A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My younger sister and I both live at home with our aging parents (we both work, though, and are just doing it to save money). We were both also raised Muslim, though I am not even Muslim any more and our parents, family are OK with this. Like, my sister too wears loads of low cut clothing, skinny jeans, lots of makeup etc. as do I and our parents don't raise an eyelid. She doesn't wear the headscarf either again they are old and just want to see her happy. She has brought home and slept with guys before and my parents pretended it wasnt happening. She is 23, I am 29.We share a desktop to do work on at home. My sister tends to leave websites she has been using on, so the Web browser loads the pages she has been using previously, when I sit down to use it. Anyway I am honestly not trying to be controlling like the Muslim stereotype, but I have seen some of her online behaviour that is concerning me. My sister is very into cars, as my dad bought her two, and is a member of car forum that's mostly men. There is nothing wrong with this of course but when it loaded the "previous tabs" the other day, I saw a forum thread and her online account (I knew it was her, because she had a picture of her face as her avatar!) titled "Should it be illegal for women not to shave their pussies?" She was literally talking to male strangers online and flirting with them (talking about how she shaved) and a picture of her face right there next to her posts. I am no expert but in this day and age, surely it is not safe to post sexual stuff with your face? Literally anyone could see that forum, and ruin her career if they knew who she was.I am ashamed to say I browsed further, the forum is very sordid as it is targeted at men and seems to be mostly older men, it has lots of nude pictures of girls on cars, and she also made up threads by posting pictures of someone else's Lamborghini (that she had stolen from online) and claiming it was hers. And she posted videos and voice recordings of herself singing Arab songs (we are Arab). Just for attention from the guys on the forum. I honestly did not mean to be controlling but her behaviour and need for attention seeking from guys she dont know is so bizarre to me.My sister is pretty, she could get attention from any man she wants in real life. She has good friends of both genders. My parents don't even care if she dates, Muslim or not, so it is not like she would be told off if she flirted or brought a boyfriend home. She was never "repressed," she doesn't even barely pray like Muslims are meant to. However I am so concerned about how she is online. I myself have used online dating but that was only with guys my age (in 20s). To post such public information like her face, voice and videos, and also sexual stuff that is cheap and trashy, for attention for men on a car forum is concerning to me.As an older sister how should I bring this up with her if I should at all? HELP! I was wrong to snoop I know but when you see your sister's face next to explicit posts about how she "shaves her pussy" (Ew) on a car forum that the world, including her employer, might see. You cannot help but look?? Why the need for such online validation. She is university educated
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 June 2021):
 Sounds like your sister is still in the "rebellious teenage stage" which is... not great at age 23. I mean most people are starting to get their shit together at that age.
You can't control your sister but you can sit her down and give her some advice on online safety.
She puts herself at risk for all kinds of dangerous stuff and what is posted ONLINE is never truly private.
Your parents aren't going to do anything, they stuck their heads in the sand when she brought home guys, they will ignore this too.
It's kind of pathetic. And kind of dangerous.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (12 June 2021):
 While I can totally understand your concerns (I would be the same if this was my sister), she is an adult and, presumably, of sound mind, hence can behave as she wishes, damaging as it could be. There is obviously a deep hurt or emptiness somewhere inside her which is driving her to get attention from men at any cost.
Might it be an idea to say someone you know has given you the heads up about her posts? It would need to be someone she does not know so she cannot check with them. Perhaps a work colleague who saw a photograph of you with your sister and "recognised her" from her posts? This would give you an opening into discussing why she is doing what she is doing. At the end of the day however, if she refuses to discuss it or take your concerns seriously, there is little you can do except, perhaps, ask her to be careful and, if she is actually meeting up with anyone, make sure someone knows where she is going and with whom.
I'm sorry you are being put in this situation. It must be very hard for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2021): I don't think religion has anything to do with this you are living in America not Arabia. As CW says your sister will either grow out of this phase or carry on like this, there is nothing you can do about it. Your sister is an adult and free to do what she likes. Obviously your parents want you two to be happy although I doubt if they themselves are happy with your behaviour but probably keeping their silence to avoid causing a scene or getting scolded if they open their mouth. I would just say have mercy on your ageing parents both you.
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