A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Before I start, I'm going to say that I know part of my worries come from jealousy and maybe even insecurity, but I really just have to ask others to because I know there's more to it than that. Also, it may be hard to read because I'm venting a bit.I met my long distance boyfriend online and we've been together for close to a year. We talk online, text, talk on the phone, and Skype for communication. Recently I've been getting frustrated with him because he's always distracted from talking to me or he spends what little 'alone' time we have talking to each other chatting online with others. It's not just that he's chatting with other people. He does something called online Roleplaying with people. For those that don't know what it is, it's not really like 'bedroom' roleplaying, it's like two people writing a story together, each person writing for their own made up character. It's something that I used to do but last did before our relationship started. the reason it's bothers me is because sometimes these things involve romance, and while some roleplayers don't admit it, and same person could tell that doing romantic roleplaying with a stranger means you're lacking the romance you want in your real life, even if you don't necessarily feel anything for the person you're roleplaying with. And for someone in a relationship with me, it makes me look and feel bad, but he doesn't quite understand that. He roleplays and constantly chats online to make random friends, which normally I wouldn't mind, but he does it all through our conversations. I'll be taking to him on Skype and I'll hear him typing and receiving messages. Meanwhile, our conversation is as dull as could be and he always apologizes for not having much to say. One of the most annoying cases was recently when I planned for us to have a movie night together over Skype We watched a nice romantic movie that he suggested, but less than ten minutes after, he added one of his new friends to the Skype call and they spent the rest of the night laughing and sharing silly Youtube videos with each other.One night within the past two weeks, I got home from work and messaged him on Skype for a bit and he asked if I wanted to go one Skype with him, so I said yes but told him I'd take a shower first and he said okay. When I got out I told him I was back and asked what he was doing. He then told me that he was in a Skype call with someone he just met online. Of course then I just kind of checked out. I wasn't even in the mood to talk to him after he pulled that. I had a long day at work and wanted to talk to him for the first time that day, but he was too busy. It makes me feel as if he replaces me in a way. Every now and then he'll make me smile but that won't last long. He'll go right back to being distracted by other people he's chatting with online. I think what pisses me off the most is that when he's chatting with people online while in a Skype call with me, he'll pull himself from those conversations for a minute or so to say some of the same lame 'sweet' line he says to me several times everyday, as if it's making up for the fact that he isn't invested in our conversations like he is with other people. All I can do is let out a fake laugh that's getting harder and harder to fake.This all makes me feel as though he isn't really interested in our relationship or it's well-being.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2013): Totally agree... he doesn't seem to be taking the relationship as seriously as you are. Maybe you need a break until you actually meet in person cause it seems this is making you more and more frustrated. In any case, I find you are very patient, so hopefully all works out and meeting in person will make tthings clearer in your mind and heart.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (30 August 2013):
 What kind of "roleplay" is he involved in that it's SO much more interesting then talking to his GF?
I have to say I think SVC is right, you are just a fantasy for him, someone to "role-play" having a relationship with.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 August 2013):
 he's not interested like you are.... you are another online person to him.
until you meet in person it's all a game.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (30 August 2013):
 OK, in that case I would advise you not to get any more emotionally invested until you meet face to face. I hope that goes well.
My views on online relationships is that they are fantasy, not real life, and that people engage in fantasy because its easier than reality. This may not be the case with you, but your boyfriend is also engaging in fantasy with this Roleplaying stuff. That reinforces my opinion that this is more of a fantasy relationship between you two; but I hope I'm wrong.
I don't think you'll have a good idea about how this is going to work out in real life until you actually meet. Until then, you can set some boundaries like "I'd prefer you didn't chat to other people when we're having a conversation together". If he continues, hang up - first tell him when you're going to be free to chat and invite him to call you back then, when he's less ... distracted.
Hope it goes well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe haven't met yet. We're supposed to meet next month. I've been moving around and dealing with a lot of stressful family drama so it's been hard to plan our meeting.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (30 August 2013):
Have you ever met this guy in real life?
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