think that at my son wasn't totally at fault over this ? And I am a horrible mom because at their age I don't care if they have sex in my house

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (24 January 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntDon't allow others to cloud your judgement on your parenting. You seem to have done a good job, you are right they are safer under your roof, your son is an adult and he had every right to lose his temper. Although I don't encourage or agree with violence, he reacted to someone entering his bedroom with a video camera. I would have done the same myself. He should have showing him it was deleted. She is possibly still a teenager if she is still 17 and therefore they had no right walking in on them. If people want to say your son is out off control let them, but just look at the response you have had on here, you know that you have done a good job so don't allow them to doubt your parenting skills, he is an adult.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (23 January 2017):

chigirl agony auntBe proud of your son for giving those old perverts what they deserve. And dont invite those people over again who enjoy filming young people having sex. Its not legal to spy and video people like that, and it could very easily have been put online and completely ruined both the young adults. Especially the girl.

Your son did what he had to do. The old pervert most certainly did not delete that video. Imagine what he planned to do with that video.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2017):

@olderthandirt, how is a young man protecting his girlfriends image a feeling of entitlement ? If anything this young man knows to stand up for a women , her privacy and her name! This young man knows you don't video tape a private moment between two unknowing people.

Have you not watched the news lately? Did you know what a video like that can do to a persons mental health ? Their image ? Or reputation ?

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (23 January 2017):

olderthandirt agony auntThe youth of this generation has a feeling of entitlement and they truly do not understand the need to respect anyone else

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A male reader, JustAMom Canada +, writes (23 January 2017):

JustAMom is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I talked with my husband , my sons and his girl friend and they don't want to go any further with this. They are happy the videos were deleted and I honestly don't think or friend meant anything by it. My son and this friend have a great relationship and it's very normal for the two of them to ora k each other. I honestly don't believe he thought he would be walking into what he did. He actually has apologies to both my son and his girlfriend.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (23 January 2017):

Ciar agony auntNot that you appear to need it, but I'm going to add my opinion that your son was absolutely in the right here.

What's more, I would cut these men and the spineless women who support them out of my life. They clearly can't be trusted so they would never set foot in my home again. You already have a teenage son. You don't need teenage 'friends' as well.

As another reader points out there are possible legal ramifications here regarding sexual images of a minor.

Your son should not even have had to ask to see the phone. That other guest should have volunteered it.

And consider the girl's parents. I imagine they would be outraged to know that there were a couple of perverts sneaking around your home with cameras rolling.

Whatever rules you have for your son in your home is no one's business but yours, so don't get roped into defending yourself on this when the REAL culprits were two grown men who behaved like weirdos and their bimbo wives.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (23 January 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI want to adopt your son! What a wonderful young man.

No, using his fists was possibly not justified but there was drink involved and there was very rude invasion of private space involved. It's not like he and his girlfriend were making out in public. Your guests were the ones who were more out of order.

As for "allowing" consenting adults to have sex under your roof, what the hell? Really? Firstly, what right do people have to tell you how to raise your son (who, it appears, you have raised admirably well), and secondly, it is YOUR house and YOUR son. It is nobody else's business how you choose to raise him.

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A male reader, JustAMom Canada +, writes (23 January 2017):

JustAMom is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you ladies. I was very proud of my son for wanting to protect his gf and I honestly believe if the other guest had of handed over the phone to prove it was deleted my son wouldn't have reacted the way he did. He isn't a violent person and we have never had any trouble from him before. Our friend handed over his phone as soon as my son asked for t and my son checked the phone and handed it back and that was it. There wasn't a scene until the other guest refused to hand his over, I'm not sure why he wouldn't . He had deleted it so why not give my son the piece of mind and let him see for himself.

As for him and his gf being intimate in our home it really has never been an issue for us. We had A LOT of talks with our son and talks with him and his gf when they first started dating. I wouldn't want him bring just random

Girls home every weekend but we know her and love her she is apart of our family now and what they do alone together is none of my business. I guess I was just worried that maybe my parenting style was wrong or that I was one of those parents that couldn't see when their child

Did wrong

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (23 January 2017):

Honeypie agony auntYou "guest" was out of line. TOTALLY out of line.

Your SON had the RIGHT and EXPECTATIONS of PRIVACY in "his" own home. What your guest did was an invasion of privacy and offensive.

So, no your SON was not out of line. Your guest was. What kind of GROWN up "pranks" a couple of teenager by filming them? What a bloody idiot!

And YES your son had EVERY right to check their phones and see it was deleted.

As for not caring if they have sex? How does that make you a horrible person? They 19 and 18 so young adults and so far ( I presume) they have been smart enough to use protection and not making babies) so I don't see a problem with this at all. I do see a problem with you making excuses for this "guest" though.

Nice to see that the SON stood up for his GF's RIGHT to privacy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2017):

Its illegal here in australia to video someone without permission. Up to 2 years in prison and up to 5 if the person is under age and there is still a chance she is 17 years old?

She is at a legal age for intercourse but not for filming. I would incourage her to speak to the police, especially if she is still concerned that there maybe a video

The people who filmed them both have absolutely no right to do this.

You son had every right to ask to see their phones. Every right.

If any friends have an issue with that. Maybe ask why two grown adults would want to leave a party to seek out two teenagers and record them for a "prank".

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A female reader, Slippers  United Kingdom +, writes (23 January 2017):

I think as the previous aunt posted your son was well within his rights . Tell your so called female friend that if this male friend wants to take it further maybe he'd like to explain to the cops how come they were snooping and I mean that .. they weren't going downstairs to scare them .. they were looking for this kinda thing ..

I remember dating my husband and his older brother physically would listen at the door not that we were doing anything .. to the point one day I opened the door to go to the bathroom and fell over him.

So to me they weren't pranking him at all. If I were you and your husband I would be seriously considering having a word in these two male friends ear.

Snooping and perving .

Take care and your parental skills are not unquestionably very practical and with everyone interest . Don't let anyone tell you differently

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2017):

Your son sounds brilliant and spot on. The guests going around your home videoing things......they don't sound so good. I think your son was ABSOLUTELY within his rights to be able to check that a video of him and his girlfriend having sex had been deleted and if your guest was indeed sorry about what had happened, he should have offered up his phone without even having to be asked for it, to put your son's mind at rest.

I'd love to have seen your son standing up for his girlfriend in this manner.

I also think that what you allow and what you and your family feel comfortable about allowing in your home is your business and nothing to do with anyone else. In my opinion, they are adults, you treat them as such, so why should they have to sneak around other places trying to find somewhere they can be intimate. The guests sound like the immature ones.

For what it's worth you sound like a lovely Mum who has raised a lovely son.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (23 January 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntYour son had every right to demand the phone to check in order to protect his girlfriend.

Your guests filming ANYBODY without their knowledge was in the wrong ... even worse to film somebody in THEIR OWN HOME!

If you and your husband don't have a problem with your LEGAL aged son having sex, WHICH IS NOT A CRIME, in his home is none of your female friends business.

I see nothing wrong with your parenting ... and yayyy for your son protecting his girlfriend, maybe next time the guest with the camera might think twice about how he behaves in other people's homes.

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