A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok where do i start im 25 im a mum of three my eldest is six then 4 and i have a baby of 6 months.....i first got with my boyfriend and got pregnant very quickly he is older than me so obviously my parents had there concerns but he made me happy we moved in and we are still together to this day.....my parents never really took to him and wouldn't even really speak to him when they came to the house. they never bothered with my oldest two and would come over every three weeks for an hour even though they live 10 minutes away. my mum used to have my eldest stay every weekend and then my daughter as well this slowly trailed off and when she would have them she would pick them up at 6 at night and then they would be back at 9 the next day i didn't see the point of them staying anymore cause they wasn't getting any quality time together. when i found out i was having my third my mum had a go at me and told me i was keeping her away from them, i should also tell you that when the kids stopped staying she went and got 2 rescue dogs that hate children and have even gone for people and kids in the street and i don't want my children round them. i decided that after that conversation i wouldn't phone back cause i didn't have any thing to apologize for. its been a year now and i haven't spoke to her or my dad. Ive had a baby in that time and also got engaged and she hasn't once made any effort to make amends im at a loss as whats to do my partner supports me what ever choice i make even tho they think its him behind all this any advice would be grateful as i want to do whats best for my children.
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 I'm just trying to help you see things from your parents' position. Whether or not you are a good mother is one thing; your parents' perception of your worthiness as a mother is another. It sounds as though all the evidence available to them goes against you.Reconnecting with your parents is going to necessarily involve respecting their opinions, and giving them the incentive to change their minds. It's going to involve apologizing even when you believe you are right, and asking for help even though you can manage just fine.Swallow your pride, for the sake of your children; otherwise, be ready to explain to your children why they never see their grandparents.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfor a start im a damn good mum and dont need any help raising my children. i am loving and have tried every thing to get them involved from emails to days out but still they refuse.... i have tried everything and as for them being hurt its been 7 years and im not a little girl anymore and they need to deal with that and respect my decisions.
well thanks for you're unhelpful comments
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (11 July 2010):
Your parents are entirely justified. Their little girl got knocked up by some guy when they barely even knew each other. What are they supposed to think of him?
Just as likely, they are angry at you, but take it out on him because he is a stranger. Getting pregnant and having children is entirely your responsibility, and doing so out of wedlock is probably not what they had in mind.
They are probably reluctant to get emotionally attached to children coming from such a chaotic background. Think of how much effort they probably put into raising you, and this happens. Perhaps they simply do not see it as worth the effort anymore.
You have to approach this problem with your parents from the position that they are hurt, and rightfully so. Apologize, and ask for their help and support. Make it clear that you want to raise your kids as best you can, and that you need their help and advice to do it.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 July 2010):
 You can either fight and push your mother away,, deprive your children of a grandparent, or you can ignore your ego, your wish to be right and try to find out what would repair the tear in your relationship.
Your not only at a distance from your mother, but your father and other members of your family don't seem to exist in your life.
You need to do the work to become more loving, to make them miss you, to involve them in your life. So they can't visit because of dogs.. what happened to funny emails, telephone calls, flowers and words of love.
Heal the relationship.. parents are bloody irritating, before you know it, they go and die and leave you crying and feeling alone.
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