A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My long term bf has caught me in chat rooms and several dating sites over the last 9 months. We argue,like a child he walks out and doesnt come back for a week or so. All i do is harmless flirting and the odd guy i text. We broke up and this time i placed my pic in my profile. I love my bf but he`s so stubborn. He`s no proof i cheated. Its been two months since he left and i have a feeling he`s met a woman. How can he say he loves me if he`s prepared to let go just like that? I have treated him well. Cooked and cleaned the house. Never refused him sex or hugs,yet this is how much he cares. Something so minor and he leaves. Shall i try and forgive him or forget him? I really miss him.
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broke up, chat room, flirt, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): wow seriously you should be the one asking for forgiveness not him, you went on dating sites and got texts for other guys. i would do the same thing leave, next time ask yourself should i do this.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): I think maybe he should be deciding whether or not to forgive you.
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female
reader, katie95183 +, writes (2 March 2009):
No matter how much you argue you can't expect him to be happy that you go on dating sites and get the odd text off men. You either love him and want to be with him and only him or its time to end it for good. Have you ever asked yourself - Why am I going on these dating sites if I am happy? You are obviously not happy and thats why you are looking for attention else where to fulfil what you are missing. Belive me i understand I did the same thing.
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female
reader, Wonder79  +, writes (1 March 2009):
I'm glad your boyfriend caught you on those dating sites. I recently found out my b/f was receiving sexually explicit letters from a 'friend' and that it had been happening for the entire course of our relationship. About two years ago I found out he had a profile on a dating site and I confronted him on it. We worked through that but obviously he was doing something more than he admitted to me even tho he SWORE it was for 'friendship'.You are the one acting childish and selfish. If you don't want a 100% serious relationship with him and want to be free to flirt with others, you should have said that. Doing what you did makes you two-faced and an emotional liar. I've felt the hurt your boyfriend has felt. Leave him alone. HE DESERVES BETTER.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): i just left my long distance girl for this exact same reason, however she actualy dated the guys in person! it hurt bad...i was heartbroken..its been 1 week and no contact... i dont plan on going back to her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): It sounds like this guy deserves to be happy with someone else and not with someone who is disrespecting him by visiting dating sites and texting the odd bloke. If i found my partner on dating sites i would kick him out the door. Your lucky he hung around for as long as he did. i certainly wouldnt of.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): Visiting Dating sites is no better than visiting you neighborhood singles bar! You are looking for trouble! He has the right to walk out! You said he, like a child walked out. You're the one acting like a child! You are trying to justify your betrayal! You may not have physically cheated, but you emotionally cheated! So, now you have all the time and privacy you want to spend online! There's nothing wrong with dating sites if you are single and enjoy it, but don't play with peoples hearts like that! I would be hurt and angry too! He did the right thing...he probably left because he is too much of a man to hit you. Your lucky! You could've got your ass kicked!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I have had a very similar situation with my ex which lasted over 3 years. Her attitude was no different than yours. Well to be honest with you,i do hope he has found another woman and you carry on as you are. Dating sites are for dating. It sounds like you dont give a shit about anyone but yourself and dating sites. He's seen you for what you are. Tuff luck.
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male
reader, tux +, writes (27 February 2009):
 Cooking and cleaning for him and not refusing him sex/hugs is not the only component in treating him well, because you CAN still be going out and having sex with other guys while doing all those things too. What you have been doing was having emotional sex with these other guys. An innocent flirt here and there I can justify, but actually going out of your way(going to dating sites and chatrooms) to flirt is not justifiable.
Sorry, but you are wrong on this issue. If you want him you, you need to change your ways and be there asking him for his forgiveness. Seriously, if you go up to him and tell him that you forgive him, I expect to see him laugh in your face about it. He had every right and reason to get mad at you and walk out. Sorry to be harsh, but that is the way it is.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Seriously.....are you being for real? I don't get it,you were in a relationship with this man and posting on dating sites...repeat that back to yourself...does it sound a bit odd..at all!!!!!! Sounds like you have a bit of a princess complex hunny....and well I highly doubt that you are one. Also it seems as though he has MOVED ON! So by all means forgive him,but personally I don't think he's really gonna care one way or the other.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 February 2009):
The poor guy deserve a good women, let him go. You aren't it.
You either have attachment issues, have a narcissistic personality or you are just a plain attention whore. Not sure which, not sure I care.
I think you shouldn't forgive him. Let him go. Stay single. Flirt your ass off..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I felt i had to add to the comments so far as someone who has recently broken up with her boyfriend after I found out he'd been texting other girls very flirty and sexual messages oh and even asked one of them out on a date via facebook. For me it does not matter whether he physically cheated which he swears he didn't- the hurt is still as bad, you still feel sick thinking about the things he said to that other girl or even thought about doing, why he even asked or felt the need to get her number, why he couldnt have said those things to me, how did he lie to my face and say he loved me, why while i was being committed and loving and felt guilty for even looking at another guy did he think this was acceptable?
See the thing is, you and my ex were making other people think you were available, and the betrayal of that is so hurtful. For me, it was worse than a one night stand because it was planned, not impulsive but premeditated and sly and happened at times when he should have been thinking about me. It is a way of keeping your options open that makes your partner feel that they are not good enough for you or that they are only a temporary fixture till you find something better. The hurt, rejection an feeling of being used is overwhelming and i am sure this is what your ex was feeling. My ex had the same attitude as you although not quite as bad, that he hadn't done anything wrong because he hadn't "cheated", that only makes it worse and to be honest i think your question is a bit of a joke, you've broken someone's heart and you're trying to get other people to pity you for that. You need to get a grip of reality!
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female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (27 February 2009):
 I would just like so summarise evryones answers to your question! You are totally wrong!!! You sound stupid when you are asking this question as it should be him that forgives you, he has done nothing wrong. If I was him I wouldn't give you the time of day! You need to sort your head out!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Obviously you haven't been treating him well if you feel the need to flirt with other random guys on the internet, you hurt him bad, stop playing the gooody of the situation! You've been horrible
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female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (27 February 2009):
 If you were already in an exclusive relationship with your b/f, why did you need to put your profile in dating sites? Isn't that the same as proclaiming "I am available"? When you certainly was not - since you were already with him?
Cooking and cleaning house for him, providing sex and hugs do not constitute being an equal partner in a loving relationship. The way you put it, it actually reads like a medieaval maid or slave. Were you?
There is an easy way to answer to your question. Go back to your posting, then substitute "him" with "you". In other words, if he was the one on the dating sites and chat rooms flirting and you were the one coming home catching you red-handed, would you be pissed off? Would you be questioning whether or not he cheated (he could be very careful so not to leave any trails of evidence, you know).
He has moved on, yo uneed to accept that. For you, however, in your next relationship, please understand that registering on dating sites and flirt-chat with other than your own partner, equals cheating. Emotional cheating is just as damaging as physical cheating.
Cat
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 February 2009):
 I think he did the right thing by leaving you! When you are in a committed relationship and you supossedly love that person then you dont flirt with other guys and text other men! This is not acceptable!
Even though it is not technically cheating, emotionally you are still cheating by spending time on other men! You clearly did not treat him well if you were doing this, it should be no suprise to you that he left!
As the first answer said, your attitude is terrible! You seem to be the stubborn one here not him, if he has known about the dating sites for 9 months then I can guess he has asked you to stop doing this before he walked out? And if he did ask you but you carried on anyway, then it is clear you do not care for him or respect his feelings.
And the cheating thing - while he has no proof he knew what you were doing on the internet and on your mobile hence you were giving him every reason to think you had cheated and for him not to trust you!
You need to realise here that you have made a mistake and lost the man you love through your own actions. Then maybe he might forgive you. But if I were him I wouldnt take you back and I would try and be happy with the new person he has met. Hopefully she wont be a giant flirt and show him the respect he deserves.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): sorry think you are not a nice person to hold someones heart...you are contiually doing something that hurts him with no remorse. I think you are being reckless with his heart.
What are you doing for him except flouting yourself in front of other men? Knowing it hurts him. How does that make him feel? and you cheated on him, but he doesn't know so that makes it ok in your books... sigh.
if you want him.then stop. if you cant stop go for counselling. But really you are in the wrong.
If you had asked why do i need to flirt that would be a different question.
Star.x.
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female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (27 February 2009):
Its your fault he left in the first place so I don't know how you can say 'shall I forgive him' it should be him thinking about forgiving you!!!!!!! When things get tough he obviously has found that taking time alone helps him, this doesn't give you the excuse to flirt with other men! This relationship is dead if this is what you think is acceptable. You should be grovelling to him and treat him better in the future! X
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I'm sorry, but I wouldn't consider something like going on a dating website something so minor. It might have been minor to you, but it wasn't to him. You may well not have pursued anything or slept with anyone else, but it's emotionally very hurtful. OK, fine, disappearing for a bit like that is arguably childish but I'd have done the exact same thing in your position. To be honest, I can't believe you're asking if you should forgive HIM for walking out and meeting someone else when you were the one going behind his back in the first place. Try to see it from his point of view, I bet you wouldn't be too happy if he was snooping around on these websites. You were exclusive, it was not an open relationship or meant to be from the sound of it.
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female
reader, rejuven8  +, writes (27 February 2009):
You should forget him, you're not worth his tears. How can you even ask "should I forgive HIM?". What you did was wrong and you can't say that you loved him, If you did, why would you still chat on dating sites?He obviously didn't make you happy, or you wouldn't need attension from other men. Go to the next guy and see how long he will be with you when he finds out your agenda.Maybe you should stay single and flirt forever with no guy watching over your shoulder, and remember, what goes around comes aroud. What you do to others will always come back to you and bite you in the butt!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Err... whether you should forgive him? I'm sorry - what?!If I were him I'd be pissed too, even if you were just doing harmless flirting, it'd still look as though you were cheating - and maybe it is to just text guys to flirt?I'm shocked more than anything by your attitude. If you realise how it looks and how a normal person would usually react, you'll understand his behaviour - and whether 'he' should forgive you.
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