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My sister physically attacked me when I am 7 months pregnant!

Tagged as: Family, Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 February 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 16 February 2010)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

Im 7 months pregnant I still live at home with my parents and sister and lastnight I had a row with my sister and she physically attacked me. My parents are standing up for my sister saying that ' I shouldnt hide behind my pregnancy as a way of hitting and not expecting it back' even though she lashed out first and it was over something petty. I wanted to go to the police but my family said that if I did they would all stand up for my sister and say that it was my fault. Im moving into my own place in 3 weeks but I cant bear to live one more minute with them. Im not with my babys dad and I cant stay with friends. I slept in my office overnight and Im worried that the stress i feel is damaging my baby. I dont know what to do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010):

my sister hit me i called the police and now my family dont talk to me for 7 months now,and i cant forgive her.she has taken my family away from me and i will never forgive her for that,i have 2 other children to think about so i will vocus on them.try to vocus on your baby i know its hard.

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A female reader, LilPixie United Kingdom +, writes (7 February 2010):

LilPixie agony auntI think both, you and you're sister are in the wrong! You may have gone into her room to get something that belongs to you, but you should have just kept asking her to give it back until she did so. She shouldn't have pulled your head back though, she just overreacted. But you also shouldn't have hit her back!

I think you both owe each other an apology!

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2010):

Maybe stay with a friend or something if you can?

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (6 February 2010):

Tisha-1 agony auntWhy can't you stay with friends? It would only be for 3 weeks, right? That doesn't seem like very long. If a friend of mine was in distress, I would help her out for that time.

Obviously your family history is very troubled and this one incident is only a part of a long string of drama, based on what you've written. If it has been so bad for this long, and you've managed, can you not just be very stoic for those 3 weeks until you've moved out?

I would also recontact the Women's Aid people and discuss your situation some more. Perhaps tell them that you can't afford that rent at all but would be willing to pay something. Ask the baby's dad for some money to help as well; he has an interest in the well-being of the child and should contribute what he can to keep it healthy.

You've made a lot of choices and made decisions to put you where you are today. Continue your planning and saving and keep your eyes focused on your goal; the rest is extraneous and distracting.

You do owe your sister an apology for your attack on her. That it was provoked is not an excuse. Now take responsibility for the things you have done, stop trying to blame everything on other people. You bear at least part of the responsibility for this latest outburst. If your family has been hell for all your years, now is not the time to strike back. Get out of the house as soon as you can, it's only a few weeks away. Why not see if you can move in earlier?

Stop blaming and fretting right now, keep PLANNING. Good luck, I hope your baby is born healthy and you enjoy a long and happy life with your new family.

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A female reader, Angzw Zimbabwe +, writes (6 February 2010):

If my child chose to do something like get pregnant outside of wedlock then she would have to take responsibility for her own life. I would not pay for her mistakes and disobedience. She will have to learn her lesson by supporting herself and not expect me to chip in. That's what tough love is about; let a child experience the consequences of their choices. I have a friend whose daughter had 3 kids by 3 different men at 19 because my friend was always taking over all the childcare and associated costs for her daughter which was perfect licence for her to continue to act irresponsibly. You sound a tad bit spoilt and used to having your own way... Perhaps your parents are trying to correct this problem. I agree your sister shouldn't have hit you, but you shouldnt have hit her either.

Struggling with work, accomodation, baby stuff, stress, absent father..? That's the real world. In time you will grow up to realize that every woman bears up under similar circumstances. And this is all a result of your choices. As for them wanting nothing to do with the baby, that sounds embellished and as though you are trying to turn our sympathies toward you. Dont get me wrong, I have 3 kids and am a single mother and the father hardly cares too; so your struggles are roughly a 3rd of mine. You just have to grow up and get on with the life you have chosen for yourself.

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A female reader, starfairy United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2010):

starfairy agony auntYour sister didn't hit you, she "pulled your head back" so you smacked her in the face and broke her glasses?

I would be saying exactly what your parents are saying!

In my experience, if someone believes someone's opinion without having witnessed the event, they know that person oh too well. Your dad is obviously used to you being the troublemaker in the family and believes your sister without having seen the arguement.

Boo hoo, your life is so hard, your pregnant, let's all give you heaps of sympathy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Basically, I went into her room to get something that belonged to me. She told me not to, came up behind me and pulled my head back. I turned round and smacked her and broke her glasses. My mum saw this all. My dad came up he didnt see but he blamed me. My family are very dysfunctional and unfair. My older sister has had to distance herself away from my parents because of the double standards they have and unfairness towards each of us.

I understand what you mean about trying to get them on my side by using my pregnancy. I can see why they would see it like that. But still, the bottom line for me is that she shouldnt of hit me. Im struggling alot with this pregnancy. Im under massive strain at work and also saving for my new flat and to buy new furniture and baby stuff. My dad went out and bought my sister a car lately and when I ask him for help to buy a fridgefreezer he laughed in my face and said no. Theyve also told me they dont want anything to do with the baby which is unfair as he hasnt even been born yet.

Ive tried the womans refuge this morning however because Im working they say I would have to pay rent of £160 a week to stay there which I cant afford.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010):

if you hit her first then obvs shed lash out.

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A female reader, Angzw Zimbabwe +, writes (6 February 2010):

Considering that your family knows you best and were witnesses to the fight, I think they may be right that you are using your pregnancy to get sympathy and to manipulate them to take your side. Your sister hitting you is wrong but we are only hearing your version. Your family who knows both versions say you are in the wrong. So I would say just let it go and do your best to withstand them until you move into your own place. Taking her to the police knowing full well that you played a major part is simply malicious. Ofcourse its your right to do as you wish but remember the police won't have the sympathy you think. Many of those officers arrest pregnant women on a daily basis; there are pregnant prostitutes, pregnant drug dealers, pregnant shop lifters and yes, pregnant violent people who they deal with daily. You most likely will both get fined; they won't take your side just because of pregnancy. Just let it go.

As for your baby, your anger is what is causing your stress, so let your anger go. Your baby will be fine as long as you maintain your intake of fluids and nutritious meals. Good luck with the baby.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2010):

Well if you are moving out anyway, and your family is turning their backs on you anyway, then what's stopping you going to the police?

You have nothing to lose and then can help you find a temporary B and B or a refuge until you can get your new place and get some friends to help you move your stuff out of your parents place when your sister isn't there.

Good Luck!! xx

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