A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:Before I got my boyfriend this year...my first one..I was an overall happy person. I was a smart, shy girl, I got the best grades I could get and I was a very smart student. I had no acne, I almost never fought with my parents. And I felt good about my life. But something was missing and as I saw more of my classmates with boyfriends...and my friends with boyfriends too.., I wanted one too. I never thought I'd get one because my confidence at the time was really low and I never received such loving attention from the opposite sex (except for my dad). But I craved for one...I thought of it as THE main goal during my sophomore year. Well..I said yes to the first guy who asked me out. He was my friend and I've liked him for a long time. And right now...I realize he thought I was extremely easy. Because I was. And after 4 months of dating, he's assaulted me (by sticking his hand forcefully down my pants while whispering sweet things in my ear)..and those sweet things kept his hand down there, he played with my emotions, by cheating on me and knowing I'd forgive him, he told my friends what I let him do with me..and now they think badly of me and won't even TALK to me. I was always the subject of discussion with him and HIS friends as well (we weren't really sexually active..but he'd mentally force me and beat me down to achieve his goal of getting in my pants)..he'd manipulate me with sweet words and I let him touch me down there. I never wanted it. It just happened. I was being really stupid. Ever since those four ridiculous months, after which I broke up with him, (which I admit I enjoyed half of. I won't say anything about that. It was probably a bit of my fault as well) I can't recognize myself anymore. My grades have slipped, I got really bad hormonal acne, I can't concentrate on anything..I pay more attention to my looks. I'm constantly depressed and feeling extreme mood swings. I was the one who ended this relationship. And I feel hurt. I feel used. I feel gullible and stupid. And I feel like I can never sympathize with anyone about this and I feel like I can never get my grades and confidence up after this. He treated me really bad. But I liked him...I even thought it was love at once. And I had to cope with his anger and mood swings just to hear sweet things from him. I feel ruined. Worst of all, I thought he actually liked me. And since we split up 2 weeks ago, he shows it sometimes...and tells me he misses me. But I don't know if its just another trick. I'm just really glad I didn't have sex...(we were close to it, but i surprisingly said no) I know I'm really young...and this may sound overdramatic. But I really don't know what to do. He's my age. Thank you.
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acne, broke up, confidence, depressed, shy, split up Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 I'm so glad you're feeling better, and that I helped! - Keep it up!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your answers. I really appreciate. Natasia, I really found your repsonse helpful and it relates to me so much. hlskitten and jinxx thank you as well. I'll stay away from him. I have been, in fact. Just ignoring him when he passes by..staying away from him is the best in getting over him, I've noticed. I'm gaining more confidence by the day :]
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (26 May 2008):
ps and obviously don't go anywhere near the guy again : )
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (26 May 2008):
This part of your post struck a particular chord with me:
'And I had to cope with his anger and mood swings just to hear sweet things from him. I feel ruined. Worst of all, I thought he actually liked me.'
I have just turned 40, I have two children, I've been divorced - I've lived a bit more than you. But would you believe it, despite my 'experience', I've ended up in a relationship with a guy 8 years my junior, and feeling exactly as you feel now. So when I say I know how you feel, I really do.
What's happened to you is that he has turned upside down your (nice, neat, safe) view of yourself, and of the world. Same happened to me. And he's pretty much done this two ways: by awakening your sexuality in a way you never expected - by showing you something in yourself you didn't know was there, and (second way) by having pretty much no respect for you or what you would see as normal reasonable rules of behaviour. He has caused something of a revolution in your life - no wonder you are reeling.
See it like this: it probably had to happen sometime - the loss, effectively, of your innocence - but now you know what you DON'T want. Sit back. Take a deep breath. You're right, it's so good you didn't have sex with him - well done. Really well done. So nothing is really lost. Your friends will stop being silly at some point. Feel proud of yourself. You've been under assault, and you've survived! Calm down. Look at yourself in the mirror and see a woman. Get some cream for the acne and eat the right food and do lots of exercise. And reinvent yourself. You need to incorporate who you always were (and still are), plus the new experience, and new knowledge of yourself. You will manage this, for sure. No, you aren't the same - but that's just growing up, it's just life. Don't pine for what you had. Move forwards. And I think when you take your life by the scruff of the neck, yourself, you will find / attract a boy (because that's your problem now - you've suddenly woken up feeling you really need a boyfriend) - you will find the right one - a NICE guy. And then you'll feel great.
In the mean time, don't panic. You're still yourself. Remember that. : )
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A
female
reader, hlskitten + ♥, writes (26 May 2008):
 Hi
I have literally only read a quarter of your question and it seems obvious to me. What you do about it, i couldn't say. But the reason this guy has you dangling on a string is because he picked you up when you had low self asteem and basically has manipulated you, because he can.
If you get your self asteem up, you will resist him more.
You are worth so much more, you just dont realise it. And he knows it.
C XXXXX
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A
female
reader, hlskitten + ♥, writes (26 May 2008):
Hi
I have literally only read a quarter of your question and it seems obvious to me. What you do about it, i couldn't say. But the reason this guy has you dangling on a string is because he picked you up when you had low self asteem and basically has manipulated you, because he can.
If you get your self asteem up, you will resist him more.
You are worth so much more, you just dont realise it. And he knows it.
C XXXXX
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (26 May 2008):
Stay away from this guy, please!! He's ruined your relationships with your "friends," if you can even call them that. He's manipulated you into doing things you wouldn't have done otherwise. He thinks he has you in the palm of his hand, and if you go back, that's exactly where you are. Honestly, this is a bad situation, and you know it. I know your self esteem is lower than low, but please recognize that you are better than that, better than how he treats you. No one deserves to be treated like that, and you're no exception. Tell him to leave you alone and stop trying to get in contact with you. Find new friends you can talk to, and who will accept you for who you are and stick with you through the hard times that will inevitably come in your life.
Guys like this are everywhere, unfortunately...and too many of us girls have to learn the hard way. Moving on from this situation and finding good people to surround yourself with will only make you stronger, and once things start falling into place, you will feel so much better about yourself, trust me!
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