A
female
age
13-15,
BeckahElizabeth
writes:so im 13 almost 14 and my parents split.its really hard ya know? my dad looses his temper alot and puts me down alot and my mom is never around. I'm on anti-depressants but they're not really helping. i don't know what to do. without my parents support and with out friends (I'm kinda a loner) what am i supposed to do? i mean so many people have said they'd be there for me and then left me hanging..its left me with relationship problems I've built so many walls i don't know what to do. please help!!
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female
reader, Pork Hock  +, writes (6 June 2007):
Hi there, As an inspiration, whether this is or not. I am not sure of your political persuasion but it doesn't matter. Bill Clinton was from Little Rock, Arkansas and his Dad was killed before he was able to see Bill. He was killed in the second world war. His Mum re-married and her second husband was an alcoholic. He was from a small town where everyone knew everyone. He got asked by his school to go and meet John F. Kennedy, who was a sentator then, and because he was on the debating team at school he got asked to go to Washington DC. There is a great photo of him at 14 meeting JFK. It inspired him to run for politics, because he wanted to make a difference. Remember he was around and witnessing the civil rights movement etc in his home town. He made sure he was going to make a difference. He did it through politics. So ok he tainted his image with Monica Lewinsky, but I've seen him speak live since he was President and it feels like he is the only guy in the room. He is so personable. My point is that you can strive for great things despite your background. I am not saying go into politics just remember that a lot of people started off from the most difficult and challenging backgrounds. Make yourself, create yourself. I recently read Sidney Poiter's autobiography. You should read it. He couldn't read when he went for his first audition and he was a dishwasher in NY and had no family in the city. He learnt how to read from a Rabbi and learnt his accent from the radio in how to speak properly. Enhance yourself and don't rely on your parents. Become your own self. I still think you should talk to both your parents and ask them what it is they think of you, what your expectations are, so there is mutual respect and pursue your dream. What is it you want to do?
Love and hugs, OX
A
female
reader, BeckahElizabeth +, writes (3 June 2007):
BeckahElizabeth is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys thanks soo much im really gonna try what yall have suggested so thanks so much from the bottom of my heart.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): well i just want to share my life with you it is really hard to cope if youre drinking anti-depressant . I was too.The thing is life here on earth is not perfect My parents were divorced when i was born and since then my father abandoned us.I was sexually abuse when i was little by my grandmothers 2nd husband ,our house where burned last 1993 nothing left to us.there was a time in my life i almost hallucinated i see things that normal people dont see. But now look Iam still standing in my both feet.I drink anti depressant pill for 3 months but i stop why ive realized that in my life theres a purpose of it i joined a community service to help other people. God has plan for us Iam advising you this because i thought before that nobody loves me.God loves you... it just a test of your faith in him.I share my past experiences to other people. Ive seen it. I joined the community service3yrs. ago serving people in the mountains ive realize even though what happen to my life there are some people worse situation. girl you have to be strong...Think of itmy advice first you should go to the miror ask yourself what youre gonna be. Love yourselfBe creative.....express yourself through painting, singing,anthing you want exept drugs and sex make yourself.make yourselfuseful join clubs like red cross or voluntary activities.i tell you i help many people especially chidr4n believe me thier warm thank you and smile keeps my heart alive.and do not forget God whatever your religion maybe put God into your Life it may sound boring trust me he will answer your prayers
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A
female
reader, Pork Hock +, writes (26 May 2007):
Listen, abusive physical or mental behaviour is just so awful...make your life in your room, work really hard, try for anything or try any course but do your best to know this is not just some sort of acceptance of life. Your Mum has her own personal battle to deal with. Hate to be harsh but start being yourself, being organised and not getting embroiled with their lives. As much as it hurts to see your Mum probably being abused physically or even your Dad such a mess he doesn't know what to do, you have to pursue your desires. You can do your saving of your Mum later on. She is probably hoping you do or complete what she never got to do but she'd never say it to you...
Have you seen the movie "Million Dollar Baby", a girl who pursues her dream of boxing professionally? Gives you a clear idea of determination when everything is against you. You can make your own life cheery by accomplishing your own ambitions, not trying to make your Mum smile that day or your Dad not to go nuts that day. Work out your plan now. If you need any help on career advice or whatever, I'm here.
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A
female
reader, Pork Hock +, writes (26 May 2007):
Firstly don't rely on pills or friends to try and understand what you are going through. I am on anti-depressants and they have helped me immensely and I am 33. This was something however I chose and wanted to do. But if you don't feel a benefit then you should talk to your doctor before you come off them or whatever because they can have side effects. As for your parents, the arguments, the crap at home is just awful and I am sure you feel there is no way out.
I know you are going through a terrible crisis, your Mum isn't around and basically your Dad is mad angry. You can't make or break your parents relationship but asking for your friends help or pills might not be the answer, clearly the first one, your friends don't know what to say to you. As hard as this sounds, let your parents get on with their issues but talk to a professional counsellor at school - not your friends. My Mum died 3 years ago when I was 30 and I lost a lot of friends because I apparently talked too much about my Mum, my experience, my divorce (which was the same time)...I was very angry and hurt that no one was interested, even as adults. My Dad is about to get remarried to someone 9 years older than me and I suddenly have 2 new step-siblings. It is all very odd and I still have difficulty with the fact that my Dad can't greet me or say goodbye without pushing me away physically when I go to give him a hug or a kiss.
Accept your parents are breaking up, they can't or find it easy to behave as they are, and start creating your own criteria of what you never want again in your future. A marriage break up in parents can be as bad as not having any money when you grow up, it has the same bad and upsetting consequences, the same frustrations. If you think anything of yourself, which I know you do, start doing or working towards something for yourself. A broken home is crap but don't become a stereotype. Work hard and pursue things you want, but don't rely on friends, money or a parent. It sounds harsh and very isolated but stop thinking of now, think about yourself in 10 years time, hopefully not crying, upset or pissed off at your life.
I grew up with parents constantly arguing about money and everything that now seems so insignificant. I vowed I'd never experience that or be witness to it in my lifetime as an adult. I worked hard at school even though I wasn't A grade, but I worked my butt off to volunteer, have a great personality and be reliable. I really wasn't anything academic but I tried to get noticed and I made sure I fought my way onto courses, got on with teachers whatever because I didn't want to be described or known as someone from some shit area with a dysfunctional family background. I thought it was more important to show me, not my issues at home.
I started buying cutlery and home stuff from IKEA (big home warehouse) and I'd hide it under my bed three years before I left home so that I'd know I was prepared, responsible etc and know I'd never have to ask anyone for anything.
This sounds awful like I am condeming you to some sort of solitude but honestly get on with what is happening at home, you are old enough to get on with your own path...I really do think you are very brave and mature, just talk to to the right people.
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A
female
reader, BeckahElizabeth +, writes (26 May 2007):
BeckahElizabeth is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshes my doctor also
i try not to bottle it up but theres not really anyone to talk to
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female
reader, candy00s  +, writes (26 May 2007):
 Only take the anti depressants if your own doctor prescribed them, they might not be doing what they should be.
I know how you feel, i went through the same when my parents split. I didnt have much contact with my mum for a few years.
Dont bottle it up talk to someone tell them how you feel. it will help to tal about it. xx
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female
reader, BeckahElizabeth +, writes (25 May 2007):
BeckahElizabeth is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys, thanks so much, its nice to knowthat someone listened, the medication was perscribed by a family friend, and my mum knows my dad can be pretty abusive thats why she split from him, the trust issue is the hardest thing like my parents have broken my trust so many times i dont exactlly know how to trust,
but thank yall sooo much for responding
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (25 May 2007):
 Hi Beckah Elizabeth, sorry to hear about the hard time you’re having coping with your parents break-up. Remember you’re never alone… you have the whole dear-cupid family out here to talk with so write to us anytime. It’s pretty normal for you to be depressed about the divorce but don’t blame yourself for anything. You can’t influence decisions that adults have made in their lives. Could you possibly ask your Mom and Dad to sit and talk to you together? If so tell them both how you feel and how the way they are treating you is affecting you and that they should not make their problems yours.
Did your family doctor prescribe the anti-depressants? Maybe they are not reacting properly with your body; they affect different people in different ways. Sometimes you might need to change the type. I would suggest you go back to the doctor and explain how you feel. Personally I’ve been prescribed them myself and they had the opposite affect so I stopped after a few days. I found talking with someone the best therapy. Do you have a guidance teacher at school that you can talk with? Maybe it’s a good time to join a sports or cultural club and go out and make new friends. Just be yourself and think of putting you as number one!
Remember contact us anytime you need a friend! Take care and look after yourself. All the best. Dagwood
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female
reader, xXxcheekiemunkiexXx +, writes (25 May 2007):
 I Know what your going thru sweetie .. my parents broke up when i was only 4 but my mum and dad have both been splitting up with people since then, my adivce is to find someone who you trust, there ust be someone!! even if its a cuddly teddy!! then tell them absolutally everything thats going on and how you feel, just get it all of your chest, youl feel so much better afterwards. or speak to your parents, im sure they'll understand!! good luck. X
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A
female
reader, jomana  +, writes (25 May 2007):
 i'm going through kinda lik half what your going through . and all what i do is that i don't think about it and i ignore these issues because basically life is life , you can change your self but you can not change the people around you
about your dad issue tell your mum that your uncomfortable with how your dad is treating you maybe she can help
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