A
female
age
41-50,
*upid lover
writes:Limiting or completely putting a stop to spending time with toxic people is always recommended. But, what if that person is your mother? I feel sorry for my mum because she is SO insecure that she leeches the life and energy from anyone she spends time with. It is exhausting and makes you feel like crap!! She is also an extremely envious person.I work really hard to have the life that I enjoy and am proud of it but I have learned that if I share things with her it is undermined and the joy is zapped. My mother kicked me out of home 12 years ago when I was 21 years old for no reason. At the time I was staying at her house temporarily and working hard at 2 jobs- saving to move out. She asked me if I could babysit my brother and sister that night and I said no I had plans. When I retuned home shortly afterwards she refused to let me in and never rang me in 6 months to find out what had happened to me. I ran into her friend who told me that she was holidaying overseas. I was too young at the time and I guess confused and in shock to really digest what had happened and I returned to her house to visit my siblings. From that point on it was as though nothing happened to me. She has never apologised.This event has caused me great pain and suffering and since it happened I have kept my distance and only see her 2 or 3 times per year but every time I do this the life is sucked right out of me.As a child my mother was never loving to me she was very cold and always stressed out. She was also secretly mean. She would smile and talk to me kindly in front of other people but once they were not there she would scold and reprimand me constantly. I remember crying very morning before school because I would be yelled at. I always felt like I was doing something wrong when in actual fact I was a very well behaved child.I just hate the way she takes the joy out of life. I almost wish she would reject me again and this time I would not return. In hindsight returning to her house was one of the worst decisions I have made. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this situation. I am now 33 and feel as though I should have dealt with this by this age. And yes I have had a lot of therapy so please don't suggest this is the answer. I feel as though there is a hole in my stomach from this unfortunate relationship. I have fantasies of faking my own death and starting over somewhere else so I don't have to deal with it. One more thing, at the beginning of last year my Mum also kicked my brother who is now 20 out of home and changed the locks.He now lives with our dad in another city. Help?!
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (9 December 2014):
 You write: "Limiting or completely putting a stop to spending time with toxic people is always recommended. But, what if that person is your mother?"
My answer: IF your Mother is toxic... then she deserves the very same treatment that any other toxic person can and would receive. Don't make YOUR life miserable on behalf of a toxic Mother.....
Good luck...
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (9 December 2014):
Your mother takes the joy out of your life because you let her...that simple. Life itself is neutral...not good or bad. WE are the ones that make it good are bad by how we live our lives. Let her be as miserable as she wants...you live a happy life.
Misery loves company. Doesn't mean you have to be that company. :)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 December 2014):
 You don't have to deal with it, and you don't have to fake your death to do it. Just stop going over there. Don't call don't visit. If she calls to ask why then tell her what you have just told us and then leave it for her to chew on. She no longer needs to be part of your life. Instead of waiting and hoping for her to reject you...YOU REJECT HER. She wasn't a good mother to you so you don't need to be the dutiful daughter to her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 December 2014):
 You don't live with her do you? If you do, MOVE out. FIND a way to NOT be around her.
And IF she has such a devastating effect on you, I'd say CUT her out of your life.
You mother have kicked both YOU and your younger brother out because you were BOTH of the age to TAKE care of yourselves, if you were working 2 jobs you were financially able to be on your own. You MIGHT have wanted to live with her to save money, SHE didn't agree to take care of you past 18. Not saying she is right to kick you both out, but some parents believe that after 18-20 the kids are NO LONGER their financial concern.
You mom have some serious issues, maybe it stems from HER childhood, maybe from the divorce (who knows) but she isn't a very emphatic or caring person, and I think she RESENT her kids for the life SHE has. She basically blames you kids.
KEEP positive people in your life and those people who are an emotional drain and negative influence? CUT them out of your life. And remember If you ever have kids to NOT repeat the cycle of abuse.
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