A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:my bloke of two years has just told me i am too needy, what is that supposed to mean? we are supposed to be getting married in June.!!He feels he has to send me texts etc. I'm not needy at all. I don't sit waiting for phone calls or texts, i am over 50! not a kid! What do others think and what should i be doing? not sure, help
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): I agree with the below postings! It really does sound like he is the needier one, hun. My partner phones me at home 3 times a day, simply because he likes to keep in touch and see how my day is going. I, in no way, think he is needy. I really feel your bf is likely just doing the same thing-he's touching base with you. But...it also sounds like your bf may feel a bit embarrassed that he 'needs' to do this, so he's compensating his own needy feelings by putting it all on you. Tell him you both are too mature to play these high school mind-games. Try this: Tell him...he doesn't have to send text messages at all, during the day and you'll touch base with him at the end of the day. In fact, insist on it. I would be interested in knowing if he can resist contacting you. Hun, relationships are not about keep track and keeping score of whom is calling, texting whom. My whole point...in a healthy relationship, both people should feel comfortable contacting each other, if they want to without being called needy, dependent and all that crap. I'd talk to him and say 'no more criticisms..that just builds resentment in a couple'. Good luck, hun.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): Are you otherwise happy or do you feel this is the start of a larger confession about what he feels? You need to have a good chat about this. It seems he has not been good at talking about what he needs and this is confusing.
There must be more to this that text messages. People who text their partners a lot or need to touch base all day can seem needy. You don't sound like that. Perhaps he started it then didn't know how to slow down?
In the short term you could tell him that you would prefer not to communicate by text with him any more. If he needs to tell you something urgent he can call you, vice versa. If it is about something to but at the shops or a small thing just leave it. Texts and mobile phones can be extremely intrusive and interfering.
If I am in the middle of something and I get texts or calls I sometimes feel that my train of thought is interrupted and that my brain has been highjacked. It makes me feel that other people own any time of my day, even though I have not invited it.
Being able to express throughts and feelings is fundamental to a healthy relationship, they should not build up unsaid into resentments.
If I was cross enough in your situation I would go to stay with a girlfriend for the weekend and pamper myself, then say I am leaving my phone at home and will be in touch on Monday. I don't think it is fair of him to bring this up now after you have been used to things being a certain way.
He may have that male urge to withdraw a little, especially as your wedding and could wish to assert a little more individuality. He has, I think been very rude. When you deal with it, be matter of fact. If he feels hemmed in, becoming more emotional will make it worse.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Stu +, writes (22 February 2007):
 Ask him what he's tryin to do. tell him that he has to understand you if your gettin married. and if he's sending you texts, I think he's the needy one. Just ask him and tell him to sort it out.
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