| A ,
anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship for around 8 months. I am 17 and the guy im with is a lot older, but that has never been a problem. Recently his ex and stepson have been causing trouble and it is spliting us up. I really love him, what should i do?
View related questions:
his ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2005): This is just my thoughts because I went through the same thing when I was 17. I felt for a guy who was 25. My family went nuts and would not let me see him because he had been married and had a daughter. But I did everything I could to still see him. My father made it so hard on him, he had to quit his job and move to a new town to get work. I am now 31 years old and I still think about him and when I saw him a few years ago, with his wife, I thought I would die. I still love him to this day! Yes, as you get older you may change your mind about what kind of man you want. But in my experince you'll only wonder "what if" the rest of your life. I still have not found love like I had with my older man, and our ages were not that far apart! I say that you should do what you heart tells you! Don't let what one person thinks affect your relationship!
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (1 April 2005):
 Right now you "really love him", but don't lose sight of the fact that you're 17 years old and your tastes in men will change with time. Think about the person you were at 15. Who your friends were and the issues that were important to you then. Now, that was only two years ago. How much more will you have changed and matured by the time you're nineteen? Now try to project that a few more years. Will you still be interested in this guy in 5 years? Ten?Speaking from experience, dating guys much older than you (I had a 41-year-old bf when I was 24, and a 45-year-old when I was 15) is fun and thrilling, because older men can give you security and things that guys your own age can't. But it stops being fun when the guys only want to spend their evenings reading, when sex becomes sporadic and when the men start to go grey and wrinkly, and you're still in your early 20s.You need to step back and reassess your situation. Think about what you want to do in the next four or five years. Backpack across India? Go to uni? Party? None of these things is going to appeal to an older guy with an ex and a stepson, and if you chain yourself to him, you're only going to grow to resent him.If you love him and he loves you the same, then you'll get over this. Just give him a lot of space right now to deal with his ex and the other problems he has. You'll also need to remember that people often come as "packages", and this guy's package includes ex-family. You can expect to have to deal with them a lot in the future. Build that into your mental plan.Don't be afraid to give the relationship a break whilst you explore all the mayriad options open to a young woman like yourself.
...............................
|
