A
female
age
13-15,
anonymous
writes:i hate my mum.she so selfish i hate her.she is so horrible to me all the time. i am very depressed, and i have been for about 4 years, but all she ever thinks about is herself, i used to self harm, i got very drunk before school because i was so depressed and i ended up self harming alot and i ran away, she KNOWS i'm depressed, there is no other way for me to spell it out to her! i've even told her, but all she ever think about is herself, selfish bitch. she calls me a horrible person, she says she cant remember the last time i said something nice to her, she drinks all the time! i dont have a dad, well i don't talk to him, my step dad is always leaving and then coming back and then leavng again and then coming back again, hes done it at least 50 times now, my sister is severly mentally ill, but my mum doesnt ever stop to think that i might be hurting. and last night i was really drunk and i hurt myself again, i was so angry with myself this morning, and now i have to hide it from her aswell, but i dont know how im gonna do it. i just want to die. and to top it all off, she has sex in the room right next door to mine. and she not even trying to be conciderately quiet!! she doesnt give a shit, it makes me want to vomit, i don't want to hear her have sex!! i feel so sick, tonight is the worst its even been, she was so loud! i actually started crying, but last time i told her about it she screamed at me. i don't know what to do. i just want to die. i hate being off school for the holidays, more time with my family, schools the only escape. and im even screwing that up. i need somewhere to go from here in my life. i need someone to tell me what to do.ive lost all hope, i can not do it anymore, i give up.somebody please tell me what to do from here. i need to know what to do. i can't stand it anymore.please somebody give me advice on where to go from here.
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female
reader, xxbaybeegal  +, writes (3 January 2008):
 Aww your life seems pretty messed up and im sorry to hear this. Like other people have said alcohol doesnt do anything good, it make you feel worse, so i advice you to stop drinking it.
Also what you have said doesnt sound like you have anyone to talk to in private in your family. but you need to get help, and the only way you'll get it is by talkin to someone. Your mum probably isnt the best person to talk to right now, because like you said she might just scream at you.
Where i live in England(in my school) we have these special people called the learning mentors and durning classes and break times you can see them for appointments and you talk to them about any problems. If you have anybody like that in your shool out outside school, you should go and see one.
Because your having a bad life, you need to turn it around. Dont make the life your having already worse. you need to be positive and try to make it better. like they say move on because old things have passed away and new things are yet to come. and the new things that are yet to come could help your life.
if you get help like councelling sessions with advicers, be sure to join it. And also try to sort out your mum, im sure shes the reason why you got into this mess
gd luck XxjenxX
A
female
reader, scythe  + ♥, writes (2 January 2008):
 i dont think i can tell you what to do in this situation because ive never been in it before. but i can tell you what i do when i feel like sh*t and everything around me is collapsing and i cant see the point of living anymore.
firstly, i try and block out everything. just focus on me. since eveyone else is being so selfish, why not try it yourself. just sit quietly with your favourite music blocking out the world, or with ear plugs, and block out all the bad stuff. just sit there and focus on something primitive and not connected to anything thats hurting you. i find that concentrating on breathing helps. sometimes this is followed by a huge crying session... but silent crying, like screams of agony and writhing around but all silently. try not to dredge up emotions or pain.. just primitve crying. this helps me.
after ive have a dose of timeout from everything, i tend to try and stay secluded but start thinking about human stuff. not the bad stuff that got me this way... but stuff that made living worthwhile before. sometimes happy memories, but this can be too tacky... basically think about a time when it wasnt like this. this gives me hope that there might be something worth living for. time wont stand still for you, and with time brings change. your life wont always be like this. but i dont mean hours or days, i mean years. it gives me hope to think that i will be far away from anything thats hurting me now when im older. dont loose hope. a world without hope doesnt seem to be worth living in.
ok after i go through the primitive and "me" stuff that helps me vent anger and energy and leaves me exhausted, i realise that i cant change the situation myself. (just to make this clear, this is how *I* deal with stuff... im not saying its the right way, or you should do it, but im saying its what helps *me*) basically i know i cant change most of the stuff thats hurting me because thats pretty much impossible. so if i cant change it, the only thing i know that can is God. I used to be really close to god, and turn to him for everything, but now i kinda drifted away. but even now when i feel that life is worthless i end up seeking help from him. this helps me.
basically honey, just take it one day at a time. dont loose hope. if things get too much then reach out to your close friends or the school psychologist or someone who you can talk to. dont be afraid to ask for help.
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A
female
reader, loops +, writes (2 January 2008):
Firstly, alcohol is a depressant, it will make you feel worse about the entire dire situation you are in, so stop that. You need to be able to think clearly if you are going to manage to stop this situation and stop yourself self harming, you are more likely to do these things if you are drunk, and youve already proven it doesnt make you feel any better about yourself
If school is your escape I seriously suggest you speak to a trusted adult at school, be it a tutor or counsellor it does not matter, they will be able to help you and guide you more than we can over the internet. Your mum's selfishness may be related to her own drinking rather than it actually being her, so as hard as it is try and remember that, but I do think she needs help and you need to be out the situation, and this is going to be more likely done if you speak to someone at your school
Good luck
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