A
female
age
22-25,
daisyb212
writes:my partner's ex keeps dragging up the pasti have been dating my boyfriend for just over 9 months now, we are very happy in all aspects of the relationship and have something really good but his ex has started texting and phoning him alot over the last 3 months, it is every day or two. they were in love and together for 4 years on and off, but the relationship broke down and my boyfriend says its dead but obviously he still cares for her, not to would be abnormal, but she is very depressed, seing a councillor and making him feel bad about the breakdown. Makes him feel terrible for moving on, constantly asking him how he can do it so easily and be so cold hearted, telling him he's selfish and how could he do it to her etc etc, this dragging up the past is getting us both down, she asks for favours and stuff too. i want to let him deal with this in his own time but i think its time he was a bit harsh with her and maybe told her she needs to deal with this without him! everytime his phone goes my heart feels like it will stop! i'm tired of her dragging up their past and i've told him it bothers me but he doesn't want to be mean or insensitive to her! what can i do/say? i want him to tell her to stop texting and she needs to deal with this on her own with her own support network and stop going over it all again and again with him, with nothing being resolved!!! please help! i think and worry about this everyday!
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female
reader, daisyb212 +, writes (25 September 2007):
daisyb212 is verified as being by the original poster of the question ok, for my update, the ex has just informed my b/f that she's starting the same university course as he is next year and any help he could give her would be appreciated! so am i stuck wi her for the next 4 years? they will def be seeing each other at uni and likely be in a few of the same classes! i think she's done this on purpose but my b.friend doesn't! i'm scared i won't be able to handle this and we will come to an end because of it, so i;m trying to act cool about it all, but inside i'm feel like i wana scream!
A
male
reader, Uncle_Phil +, writes (23 September 2007):
 This is a difficult one for you. I can imagine how you feel.
I think you need to tell him that it doesn't just bother you, it severely annoys you and if he's not careful he can have her all to himself again. There's no need to hold back on this otherwise he'll think you're only just a little bit hacked off with it all and carry on as if you're fairly ok with it.
Tell him to turn his phone off when he's with you. In the days before mobile phones were invented this sort of thing would never have happened and life went on regardsless. Sometimes present-day communications technology can have some pretty unwelcome effects.
He needs to sever contact with her, asssuming there are no children involved. She's the past - you're the present.
Phil
Phil
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): You need to let him know exactly how you feel and how you feel when the phone goes off. If that was my bloke i wouldnt be happy. Why does he have to keep in touch with her at all? Do they have kids? If not, then i see no reason for the contact. He should change his phone number and honour the way you feel. Tell her that she has to be pushed into the background and you dont see why you have to put up with it any longer. If he still keeps in touch, then i would question your relationship. Sorry, but if he does carry on keeping contact i would tell him to buggar off!! This is not a triangle and you shouldnt have to put up with this. I keep saying time after time, life is too short!!!!!!!!!!
Take care
xx
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