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My life feels so empty, will I ever find happiness?

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Question - (29 June 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 27 March 2010)
A female Mexico age 26-29, *arlamarpal writes:

Hello and thanks for reading :)

You see, basically i feel very, very alone and unimportant and empty...and i am only 20 years old.You may think that at my age there's nothing really worthy to worry about, but i get depressed quickly. I feel so bored, so void...

In my house my parents doesn't talk with each other anymore. There's no laugh, nor conversation. Just like if they didn't know me or viceversa. My younger sister knows to dance, entered a rather prestigious art school and has had boyfriends before...and i haven't ever been kissed or at least hugged. I don't even have any best or special friends, and i don't know to do anything: no good at sports, nor math, nor literature, nor even sewing (I am studying to be a Fashion Designer and i like it...but i don't feel like i'm very good at it)I am not very intelligent or pretty...and on vacations i sit infront the computer all day long doing anything. I feel like if everything was gray and unimportant, and none will ever want going out with me.

I masturbate, watch porn and then feel utterly guilty; i know is not right, but i can't help it...i need this...this sexual part i don't have in my life (Not needfully sex, but going out or walking together) Deep inside, secretly i'm always dreaming, wishing, hoping to find someone who i can be happy. But then i turn to reality and see my parents and many other people who reminds me that love doesn't exists, and that i'll never get what i'm looking for. As days go by i find there's nothing that fully amuses me or excites me, nor going to the movies or spending time drawing/writting (which is supposed to be my hobby)nor sweets, nor parties, nor small adorable kittens. I feel nothing...i long for nothing special to happen. Everything is always the same...

What should i do? My life is always so empty, so gray...i can't remember a time i ever felt safe and warm. I'd like to change it, if possible. What would you recommend?

View related questions: depressed, porn

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A male reader, hihellohowareyou Australia +, writes (27 March 2010):

hi. people can recommend lots of stuff but

you can try Jesus.

He helped me.

i went from being depressed with loads of problems to being happy and fufilled and nearly all my problems gone, and his still working on me. andcertainly don't feel empty anymore.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009):

I think you should have to find something what you really want..Wathing movie,do exercise,and go outside then watching people . what are they doing? All people have something that they really want. Change your mind to optimistic. Everyting comes out in your mind.

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A male reader, Dr T Ireland +, writes (29 June 2009):

Try to figure out what it is you like to do, you mention pasttimes "supposed to be my hobby". A hobby is something that you really enjoy. Dont continue to do something you dont like. Think hard and go back to the last thing you enjoyed and figure out a way to do it again. Try to meet more people, is there a club you can join? A little exercise always lightens the mood, you dont need to run a marathon - just a brisk walk or a swim. This might be a way of meeting other people or finding a new hobby for you. If you have heard of meditation then try it, group meditation is very powerful and with an experienced teacher you can change your life. This organisation is a worldwide group which offers free instruction and groups.

Time seems to be slow when you are feeling low but you will find happiness again, you can make this happen quicker by finding ways to help yourself.

Bless you.

Dr T

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009):

I had some really shitty times when I was your age too. People say your twenties are "the best years of your life" but not in my experience...

It's plainly obvious from what you've written that you are depressed. The only way to climb out of that hole is to keep doing the right things. Eat healthily, sleep regular hours (don't get too much sleep or lounge in bed all day) and most imporantly of all: exercise regularly.

Get some new people in your life, start an evening class or join a sports club; basically, just get out the house and interact with other folks.

Life can seem bleak if you let it. The reality is that the world around you rarely changes, it's the way YOU perceive it that alters. If you truly understand that, then you will also understand that it's entirely in your power to change your mindset and enjoy your life.

Lastly, I would strongly advise you to buy some self-help books on beating depression. Sure, there's a lot of that stuff that is merely common sense, but when I was in your shoes I found them very helpful.

Good luck xx

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