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My man is 22 yrs old and very fit. So why can he only last one round? what needs to be done?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 November 2015) 9 Answers - (Newest, 24 November 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

2 issues:

One that I stopped moaning during sex and the second that my healthy man only lasts one round at a time.

When we first met and had sex, this was exciting and new and sensuous for me. I would moan and thrash around and be involved much more than I am now. He said he loved my passion.

But now, I don't feel like moaning etc., I fear it will translate as not interested anymore. Its been 7 months. Is this normal?

The other thing then is the fact that he can only last ONE round for sex. We only have it in the evening then in the morning. Friends and advice columns and other women claim that the average is 2-3 rounds, and more if you are young.

My man is 22 yrs old, loves sports (coaches kids soccer) and a health freak in the sense he is vegetarian and eats well. He is slim-average weight and around 5.9.

What is up with the 1 round thing???

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (24 November 2015):

celtic_tiger agony auntIts all about sex drive.

Some people have a very high sex drive and NEED sex every day, multiple times a day to be satisfied.

Others only need it once every few days or once a week.

Both are completely normal, and over your life your sex drive will change for many different reasons.

Sometimes in a relationship sex drives are not compatible. One partner wants lots of sex, the other not so much. This can create resentment, with one or other having to compromise and go without/force themselves to do it.

You are just coming out of the "honeymoon" phase of your relationship, where the sex is the most frequent. You are now getting into "normal routine" relationship sex.

His sex drive, may only be once a day, but he is doing the morning/night thing to please you. He may not want to go "2 or 3 rounds".

I have to agree with the others, when they say that multiple rounds is common - I certainly haven't experienced that! One round is perfectly normal. Like really normal, for a lot of people. Please don't get all grumpy with your BF over this, because you are making a massive issue over something that really is not a problem.

You are still young, but a big tip for you - do not believe everything you read in womens magazines, on the internet or even "other women". When it comes to sex there is a HUGE amount of lying going on. Everyone claims to be at it like rabbits in order to seem sexually attractive to the opposite sex. No one wants to feel left out, or admit that they are having a dry spell.

Never take any bragging about sexual activity or prowess at face value because 9 times out of 10 there will be a lot of "embellishment" to the story, and the reality will be far more mundane and normal than people want to admit!

Your relationship is unique - the sex you have with your BF is specific to YOU and HIM alone, and should not be about comparing to what everyone else is doing. You must do what makes you both feel good and satisfied, and forget what other people say.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2015):

The number of times a man ejaculates has nothing to do with his desire for a woman, or how attracted he is. Some guys masturbate and ejaculate several times in a day. Many times in close succession, regardless of age.

If he doesn't desire several consecutive rounds of sex, that has nothing to do with his sexual-performance; or sexual adeptness. Age sometimes lengthens the time between ejaculations but that varies man to man. There is nothing to say that is true for all men. Not enough men answered your question to actually educate you. There may be clinical answers to the question; but like anything in biology, all things vary by individuals, and unlike an illness there are no symptoms to generalize or categorize it into. There is no scientific evidence to support most of the junk people read published outside medical research. All women don't have multiple orgasms. Many don't know if they've ever had one. Unless you read a medical journal, or research publications on the subject by credible researchers; most stuff you read about sex is more fiction and myth than fact.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2015):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you to the informative answers!!

I am very happy with him, in bed and out. He's attentive and I try my best to be as well. We have the morning-night sex usually and this is honestly great for me.

My questions come not from resentment, but from wanting to understand rather.

I have not asked him directly for fear of embarrassing or hurting him.

Also, it feels like this stuff is common knowledge. But my experiences and what everyone else says contradicts, which is why I seek further advice over here. So thanks!

WiseOwlE, while I understand where your frustration could be coming from, I did not mean to suggest my love life is in shams and that I hate my boyfriend for this. No. Please re-read my question from the perspective of someone who is simply wondering about how things work. After all, I am only 20 thus I understand I would not know nearly as much as you guys do about love,or sex for that matter. Which is precisely WHY I asked.

If this is the wrong space or if my question comes across as self-entitled and not "fitting" to what the rest of the community will ask about, please direct me elsewhere or just skip over my question.

I love my boyfriend and I enjoy our sex life. But being young, and having friends who talk about endless rounds as if this is the norm can make you curious. Nothing wrong with that. If he lasts once, I love him the same!! I am only looking to understand how biology works or if I've been lied to.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (22 November 2015):

CindyCares agony aunt With all due respect to biology, .. Garbo's calculations would only apply to an average man in his 60's.

The refractory period ( that period of time between one's last ejaculation and orgasm, and the moment you can have the next ) lenghtens constantly with age.

So, yes , a man in his 60s will have an average refractory period of 12-24 hours, or more.

A man in his 50s , the average will be 10-12 hours. In his 40s, 3-4 hours . Etc.etc.. So, for a 22 y.o. guy the refractory period will average maybe 15-30 minutes .

Ask any doctor , he will confirm that. ... Or, just ask me,lol :

I have never slept with a man in his 20s who could not be technically ready for round two after a very short time, ( and I don't think that destiny put on my way, and in my bed, sideshow freaks only ! ).

So why doesn't your bf offer an encore ?...

Because we are all different in our sexual wants and needs. Mind you, the fact that an average young 20s could ,in general,

technically be ready for a second performance after a short time, does not necessarily mean that he is mentally and psychologically ready . In other words- probably he is just fine after the first time, and feels no need or desire to gild the lily. There's something like a psychological refractory time, which varies enormously from an individual to another. Same as with food: some people will be eager to consume more food the very moment that their stomach does not feel full anymore, and that they don't risk getting sick- some others will be content and satisfied with waiting

much longer hours until the next regular meal, no snacks.

Some people are just "greedier " ( for lack of a better word ) then others, but this is simply a matter of personality and habits , there's no right or wrong.

Then, there is also simply physic fatigue. Your bf is busy, has an active life, plays sports. Consumes lots of energy. And having sex is an exhertion, although , hopefully, a pleasant one. Probably it won't even be a conscious decision, it will just be his body suggesting him to save his energy for other stuff too.

Then, there's the novelty , or lack of the same, factor. I am not saying he got bored . Just that the sense of urgency of the first few weeks or months in a relationship wears off in time. There's no more of that " feast or famine " kind of thing once the r/ship has consolidated. He does not need to feast on your body , because he knows that you will be there tomorrow morning, and tom. night and the day after. So, no rush. Note that I am not saying that after just a few months desire dies and sex becomes something disposable ! Just that maybe it changes a bit, it compensates with intimacy what may ( apparently ) lack in lust and stamina.

Didn't you say that you too at the beginning were much more vocal than now ? And yet, you are still interested , right ?

So, relax and if it ain't broke don't fix it.

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (22 November 2015):

Garbo agony auntYou need to be aware of biology behind man's sexual desire, erection and orgasm.

To orgasm, a man needs to ejaculate. To be able to ejaculate, there has to be sperm.

An average man produces 15,000 sperm per second which translates to about 130 million sperm in 24 hours. An average ejaculation involves 100 million sperm cells.

So, an average man needs little less than 24 hours to accumulate enough sperm in order to ejaculate. That means, after a first orgasm, an average man requires little less than 24 hours in order to achieve another orgasm.

Some men require less time, but no man is capable of speeding up the sperm creation clock, which is what basically governs any man's desire for sex.

What you are desiring runs against biology of a man. So relax, there is always another day.

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (22 November 2015):

I don't know who has been telling you that 2-3 rounds for a guy is average, but it isn't. Yes, there are articles (usually in women's magazines) that talk about going all night and endless orgasms. But that is a lot of bravado and misinformation, said either for the writer's own ego or to amuse readers. If you are having sex twice a day, that's a lot more frequent than most people at the 7-month mark are having it. In any case, I've always felt that a guy should satisfy his woman before he finishes his own round. I hope he is doing that. If he isn't, that situation should be corrected.

Reading between the lines, you sound a bit bored with your sex life. If so, you may want to introduce some toys, lingerie or whatever turns you both on. Communication is the key to a good sex life. It sounds like you haven't yet asked him about the one-round deal. You can (and should) do that in a way that won't hurt his feelings or make him feel inadequate (which might make him a one-rounder....per week).

I don't know about the moaning. Good luck with all this!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2015):

Excuse me? Is there supposed to be a problem in this post?

How ungrateful and over-entitled you are! I read and respond to dozens, if not hundreds, of posts from women whose self-esteem has been destroyed by male partners who compare them to other women, porn, and models. You come here to criticize a man who gives his time to kids, takes care of himself, and is devoted to you?

You're spoiled, girlfriend! He's human just like you are.

He's not always going to do the same thing with the equal amount of energy and stamina. He works, he works out, he gives his energy to kids, and he makes love to you. Do you need 2 or 3 rounds, or are you just high maintenance and need something to complain about?

Every new relationship starts out with more heat than ever. The things level off. It has nothing to do with his measure of passion or love. It's just that it doesn't feel the same to him either; because now you're a certified and committed couple, and things fall comfortably into place. The passion will rise and fall, peak and plateau. That's life.

Welcome to adulthood and reality.

Being between 18-21 you have no idea what real love is yet. You're on your way, and your question is totally valid; but coming from the wrong place. As you gain more experience, you'll understand. What's import is how he demonstrates love outside the bedroom, his eagerness to maintain his commitment, and his strength to stay faithful and true to you.

Sweetheart, you have sooooo much to learn about men and relationships. Just check yourself when comparing your man to others and setting your expectations too high.

There's always a woman more grateful, more mature, who is thankful for small blessings, and worthy of a man like that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2015):

Hello :) I'd think it might be something to do with other factors going on in his life - for example, does he have a stressful job/uni course? I know that my guy doesn't last as long if he's stressed or tired.

I'm quite sure that your other actions indicate that you are still very much interested in him, so I wouldn't worry about the lack of moaning! You've probably discovered what you like in bed after going out with him, and realise that there's now no need to moan etc (I remember when I first started seeing my man that I made a lot more noise than I do now, and in actual fact he now knows how to push my buttons, so if anything I should be making more noise now!).

So I wouldn't worry too much :) don't listen to how much sex others are having. The main thing is that you are enjoying being with your guy and that the times you do sleep together are good :) good luck!

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A male reader, dougbcoll United States +, writes (22 November 2015):

dougbcoll agony aunt " when we first met and had sex , this was exciting and new and sensuous for me."

the newness, excitement wears off anything in life ones we get into day to day living. just as your relationship with each other has changed since you first met, hopefully you both have a deeper, closer relationship. when you first met each other i bet it was excitement, new experience, could not stay away from each other.

he is not a machine and our bodies , energy change all the time. just as our sex drives change. what was thin does not stay the same now.

" whats is up with the 1 round thing???"

maybe if you are not getting your needs met you may need to talk with each other, or you may need too in between times take care of yourself, maybe a vibrator...ect.

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