A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have 2 very loving and involved parents. My one complaint is that they can be too judgmental of the people in my life. I have always been very cautious and responsible. But I do have a history of choosing lousy boyfriends/ accepting way less than I deserve from them. Growing up, I didn't bring many friends over. I was an only child for quite a while, so our house was very quiet, clean and calm. We didn't have pools or trampolines or a basement like all of my friends with "fun" houses. My mom seemed to always complain about whatever friend I did have over: either they were annoying, made too much of a mess, or didn't say hello/thank you/ or chat enough with my parents. THis always made me extremely anxious to invite people over because she would nitpick about just about every friend. This continued well into high school!However, my family is extremely tight knit and always wanted me to bring boyfriends and friends around and have people that liked coming to our house. Maybe I projected some of my insecurities onto the situation, but I never felt comfortable doing this like she wanted. My mom is also the type that you could NOT talk about this to without her bringing up everything she's ever done for you and getting super defensive. This has resulted in me being extremely nervous to bring friends or significant others over. My parents hated my first boyfriend and never liked any of the others. I'm now dating someone that all my friends (and Me!) like. My parents have met him once and liked him, but keep pushing me to get to know him better. We've only been dating for about 4 months, so I don't feel like it's necessary to bring him around a ton. My mom actually made the comment "I hope we get to see him once more before your wedding" very snidely. I let her know that it's hard for me to bring boyfriends around, but that I would try and it'll just take time. This seemed to help. I told my dad about how I feel she acts, but he shut me down immediately and straight out said I was wrong. I know that I'm not because she has done this to my brother with his friend- the difference is my brother doesn't really listen or care whereas I'm still seeking approval. I am insecure in this current relationship because I'm always afraid of getting dumped. I may be projecting some of these insecurities, but I'm not sure how to get more confident in bringing my BF around without caring what they think.
View related questions:
insecure, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 February 2017):
 They are interested in your life, that is a great thing. You should be thankful to have two parents that care. I do understand your worries, but they have your best interest at heart, maybe as a child you could not see that, but surely now you do?
You mention you are scared off getting dumped? Why is that? It sounds to me like you have little faith in yourself. You need to work on your confidence and self worth.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (13 February 2017):
They are not loving and involved they are controlling. They want you to bring him around so that they can begin to undermine your relationship. Do not bring him around until you are ready. Try to learn to follow your brother's example. It is good that you understand that you are still seeking your parents approval your next step is to realize that nothing you do and no one you choose will be good enough for them.
Also have a talk with him and explain how you feel it may help you be less insecure in the relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (13 February 2017):
 Why are you constantly afraid of being dumped? That is not a good way to be in a relationship. Is this something to do with your boyfriend or with the way your parents are?
Your brother has the right idea, especially given that you are an adult. Make your own decisions and let your mother make her snide comments. You can't control what she does or says; your strength lies in how you react to it. Your brother obviously has it figured out. Take a leaf from his book, accept your parents are your parents, and don't allow them to treat you like a child. It will be hard at first because you have learned this pattern of behaviour from being very young, but you CAN do it.
...............................
|
