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My previous LDR did not work. My current LDR treats me better. Based on how things are working out does this current LDR have a chance of working out for the best?

Tagged as: Dating, Long distance, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 January 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 13 January 2017)
A female United States age 26-29, *rueLoveWaits2016 writes:

My bf came down to visit me for a little while and we talked about the future.

The thing is he is younger then me and much less stable then me. I guess when I started dating him, I should have walked away, but I couldn't and we fell in love.

We met online. The both of us have been talking for half a year and officially dating for a couple months. He has always felt bad that he isn't on my level, which doesn't bother me as long as he works on getting himself stable enough to have a future, he doesn't have to be a millionaire or have a high degree.

I can understand where is coming from, as I was in that situation not too long ago. I know he has esteem problems and I encourage him as much as I can.

He loves and he wants what is best for me, he just feels I could be w/a man who is already established. I have been on dates and met professional men (engineering degrees, Phd level etc) and they weren't the type of guys I would want to be in a relationship w/.

There are guys that I could meet locally eventually, but I love my bf. He feels bad that I will have to take on the responsibility of visiting him and he doesn't want the relationship to be one sided.

He told me he loves when I come down. I straight up asked him if he wanted to break up w/me and he said no. The relationship will be one sided if he makes no effort for me and he does make an effort.

I love him and I know he loves me.

He is always there for me the best he can be and always listens to me when I tell him how I feel. For example his communication was crappy at first, but when I expressed how I felt he admitted he had been neglectful and the communication has changed for the better. He says he regrets the circumstances, but doesn't regret me.

I guess I'm very gun shy w/these types of situations. I started dating a guy who strung me along, despite knowing he wasn't ready.

He treated me a lot differently when I expressed his lack of communication after he left back home. This guy was very vague about our future visits, wanting them then telling me it would impossible.

That rejection that I received from him hurt a lot as he did it in a very insensitive way.

He beat around the bush w/the situation.

My current bf couldn't be more different, he is kind sensitive, caring and is always looking out for me.

I go and visit him in a couple months and I guess I will see what kind of progress he has made. I feel like he is worth it and I will never find the perfect partner.

I haven't felt these types of feelings since I broke up w/my ex a little over a year ago. Opinions? If he didn't care for me, I know he wouldn't have come down due to his money situation. He is looking forward to my visit.

View related questions: broke up, fell in love, met online, money, shy

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A male reader, Roboaxe United States + , writes (13 January 2017):

Roboaxe agony auntHe sounds like a really romantic and nice young man. I say enjoy it.

However, if he is significantly younger than you (more than 5 years), watch it. He may be saying things he doesn't really mean just to be with you because men enjoy the company of women who don't play games (i.e: older than they are) but in reality may be scared of true commitment (marriage)

Also, LDR's tend to fall apart. I dated a girl in college for over a year, went home for summer vacation, and the week before I returned she cheated on me with a co worker.

Good luck!

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (12 January 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntYou need to take a step back and realise that him not wanting to break up doesn't mean much. He could really like you, but that's where it should be, this early on, not love. Try putting your feet back on the ground, for now.

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A female reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 United States +, writes (12 January 2017):

TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

This is why I brought up all these issues because in the past I was blindly in love. its also the reason I asked flat out if he wanted to break up, I want to know and even if the truth hurts I don't want to be delusional.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (12 January 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntYou need to be wary of saying you "love" him, though, as you're a very new couple and didn't know each other long beforehand. Be optimistic, but I would try to keep your feelings a bit more rational, not letting them run away with you.

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A female reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 United States +, writes (12 January 2017):

TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

That's what I plan on doing. I'm going to see him in 2 months time and I will see what has happened in that time.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (11 January 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntYou just need to be realistic and see how it goes. LDRs need very specific things to thrive long-term.

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