| A
female
,
*ainchild
writes: my fiance is so perfect for me but for one thing. He is verbally abusive. He doesnt seem to realise the impact his words have on me. I dont want to feel an inch high anymore and it is effecting my health,job perfomance and emotional well being. How can I save my relationship?
View related questions:
fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2006): This man is not "perfect" for you at all! He is arrogant, cruel, and gets his kicks out of putting you down.
You have tried to get him to stop, and to make him see how much it hurts you.
Sounds like its time to break the engagement! He is hopeless case, and you deserve so much better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2006): Wow, he thinks he's the keeper of the truth? He isn't. We aunts and uncles are - and we say he's a loser. He's not hitting you but every put-down is bruising you and he has beaten you down. Don't be his punchbag. You might not want to know it but if he can't change then you need to get him out your life. Sorry. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2006): abuse is abuse. u need to tell him to stop or ur leaving. cuz honey if he doesnt stop now the verbal abuse/emotional abuse will turn physical. the fact that u put up with it for so long is disheartning. u derserve better treatment from him. break the engagment, give him that scare. dont let him mess around with u and ur feelings cuz at this point ur both jepardizing ur feelings, health, and career and that is pretty serious.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (9 October 2006):
 Whatever you do DO NOT marry him until this has been straightened out. This abuse is totally unacceptable. If he doesn't realize that that his behavior is hurting you then you really need to wake up and smell the coffee. It will only get worse. I think you need to break off the engagement and give each other some breathing room so you can look at all this from a different perspective. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Rainchild +, writes (9 October 2006):
Rainchild is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have tried talking to him,reading books,even couciling (he wont go).He says I feel thease things about myself because I'm not able to accept the truth and he has nothing to do with it. I tell him that no one has ever said thease mean things about me and he says that it is because no one else knows me as well as he does, and that I should be greatfull that he loves me anyway. It just gets so twisted that in the process of writing this I wanted to defened myself or give up writing it. I know the things he says are not true ,but just the fact that he would say them is what hurts,and that he would continue to defend his reasons for saying it even after I beg him to stop and I am in tears. How can someone who claims to love me be so hurtfull?
...............................
A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (9 October 2006):
 You don't say to what degree he is being abusive - is it just the odd joke at your expense, name-calling, or humiliating you in front of others, or is it really agressive, such as in an argument when tempers are running high?
How are you responding to his abuse, are you letting him get away with it, trying to laugh it off, or 'giving as good as you get'?
Are you afraid it may turn physical?
Sorry to ask so many questions, but more info is needed if we are to help you properly. If you would find it easier, please feel free to send me a private e-mail. Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, andrea23 +, writes (9 October 2006):
 you should sit him down & tell him how he makes you feel but don't be soft with him, tell him if it continues you'll not be sticking with him for much longer & if he loves you as much as you love him he'll not be long in changing his tune
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2006): if he has a major behaviour issue such as this where he feeds off the imbalance the relationship gives him in order to feel high as result, then he's hardly perfect. ditch him now and i mean now. Nice people are simply never like this. i dont abuse those i love to feel superiour. The trajectory for this situation is that if he stays you will drop downhill like an esteem parabola so get him gone pronto. i have seen too many shits mess my friends up. make what you know is the only correct decison, and get rid
...............................
A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (9 October 2006):
 Hun, why do you see him as perfect when he treats you so badly?
I feel you should not be in a relationship with this guy, especially as he does not realise the damage he is doing. Have you spoke to him about how you feel?
...............................
|
