A
female
age
30-35,
*idsummer
writes:My bf is so negative and downright weird. Like I know I have my own issuse that I'm dealing with a pyschologist, bt his shit is next level. Everytime he gets mad, he'll either insult me, break up with me or tell me he'll take the wii from me bec he bought it. He always does this, even when I tell him how it hurts my feelings; he can't stop.I never call him names, unless he calls me names first. And I pay utilities and food and he pays the rent, bt he still acts like he pays everything and I dnt deserve being here. Im still with him, because sometimes he is nice and loving and he is the first man to have ever decided to live with me. But idk if i'll be able to deal with this my whole life. Any advice Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 March 2016):
 Hi Midsummer, I remember your previous posts, like CindyCares mentioned. The ones where you were wanting to hurry him up into moving in with you and then went on a 40 day trip with your mother right after you were supposed to start living together.
You were having problems then because you didn’t want to start paying your share of the agreed upon split of expenses until after the end of the trip. You’d lied to him about how long the trip actually was. Here’s the post to refresh your memory: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-good-excuse-can-i-give-my-bf.html
In this post, you were pushing him into moving out and in with you as soon as possible. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-push-my-bf-to-leave.html The aunts advised you to slow down then too, because you two didn’t really know each other all that well, after only 3 months of weekend dates.
I guess the point of this is that you did move in too fast, too soon, without really knowing each other well enough. And obviously neither of you have the necessary tools for communicating in a mature and mutually supportive way.
Is your name on the lease? You will have to ensure you are not violating the terms of the lease if you do move out. You will still be on the hook for your financial responsibilities as negotiated before you moved in with him.
Talk with your psychologist about how to communicate with him. Establish boundaries. Don’t call him names just because he calls you names. That’s not how grownups deal with things.
Sit down with him when you are both calm and collected and talk about how to ‘fight fair.’ If you can’t even have that conversation then you probably should end the relationship and spend more time with your psychologist talking about impulse control, telling the truth and setting healthy boundaries, as well as the concept of ‘fighting fair.’
This is what happens when people who don’t know each other very well move in together too fast; all the negative stuff pops out and no one knows how to deal with it and now you’re stuck in a lease and financial entangled.
Talk to your psychologist, your mother, your partner and possibly an attorney to sort out your legal obligations.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 March 2016):
 Maybe you COULD live like this for the rest of your life, but why SHOULD you ? It would be stupid bordering with insane.
So what if he is nice and loving " some times " ? Not good enough. You need a partner who is consistently nice and loving, or, at least, since we are all human and imperfect, someone who is most of the times nice and loving, and other times grumpy and "difficult", but always a gentleman and never abusive. Not even verbally.
You have a caring mother whom you are close to- go back to her. You are young , and this was in no way, shape or form your only occasion to find a man to be with and live with.
Talking about living together - I bit my tongue to not say anything, but sorry, I can't resist : I hope you learned your lesson.
I remember very well that you posted some time ago, asking us Aunts the best way to prod him out of his home and convincing him to come live with you, which he was not exactly anxious to do yet.
This, after only three months of LDR relationship , seeing each other on weekends only. And the main reason of your hurry to live together, was that he could not sleep over at your mom's, while you could sleep over at his dad's place but you found it uncomfortable and wanted more privacy.
In short : hormons. That ( your current difficulties ) is what comes from reasoning with other organs than the brain.
I am sorry, I know that I sound like a b...., but I think your story may feel as a cautionary tale to other posters in similar situations. Passion and enthusiasm and eagerness are a beautiful , precious thing, - no doubt about it- but you can still be passionate and enthusiastic and eager WHILE you get to know the other person in depth and assess if you are also compatible as life ( or house ) partners... in the meantime, ... there always are hotels :)
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (17 March 2016):
Don't deal with it. Plain and simple. No point being with someone who doesn't appreciate you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 March 2016):
 I wouldn't be able to deal with that for a month, let alone for the rest of my life .... have you got somewhere else to go? I would be looking for a way out in your situation.
If you feel he might get nastier if you try to leave, there are a number of websites for people in the States that will be able to help you. Like this one which gives some links to information about abuse, and how to safely leave:
http://leavingabuse.com/how-to-leave-an-abusive-relationship/
Good luck!
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