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My male friend has a crush on me but I'm not interested in him, but I don't want to lose the friendship either! What should I do?

Tagged as: Friends, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 June 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 29 June 2012)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hello there, I am in a bit of a sticky situation. I'll just dive right in. I have mostly guy friends. I never really seem to get along with girls, so most of my best friends are guys. My boyfriend of ten months is totally fine with this, never getting possessive or jealous when it comes to my best friends. The problem lies in one of.my very best friends. He is a few years younger than me, and he looks to me as a sort of mentor. I found out a few months ago that he had a crush on me and I told him it was okay and that I wouldn't let it mess up our friendship. The thing is, he never outright flirts eith me but he does send some signals. He compliments me, talks to me all the time, says I'm the only girl he can trust. I feel.awful because I don't want to feel like I'm leading him on ever but I want to keep our friendship. He's one of the only people I feel like I can be myself around.

What should I do?

View related questions: best friend, crush, flirt, jealous

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi, alright some other details

I'm seventeen, he's fifteen. I've already talked to both my parents and my boyfriend. They say he's a nice kid but it would never work. And my boyfriend is very understanding. He knows I want to be with him.

My friend says he understands, but then after we hng out he'll just text me things like "Oh.my.god.you're gorgeous" and I'll just say Okay, thanks. I tell him about my boyfriend a lot because he's a big part of my life. We'll be talking on the phone and I'll just mention casually time I spent with my boyfriend.

A friend that we're both friends with told me that he just thinks he's 'better for me' than my boyfriend. I think this is ridiculous.

So yea, I still don't know what to do.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2012):

Hey. Tell him that you really value his friendship and love him as a friend, but also remind him you have a boyfriend and that your loyalties lie with him. Reassure him that you still want to hang out and be around him but that you just don't feel that way about him. Be honest, it's the best way to not send out mixed messages; if he takes it the wrong way then it won't be your fault if you're perfectly straight with him :)

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A male reader, jc2008 United Kingdom +, writes (29 June 2012):

Hey, it sounds to me like your friend might be either emotionally dependant on you or confuses admiration with a crush. How old is this guy? He's probably battling with hormones and allsorts at his age. I would tell him you see him as a little brother and honoured that he looks up to you. Show him how much you love your new man etc. This might hurt him a bit and I know you don't want to hurt him but you need to show him that it isn't going to happen and he needs to focus his efforts on someone who will love him back. Hope it works out for you. J

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A male reader, Rowdy United States +, writes (29 June 2012):

So, you're 16-17, and he is a few younger, so probably 13-15. That is a very common thing actually, you're not alone there. I think the key is communication though.

First, talk to your boyfriend, and to your parents. From your parents you'll be able to get a really good idea from their experience and some solid advice and support. From your boyfriend, get some advice, sure, but also ask him how he feels about the situation. Does it bother him any? Is he OK with it? That sort of thing.

Then talk to your friend after you've talked to those people I already said. Don't compromise yourself, make sure that the one constant idea is, "I like being your friend, but I have a boyfriend, and as my friend I need you to understand that." Listen to what he has to say, but make sure you do get to say what you want to say as well.

Communication is key: Parents, then boyfriend, then friend.

Hope this helps :)

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