A
female
age
30-35,
*ootlegdog
writes:Sorry for how long it is. Skip to the bottom for the abridged version, or read the whole thing so you know exactly what's going on.To help better understand my problem, I'll explain my relationship with my younger brother. I'm 17 and he's a year and a half younger than me and one grade below me so he's 15. We do everything together. We play games together, hang out, and enjoy each other's company. We don't fight very often. We have a neighbor who is a year younger than my brother and we are very good friends with him. We always go to his house together and spend time with him. From this we have met many of his friends and we are both now friends with many of them. One in particular caught my attention the moment I met him, which was a year ago. I developed a crush for him. He's 15 and in the same grade as my neighbor (a grade below my brother and two grades below me). He's actually older than my brother by 13 days. Well over the course of a year I liked him and constantly wondered whether he liked me or not. Sometimes he gave hints at it but at other times he seemed to hate me. I went through the torture of trying to figure this out for about 6-7 months before giving up and deciding that he didn't like me. When I gave up a found someone that was in his grade (so 2 years younger than me) and we both liked each other and went out for 4 months. Before going out with this new guy, I knew he had a loose friendship with my brother and neighbor, but he was pretty tight with the guy I liked. Well over the course of 4 months, the guy I went out with completely severed any friendships he had with my brother, neighbor, or guy I liked. They all hated him and it was his own fault because of the way he started acted when he started going out with me. Well since he was 2 years younger than me he was immature and I finally got frustrated with it and broke up with him.Well about a month ago (like a month after I broke up with my boyfriend), the guy I used to like admitted that he liked me. This made me realize that I still liked him all along and still had feeling for him. He had known that I liked him the whole time but he tried to stay away from me because he liked me too. He had a bad experience with a relationship from the year before and had vowed to not go out with anyone for a year. He tried very hard to stick with this. But when he friend asked me out, he couldn't handle it. He realized that he liked me to much and would have to wait until I was single again. Well now we both know we like each other and we've been talking to each other on the phone every night.Well my mom noticed this. She decided she needed to talk to me about it and try to end it. She said that she doesn't want me to go out with him because of what happened with my ex boyfriend. She's worried that it will ruin his relationships with my neighbor and brother like what happened with my ex. I explained to her that it was my ex's fault but she still thinks that if we go out it will make them feel uncomfortable. She told me that she knows I don't understand it but its for my own good and that its for the best.This doesn't sound very good to me at all. We've hung out since we confessed to each other and we've held hands at a movie. All this happened before my mom told me I can't go out with him. He was about to ask me out too. Since my mom has said this I've been to the movies with him twice. One of the times we were along and held hands and had our first and only kiss. We still haven't gone out and I'm not sure what to do. My mom keeps reminding me not to go out with him, my brother thinks I like him and tells me not to, and my neighbor would be pretty okay with it from what I've gathered. So my mom and brother don't approve, how do I handle this?Also this guy know about what my mom said and he said that he doesn't want to but he'll be content with being friends if it won't work.
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female
reader, bootlegdog +, writes (6 July 2010):
bootlegdog is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I think he means he's content with being friends for awhile, not forever. But I don't see how us being friends for now would be so hard. We both started liking each other at the same time but didn't know it. So for a year we've been just friends while having our own secret crushes on each other. Thus far we haven't had a problem with just being friends and its worked out pretty smoothly, so it shouldn't be any different. Also the major problem is my mom not wanting me to date him. So I only have about another year before I'm out of high school and then it shouldn't be as much of a problem.And my mom likes him, he's been to my house quite a few times and there hasn't been any problems. She's not worried that he'll break my heart, just that our relationship will supposedly cause problems for everyone else.Oh and I think it would be hard to cut off all contact from him since he's such good friends with my brother and neighbor. He's also on the same tennis team as my brother and I go to all his games so he would be there too. I like parts of your advice, but I also disagree with other parts. I appreciate hearing your thoughts on this and for offering your advice, thanks!
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (5 July 2010):
 First thing that comes to mind: Guys will *never* be content just to be friends with girls they like. He *will* make a move someday, and lust after you until then. It will be torture for him, and awkward for you.
Your mom and brother want what's best for you, and to be honest, your mom knows better than you which guys will break your heart or cause problems in your life. You should cut off all contact with the guy, as it's the only thing that could be fair to both of you.
You'd be better off not dating until you get out of high school.
If you decide to go through with it and date him anyway, be willing to accept the drama. Additionally, the relationship will probably not last long. Any guy who still likes a girl after she has dated his friend has dependency issues, and it will start to turn you off after a few months.
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