A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've asked a couple of questions here before and also recommended this site to my Step daughter a couple of days ago and she seemed happy with whatever responce she got, so thank you :)I need some more advice, though it's not strictly relationship related I'd appreciate any help. My partner left me to be a single Dad a little while ago and our kids seemed quite ok with that at the time. My ex has seen the kids twice since then so basically once a month. A month ago my little girl turned 13 and since then she's asked to live with her Mother. I'm obviously upset since I thought we were all getting along well but I accepted her choice and asked my ex. My ex doesn't want her. How am I meant to tell my daughter that her Mother doesn't want her? There isn't a real reason except I think my ex is enjoying life without kids to care for. My daughter won't tell me why she doesn't want to live with me either. I don't know if it's general girls needs their Moms? Or if she's unhappy for some reason? How can I go about finding out?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): Thanks. She has 2 older sisters but you'd struggle to find 3 more different people. I still think she'd talk to them but as a very last resort if she ever needed anything. She's not a very open person and I worry about her a lot.
She hasn't seen her Mother for about 3 weeks now and she's starting to get angry at me because she thinks I haven't asked my ex. I don't even know where my ex is- her sister told me last week she was 'abroad'. I don't even know where at the minute.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): This is a difficult one, and I'm sure it's not going to be easy to answer.
I'm assuming your daughter sees her mother every so often.
Firstly, to answer the question about how to tell your daughter her mother doesn't want her. You could tell her what you think the reasons are, but I'd suggest you get your daughter to ask her mother about that. The answer will come from the 'horse's mouth' so to speak rather than second hand and there'll be no doubt in your daughters' mind what the reasons may be. You'll basically be 'passing the buck' but what the hell, why should you be put in the difficult position of having to try to explain?
I've no idea how to get her to open up to you about her reasons for wanting to move. Maybe she needs to talk to a female about that - are there any female relatives close to her that she gets along with that she could discuss it with?
I guess girls do need their mothers at that age for all sorts of reasons. Boy trouble, puberty problems, how to apply make-up spring to mind. Again, a close female relative might be able to help and be some sort of surrogate mother.
No doubt some of the ladies on here will be able to give you answers from a female point of view.
Phil
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