A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello all.I am an attractive female with a nice ok regular life who does not have sex very much by choice, but then when I do, I tend to go nuts, and am worried about my behaviour, as I am indulging in sporadic risky, drunken threesomes/gangbangs etc....I have not been a long term relationship for about three years. I meet men, but not the ones that I could see myself forming a relationship with. I have a nice job, good friends, and interesting hobbies, and have an all round ok life. I tend to get bored and frustrated occasionally though, and now when I do go out at the weekends I tend to go nuts. Only last week I ended up having a gangbang with a girl and three guys ( I know most of them except one guy, who the girl who I have known for about a year is kinda seeing) anyway, I ended up having sex with him in front of her, and now he wants to see me again, and I am tempted as the sex was great, and I do have an appetite. This, I think might calm me down, as I will be satisfying my sexual hunger, but only with one person in a safe environment, rather than at ‘parties’ or even sex club parties which I delved into occasionally last year. My general worry is my increasingly risky behaviour in this sense, as I also nearly slept with 2 guys in the bathroom at a party a couple of weeks back. I tend to down a bottle of wine, (I also thought that changing my drink from wine to something else might help? ) as I am actually quite shy, (believe it or not) then lose my inhibitions, and I actually hurt myself physically last week when I fell off the bed, fell into an empty bath hurt my back, and scratched my arm. I also had unprotected sex with three men that time, which I do know is highly irresponsible, and reckless, and now I am scared. (I am now intending to go on the pill this week, and carry some condoms round )I am scared because I didn’t use to be like this. I am scared because I like to think I value myself , but there is obviously something wrong. I am scared because I get terribly lonely, and want intimacy, but still end up doing this to myself. I am scared because now when I drink and go out, I don’t know what’s going to happen, and sometimes, I cannot recollect the night’s events. I am sacred because I have a loving nice family, a nice job, and all the things that go with it, yet I am still doing this. I am scared because each time ( about every few months) I promise myself that I will not do this again, and then I do, and now I am fearful which is not a bad thing, as the alarm bells are ringing loudly at last. On the flip side, I like sex, and feel that if I had a regular sexual partner, I would not do this – that is why I am tempted to see that guy now and then from the other night. I do not like that fact that I feel ‘guilty’ for enjoying myself, as I have done nothing wrong. I mean, should I feel bad about this? What wrong with me if anything? Is it just my guilt? Or Am I on a downward spiral? Should I go ahead and see this guy alone to satisfy my needs? I feel sad, yet satisfied physically, but am worried that I am removing myself further and further away from the possibility of having a loving close relationship really want. I am now questioning this, and would really appreciate some answers and help. Thank you.
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condom, drunk, shy, the pill, threesome, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): This is very dangerous on so many levels. Picking up an STD is just a numbers game, which you are highly at risk here. More importantly, heaven forbid you get ahold of the wrong guy and he ends up hurting or even killing you. Obviously in your intoxicated state, you are not thinking clearly and have no ability to make good choices for yourself. Try not drinking for a month, if you can't, then attend AA meetings. See your doctor, you can tell them what is going on and perhaps they would want to test your hormones? See a therapist.If a relationship is what you really want, a life-style change is in order. Any man worth having, does not want a woman with loose morals and a drinking problem.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 September 2009):
 I could be menopausal of a "female" midlife crisis. You seem to focus on your sex drive a lot. Like it drives you, not the other way around.
If you don't like what you are doing then stop putting yourself in those situation where you normally do stupid stuff. That might mean you can still go out but don't drink, or don't drink as much.
I think you are using alcohol as an excuse for being so promiscuous. You want great sex ( most of us do) but instead of finding A (as in 1) partner you screw every guy who asks.
You ask if you should feel bad. Only if what you are doing is hurting yourself later - or hurting others. You might jsut have a really high sex drive, you might have reached a place in your life where you are less inhibited about sex.
You need to figure out what you want. And what you don't want. You are old enough to realize what you want and then go for it.
To be honest I think you need to talk to your doctor as well, it almost seems a little manic depressive tendencies. The whole bring thing, with black out, over indulgence of sex and so forth. Could be something as simple as your hormones being really out of whack. It could be a sex addiction.
You do need to stop, it is not safe. Specially if you don't remember what you have been doing. Think of your family as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): I honestly believe that perhaps you need to see a therapist as they are underlying issues involved, I'm sure. I say this perhaps because I am feeling the same way and as of late my behavior has not been becoming of me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): I bet there's an awful lot of men reading this who are wondering exactly where you live and hang out!
Seriously though, it looks like it's alcohol that's causing the wild weekends and all the trouble. Perhaps a change of drink would help as it seems the wine is a bit of a leg-opener for you. Maybe if you only had a couple of glasses rather than a whole bottle you'd be a little more restrained, but if not you're doing the sensible thing with pills and condoms. I think if I were you I'd be inclined to get myself checked out for anything nasty, and pretty smartish too. There are an awful lot of nasties going round these days.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 How's your spiritual life?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): what you need to do right now is try to find out from yourself what is your problem.try to identify that little aspect in you life that make you feel or do the things that you do right now, and if its a relationship that u looking for, you will find one, just be patient, i think you should stop seing that guy, because you only doing it to satisfy yourself. or be straight with him and tell him, its only about sex. condoms seems to be good idea
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