A
male
age
41-50,
*ustmeiguess
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and 3 months, in the beginning it was good, he would hold me and kiss me and say loving things to me, he moved in with me after three months and then things started changing. He became less affectionate and well, since that time we have seperated twice, he has cheated on me and he even moved to another state for 6 months but of course when that didnt work out he called me to come get him and it all started again. Well, he tells me he loves me all the time, we have a very public relationship, we are out to everyone and are the perfect picture of a couple in public but when it comes to our home life its a different story. I have to beg him to allow me to touch him in anyway, He consents to a blow job or hand job a few times a month but only if he is watching straight porn and wearing earphones so he cant hear me. He has never one time in the whole 2+years touched me in a sexual manner. I try to turn him on all the time, I rub on him and kiss on him but nothing works, and when I ask him why he wont touch me he says he isnt ready to.... How can someone let someone else touch them but not be ready to touch back? It is so frustrating to me. I need to feel his love as well as just hear him say the words, but it isnt important to him, What can I do? Is it just me? Do I have sexual issues? I just want opinions and advice if ya care to give any. Thanks in advance!
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male
reader, justmeiguess +, writes (31 May 2012):
justmeiguess is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really don't understand it, I thank you all for your answers and I appreciate your insight. I have tried to talk to him, I have begged him to explain it to me or to just tell me why but He refuses. I really do love him no matter what but it just taxes me so much. I cant even think about him not being in my life, He means so much to me. I really do want things to improve but If they don't then I guess I have to learn to live with it the way it is. Maybe he dosnt love me and is afraid of hurting me? Maybe he is just scared of being affectionate? IDK, I know that he was very affectionate with the girls he was with before me and while we have been together, maybe he thinks that things are different with a girl than a guy? He was very affectionate when we first started dating, I just want that back. I guess I just need to vent, I love him too much and i don't want to let him go so maybe this is just a way to deal with my feelings.. Thanks guys and gals, feel free to comment more and throw more advise my way!
A
male
reader, eek  +, writes (2 May 2012):
 From reading what you have put my advise would be to leave him and move on. Find someone who is loving, affectionate, actually cares about you and won't cheat on you.
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A
male
reader, tobson +, writes (2 May 2012):
Gezz, no you do not have sexual issues. I am at the exact same (well similar) point with my girlfriend of two years. She never touches me, never initiates, never wants to change anything up and mostly turns me down. It got much worse since we moved together and the avoidance and rejection of intimacy does of course put any relationship on the stand. Sometimes it is months in-between Sex, and we barely kiss anymore. I tried anything possible to make it better for her, no result. If she decides to give me a blow job (twice in two years) she goes on for a minute and then just stops. I decided to look at the next half year and to see if it gets better as we have naturally more problems coming up, also fights I never though I would have (about nothing usually...). You should do the same, it is painful but either it works or it doesnt. Be glad you found out before you got married...
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 Hello Justmeigues,
It sounds to me like you have a low self-esteem or you are really attached to this person who not only cheated on you but is not affectionate to you and does not fulfill YOUR needs.
You don't have any sexual issues and you are not the problem except that you allow him to disrespect you. I don't think you can save this relationship unless you sit down with him and talk to him. Explain that you need to be respected and him cheating on you and ignoring your needs is not only making you miserable it is also disrespectful as well. Try to compromise with him so you are happy and he is comfortable if you really want to make this work. You would also have to forgive him for ignoring your needs and cheating on you as well. If he refuses to compromise or listen to you then there is nothing you can do except to leave and move on.
Honestly though I wouldn't even try to save the relationship as it would probably be a waste of time. I would just break up with him and move on. It will be hard but in the long run YOU will be happy. I would have left the first time he cheated on me.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (1 May 2012):
 Hi I don't know weather I'm wrong but sounds to me like he has had bad past.. I don't know this but I have read a lot of books and know someone who was abused when little not saying he was but could be the reason as he is still traumertised by this.. Have you asked him why he won't touch you and what he means by he's not ready?
What ever it is he will tell you in his own time hopefully soon then you can have a fully sexually realtionship :)
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