A
male
age
30-35,
*hyguru
writes:I am very very shy and at 25 I have never been in a relationship or anything of the sort. Sometime back a lady and I became friends from hi to kinda chat buddies. In all honesty she says she loves me. I however don't think I can ever get attracted to her to a level of love sex and relationship. I hate it that she is into me and due to my shyness I feel like I have no option but to love since I might never find a woman. I don't want to accept her just because i have no option. Help me out.
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 July 2016):
 Don't string her along if she "loves" you and you don't feel the same. Don't USE her because she seems like the ONLY available option right now.
You NEED to focus on you and your social skills. Being shy is an excuse that will hinder you more than help. I say that speaking from experience. I'm pretty much an introvert in social situation and I'm NOT supergood at being the first person to "make" a move and go talk to others, yet I "force" myself to do it. When I started college most of my friends where people had had grown up with, from age 3, so VERY familiar to me and easy for me to be around. I knew no one in college, but managed over time to make a lot of good friends there too, even with me being socially awkward.
Watch this guy, Matthew Hussey on YouTube he has some stellar advice to dating (that both men and women can learn from) - the link is about SHY people - see if it can ring a bell for you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hlb-IBtxJYc
There is NO instant fix to being shy, introverted, awkward. YOU have to DO the work to challenge yourself EVERY day to improve those areas. IT IS your life! Think about it. You want to let life just float past you while you are busy being "shy"? Or do you WANT to partake in life and all that it has to offer?
A therapist can also perhaps help you in giving you some tools, but still, YOU have to do the work. YOU have to overcome this. And YOU can. If I can... so can you.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 July 2016):
 You cannot force yourself to love someone, it has to come naturally and if you think that you should stay with her because you won't find anyone else well then that makes you selfish, because you are using this woman, and she deserves to be with someone that loves her.
It is possible that you are suffering from social anxiety, as at 25 a lot of your shyness should have gone as you got older and confidence grew. Have you any idea why you are shy? What it is you are scared off and where you always this way? I think you need to talk to a professional for some therapy.
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A
female
reader, Deeksha  +, writes (1 July 2016):
 If you don't love her please don't get into a relationship with her. As life goes unpredictable you will soon find the right one for you and then you would have to break up with her which will turn out to be a mess. Too painful and of course will break hearts. Remember love knows no compromise. You can compromise because of love but not to get into love. For now you may just tell her that you would like to be great friends with her and just want to spend time with her. Who knows she is the right one. But get into a relationship only after you feel it's worth it. :)
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (1 July 2016):
 You need to seek professional help for this level of shyness, particularly as you are now out of your teens. I'm not sure why this woman would say she loves you. Your relationship seems tenuous. Saying you love someone demands more intimacy, and you are incapable by your own admission of giving it.
Decide now that you can't fix this by yourself, and visit your GP for a chat. There are reasons you are the way you are and you will be able to explore them with a health professional in a confidential environment. It is the best way forward for you.
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