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My mom, 50, told me she's having an affair with a guy, 25... How do I help her?

Tagged as: Age differences, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 January 2006) 2 Answers - (Newest, 13 January 2006)
A male , *odiacVeo writes:

My 50 year old mother is having an affair with a man who is 25. I am the only person she trusts enough to tell and I don't know what to say to her. The problem is, that she loves her husband (My stepdad) very much but she is young at heart, she acts 25 but her husband is over 60 and acts it.

I know that if this carrys on, either she will get hurt by him, or her husband will find out and that will harm the whole family - younger brother and sister living with them, ages 12 and 14.

My mum had a hard childhood, having 2 kids in her early 20's, finances etc. Now she is finding her childhood again and wanting to experience the tings that she has missed.

Please reply to this message if you have any good advise or are in a similar situation youself, I am very worried that somthing will go wrong. How do i help her?

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A male reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (13 January 2006):

Mr.Ed agony auntIt is definately possible that there are circumstances that you and I don't understand. If he is really 60 he may not be able to sexually satisfy her anymore. Understandably, he will be very upset, unless they have an agreement; usually they don't. I think you should talk to her more and get a little more information then repose this question again. However, one thing I do know from past experience is that no matter what age your at you just want someone to look at you with lust in their eyes; once in awhile. My X girlfriend who was 52 said that she was with me because I payed attention to her and that she hadn't felt that in a long time. Maybe your stepdad doesn't pay attention to her like she wants. Age usually isn't a huge consideration; just a small one. There is always the fact that her facade will fade out someday. Plus, did you ask her if she wanted to STOP? I don't want my Mother nor Father having an affair; but I don't want them to be unhappy either! I hope you write back with more information. Best way to help her is to talk to her and try to understand she HAS very real feelings.

Sincerely

Ed

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A male reader, Dazzerg United Kingdom +, writes (13 January 2006):

Dazzerg agony auntBasically i see the only thing you can do is to offer counsel and support. Maybe you could formulate ways for your mum to let off steam in other ways but you can't force her to make any descisions. It is a tricky position for you to be in. Empathise with your mum's feelings but maybe gently point out the peril of the situation. Be gentle, not pushy and don't let it cause friction between you or else things will degenerate.

Use your instincts for this. Dont be afraid to trust your judgement. Reassure your mum you have her best interests at heart and are just concerned it will all end up in tears. If you put your heads together maybe you can come up with another way for her to get what she wants without feeling the need to continue this affair. Hope this helps.

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