A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am 18 years old and i am absolutly head over heels in love with my 30 year old boss, and yes, the feeling is mutual.the problem is he is married with two young children.now, the rational side of me is telling me to run away from this as fast as i can. but my emotions are telling me otherwise. i know that even though we love each other, its wrong on so many levels.i just dont know gow to address a problem like this! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): listen to your rational feelings. Taking the husband from a wife and the father of 2 childeren will result in only losers in the end.
Listen to the experience of people who were in the same situation and look how happy they are after it.
You are a woman and women have often have a strong intuition, realize that this will be the reason that you started to have doubts.
Find a other job and Mr Right will show up sooner or later.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): Right firstly, unless you have been in the situation I don't think anyone else can really comment. That might sound a bit harsh but take it from someone blinded and seeing the light, what they are saying is generally right, but hell it's definately not that easy.
I would like to say that don't ever let someone tell you that you are the reason their marriage broke up. Hands down if it wasn't you it would be someone else, the husbands infadelity is what caused the breakdown not you, you simply fell for someone you got on well with.
Saying all that he will do it time and time again now, theres no going back for him.
I too thought I cared so much for this man who was showing me attention, for a few months we were like this, every moment we could get together. There was only ever one mention of possibly having to leave his wife, but between us we both knew that it was never ever going to happen and it was never mentioned again.
It takes some much strength to realise what it is you are to him, totally used and feeling a bit worthless. It's weird to think that when he shows you nothing but love, but really why do we want relationships with men we know have the ability to cheat. I can pretty much guarantee it will end up a physical relationship.
Once your relalise you have been used, and you will dont worry, then hardest part is stopping it. Seems impossible I know but you will get there, you got on fine before him. The main problem is having to see him, I sorted that out first because I knew I couldnt ever walk away until I knew I didnt have to see him.
Main thing I will say is, you stick to what is comfortable. If no one knows and it's all going nice then you just carry on thinking if it isnt broke don't fix it, well it could be broke any day and I know you wouldnt want that. So what I want to say finally is get out as quick as you can because time only makes it worse.
I hope one day there's someone out there who will well and truly fulfill everything you had hoped for and more hun
best of luck x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): At 18, you're not a child. You are at an age where you are old enough to realize that (as the song says), "You can't always get what you want." You can't just take what you want because you want it, there are reprecussions to your actions. I'd like $20,000 so I can remodel my kitchen and I know that banks have that money laying around. Doesn't mean I'm going to rob a bank for the money. Why? Because I know that stealing has reprecussions.
Also, I've had crushes on a married boss before... pretty sure it was reciprocated. Didn't bother to try figuring it out. Why? Because I knew the only loser in that scenario would be me. Starting with losing my job and ending with my heart being shattered.
I'll close this out with something someone told me a long time ago, and its maybe the very best advice you'll get for making all kinds of decisions, not just with love:
"In matters of the head, use your heart. In matters of the heart, use your head."
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (9 December 2008):
 Don't ever get involved with a married man! you do not want to be the reason for a family breaking up. It's not right. I f him and his wife have problems they need to deal with those problems before you enter the picture. Please do everyone a favor and walk away. They have CHILDREN! Please do the right thing and leave hi alone. You are 18 you are soooooo young, you have your entire life ahead of you you'll fall in and out of love so many times from now on. Please walk away from this one now!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): Listen to your rational side, and make sure you have nothing to do with married men. No matter what your emotions are telling you, men that are married are always bad news. If he loves you, tell him to get a divorce before you have anything to do with him...
Here take a look at these writings, a relationship with a married man can be very, very, soul destroying....
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/in-love-w-a-married-man-how-do-i-cope-w-break-up.html
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (9 December 2008):
 Find a new job. This man is stringing you along. Men almost always want as many women as possible.Married or not. You flatter his ego. This is such a common scenario and all that results in these sort of things is hell for the children due to a split family and the relationship you think you have with this guy, won't really last once he gets caught.
Never trust anything a married man says!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 December 2008):
 It's actually pretty simple. Hard as it may be to do, make a rule of dating only single guys. If this guy wants to date you, then he'll have to be single. This means he'd have to leave his wife and children to be with you. I'm not saying it can't happen, it's just unlikely.
Ask him to do that, and watch him backpedal and find some great excuses and basically not move out of the house he shares with his wife and family.
So if the feeling is truly mutual, and he wants to be with you, he'll find a way to tell his wife he's done with the marriage, and that he's going to move out so that he can be free to date whom he chooses.
You're young still, and perhaps haven't yet learned that some men will say anything to get into bed with a lovely young woman who worships them.
And on top of all that, he's your boss. If you want to be sensible about this, find a new job, so that you can never be accused of sleeping your way to the top, or bear the brunt of jealousy from your coworkers. Or maybe he can find a new job, so there's no hit or concern of sexual harassment? I know, he's not harassing you, but corporate America has its own funny rules
Take care.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (9 December 2008):
 Wow... well, feel some comfort in the fact you are not the first to have this problem, that's for sure. The best advice here is to tread lightly and so very carefully! Believe it or not, it's not the age difference that gives me cause to worry... it's the wife and kids. The thing that I'm more concerned about is your safety (on various levels): please tell me that he hasn't been making promises to leave his wife for you -- if so, keep in mind this could be a ploy to keep you in his arms (in effect, having the best of both worlds). I would say that it would be safe to not give him 100% of your trust in your relationship until he leaves his wife, otherwise you are just being strung along waiting for something that might honestly never happen.
So, bottom-line here, I am happy for you, but step cautiously. If you two can make it work, great!!... but heed the "other woman" rumors and warnings I'm sure you're already aware of...
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