A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with this guy who has a 1yr old son and my parents are totally against it because the baby's mom is very dramatic. My parents are forbidding me to see this guy because they think they only doing what's right for me. Really, what should i do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Your parents are telling you not to see this guy?
In my experience, if their problem is not about race, or religion, or with you dating anybody at all, then their concerns are usually pretty justified when they start banning their kid from spending time with a certain person.
I hate to burst your bubble, but they've got every right to be concerned if he's fathered a kid last year.
Accidental preganacies can happen to anyone, but for some strange reason they always seem to happen WAY more often to certain types of people. Like the ones who you might think would get careless about birth control and then still be unwilling to take any morning-after pills or have an abortion.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): All I can say honey is that you must understand that the situation now, is not how it may be in the future for you in respect to his child and ex.
I am very concerned that his child is only a year old and you have had a relationship with him for OVER A YEAR! Is what this means that you and he had been cheating with each other whilst he was with this other lady? If so, no wonder she has a carrot up her arse! (Sorry to be crude!)
But hey, did he crap on her?
If you have been with the man for only around a year - believe me when I say this is just a tiny little part of your and his life together and it is early days for you in this potentially difficult relationship.
I would also be concerned that he has not had alot to do with the child so far. That shows alot about his character and maturity. It is unrealistic to assume it is not going to altermately effect you, it will.
Just be careful with yourself, your future potential and possibilities, that's all.
Take care. xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI clearly understand that but we have been together for over a year and he is the best thing that had happened to me. Him and his son are not so close to each other due to the fact that the mom is keeping them away from each other. She did do previous attacks but she is currently away from our relationship
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): Hi there,
Hey first off, if you were a parent, could see potential heartache for you child, what would you say?
I hate to say it but, they may well be so right on this one it's scarey.
I also know that "love" feeling when you think it will all be warm fuzzies and life is fantastic. But the reality is that someone with a child has additional areas or considerations which they need to handle - FOREVER! Even if his past relationship is over, he still has to be involved and still has to put his child first - before you.
At your age you should have someones total attention. You shouldn't have to deal with a realtionship which involves two other people. His ex may have many unresolved issues, and all of this is perhaps what your parents are seeing in your future.
I don't think they are being harsh or even trying to "tell you what to do" they are wanting you to understand that this relationship is already burdened with outside influences, and they don't want you to go through anything which you don't have to.
At 18, I was involved with a man who had a child from a previous marriage. It was confusing and frustrating. I had no issues with the child, I played house and was completely "into" being a trooper with his child. The thing is that his ex hated it, caused major problems for my partner, told him terrible things that happened to the child to get his attention, used the child constantly to disrupt our relationship. She even said he was run over by a car to get my partner to be with her. All lies, but all areas where it showed how much she was not letting go.
You, at your age and with many many years ahead of you should not have to or WANT to go through that sort of thing. And this is perhaps what your parents are trying to make you see.
Why not just take a step back a bit and consider how things will be if you stay with this man. See, his life and past are going to become yours. His child should be No:1 in his life - the childs mother will also be on his list of priorities, so consider if you are going to be happy with all of this. More importantly are you fully mature and able to handle all that goes along with it?
It is your choice, so if it is, consider all of the complications and difficulties associated with that choice.
xxx
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A
female
reader, SugarCookie +, writes (17 June 2008):
I think that as long as he treats you good and is a good dad (not blowing his baby off for you) then it is your decision. The only thing to keep in mind is that jumping into a parent roll can be hard and if things dont work out losing the baby can really break your heart so just know what you are getting into.
Also I think that one of the reasons you parents wont let you isn't his ex. Its that they know he doesn't shoot blanks and they are worried that you might get pregnant. It is classic parent behavior.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (17 June 2008):
 If you are at least 18, then this decision is up to you, your parents can not leaglly stop it.
Aside from that, you need to consider how this relationship will work for you.
Ask yourself some questions: Does he have a relationship with his son? Would you be willing to take on a parental role? How with this child affect you and how will you affect this child?
Although you are not marrying this guy, you should consider whether or not you are prepared to act as a step-mother figure.
Think about these things before you make your decision but ultimately this is up to you!
Good Luck!!
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