A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:im 14 and going out with a 24 year old. We both love each other very much but my parents hate him.I can understand why but they cant accept that im actually happy. He still wants to be with me even though my parents have givin him loads of grief in the 2 weeks that they have know. They just wont leave the subject alon...wht do i do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LolaART  +, writes (6 February 2010):
You listen to your parents and break up with him..when i was sixteen i dated a twenty seven year old, i did not listen to what anyone had to say i was like "well i look older, have been through hard times and acted older so what does it matter". SUCH A BAD CHOICE I MADE i am twenty one now and i feel like a big portion of my teen years were taken away from me by a pervert (ex twenty seven year old boyfriend). Your so young you might aswell let lose have fun and date different younger guys who you will have more in common with. if you decide to carry on dating him when you are older you will look back and regret it soooo much.
A
female
reader, Unknown0311 +, writes (5 February 2010):
I know I am joining the band wagon here, but... When I was 15 I was dating someone who was 23 and thought it was cool and neat.. I thought, Wow.. How lucky and amazing and mature if I can get this good looking older guy, and he loves me!! I'm 27 now and when I was 23 I looked back at that and looked at 14-15 year olds (I turned 15 while we were together) and I think how twisted he was! When you look back at yourself when you are 24-25 and remember being 14 you will laugh and remember how silly you were and with good thoughts! Trust me, I have been there and it's really really hard... But you need to walk away. And I didn't sleep with him and I am so glad that I didn't. That is something that should be special and really, what kind of future do you have? When you're celebrating your 18th are you going to bring you almost 30 year old boyfriend out with your friends? The age gap will effect you and it will be awkward. Are you going to bring your almost 30 year old boyfriend to your prom?
You can admit it or not.. But there is something wrong with the fact that a 24 year old man is on the same maturity level as a 14 year old.. You have to see that yourself..
I wish you luck. It's going to be hard.. I still remember my older boyfriend from when I was younger... It'll stay with you, but walk away now so you can look back and smile and remember the little romance you had.. But this really isn't right...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): i agree with the other aunts wholeheartedly...especially kc. I will add that i fell in love young. What you feel may be genuine, however now is not the time. His age is very worrisome to me. The gap would not be so bad once you are older but at this age it is very troubling. I am the mother of 7, and it is not my duty, job, or responsible.to ensure my childrens 'happiness'. I hope for it and i try to make them happy. But my priority is to protect them. To get them to adulthood with their well~being intact. This includes their social, physical, emotional, psycological, and spiritual..i love them and as the change into adulthood the dynamics change in our relationship, but i am not , (when they are 14) worried about being their friend. Im the parent. I hope yours protect you at all costs. Take care darlin, life will get better. You are standing on the very bring of adulthood, may you make it thru this difficult transition safely...mal
...............................
A
male
reader, Faraday +, writes (5 February 2010):
 I'm sorry to add to the negative sentiments expressed here already, but it isn't often realised that underage sex or sexual acts short of penetration (sexual abuse) is illegal for BOTH parties and you as well as he could face prison.
It is rare for the underage female to be so prosecuted, but still possible.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (5 February 2010):
Oh honey. in the eyes of your parents, the law and most societies, you are still a child while he is a grown man. What he is doing is taboo. I know you will say age makes no difference, but that's the irony. 4 years from now when you're 18 and he's 28... it may not matter. But 4 years ago... when you were 10 and he was 20... he would have been arrested for "dating" you.
I'm glad you are happy, but you clearly don't have any clue what a big deal this is. Your parents love you and they are trying to protect you. 14 year olds are not ready emotionally, they have not matured enough for an adult relationship. You don't know this but your parents do.
You aren't going to get them to accept this relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 February 2010):
 Well you are going to have to be very careful, if he has sex with you then this is illegal and if your parents are unhappy with your relationship then they could easily report him to the police, where the chances are he could go to prison.
I sort of know how you are feeling - when I was 16 I went out with a 21 year old and my family were very unhappy for a while, but once they got to know him they ended up really liking him.
But what I cannot understand is why a 24 year old MAN would want a relationship with a child. I am 22 myself, and have lots of male friends around the ages of 23-28. I cannot get my head around the idea that any man of that sort of age would want to date a child unless they (sorry to say this) are a pedophile. As much as it will upset you that I have said you are a child - that is the truth. You are a young teenager, still a child and having such a huge age gap when you are so young is very worrying.
While you think you are happy your parents know that there must be something a bit wrong with this guy in the head because no normal 24 year old man would want a relationship with a child. Therefore no matter how happy you think you are, your parents will know that this is not right and to them, he is using you for some sick or perverted reasons. And they are probably right.
You can be happy in a relationship with a guy of any age, you could date a guy who is 15, 16, 17 or something and still be very happy. It is just unfortunate you have fallen in love with someone when it really is not right.
If this guy you are dating loves you and is a sensible adult then he would never have actually started a relationship with you - no man with their head screwed on would think it is a good idea to go out with a 14 year old girl. So this is why it makes me think that he has alterior motives for dating you.
Keep in mind that in your parents eyes, this is a fully grown man abusing and using their child. I really do hope you have not had sex with him and are not planning to until it is legal, otherwise you are going to get him into a whole heap of trouble and the chances are you may end up losing your virginity (as a guess, I hope not too many 14 year olds are sexually active anyway!) to a creepy man who realistically might have some mental health problems if he thinks it is fine to go out with a 14 year old.
I know this isnt what you want to hear, you will just want someone to tell you that age doesnt matter and as long as you love each other that is all that matters. But that is utter rubbish - you are putting yourself into a dangerous position by being involved with this man and your parents know it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sorcerer +, writes (5 February 2010):
Your parents are right not to be happy, even if you are. Someone of 14 should not be dating someone of 24 and he knows it. If you really love him and he really loves you, you can both wait. When you are 16, you can see who you like whether they like it or not. But under their roof and while you are classed as a minor, they are absolutely right not to be happy and to give this MAN grief. Because you are a GIRL (underage) and he is a MAN and it just isn't right. It's not specifically about age difference - if you were 18 and he was 28, fair enough. You just aren't emotionally placed yet.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): He is breaking the law. You are a minor. This man is not nice. Your parnets are right. Stop seeing him now. He is using you.
One day, when are are all grown up, you will look back at this, and see the truth.
Good Luck.xx
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (5 February 2010):
 At 14, I realize that you have very tender feelings and you feel you are in love. But please try to see things from your parents point of view. They love you, and want to protect you. They are just being parents. I don't know of too many parents that would be happy that their 14 year old daughter was dating a man 10 years older than her! I personally wouldn't allow it if it were my daughter. There's just so much potential for things to go wrong! I'm sure they are wondering what his intentions are, and why can't he find a girl closer to his own age? You are underage in most places, dear, and if they wanted to, your parents could bring charges against this man and forbid him from seeing you. Did you know that? If this young man really cares for you, the smartest thing he can do is back off and wait till you are older, and its a little more acceptable, because I seriously doubt that your parents are going to give you two the "green light". I have a 28 year old daughter myself and I NEVER would have let her go out with a guy 10 years older than her at your age. I would have thought it was very very strange and it would have bothered me terribly. I know you think your parents are being unfair, but in their minds they are looking out for you. Please try to understand their reasoning.
...............................
A
male
reader, bharathi1435  +, writes (5 February 2010):
 Dear Sister, I think Your Parents will take a Good Decision for your future. You have 10 Years Difference. And this is not a Correct age to fall in love and to decide to whom you are going to living with. Think a lot. The Life is Yours. Take Care
...............................
|
