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My sister confessed she is in love with me & I don't know what to do

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 January 2009) 14 Answers - (Newest, 2 January 2011)
A male Japan age 22-25, anonymous writes:

My sister is in love with me. I am 3 years older than her at 20. I never expected this to happen although we've always been very close. Recently she has been cold towards me and ignores me a lot. Even when I asked her what was wrong she wouldn't respond properly. She locks herself in her room and cries constantly.

Our parents are divorced and we live with mom who is too busy with her work to take care of us. She isn't home enough to see the condition my sister is in. Then one day I noticed my sister had even resorted to cut her wrists so i decided to force her to tell me what was wrong and she ended up kissing me and telling me that she loved me in the wrong way.

I was too shocked to do anything. I've never thought about her in any way other than family though. I don't want to hurt her. What should I do please help?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011):

Your situation is very tricky.

You´re a guy so i can imagine what you´re going through because my sister (and i´m even saying this objectively) is very attractive and if she confessed to me i could imagine the sexual tension might lead me to believe that i´m getting romantic feelings for her.

So first you should make up your mind. You never thought of her as a love interest because it´s common sense but exactly that doesn´t have anything to do with love.

If you are absolutely sure you should tell her your feelings. But under no circumstance should you fall into extremes (either sleeping with her or being cold towards her) of course in almost ALL countries INCEST is forbidden BUT.

Relationships between relatives are not exactly incest.

You can´t have children with each other that´s common sense, of course not, but being together as man and woman is possible in some countries.

That would be where your problems start because you both would have to leave your home and your parents might be against it or maybe even find out about you.

She seems to know exactly about her feelings now YOU have to find out.

I support every kind of love and can´t understand why in the 21st century people don´t think about what´s POSSIBLE but about what is USUAL. I wish you all the luck no matter what way lays before you.

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A male reader, BJ2727 United States +, writes (11 June 2009):

I hope you didn't make the mistake of sleeping with her, cause that would be a big mistake.

I'll ignore the fact that she's your sister for a moment.

A girl in her emotional state shouldn't be having sex with ANYBODY right now! She needs a shrink more than she needs a boyfriend right now.

Be a good brother and don't do it!

When she's mentally healthy, you can broach the topic again (I can't stop you), but that girl... in the condition she's in... it's not right. Don't do it. You'd be taking advantage of her when she needs your stability and support.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009):

Don't do anything to upset your sister. If she is that unstable, just try to make her happy. Tell your folks you're going to rent an apartment together. It's not uncommon for siblings to share expenses like that when it comes time to move out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009):

NO! forget that relationship with your sister. brother sister relationships are forbidden in every way possible. do the right thing and forget about doing that. i used to think that but now, i realise its not right. id do the same if i were you. goodluck!!

from sexy minxy!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009):

I don't think youlove her in that way. And what you should do is get her helpfor slitting her wrists, don't pretend to her that your relationship is any more than just brother and sister or the consequences will be severe.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009):

It is normal to enjoy it when a girl give you attention and is clingy with you. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are in love with her, but that you enjoy the feeling of being desired. Does it feel good to you when she clings on to you? And does she sometimes kiss you or lean her head on your shoulder like a girl would do to her boyfriend? Has she tried to do more, like get physically intimate with you and try to remove your clothing or touch you in ways designed to get your sexually aroused?

It sounds like you could easily have sex with her, if you think both of you could deal with it. But it's something you should talk to her about beforehand. And you might have to limit it to oral sex and anal sex, so that you won't risk getting her pregnant. Unless you are willing to both use birth control, like the pill and condoms.

Like ask if at some point if she will want to end the relationship with you, and have one with another boy close to her age. Ask her if she realizes that a sexual relationship with you could only be temporary at best, and at some point, you both would have to end it. Or ask what will she do if she meets someone else that she is very sexually attracted to. Has she had sex before, or would you be taking her virginity? Please post back again to provide more information and answers to these questions.

Also, I recommend you sign up at the Go Live Wire Forum at www.golivewire.com and post your situation with your sister at the Teen Sexuality Forum, and ask the girls there for their opinion on what you should do, and why your sister could be so in love with you. They will probably be able to give you a lot of helpful insight and advice.

Finally, do you think she has told anyone else how she feels about you? Or do you think you and her are the only ones who know?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Although I've never thought about my sister as sexually attractive, I'm beginning to because of what she'd said. But I don't think I am capable of loving her as much as she loves me and I am afraid I'd regret it and hurt her later on.

Incest is illegal here and highly detested and it would create a huge mess if we end up getting married.

I had already decided on moving out, got the place and everything but mom doesn't want my sister to come with me.

After she told me about her feelings, it has become to opposite of before. She clings onto me and follows me around wherever I go. I realize I'm feeling glad from the attention she's giving me.

Does this mean that I am also in love with her?!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009):

I guess the question for you is this: would you want to have sex with your sister? Do you find her sexually attractive enough that you would enjoy a sexual relationship with her? Or would you feel bad about having sex with her? I don't know what the laws in Japan are, but most societies make incest illegal. I have heard, however, that incest is legal in France, so some countries dont' criminalize it.

If you decide to give to your sister's wishes, there would be good and bad things about it. For one thing, it would probably make you feel even closer to your sister than you do now. You might end up loving her as much as she loves you, and it could be a powerful love, especially on her part, so it could be something special. But you would have to keep it a secret. Perhaps later you could both move out of your mom's house and move in with together, which would make the relationship easier. But if you want to have children someday, things could get really complicated. However, at some point she may come to her senses and realize that she could never marry you, and decide that she will have to end the relationship. Since she is only 17, she's still got a lot of growing up to do, and people tend to get smarter, more realistic and more practical as they get older.

Perhaps the biggest question is this: what do you WANT to do about this situation? Do you want to give your sister what she wants, or not? Do you want to be her lover and sexual partner? That may be the biggest question you have to answer. Please post back again to answer these question so we can continue giving you advice.

You might also do a search on this site for "in love with my brother." There are a couple of posts from girls who are going through a similar kind of thing. Their posts and replies might be of help to you.

Also, consider going to the Live Wire Forum and asking this question, cuz lots of girls are there who could give you advice on what to do about your sister, cuz they understand girls' feelings.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

When our dad left, my sister was really depressed and had to take medication. She never fully recovered and to make matters worse, she caught her boyfriend cheating on her just around that time too. I suppose she'd lost faith in men or something like that.

I did ask her what kind of feelings she had for me and she told me she was certain it wasn't the normal sibling love. She said she wouldn't mind having sex with me or marrying me and she said she didn't care what society says about that. She wanted me to return the same kind of affection.

I cannot tell my mom because it's true that she'd really freak out. She'd probably also separate us and I don't think that's ideal right now.

I've told my sister for the time being to consider therapy but she said she's sick of it and she doesn't need it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009):

Did your sister actually say she loves you so much that she wants to have sex with you? Ask her if she actually thinks about doing that with you, and if she really wants to do that. Because I have not heard of many girls feeling that way. Please post back here after you have talked to her and let us know what you were able to find out from her.

I don't think it would be a good idea to tell your mom, she might really freak out, and that might add to the stress she is already feeling from working so much to provide for you and your sister.

I think the best thing to do is to talk to your sister and find out why she feels this way. Ask her if she knows why she's in love with you, and what she wants to do about it, and how you can help her. Ask her if she wants to see a therapist, and if she wants you to go with her. Or ask her whatever else you can do to help her. Tell her you will do whatever she wants you to do. This is something you should probably work out with your sister. From what I understand about Japanese culture, if you tell your mom, she might kick your sister out of the house, or start treating her with disgust, or feel ashamed for how your sister feels about you.

Another good place you can go to ask questions like this is the Go Live Wire Teen and College Forum at www.golivewire.com. Although you have to register there, you can post anonymously.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009):

First unless your mom is someone that hates her children she is doing her best working to try and take care of you and your sister financially. My point is she probably does care and that you need to talk to her first. If your mom just does not care about you then that is different, but my guess is that is not that case.

Anyway, concerning your sister, if you do talk to your mom maybe she will realize she needs to spend some time with her. I think you sister could benefit from going to therapy. My guess is that you are always there for her, she deals with some form of depression and as the person that is there for her she is confusing her dependent needs on you as love.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009):

A relationship with your sister is unacceptable, and I think she knows this. If she is so depressed, maybe she needs counselling. She is probably just incredibly confused. She needs some time to think things through. Be supportive of her but don't get over affectionate as this could just make her even more upset. I think seeing a counsellor or a psychologist will help you and her iron out the situation. Talk to her and convince her that it will help her and book an appointment together =]

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009):

Okay, that's a serious problem to which you won't find the answer here, to be honest, you're gonna need some professional advice on the subject and soon.

You have to make sure she knows how much you do love her though, beyond all others that she is the most important person in your life and always will be, because she's your sister, but most importantly that it's okay for her to feel that way, they're natural feelings and you accept them.

Try not to alter your behaviour with her keep being the brother you've always been, if you shy away from her or get cold she'll be devastated.

You are her only father figure the only man in her life that hasn't left her and because of this she has become infatuated it's not that uncommon. You need to constantly reassure her that you're not going anywhere and you'll always be there for her.

Be understanding, careful and reassuring, she can't help how she feels she's very confused and vulnerable right now.

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A female reader, Nicolle009 United States +, writes (16 January 2009):

Nicolle009 agony auntYou dont want to hurt her, and since she has resulted to injuring herself, you need to sit her down and talk to her directly.

Explain how you feel about what is happening and how you guys can result with it and maybe you could sit your mother down alone and explain whats occured but make it clear for her not to get out raged at her daughter because that may drive your sister to other things.

Take some time to talk to your sister and mother and come up with the best way to approach it. It may get to be weird between all of you but theres really no other way unless you feel the same way about your sister, but from what you've said it does'nt seem like you do. Maybe in a month try fixing your sister up with one of your respectful boy friends.

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